


Fight For This (Year 6)

by wildermind54



Series: Their Younger Years [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Love, Magic, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-06-04 14:10:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 123,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6661693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildermind54/pseuds/wildermind54
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The third installment of Their Younger Years - Year 6 of Gwen/Draco!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Moment's Pause

_Gwen's hands were shaking. "Don't give up, Draco."_

_"I'm not giving up, Gwen," he said quietly._

_"Yes, you are," Gwen fought back. "Don't leave tonight. Stay here. Stay with me."  
_

_Draco said nothing as he stared at the ceiling._

_"Fight for this, Draco," Gwen said. Her voice was becoming desperate, but she couldn't help it. He was slipping away from her._

_"Just fight," she whispered again into the darkness._


	2. Marble in Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark!!

The summer had been wonderful. Gwen had missed Adora, as she always did. They spent their days in their small cottage, crocheting, gardening, and drinking tea. At night they’d watch a film or read a book out loud to each other, commenting on their favorite parts and debating symbolisms and relationships before calling it a night and adjourning to their own rooms.

Adora’s bedroom was downstairs, so Gwen dominated the entire second floor of the small cottage. The first week of summer, she discovered (cough searched for cough) a potion that she could sprinkle at the room’s threshold that would essentially make the room soundproof. That way Adora couldn’t hear the sudden whoosh of the green flames that erupted from her fireplace, revealing the boy who she had been spending almost every night with, and the heavy thumping of her feet as she raced to him.

Gwen sat in the small couch that she had pushed to the window of her room. She loved the moonlight just as much as the sunlight. It cast a silver glow throughout the room, enchanting the small space. As she stared at the moon, drifting through her thoughts, she heard the whoosh of the flames and turned her head.

Draco Malfoy was one of the few people who could still manage to look unruffled by floo powder. Gwen pushed herself from her chair and ran to him. He moved for her just as quickly, wrapping his arms around her waist. He pulled her tightly to him, raising her to her tiptoes so she was pressed flush against him. It had been two weeks since they had last seen each other. He had written to her everyday, explaining that something had come up with his family, and he would explain more when he saw her next.

Gwen didn’t think further on the subject as she breathed in the familiar minty smell of him, slightly blemished by brimstone.

Draco pulled back from their tight embrace to kiss her. Gwen wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, as she opened herself fully to his ministrations. He kissed her bottom lip, teasing it from the top before securing his mouth fully over hers. Gwen threaded her fingers in his hair, the short locks slipping through them, and made a soft sound as his hands stroked down her sides. They finally broke apart, their breathing matching in an erratic tempo.

“I’ve missed you,” Draco murmured, rubbing his nose against hers gently.

Gwen grinned, unable to hide her joy at the words, and resisted the urge to bite him in complete adoration.

“Well, I’m very miss-able.” Gwen teased.

Draco pulled back and huffed a laugh, stirring the hairs that escaped from Gwen’s braided hair. Gwen leaned her head back to look into his face. It had only been two weeks but she felt like she hadn’t seen him for much longer. His face looked longer, thinner, and she and noticed the dark circles under his eyes. She reached up and stroked the bruises gently with her cold fingers.  

“You haven’t been sleeping,” She said quietly.

Draco caught her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers.

“Things have been tense,” He said, not looking at her.

Gwen watched as he continued to kiss her hand and wrist.

“Draco,” Gwen said, trying to get his attention again.

At the sound of his name he looked up at her.

“I still get surprised when you say my name like that,” He admitted suddenly.

“Like what?” Gwen asked, allowing herself to be momentarily diverted as a small smile played on her lips.

“Like it matters to you,” He said.

There was something sad in the way he said it, and it made her heart break for him.

“That’s because it does matter to me,” Gwen said, as if clarifying something obvious, “You matter to me.”

Draco smiled and stroked her cheek as he gazed at her, causing a slight blush to burn across her face. Gwen tugged at his shirt in response, pressing hard against the giant smile growing on her face, probably making her look like a maniac.

“Come sit,” She instructed suddenly.

She promptly pushed him in the seat and instantly climbed into his lap without worry or care. This had become their usual position through the summer nights, as they curled together on the small couch.

Although who sat on who depended on how the other felt. Gwen would never forget Draco’s face when she insisted that, in the spirit of fairness, he sit on her lap. To say he was shocked would have been an understatement.

Their relationship, whatever it was, had officially begun that day on the train. Over the course of a few weeks, it had blossomed dramatically in a way that was almost uncharacteristic of both of them. It might have worried them, if they hadn’t felt so fully themselves around each other.

There was something intimate about these nighttime moments they shared. Draco only stayed for a few hours before leaving and waking up in his own bed, but they spent their precious time together talking and confessing to each other…and snogging – quite a bit of snogging had occurred as well, to Gwen’s delight.  

Draco wrapped his arms around Gwen as she curled herself into his lap. She had hesitated sitting on his lap the first time, afraid she might be too heavy for him, but he’d grasped her and tugged her onto him. Now she leaned deeper into him to kiss his cheek softly.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” She commanded gently.

Draco sighed.

“There’s not much to say,” He started slowly, “My parents are just…”

His voice led off, like he didn’t know what to say. Although it took some effort, Gwen waited patiently. Draco rubbed his hand up and down her back soothingly, as if he knew the attempt she was making.

“They’re just expecting a lot from me,” He finally said.

“What do they want from you,” Gwen asked, half afraid of the answer.

Draco remained silent as he contemplated his next words. Gwen paid attention to the growing rigidity in his body. She reached up to stroke his neck gently. She was glad he was wearing a simple white button down, instead of the ridiculous turtleneck he had showed up in a few weeks ago.

He relaxed slightly under her feather touch, but still didn’t speak for some time. Understanding the need to process silently, Gwen waited with concerned patience.

“You know what,” He finally said. His tone was both cautious and resigned.  

Gwen clenched her jaw as her heart rate spiked anxiously. Although Gwen had vowed to be as confrontational as possible when it came to their differences, the more time they spent together the less relevant they felt to Gwen – so they had gone all of this time not talking about it. They chose to talk about each other instead and now it was catching up to them.

Gwen could feel him watching her so she quickly shifted her face to a neutral expression. She lifted her head and looked into his cautious eyes. Before she could speak he interjected.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said.

“Like what?” Gwen asked. Her mask still in place.

“Like you’re hiding,” he said seriously, “ _Please_ don’t hide from me, Gwen. I can’t bear it.”

Gwen simply stared at him for a moment. No one, besides Adora, had called out her mask for what it was – a way for her to hide in plain sight. It felt as if her heart was suddenly leaking and dripping onto him. She touched his cheek and promised.

“Okay,” she whispered, “No hiding.”  
Her expression was open, she could feel the emotion pouring and swirling across her features. They watched each other for a few moments before Draco leaned in and kissed her softly. Gwen returned the kiss with equal tenderness and then pulled away to speak.

“You know you don’t have to do what they want, right?” She asked quietly.

Although she spoke softly, her voice was as passionate as her feelings. She didn’t want Draco to fall into the trap of his family. She didn’t want him to sell his soul into their darkness.

Draco nodded but didn’t speak. He looked so tired. She studied his severely pale face with almost a maternal sense of concern. 

“Do you want to sleep?” Gwen offered gently.

Draco looked back at her with mild surprise.

“Here?” He said doubtfully.

Gwen smiled a bit.

“Why not? You’re here most nights,” She said reasonably.

“But never…all night,” he said.

His eyes began to flash back and forth as he contemplated her words.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you,” He said lamely.

Gwen raised her eyebrows.

“Are you planning on accosting me in my sleep?” She asked, her voice bright with suppressed laughter.

Draco glared at her slightly.

“No,” he muttered.

“Then come on,” Gwen said dramatically.

She stood up and marched towards her towards the bed. Pulling back the blankets, she turned to look back at him. He was still standing in the same spot by the chair.

“Draco,” Gwen said, slightly exasperated, “This isn’t a premeditated move to seduce you. Trust me,” she said, gesturing to the baggy t-shirt with a stain of some kind and the old pajama pants that she was wearing.

“You look beautiful,” Draco said, frowning slightly at her statement.

He moved towards her and held her hand. Gwen smiled at him, but for an unknown reason she suddenly felt nervous.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, you really don’t have to,” Gwen said quietly, suddenly wishing she had never said anything to begin with, as her mind began to distort the situation, “You just looked tired, and I just thought it might be easier if--”

 Draco suddenly reached up and gently laid his fingers on her mouth, stilling her words. He rubbed his fingers gently across her bottom lip and looked her in the eye.

“It’s not that,” He insisted softly, “I want to. I really want to. It’s just that I don’t want you to feel like I’m expecting anything from you.”

Gwen couldn’t help the grin that crawled on her face. He wanted to. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to sleep next to her. She grabbed his hand and kissed his palm before holding it to her smiling cheek.

“I don’t think that of you,” Gwen said, “All I want to do is battle your nightmares for you tonight. Just so you don’t have to do it alone.”

Draco smiled at her. His eyes filling with some emotion that she couldn’t describe. It was too many things at once.

He nodded and took off his black blazer. Gwen smiled and climbed into bed. Draco reached for the blankets.

“Wait,” Gwen said, holding out her hand.

Draco dropped the blanket like it was a hot coal. He looked at her with wide eyes. Gwen would have laughed, if she weren’t worried about him panicking.

“Are you going to sleep like that?” She demanded.

Draco, as per usual, was wearing a stiff white button up shirt tucked into black dress pants. As much as she liked how he looked in it, there’s no way it was comfortable to sleep in.

“Um…yes,” Draco said, but it sounded more like a question.

Gwen rolled her yes at the blonde boy and got up and went to her drawers.

“These are men’s clothes,” She said, pulling out a pair of oversized sweat pants and a large t-shirt.

Draco took them tentatively and then a smile flickered across his face.

“What?” Gwen said smiling.

“Isn’t the bloke supposed to be the one who offers his clothes to the girl?” Draco said laughing.

Gwen joined in his laugh.

“Lucky for you, this girl wears pajamas that can fit three of you,” She said cheekily.

Draco grinned and began to unbutton his shirt. Gwen quickly looked away, which caused him to chuckle darkly. Gwen rolled her eyes and walked over to the bed. Gwen crawled under the sheets and curled onto her side, so that she faced the wall and not Draco. She was almost hyper aware of the sounds of shuffling clothing and unzipping. Her heart began to race slightly. She demanded that her body stay calm. She breathed slowly and closed her eyes. Dammit this had been her idea. She needed to at least try and be cool.

After a few moments, Gwen felt Draco’s weight dip the bed as he joined her beneath the blankets. He slowly, almost cautiously, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his warmth. She wrapped her own arm around his, hugging it to her.

“Your birthday’s in a few days,” Draco murmured in her hair.

Gwen smiled and murmured.

“Yeah, the big sixteen,” she joked.

“What are you planning on doing?” Draco asked her curiously.

Gwen shrugged, her shoulder nudging his chin.

“I don’t really celebrate my birthday,” she said, “Normally mum and I just eat chicken pot pie.”  
“Chicken pot pie?” Draco asked laughingly.

Gwen laughed too. “Yeah, it’s my favorite.”

Draco hummed. “Good to know.”  
Gwen tangled her cold feel with his legs, causing him to jump.

“Your feet are freezing, Gwen,” Draco gasped.

“Sorry,” Gwen said, still pressing her feet against him. “You’re very warm. I wouldn’t have thought you would be.”

“Why not?” Draco asked.

Gwen shrugged again and nudge his chin again.

“When I used to look at you the word I would think was “cool,” as in marble,” Gwen told him.

“You used to think I was marble?”

“Yes, beautiful to look at but cold to touch,” Gwen said.

Draco tightened his arm around her and murmured huskily in her ear.

“And now?”    

Gwen slowly turned over so that she faced him.

“And now,” she said, “You’re just you – surprisingly warm and beautifully marbled you.”

“Still marble, eh?” he teased.

“Marble in motion,” Gwen quipped.

Draco laughed and shook his head before settling back against the pillows. One of his hands slid under his cheeks, making him look adorably boyish to Gwen.

“Do you want to know what I thought of you?” Draco asked.

“No,” Gwen said immediately, “Wait. Yes. Wait. Is it bad?”

Draco laughed at her again and shook his head. “I thought you were very owlish.”

  
“Owlish?” Gwen asked. Her head reared back, probably unflatteringly, as she narrowed her eyes at Draco.

He seemed to be massively enjoying himself. “Always watching people, interactions, your friends, teachers, strangers, trees, whatever. You observed everything.”

“Owlish,” Gwen repeated.

“Big amber eyes,” Draco murmured.

He smiled at her then and she blushed at his warm expression. Partially because she wanted to hide her face, but mostly because she wanted to – she leaned up and kissed him.

The kiss was soft and tender. When they broke apart gently, Gwen tucked her head beneath his chin, kissing his chest once more, and closed her eyes.

“Good night, Marble,” she whispered.

“Night, Owl,” he murmured back.

It wasn’t long before his breathing became deep and even and Gwen finally allowed herself to sleep. She tightened her arms around him, knowing that whatever darkness tried to latch onto him wouldn’t be able to tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE'RE BACK! How many of you imploded? Just wait until Friday. :)


	3. Birthday Morning

Gwen growled irritably as Draco began to unwind his arm from around her. It was almost a week later and they had slept in the same bed every night since that first night.

Gwen heard Draco chuckle slightly as he tightened his grip on her for a moment.

“I’ve got to go, Gwen” he murmured in her ear.

“No,” Gwen groaned.

She turned over and snuggled her face into his chest, sleepily rubbing her lips against his chest. Draco began arriving in his pajamas, to Gwen’s delight, and so he smelled and looked wholly himself.

She remembered the first night he came wearing his matching two-piece pajamas.

_“You look very handsome,”_ she had grinned widely.

Draco had flushed and rolled his eyes. _“You’re ridiculous.”_

_“Yes,”_ Gwen teased, _“Ridiculously attracted to a guy who wears pajamas fancier than any of the clothes I own.”_

Draco’s eyes lost some of their playfulness as he regarded her with a look that set Gwen’s veins on fire.

They hadn’t talked about his pajamas much after that.

Sleepily remembering that moment now, Gwen rubbed one of the expensive buttons on the front of his shirt with her nose, smiling in her sleep. She heard Draco sigh and his fingers came to her cheek. He stroked in a strange pattern, tickling her skin slightly.

“You’ve got pillow indents on your face,” Draco commented.

Gwen growled and rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she looked at him groggily. His voice might have been teasing but his expression was all warmth as he continued to stroke her indented cheek.

“I’ve never been with another person like this,” Draco said quietly. “Not close like this.”

Gwen smiled and gazed at him with lidded contentedness. It was the first time her silence caused something nervous to flash in Draco’s eyes.

“Have you?” He asked her, “Been with someone like this, I mean?”

Gwen knew what he was asking. He was asking her how close she and Colin had been and if not Colin…had she ever been this close with someone else?

She didn’t answer right away because she wanted to make to sort through her feelings before answering. Draco seemed to understand that need in her because where other people got irritated with her for mulling over her answers, Draco patiently watched her and continued to stroke her face and hair.

Gwen had never been close like this with Colin, for sure. He’d never even touched her bum or anything – a habit that Draco had taken up in his sleep these last few days. But Gwen wasn’t daft and she knew Draco wasn’t just asking about physical closeness and she also knew that he wasn’t also only asking about Colin.

She’d never shared this kind of intimacy with Harry or Ron and even though she knew he was only asking about Harry; she still took into account all the boys in her life. Harry and she once fell asleep sitting upright and leaning against each other, but there wasn’t any of the same feelings. She had never felt this way about anyone ever. The simultaneously aching and ecstatic pang in her stomach, something she now knew was exclusive to the sight of Draco, told her that she had truly never been this close with anyone else before. Not like this.

She shook her head no and watched the smile grow across his face as he read the truth in her own. She wasn’t used to having someone, besides Adora, read her expression so freely. She wasn’t used to letting anyone, but with Draco, it seemed to be her default mode.

Draco opened his mouth to speak but then clamed his lips shut tightly. Gwen felt an anxious tension roll through his body, straining his muscles slightly as he gazed intensely at her. She raised her eyebrows in question and moved her arm, tucked in-between them, to bring his hand to rest against her heart. She smiled sleepily at him, reassuring him silently. He smiled at her then – both his expression and body relaxing against the steady thumping of her heart.

“Go back to sleep, darling,” he whispered softly.

Gwen blinked slowly once more, allowing the heaviness of her eyes to take over as she rolled back on her other side, bringing Draco’s arm with her and keeping it against her heart. Draco snuggled behind her and kissed her neck gently.

“Oh, Gwen?” Draco said after a few moments.

Gwen breathed out a soft “hmm?” sound. It sounded more like a soft breath, but Draco heard and understood.

“Happy birthday, love,” he murmured into her ear.

Gwen drifted back to sleep with a smile on her face as she curled herself back into the safe cocoon of Draco’s arms.

It was much later when Gwen woke up to someone bouncing her bed.

“Draco,” Gwen muttered under her breath in annoyance.  

“Wake up!” A feminine voice that was most definitely not Draco demanded of her.

Gwen shot awake in surprise and sat for a few disoriented seconds as she stared at the clustered group around her bed.

“Happy birthday!” A chorus of voices greeted her.

“I…” Gwen started before blinking in shock.

Hermione, Ginny, Harry, Ron, and her mother were all standing around her bed with signs that read “Happy Birthday, Gwen!” as they grinned into her confused face. After a few minutes they started laughing and when that died down, Ginny spoke.

“Are you awake yet?” she teased.

Gwen smiled, but it felt more like a twitch, as her anxiety slowly coming back down to a normal level. By the happy expressions on her friends faces, they clearly hadn’t heard Gwen’s muttering – more specifically who she had been muttering for.

“I’m awake,” she said.

She pushed back a scraggly bit hair that had escaped from her braid and huffed out a laugh.

“I am most certainly awake,” she repeated.

“Happy birthday!” Ron called out happily again.

“Thanks, you guys, really,” Gwen said sincerely.

“Okay, she’s still a little disoriented,” Adora said laughing, “Come down when you’re ready, Winny. Breakfast is all ready for you - your favorite.”

Gwen nodded with a laugh of her own. “I will.”

Gwen watched as all of her friends except Hermione filed from her room. Gwen looked at her best friend and blinked a few times.

“I definitely did not expect that,” Gwen joked.

Hermione nodded. She had a smile on her face, but there was questioning in her eyes as she regarded Gwen.

“Were you dreaming?” Hermione asked.

Her tone immediately drew up Gwen’s defenses.

“Probably,” Gwen said flippantly, “I think I was in a fight with someone, but I can never remember.”

“Was it a vision?” Hermione continued.

“No,” Gwen said honestly, “I haven’t had a vision in my sleep for a few days.”

Almost a week to be exact, Gwen thought with giddiness.

“You were talking in your sleep is all,” Hermione said.

Gwen pulled a comical face. “Oh, god. Imagine if I was having a sex dream or something?”

Hermione laughed and the curiousness from her eyes faded – much to Gwen’s relief.

 “Well you’re sixteen now, Gwen,” Hermione teased, “I suppose a little sex dream here and there is normal.”

Gwen laughed and threw a pillow at Hermione. “You twat.”

“Hurry up for breakfast,” Hermione called out, “We’re going to Diagon Alley to go out for school supplies while your mum makes dinner.”

“Gee,” Gwen said sarcastically, “What a birthday bash that will be.”

The only response was Hermione’s laughter trailing down the stairs. Gwen sighed once more before rubbing her eyes. She was so immediately overwhelmed and she also immediately missed Draco’s warm presence.

It suddenly felt unreal that he had been laying next to her just a few hours ago. It almost felt like a dream. Gwen rubbed the sheets on his side of the bed and noticed a piece of parchment sticking out from underneath the pillow.

She pulled it out. It was folded into a square the size of her palm. She opened it quickly, feeling her heart pound slightly. A smile stretched across her face as she recognized the regal handwriting scrawled elegantly across the parchment.

_My Darling,_

_Leaving you this morning was harder than I thought it would be. Have the most beautiful birthday and I’ll see you later tonight (with your present)._

_Love,_

_Draco_

Gwen’s enamored smile had turned into a full-blown grin as she stared at the paper with a manic look of adoration in her eyes. Her eyes kept falling back to his signature.

Love, Draco.

Love.

Draco.

Gwen’s hands clenched the paper tightly, causing the parchment to crease slightly and making her relax immediately. She smoothed the love-abused parchment out in her lap, still grinning.

Love.

They’d never spoken words of “love” specifically to one another and Gwen didn’t know if what she was feeling was, in fact, love, but it felt like something important and that was enough for right now to keep her heart warm and her face smiling.

She moved over to her side table and pulled out a wooden slat that hid all of her letters from Draco from throughout the summer. They were all long and each word was precious to Gwen. She tucked the note in safely in the front before closing the slat and covering it up with other letters and tchotchkes.

Not wanting to take too long, Gwen quickly went to the bathroom to get ready. She contemplated taking a shower, but for a weird reason she almost didn’t want to. Her clothes still retained the minty smell of Draco and she wanted to preserve the imprint of him on her skin until she saw him next.

But if she didn’t shower that means she’d be unshowered the next time she saw him. So with a little regret, Gwen quickly hopped into the shower to wash and shave.

She hated blowdrying her hair and she wasn’t allowed to use magic, so Gwen towel dried her hair the best she could as she quickly tiptoed back to her room in her towel.

She was reaching to drop her towel when someone called out.

“Merlin, please stop!”

Gwen yelped and turned around to find Harry covering his eyes. Gwen felt a blush spread all over her skin as she ran behind and hid behind her wardrobe door.

“What are you doing in here, Harry?” She screeched.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized loudly, still covering his eyes, “I just came to ask you a question and you just walked in wearing your tow…I’m sorry!”

Gwen glared at him angrily. “Can you get out now?”

“Yes, of course,” he stammered, “I’m not looking.”

Gwen wanting to snap at him again, but instead she just waited for him to trip out of her room and shut the door behind him. Gwen held still for a few moments, letting the nerves leave her body as she remained hidden behind her wardrobe door.

She couldn’t believe Harry had just seen her in nothing but this teeny towel. Thank Merlin she shaved, a thought burst through her head, but Gwen quickly told herself to shut up and moved to look inside her closet – ready to hide again, if necessary.

She quickly grabbed her favorite pair of blue jeans and a light pink button down shirt. The jeans were cropped at the ankle, thanks to Adora’s handy alteration skills and the button down was light enough to keep her from getting too hot.

She left her hair loose and quickly put on a pair of brown oxfords before looking in the mirror. Her skin was tanned from the summer and her dark hair was streaked with sunshine. She quickly brushed out her unruly eyebrows and gave herself a nod of approval before heading downstairs to the smell of breakfast.

“I made waffles,” Adora called out to Gwen from the table.

“Thank you,” Gwen said brightly.

Her friends were sat around her small breakfast table, munching away on breakfast. The one spot left was between Ginny and Hermione and Gwen gladly took it.

She scanned over the buffet in front her and her eyes accidentally caught Harry’s from across the table. He blushed and looked back down at his plate and Gwen glared a little to hide her embarrassment. Where they never going to be able to look at each other again?

Gwen plucked out a giant blueberry waffle and slapped it on her plate. She turned to Adora to ask a question, but she was cut off.

“Lemonade is by Ron,” Adora answered without prompting.

Gwen grinned widely. “Thanks, mum.”

Ron handed her the lemonade and commented.

“Who drinks lemonade for breakfast?”

“It’s better than pumpkin juice,” Gwen said, fighting a laugh when she heard someone gasp, “And it’s freshly made.”

She poured herself a giant glass before handing it back to Ron, who looked suspiciously at it. She quickly doused the waffle in maple syrup and asked her friends a question before stuffing the first piece of waffle in her mouth.  

“So what’s the plan for today?”

“We’re going to Diagon Alley to get our supplies for school and then coming back here later for dinner and a small party,” Hermione answered.

Gwen swallowed and asked carefully. “A party?”

“Only a small one,” Ginny said, “Just us girls and a film of your choice.”

“The boys can’t come?” Gwen asked.

“That depends,” Ron said, “What kind of movie are you going to watch?”

“I’m feeling very Audrey Hepburn today,” Gwen mused.

“Then no, the boys can’t come,” Ron responded causing Gwen to laugh.

“Fine,” Gwen agreed, “So Diagon Alley it is?”

“As soon as your done with breakfast,” Hermione said.

Gwen nodded and continued to eat as conversation between Adora and her friends passed over her. She reflected on how all of the people she cared about were in one room. Well, almost all of the people she cared about. She tried to imagine Draco in this room right now and couldn’t.

She could imagine Draco with Adora and she, sitting over breakfast while laughing and talking. It actually hurt her the most to keep Draco a secret from Adora. Adora knew enough about the wizarding world to know that Draco Malfoy and the Malfoy family came from a supposedly bad stock and Gwen didn’t want her mother to worry or at doing something drastic, like ban Gwen from seeing Draco.

The thought alone was enough to scare Gwen into keeping her secret; not because she would actually stop seeing Draco, but because it would be the first time in her life that she would have betrayed Adora’s trust…and that was a pain that Gwen didn’t know if she could handle.

“Are you done eating, Gwen?” Adora asked.

Gwen just realized that she had stopped eating in all of her heavy thinking. She’d eaten most of her waffle at this point. With a nod, Gwen ate the final remaining bite and tried not to flinch as painfully swallowed the big piece of waffle.

“Ready,” she croaked.

She took a big gulp of her lemonade and stood.

“Let me help you clean first, mum,” she said.

Adora shook her head and waved Gwen away. “No, no, no. It’s your birthday. I can clean today.”

“Are you sure?” Gwen asked.

“Yes,” Adora said, “Now go before I change my mind.”

Gwen huffed out a laugh through her nose. “Okay, deal.”

She grabbed her wallet and kissed Adora bye.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Gwen said with her arms wrapped around Adora.

Adora pressed her cheek into Gwen’s head.

“Love you, Winny,” she said.

“Love you more,” Gwen answered.

She ignored the painful thump in her chest as she spoke the words. When Adora let go of her, Gwen turned to her friends.

“Up we go,” she said.

They all congregated to her room and stood in front of her fireplace.

“Geez, Gwen,” Ron commented, “Do you use your fireplace a lot?”

Gwen turned to face him confusedly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Ron said, “That you’ve got enough floo buildup in here to cause another fire.”

Gwen’s face was schooled into neutrality before anyone could blink and she shrugged her shoulders just as unbothered.

“I just don’t ever think of to clean it,” she said.

“Oh, you really should, Gwen,” Hermione warned worriedly, “It’s actually quite dangerous to not.”

“I will later,” Gwen promised before pushing the conversation along, “Who’s first?”

“Me,” Ginny called out.

Gwen offered her the floo powder as Ginny stepped into the fireplace.

“See you guys in a sec,” Ginny said before calling out loudly, “Diagon Alley!”

She threw her floo powder down and went up in green flames.

“I’ll go next,” Ron said.

“Aw, what a good big brother,” Gwen teased.

Ron glared at her but didn’t respond as he grabbed a big handful of floo powder before climbing into the fireplace and disappearing in green flames.

“He really is a good brother,” Hermione said contemplatively when Ron disappeared.

Gwen turned and gave Hermione a crooked smile. Hermione’s face was soft as she watched the spot where Ron once stood. It was rare that Hermione let her guard down when it came to acknowledging some parts of her feelings towards Ron so Gwen didn’t want to tease her.

Quickly snapping herself out of it with an efficiency that impressed Gwen, Hermione wordlessly took a handful of floo powder.

“You really should clean out your fireplace,” Hermione reprimanded once again. “It’s an absolutely hazard and you sleep in here, Gwen.”

“You got it, mum,” Gwen responded with a salute.

Hermione glared. “Don’t take too long.”

And with that, she threw down her floo powder and disappeared behind flames. Gwen suddenly realized that it was just she and Harry again and normally that wouldn’t be a problem at all except it wasn’t even thirty minutes ago that Harry and she had been in her room in what could be described as an…awkward moment.

“You’re turn,” Gwen offered the bucket to Harry.

Harry nodded wordlessly and walked towards the bucket, but Gwen moved it out of his reach when he came closer. He looked up at Gwen, resembling a deer in headlights, as if he was worried Gwen was going to yell at him.

“I’m not mad,” Gwen said, “It was just awkward and kind of embarrassing.”

“You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about,” Harry said quickly, before his face went red in realization.

Gwen’s cheeks also burned.

“That’s not what I meant,” Harry grumbled.

“Mhmm,” Gwen said tightly.

“I just meant that I was the one who should feel embarrassed,” Harry said, “I’m sorry I just barged in like that.”

“You didn’t barge in,” Gwen said, “Techincally, I barged in.”

“Well, it is your room,” Harry reasoned.

“You’re right,” Gwen said, “It is your fault.”

Harry laughed and some of the nervousness left his face.

“I am sorry,” he apologized.

Gwen shook her head. “No harm done. Just try to not scare me while I’m in a towel anymore.”

Harry blushed again but agreed. “Deal.”

Gwen smiled and handed him the bucket again.

“Alright,” she said enthusiastically, “Off you go, before Hermione get’s angry at us for taking too long.”

Harry snickered before grabbing a handful of floo powder and walking into the fireplace.

“Don’t end up in the wrong place this time,” Gwen teased.

The old joke made the two friends smile widely at each other as Harry threw down his floo powder and disappear as well. Gwen hung the bucket back up, taking a handful and stepping inside the fireplace. There really was a lot of soot and powder inside. She supposed her fireplace had been working a lot harder than usual.

Letting out the millionth sigh today thinking about Draco, Gwen threw down her powder and shouted out as clearly as possible.

“Diagon Alley!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this is about a month late. There's no one reason and I'm not going to go through all of that now. I've just been kind of sick these last few weeks - health stuff, blah, blah, blah - but I'm on the mend and am hopefully back. I can't promise consistency right now, but I can promise effort. I'll try and be better about updating this, you guys. Don't give up just yet! Thank you to everyone who has commented recently; it really helped motivate me to work through my own mental blocks. You're all wonderful. xx


	4. Insecurity Dressed in Robes

Diagon Alley was exactly the same as always, to Gwen’s delight. She breathed in the familiar smell of owl, tea, and something indescribable that came from having hundreds of people weaving in and out of lanes, all talking, shouting, and laughing – or perhaps it was just sweat.

Gwen walked with her friends through the lanes, listening to them chatter and absorbing the sounds of their voices. She was used to not seeing them as often over the summer since it was a time she usually devoted to Adora and their quiet summer lives, but this summer everything felt different. Maybe because she felt so different.

Gwen had been worried that maybe because she was so entirely enamored by Draco that she’d suddenly find her friends disenchanting or maybe even a little annoying. She was thankful that this wasn’t the case. She still loved her friends so completely and listening to them all around made her heart clench with joy, making her realize how much she had missed them these last few weeks.

She felt guilty for thinking that Draco would change her opinion about her best friends. Draco and she never spoke about their friends like that. For all of their closeness, they really never spoke about other people; there was too much for them to say about themselves. They were learning each other like roadmaps and each of their conversations were so different.

Gwen never knew if the night would be filled with laughter and jokes or with soft murmurs and confessions. Her stomach did a little flip-flop as she thought about tonight. She’d never been one to care much about her birthday, but the idea that it was her birthday and that she’d get to spend it with Draco made her want to sing.

“You okay?” Harry asked.

He nudged her arm gently. In the time that they had been walking around, Gwen and Harry had gone back to normal – laughing and making jokes to put the towel incident behind them.

“Just thinking,” Gwen said.

“About what?”

“Growing old,” she told him, “Where I’ll be next year.”

Harry nodded.

“This time last year, I was dating Colin,” Gwen remembered, “Or unofficially dating Colin.”

“And this year you’re single,” Harry concluded.

Gwen had to fight to the sudden urge to laugh. “Yep, this year I’m single.”

“I’m sure you won’t be next year,” Harry said reassuringly.

Gwen realized that he must have misread her bright voice as forced cheerfulness, but she felt another whooshing sensation in the pit of her stomach at the idea of she and Draco a year from now. She broke out of her own giddy delusion to pat Harry on the arm.

“Thanks for that,” she said still laughing.

Harry laughed a little uncomfortably and nodded as the two of them began to listen to Hermione and Ron dispute about which shop to go into first.

“We’ll pass Weasley’s first,” Ron argued.

“Then we can pass it on our way back,” Hermione countered.

“Gwen’s the birthday girl,” Ginny added innocently, “Why doesn’t she choose?”

Gwen glared into Ginny’s laughing eyes.

“Devil’s advocate,” Gwen muttered.

“Gwen, doesn’t it make more sense to go to Weasley’s first?” Ron immediately put in.

“Honestly, Ron, Gwen is intelligent. She knows it’s better to go on our way back, otherwise we’re just walking twice as much,” Hermione scoffed.

“What’s wrong with walking?” Ron yelled.

“This is ridiculous,” Gwen groaned, “I don’t care. Ask Hagrid.”

Hagrid, who up until this point was silently observing the crowds around them, turned to look at the five pairs of eyes suddenly looking up at him. Hagrid had been assigned to come with them for protection, mostly for Harry’s protection, but none of them ever mentioned that.

“I…uh,” Hagrid stammered, “I’m sure it doesn’t quite matter.”

Hagrid looked into Hermione’s steady gaze and was lost.

“But I suppose Hermione does have a point with the walking, Ron,” he rationalized, “We’ll stop in Weasley’s on the way back.”

Hermione turned to face Ron with her hands on her hips in victory. Gwen swore her hair rose a little as well, just to highlight her win. Ron sighed in defeat and stalked behind the girls, complaining to Harry how Hermione “always forces her way onto the rest of us…”

Gwen decided to tease Hermione.

“Easy, Hermione,” she said, “You’re smirking.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Hermione sniffed.

She tried to tamper down the smirk, but it just came back like an empty bottle in a lake making Gwen and Ginny laugh.

They finally made their way to Madam Malkin’s shop so they could all look for robes. Gwen hadn’t grown since fourth year, so she didn’t really need any robes. She tried not to growl at Hermione for the injustice of being so much taller than her.

Gwen decided to weave her way through the racks of robes with Ginny, who also wasn’t buying anything.

“You seem different, Gwenny,” Ginny commented.

A smile quirked onto Gwen’s face. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Ginny shrugged, “You seem lighter than normal.”

Gwen paused behind one of the racks to jokingly poke her stomach, making Ginny laugh.

“That’s not what I meant,” Ginny rolled her eyes.

Ginny, like Ron, was perceptive in a way that neither Harry nor Hermione were. But whereas Ron would often unknowingly hit the nail on the head, Ginny was far more precise and far more manipulative in her execution of drawing out the truth.

Gwen knew Ginny’s intentions were never malicious, but it was still enough for Gwen to feel guarded.

“It’s just the summer time,” Gwen said.

She decided it was better to only half-lie. “I always feel calmer in the summer.”

Ginny nodded in understanding.

“The school year is always a bit mental,” she agreed.

“Probably not for other kids,” Gwen snorted.

Ginny laughed and fingered a navy blue robe with her fingers before sobering slightly.

“It’s too hard, isn’t it?” she murmured.

Gwen stopped moving and turned to face her. Ginny’s fingers were stroking the robe, but her eyes were somewhere else, looking beyond the shop displays.

“What’s hard, Gin?” Gwen probed quietly.

Ginny’s bright eyes slowly turned to at Gwen and Gwen was momentarily struck by how much taller Ginny suddenly was to her – how much older she looked since Gwen last saw her.

“Being close to him,” Ginny whispered, “To Harry.”

Gwen felt her heart break for Ginny. She reached forward and grasped Ginny’s hand, drawing a wan smile from the younger girl.

“I’m learning that maybe that’s how you know that it’s worth it,” Gwen said.

Her voice was gruff with feeling and she saw Ginny’s eyes water. Gwen got the strange feeling that she would be tested on her convictions far sooner than she expected.

Suddenly, as if her body registered his nearness before her brain did, Gwen felt a prickle of awareness and she craned her head around the rack of robes.

She saw Ron, Harry, and Hermione’s back all rigidly focused on the person if front of them.

_Oh, please, no,_ Gwen thought desperately to herself.

She walked out from behind the rack and tried not to draw in the extra breath she felt she needed when his eyes met hers. As if it was physically instinctual, the hostility slowly drained from Draco’s face as he watched Gwen shoulder her way in-between her friends.

She felt nervous and exposed being near him like this with all of her friends around. She turned her attention to the small woman standing next to Draco.

“Mrs. Malfoy,” Gwen said politely, I hope you’ve been having a nice holiday.”

She felt the tension radiating from all sides of her. She practically felt Hermione’s sharp look cut her face as she addressed Draco’s mother, who was also looking at her with equal hostility, as if Gwen was playing a prank.

“I have, indeed,” Mrs. Malfoy said primly.

Gwen couldn’t believe the difference in her expression. Since Gwen was no longer the strange girl on the train platform, Mrs. Malfoy’s face was no longer soft with friendly curiosity. Now that Gwen was nestled in-between Harry Potter, two Weasley’s, and a muggle-born, Gwen might as well have been trash on the sidewalk.

Gwen tried to smile, but it was wobbly and off-kilter. She could still feel that Draco was still staring at her and was torn between telling him to look away and running up and kissing him as hard as she could.

She knew words have already been exchanged, given the tense climate, but she hadn’t heard what they said before. It was interesting to her that she really, truly, and overwhelmingly did not want to know.

“Well, we should be off,” she said quickly.  

She was still avoiding Draco’s eyes as she spoke directly to Mrs. Malfoy.

“It was lovely to see you,” she rambled on, “Have a good rest of your holiday.”

She turned to her left and gave Hermione, Ron, and Ginny expectant glares. Although confused as to why she was suddenly being so friendly, they silently complied and began walking out. Gwen turned and waited for Harry, but he just continued to glare at Malfoy.

“Harry,” Gwen said tightly.

Harry slowly broke off his glare to look at her.

“Let’s go,” Gwen demanded.

Harry nodded and walked past Gwen, grabbing onto her hand as he led her away. Gwen felt the surprise on her face at the strangely territorial display and she lifted her eyes to catch Draco’s penetrating glare focused on their joined hands before looking back up at Gwen with equal fervor.

Before she could even fully grasp the situation, Harry led Gwen out of the shop to rest of their friends. The second her feet touched the cobblestone, Gwen ripped her hand free of Harry’s and turned to glare at him with crossed arms.

“I didn’t need to be dragged out like a two-year-old,” she spat.

“Oh, my apologies,” Harry snapped angrily, “I didn’t mean to pull you away from making small talk with the Malfoy’s.”

Gwen felt her ears turn pink as she growled out a response.

“Excuse me, for trying not to make us have a scene – AGAIN,” she yelled the last bit.

That seemed to knock Harry off for a moment. She saw the hurt in his eyes before he stonewalled his emotions within her next blink.  

“We should probably keep moving,” Harry said.

His voice cold and detached and Gwen felt a swift kick of guilt. It was his fault for acting so ridiculous, but that last shot had been a low blow.

“Harry,” she began apologetically.

“Hagrid’s waiting for us,” he cut her off.

Without another word, he moved back towards where Hagrid was waiting for them. Gwen looked at her friends with hopeless eyes. She wrapped her arms around her middle before speaking; she wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt so insecure.  

“I didn’t mean to say that.”

Ginny came over and wrapped her arm around Gwen’s shoulders.

“Friendship can sometimes be hard,” she comforted, “but that’s how you know it’s worth it.”

Gwen let out a watery laugh. “That’s very wise.”

“It came from a wise woman,” Ginny grinned.

“It’s alright, Gwen,” Hermione reassured.

Gwen looked at Hermione and Ron, who were both looking at her like she was still her friends. She felt the insanity of the thought, knowing that it would take more than a badly timed fight to break the bond between she and her friends.

What scared her though is that she suddenly had a very clear idea of what it would take to break that bond…and it stood on the other side of the shop door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter isn't as long as usual, but I'm just trying to rebuild a flow. I hope you guys are enjoying getting back into the groove of things and I'm hoping I'll be able to pick this back up with my old energy soon! Let me know what you guys think. The comments definitely help me stay motivated.


	5. I've Seen It

It was relatively silent among the friends as they weaved their way through Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, Fred and George’s joke shop. Gwen hated tension more than anything and so she kept wanting to grab Harry and just ask him not to be mad at her anymore, but her pride wouldn't allow her too.

She didn't understand his reaction and nor did she think it was justified by any means so instead of working out the problem, Gwen simultaneously stewed and tried to calm the anxious waves in her stomach.

She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't pay attention when her friends were all paying for their things.

"You alright there, Gwen?" Fred came and put his arm around Gwen.

Gwen looked into his friendly face, noticing how handsome he looked. He was glowing with a silent joy that only came from achieving one's dreams. It calmed her anxiety and gave her a chance to breathe. She smiled at him.

"I am," she said, "Just thinking too hard."

"Mmm," Fred sighed, "Well be careful with that. I'd hate for you to bruise."

Gwen scoffed. "You've given me more than a few bruises over the years."

"Shh, darling, not in front of the children," Fred teased.

A blush spread across her cheeks as she laughed and punched Fred, albeit weakly, in the chest.

"Shut up."

Fred grinned widely at her then. He touched his finger under her jaw and tilted her face up.

"There we go," he murmured, noticing her bright cheeks and smile, "Much better. You shouldn't be frowning on your birthday."

"I don't mean to," she argued, "That's just my thinking face."

"Then you're thinking about the wrong things."

Gwen raised her eyebrows dubiously. "What are the right things?"

George grinned puckishly. "I'd be happy to show you, love, as a sort of birthday present."

Gwen laughed again, but noticed the nervous edge to it. She felt another blush sting her cheeks and before she could say anything, Ginny bounded up.

"Are you bothering Gwen?" She asked.

"Just enough to make her blush," Fred winked at Gwen.

Gwen laughed and agreed. "Just enough."

Fred flashed Gwen another devilish grin and gave a loose ribbon of her hair a playful tug before wordlessly departing.

Gwen's smile didn't fade as she turned to look at Ginny.

"What'd you get?" She gestured to Ginny's purchase with her chin.

"Pigmy puff," Ginny said excitingly.

“Let me see!” Gwen said.

Ginny opened the small crate for Gwen to look at the small pink fluff ball resting gently within.

“Oh, it’s so cute,” Gwen cooed.

“I’m naming him Arnold,” Ginny announced, “He and I are going to cuddle.”

"Your mother is going to love him running all over the house," Gwen teased.

"No less than she loves he idea of the twins running this shop," Ginny said with a shrug.

"That's the spirit," Gwen cajoled.

They stood quietly for a moment waiting for the rest of their friends to arrive before Ginny spoke again.

"You know what mum would really love Gwen," Ginny began slowly.

Gwen turned and looked at Ginny, not noticing her tone.

"If you and Fred...you know," Ginny emphasized the last bit with raised eyebrows and sly smirk.

To say Gwen was surprised would be an understatement. Her jaw dropped slightly as she gaped at Ginny.

"What?" She finally gasped; the word came out between an exclamation and a laugh.

Ginny was undeterred in her mission as she continued to pursue the topic as if Gwen’s reaction hadn’t happened.

"I'm just saying," Ginny said casually, "I know Fred likes you. It would probably take very little encouragement on your part to...point him in the right direction."

Gwen's brain couldn't catch hold of Ginny's words.

"I can't date Fred," she whisper-exclaimed.

"Why not?" Ginny said, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"For one, he's like my brother," Gwen said, "it'd be like dating Ron."

Both girls shuddered at the idea.

"No, it wouldn't," Ginny argued, "Fred's older and he's definitely not Ron. You're already a part of our family anyways, Gwen. This way you just make it legal."

Ginny finished the thought with a laugh, but Gwen was having a hard time joining her. Ginny seemed to notice her reaction was off.

"Oh, Gwen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say -"

"It’s okay, Gin," Gwen cut her off.

She put a reassuring hand on her arm and smiled honestly.

"I know what you're saying," Gwen said gently.

Ginny still looked a little worried. "You don't have to date Fred."

Gwen laughed a little. "I know that."

"I'm just being selfish, really. I'll eventually force Ron and and Hermione together too, if they take too long."

Gwen grinned brightly. "I'll help you with that."

They were soon joined by the rest of their friends and began to walk down the street. Ginny paused when she ran into a few of her friends.

"I'll catch up you with guys later," she called out.

Now Ron, Gwen, Hermione, and Harry began to walk back to go home. Hagrid had suddenly been called away so it was just the four of them when Harry stopped suddenly, causing Gwen to run into his back.

"Oof," Gwen groaned as Hermione fell into her, "what are you doing?"

"Look," Harry whispered.

Gwen, Hermione, and Ron all looked down the corridor where Harry was pointing and Gwen felt her stomach drop. It was Draco, walking along without his mother, down the lanes. He almost blended into the darkness, like he had something to hide.

"Let's go," Harry said before pulling out his invisibility cloak.

Ron and Hermione silently went under the cloak and then her best friends turned to look at her expectantly.

She just stared at them for a moment, like she had whiplash.

"What are we just going to follow him?" She exclaimed.

"It won't be the first time," Ron said.

But this time was different Gwen wanted to cry out. Instead she forced herself to get it together and relaxed her face in the span of a single blink before dipping under the cloak while muttering.

"We're getting too tall to fit under this cloak all together."

"Not you," Ron whispered, "just the rest of the us."

Gwen punched him in the side, smirking at the sound of his grunt.

"Whoops, my hand slipped" Gwen said innocently.

"Shh," Harry growled.

Gwen wanted to punch him too, but instead she mashed her teeth together and kept moving. She felt sick following Draco down the street. She stood in the front of her small pack, right next to Harry as they watched Draco disappear into Borgin and Burkes – a shop that specialized in dark artefacts.

Gwen wanted to throw up. Could he pick a less incriminating place? No, she told herself as Harry began to pull an extendable ear out of his pocket, he could be there for a number of reasons. He could be there to buy a present for his dad. His dad was a creepy bloke.

Yes, Gwen reinforced, he was there for someone else.

Harry set up the extendable ear and they were silently looking through a small, dirty window. Gwen’s stomach clenched when she heard Draco’s voice drift through the ear.

“…repair an object of value…”

His voice was drifting in and out of focus.

“What kind of object?” Borgin, the owner, replied.

Draco bit out something unintelligible, but Gwen heard the sharpness of it. She flinched slightly.

“I also need...keep something else safe, hidden from prying…” Draco’s voice came out again.

Standing on her tiptoes to look into the window, Gwen saw the look of hesitancy on Borgin’s face as he mulled over Draco’s requests.

“I don’t know, if I can do that,” he muttered clearly.

Gwen’s calves were beginning to burn, but she kept her eyes on the Draco. She stopped breathing when he pulled up his left sleeve, showing something she couldn’t see. She could see panic etch across Borgin’s face.

It wasn’t long after that when Draco concluded his business and turned to exit the shop. Gwen immediately pressed herself against the wall; her back pressed into Ron and Hermione as they all tried to hold as still as possible.

Draco exited the shop and straightened his sleeves casually. Gwen was staring at him so desperately, so hard, that she almost gasped when he seemed to look right up at her. If he could see her, they have been making eye contact. She felt all of her friends stiffen and Gwen held her breath.

Seemingly dismissing the feeling, Draco turned and walked down the alleyway. None of them moved for a good period of time until Gwen stepped out from the under the cloak. Hermione immediately followed and Harry was balling it back up throwing out theories.

“He’s become a Death Eater,” Harry announced.

The words were enough to make Gwen go a little pale. She saw Hermione shake her head.

“You’re being paranoid,” Hermione admonished.

“He lifted his sleeve, Hermione,” Harry said, “His left arm.”

“I agree that it was strange, but to jump to the conclusion that Malfoy’s a Death Eater is…a leap,” she concluded.

“His father is a Death Eater,” Harry argued.

“But to make him a Death Eater while he’s still in school with Dumbledore around would be too risky,” Ron said reasonably.

That seemed to tame the wind in Harry’s rampage. If there was anyone Harry trusted full heartedly, it was Dumbledore.

**

"Are you alright, Gwen?" Hermione asked as the arrived back at her cottage.

"Yeah, just hungry," Gwen said, but even she could hear that her voice sounded distracted.

"Well good thing I smell chicken pot pie," Ron called out.

"Wait," Adora called out, "Don't come down yet!"

"What are you planning?" Gwen called out from the top of the stairs.

"Hermione, could you come help me?" Adora ignored Gwen.

"Of course," Hermione said.

She immediately dropped her bags and rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Gwen heard her start laughing.

"Actually, why don't you all come down?" Adora said, "Except for Gwen!"

Harry and Ron walked into the kitchen and started laughing. Gwen frowned, not like being left out in her own house.

"Can I come down now?" She asked.

"One more second," Adora replied.

Gwen heard them all giggling and laughing inside the kitchen and right at the moment when she felt her patience run out, Adora called out.

"Alright, Guinevere, stop stewing and come in."

"I'm not stewing," Gwen argued as she walked into the kitchen.

She paused when she saw Adora and her friends all wearing party hats with little kazoo's, which they blew on when she walked in.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"

Gwen's jaw dropped a little as a surprised laugh broke through her. Her eyes came to the tray in Adora’s hands.

"What is that?" She exclaimed.

"It's a lion!" Adora exclaimed.

Gwen stared at her normally traditional chicken pot pie that this year had been formed in the shape of a lion, or had at least been attempted to.

"It's....beautiful," Gwen managed.

They all burst out laughing. Gwen laughed until she was bent over and her sides hurt. She eventually gathered herself together long enough to hug Adora properly.

"Thanks, mum" she said, "it definitely has...heart."

Adora laughed and patted Gwen on the back.

"You wouldn't think that I'm an artist looking at this thing, huh?"

Gwen grinned wryly. "I wouldn't include it I your next collection."

"Alright well which part of the lion would you like?"

Gwen scanned the blob.

"Uhh...the head?"

"A very Gwen answer," Ron teased.

"Ron gets the butt, mum," Gwen retorted, "That's my birthday wish."

Ron argued but eventually and quietly took the portion of the pie deemed the "butt."

Many hours of Clark Gable and pie later, Adora got up from the couch and bid the group goodnight.

"Don't stay up too late," she told them with a wave goodnight.

Gwen and her friends were all sprawled across the living room. Gwen propped up in a sea of blankets and pillows in front of the couch, curled next to Hermione.

"Thanks for spending the day with me," Gwen murmured sleepily.

"Of course," Hermione said, patting Gwen's hand gently.

"We should probably get going though," Ron reminded them, "Mum will kill me, if we wake anyone up."

Gwen nodded as they all slowly rose up and folded up the blankets and pillows. After stacking them neatly on the couch, they all followed Gwen up the stairs into her room.

"Love you," Gwen said to Ron, giving him a hard hug.

"You too," Ron said with an awkward pat.

Gwen's sincere declarations of love always made Ron the most uncomfortable out of all of her friends, but she knew he didn't really mind since they all knew Gwen's love was purely familial.

She watched Ron disappear in the fireplace and hugged Hermione just as tight, repeating the same to her.

"Love you," she murmured.

Hermione hugged Gwen back tightly.

"Love you too," she replied.

The two best friends pulled apart with a smile as Hermione stepped into the fireplace. Hermione gave Harry a stern look, almost a warning, but before Gwen could comment, Hermione disappeared behind the flames.

She turned and looked at Harry. Once again, it was just the two of them.

"I'm sorry for being such an arse today," Harry apologized.

He stood to the side of Gwen with his head bowed and hands in his pockets.

"You're doing that with increasing regularity," Gwen commented with her arms crossed.

Harry looked up at her and nodded.

"Yeah, you're right and I'm sorry."

Gwen went forward and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I forgive you."

"Will there come a day when you won't?" Harry murmured over her shoulder.

Gwen didn't say anything but her eyes began to water.

"Never," she promised and silently hoped that the day of no forgiveness never came for any of them.

Harry smiled at her, still a bit nervous.

"Love you, Potter," Gwen said.

"Love you too, Easton," Harry replied.

He stepped into the fireplace and with a smile, he disappeared behind the flames. Gwen sighed when she suddenly alone. All of the thoughts that she had put aside since the day started starting to crawl back to the front of her mind.

Methodically, she went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and washed her face. She changed into her pajamas, a t-shirt and old drawstring pajama pants, and went back to her room. She walked around the room, looking at the fireplace expectantly.

The thoughts began to move through her head. She looked out of the window and thought about Draco’s face when he saw her friends and she. No, too painful, she moved on. She thought about after how she and Harry fought again. They never usually fought, but it was getting easier for them too and it was happening more and more often. No, Gwen thought to herself, slowly decaying friendships are also painful. Moving on. Fred’s face entered her mind then and she reflected on Ginny’s words.

_I know Fred likes you. It would probably take very little encouragement on your part to...point him in the right direction_.

Gwen’s mind halted on that thought. Fred was certainly handsome and charming and kind. She loved his family like it was her own. She was best friends with his brother and sister and her two other best friends were best friends with his brother and sister. She felt butterflies when he teased her and she had no doubt in her mind that should she want to spend more time with Fred…

No, she thought sharply. No, no, no, no. She walked over to her desk and pulled out parchment, a quill, and her latest story. She pressed the parchment against a hard book in her lap and sat in the couch with her feet propped up on the window pane as she began to write again.

_“What does honor have to do with love?” Emilia said quietly._

_“To love you would mean to lose my honor,” David replied._

_Emilia stood up and walked towards the window of the bedroom where they had shared their nights, the place she thought she’d raise her children, and spoke to the moon outside rather than the man behind her._

_“Then you have never loved me at all,” she declared solemnly._

Gwen kept writing, losing herself in her characters. Driving them to fight and to be angry, to be hurt and scared, because she wasn’t ready to feel those things herself. She wrote with celerity, like she was suffering from anoxia and running out of time until she was gone. She wrote to keep breathing, to stay alive.

She only barely noticed the sounds of the flames. She paused midsentence and looked up from her crouched position in the couch. Draco stood in front of the fireplace; his expression was neutral and cautious. Gwen lowered her quill and stood, putting her writing by her feet and slowly walked over to him. She stood about three feet away and watched him; her heart sank a little when she noticed that he was in his day clothes, instead of pajamas. They stood in pregnant silence. Neither of them knew what to say or where to begin.

Even without speaking, the mere sight of him was enough to make her heart beat a little faster and her breathing a little heavier. He altered the very alchemy of her spirit just by being in the same room as her.

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally settled on.

Draco’s face didn’t change, but his eyes reflected a similar unsureness.

“Neither do I,” he confessed.

“Are you angry at me?” she asked straightforwardly.

It was a whimper or a question of fear. Gwen just needed to know; she needed a starting point.

Draco pursed his lips for a moment before speaking. “A little.”

Gwen nodded encouragingly. “What are you angry about?”

Another pause as Draco cautiously surveyed the ground of what might be their first fight together. He seemed scared to say too much, as if saying too much would be too much and that would kill whatever was blooming between them.

“Potter,” Draco finally answered.

“He said something to you?” Gwen continued.

Draco frowned. “No, I don’t care what he has to say.”

Gwen felt like she should defend Harry, but she didn’t really know what about. Draco didn’t have to care what Harry had to say; Harry definitely didn’t care what Draco had to say.

“It’s the way he acts,” Draco spoke slowly, anger coloring his voice, “Like he has a right to you.”

“He’s my friend, Draco,” she said calmly, “One of my best friends. I’m not saying he acted right, but it was just out of protection.”

Draco gave her an incredulous look.

“There’s no way you actually believe that,” he scoffed.

Gwen frowned at him and put her hands on her hips.

“Don’t condescend to me,” she snapped.

Draco glared down at her, growing stiffer by the moment.

“You’re always defending him,” he snarled.

“I’m not,” Gwen argued, “But don’t disregard what I’m saying as a joke to not be taken seriously.”

“I didn’t,” Draco said.

“Yes, you did,” she immediately countered.

“I just…” Draco shoved his hand through his hair exasperatedly, “I just hate that he can do those things and I can’t.”

Gwen felt her anger deflate at the sight of his torn expression. Her voice was soft again when she spoke.

“What things?”

Draco looked at her a bit desperately then.

“He can grab your hand and hold it in public. He can be seen with you in public. He can be around you whenever he wants and I can’t,” he confessed in one breath.

Gwen blinked for a few seconds. His was the only face in her mind now. She walked over and threw her arms around Draco’s neck. She leaned into him and breathed in the minty clean smell of his neck, as his arms wrapped tightly around her.

“I don’t know what to say to make it better,” Gwen mumbled against his skin.

Draco sighed and pressed his cheek against her hair. “There’s nothing for you to say. I know why things are the way they are now.”

“They might not always be,” Gwen said.

Draco pulled back from her and Gwen reached up and traced his cheek softly.

“Things won’t always be like this,” she amended.

He pressed his cheek into her hand.

“How do you know?” he murmured.

Gwen gave him a shaky smile before telling him the truth.

“I’ve seen it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter! I know this feels like the world's longest birthday, but we're chugging along now, my friends. I'm just trying to stay consistent in my postings even though there's no real schedule. After a week or two or posting regularly, I'll be able to nail down actually days for you guys to look forward too. 
> 
> I got to be honest, I was seriously vibing Gwen and Fred. I just can't help it. I 100% love Fred and George Weasley (obviously they're not interchangeable, but they're my personal romantic favorites. But no fears, this is still about Gwen and Draco, but this is just to juxtapose what is easy and what might be right for Gwen. These are decisions that she's going to have to make...sooner than she might know. 
> 
> Thanks for all of your support and kind words. Let me know what you all think!! xx


	6. Remembering

Draco didn’t say anything for a few moments as he took in what she said.

“You’ve…seen it?” He repeated.

His voice went up at the end, clearly questioning her sanity. Gwen felt exposed and a knot appeared in her stomach. She moved her arms from around Draco’s neck and held onto one of his hands.

 “Can we sit down?” she asked instead.

Draco nodded and followed her to their usual couch. He sat down and Gwen stood there for a moment, not sure if this was the kind of conversation that she wanted to have sitting in his lap. First off, what if he got angry or hurt or wigged out by her and wanted to leave but she was holding him hostage with her butt. The humiliation alone would keep her in the house for six months easily. She quickly went over and grabbed her desk chair and rolled it in front of him.

Draco’s eyes narrowed at the arrival of the new chair, but Gwen was focused on her own self-preservation right now. As a way of letting him know it was about her and not him, she pushed forward until their knees were almost touching. For some reason, she suddenly couldn’t bear to touch him because if he pulled away…

No, no, no, she thought to herself. She shutdown the thoughts and tried to refocus on the moment. Draco, as usual, was sitting patiently and waiting for her to organize her thoughts. Gwen’s heart squeezed tightly with appreciation, making her more nervous to tell him.

“I…” she began before pausing.

She wanted to look him in the eye when she told him, but was finding his perceptive gaze too intimidating so instead she watched her finger as she absently traced a pattern on her knee.

“I…see…things,” Gwen slowly said.

“Things,” Draco repeated.

His voice helped fill the void, so Gwen looked at him and nodded gratefully.

“I don’t know what to call them exactly,” she began, before amending, “Actually, that’s not true. I think I do know; I just haven’t had it confirmed.”

“Do you mean…visions?” Draco asked slowly, as if he too knew the ridiculousness of the assumption.

Gwen nodded. “Yes.”

“You have visions?” Draco asked again.

Gwen quickly scanned over him. His face was clearly confused, but not hostile or nervous. He was leaning forward towards her slightly. She resisted the urge to stroke his face.

“Yes,” she repeated, “I think.”

“For how long?” He asked.

Gwen move her hands from her knees and laced them tightly together in her lap and pressed her knuckles into the tops of her legs. The tenseness in her arms and legs helped her ignore the nerves in her stomach.

“They started in fourth year,” she began to explain, “They used to make me really exhausted after. I would pass out after one.”

Draco’s eyes blinked in recognition.

“That day in Moody’s class,” Draco remembered, “Fourth year. I came back into the room to get my book and you were there. You stood up and fell.”

Gwen blushed at the memory.

“That was the first vision I ever had,” she told him.

Draco’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes,” Gwen said, squeezing his hand, “And there you were to witness it.”  

Draco smiled slightly.

“I remember you were so nervous when you came to that you spoke with your eyes shut,” Draco said.

Gwen smiled self-deprecatingly.

“I was embarrassed,” she confessed.

“I could tell,” he agreed, “I was too.”

“You were?” Gwen asked, a slight smile still on her lips.

Draco smiled crookedly. “I had been watching you all class. I saw you crying and then when you fainted…well, I got scared and that embarrassed me.”

Gwen grinned. “That’s adorable.”

Draco glared at her for. “No, it’s not.”

“It is,” Gwen cajoled, “You’re adorable.”

Draco leaned back in the couch and observed her with narrowed eyes.

“If I’m so adorable, why are you sitting across the room, like you’re some obscure ingredient in herbology that no one wants to touch?” He sulked.

Gwen’s smile faded slightly.

“I’m hardly across the room,” she evaded.

Draco wasn’t fooled though. He knew her too well by this point. Gwen watched the thoughts play across his features as he watched her. His expression was naturally guarded as a result of upbringing, but Gwen had gotten pretty good at reading the minute creases and flickers of him.

“You saw me in your visions?” Draco asked.

Gwen felt surprised but wasn’t sure why.

“I did,” she said quietly.

Draco nodded once and pursed his lips in thought. He reached forward and took one of her tightly laced hands. He turned her suddenly limp hand up and began tracing the lines of her palms, tracing up her fingers, and back down to her wrist before speaking – eyes on her hand.

“What did you see?” he murmured.

His voice dropped to a deep pitch and Gwen’s fingers curled slightly in response. She watched the top of his head and took a shaky breath.

“I saw you…and me…” she said slowly, “Together.”

His fingers didn’t halt as he nodded.

“You saw us together like we are now?” He continued.

“Sometimes, yes,” Gwen concurred, “Sometimes, I saw…different things.”

She wasn’t sure how much she should share. Some of the things she’d seen were so…intimate, and it’s not like Draco wasn’t involved in those but she didn’t want to freak him out. She fought the urge to rub her stomach again as she remembered some of the more intense visions.

“What kind of things?” Draco asked with his still on her hand.

His cool fingers drifted to her wrist and Gwen’s breath hitched.

“The future, I guess,” she told him, “I saw us together…in the future. As adults.”

 “What were we doing?” he asked.

Gwen felt herself blush a little. Sometimes they were just living and other times they were just…

Draco noticed her paused and lifted his eyes up. He blinked his lashes up at her and smirked a little at her blush.

“Are you sure those aren’t just dreams, darling?” He teased.

Gwen frowned at him and tried to pull her hand away, but he held fast. He rubbed her hand in-between his to relax it once more.

“I’m only teasing,” he soothed. “Go on; I’m sorry.”

“I just see us together as adults just…being together,” she told him. “We never seem to be hiding that we’re together. That’s what I meant earlier. That’s why I don’t always think it’ll be like this.”

Draco nodded. “But visions aren’t certain.”

“I know,” Gwen said, “but they are possible.”

“Have you ever had a vision come true?” Draco asked curiously.

Gwen paused, again not sure if she should share. She didn’t want to upset Draco, but she didn’t like lying to him. He noticed her pause and looked up to meet her eyes. The second their gaze connected, Gwen spoke.

“That day with Umbridge,” she said, “With my hands. I saw that at the beginning of the year before it happened.”

Draco’s face automatically tensed at the memory and he instinctively leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to the back of her hand. Gwen smiled softly at him and looked at her hands in the moonlight. The scars had faded to where she didn’t have to hide them from Adora, but she could see them. She could see the words still engraved, the raised grooves. That scars that marked her.

“It was so strange,” Gwen murmured, “Realizing that I had already seen it. It was like déjà vu, but different.”

Draco nodded and kissed her hand again. They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Draco asked Gwen another question.

 “That was the first time it happened? A vision coming true, I mean.”

Gwen nodded but said nothing for a moment. Her experience with Umbridge was the first time a vision of herself had come true, but she had also seen something far more traumatic before it happened…

“I saw…” she began.

She paused to clear her throat when her voice went hoarse before trying again.

“I saw Cedric Digory die,” she told him quietly, “I saw the Dark Lord kill him before it happened.”

Draco’s eyes widened. The surprise was so evident that his hand loosened on hers a bit. Gwen felt tears sting her eyes and was surprised when Draco leaned and gently stroked her cheek.

“You couldn’t have stopped that,” he immediately said.

“I didn’t know what was happened to me then,” Gwen needlessly defended, “I thought it was a nightmare.”

Draco was already shaking his head before she finished.

“It is not your fault,” he repeated.

“Thank you,” Gwen whispered.

They sat quietly for a few more moments, leaning over their joined hands. Gwen, who was so naturally private, felt again that sudden and incipient need to share her feelings and experiences with another person. Well, not just another person – just the person in front of her.

“When they first started happened,” she whispered, “They were all so horrible. I saw death and I just felt…fear. I would wake up and still have the feelings trapped in my chest. They were so _raw._ ”

Her voice broke on the last word and a few tears fell from her eyes.

“And then I didn’t have any for a while, you know. It’s like being at home kept them away and then the day before fifth year I had another…of you and then you were just always there in my head,” she confessed.

“I know the feeling,” Draco murmured.

Gwen sniffled a watery laugh.

“Thank you for understanding this,” she said.

“Don’t thank me for being there for you, Gwen,” Draco said seriously, “Don’t thank me for that. That’s a given.”

“I’ll always thank you,” Gwen disagreed.

“It’s not necessary,” Draco argued gently, “I’ll always be there for you.”

Gwen smiled and pressed her forehead against his as she whispered.

“Thank you."  

  


	7. Always You

Before Gwen knew it, she was packing up her trunk in the back of Adora’s station wagon. She shut the boot and turned to face her little cottage.

“Until Christmas,” she murmured.

Adora slipped her arm around Gwen and pulled her close.

“You’ll be home before you know it,” she said.

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed softly.

The two of them remained silently standing, gazing at their cottage and reflecting in the summer that just passed.

“Come on,” Adora said after a few minutes, “We’ll be late.”

Gwen nodded and huffed out a final farewell before going to her side of the car. She slid into her seat and went through the motions of putting on her seatbelt and folding up her legs crisscross into her seat.

Adora grinned at Gwen’s sitting position.

“What?” Gwen asked.

“Nothing,” Adora laughed, “It’s just that I always thought you’d outgrow sitting like that in the car.”

“Oh,” Gwen said before laughing.

Adora continued. “I sometimes feel like you’re growing up so fast, like I don’t know everything about your life anymore and you know, that’s okay because you’re becoming an adult. I don’t know. It just makes me feel old.”

She punctuated with confession with a laugh meant to ease the blow of its delivery, but Gwen still frowned sadly at her.

Gwen leaned her head back on the seat and watched Adora apologetically.  

“I’m sorry, mum,” she said sincerely.

Adora gave her a half-smile without taking her eyes off the road.

“Don’t apologize, Gwenny,” she murmured gently, “You’re allowed to have your own life.”

“I know,” Gwen said, “But I still want you to feel like you’re apart of it.”

“I do, sweetie, I do,” Adora reassured, “I don’t know. I just feel emotional. Maybe I’m going through the change.”

Gwen laughed loudly at that.

“I think you’re a bit too young for all of that,” she said.

Adora grinned. “Yeah, thank god.”

Gwen smiled and rocked her head back against the seat to look outside at the passing English countryside. Adora turned on the radio to an old song that Gwen had heard her play a few times.

_In the still of the night…_

Adora’s hand hovered over the radio button, like she was instinctively going to switch it off, but instead she let the music flow over them both.

_I remember that night in May…_

“I’ve heard you play this song sometimes in the house,” Gwen said carefully.

Adora sighed and dropped her hand.

“Yes.”

Gwen waited for her to elaborate, but when she realized that no such explanation was forthcoming, she pressed.

“Do you not like this song?” Gwen continued.

“I love this song,” Adora said.

“Mum,” Gwen begged.

“It’s the song that Walt and I danced to at our wedding,” Adora told her.

Gwen didn’t immediately answer.

Walt was Adora’s ex-husband. Her cheating ex-husband. They almost never talked about him. Actually they never talked about him. The only things knew about Walt were that he cheated on Adora and his infidelity acted as the catalyst that led to Adora coming to orphanage to adopt a child, Gwen.

The song was quietly crooning and Gwen braced herself to ask the next question.

“Mum,” she began slowly, “Do you ever regret getting a divorce? I mean, do you wish that you never had to get a divorce?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have gotten a divorce if Walt hadn’t cheated on me,” Adora reasoned, “At least not then anyways.”

Gwen nodded. “And you would have never gone to the orphanage.”

Adora’s eyes snapped towards Gwen.

“Guinevere,” she said incredulously, “Are you asking me if I’d rather still be married to Walt, if it meant that I couldn’t be your mother?”

“You loved him,” Gwen argued.

“Yes,” Adora said confusedly, like she wasn’t sure what point Gwen was trying to make.

“So…I can’t even imagine that pain,” Gwen said slowly, “To be betrayed by someone you love that much.”

Gwen’s own heart clenched at the faintest of idea.

“Yes, Gwen, it hurt. It hurt like hell, frankly,” Adora told her, “But that pain is what led me to you and I would take that pain again everyday for the rest of my life, if it meant I got you.”

Gwen’s eyes watered.

“You’re emotional state is rubbing off on me,” Gwen complained, “Maybe we’re both going through the change.”

“You’re definitely too young for that,” Adora laughed.

Gwen laughed as Adora reached over and squeezed her hand. Gwen held Adora’s hand tightly as they drove into the train station and the song faded out.

“We’re here,” Adora sighed.

“I’m always excited to get back, but I’m always sad to leave,” Gwen said looking at the train station.

She turned to give Adora a half-hearted smile. Adora took her hand away from Gwen’s to fan at her watering eyes.

“We’re too emotional. It must be the car. We need to get out,” Adora said.

She leaped from the car and Gwen quickly followed suit. They grabbed Gwen’s trunks and owl and headed towards platform 9 ¾.  

Running into the brick that led to the platform always made Gwen’s stomach churn a little, but not of fear – of anticipation.

“Man, this is my favorite part,” Adora whispered as they prepared to rush the wall.

Gwen laughed loudly as they walked into the wall and made it onto her platform.

“What a rush,” Adora said loudly.

Gwen snickered at the dirty looks some of the other wizard parents gave them, but she paid them no real mind as they walked through the platform and delivered her trunks.

“Are you meeting the gang here or on the train?” Adora asked.

Gwen looked around briefly, as if expecting them to appear right behind her on the platform.

“I suspect on the train,” Gwen concluded.

Adora nodded. “Alright, then. We should say bye now.”

Gwen’s stomach plummeted a bit, even though she knew that they were going to say bye anyways. She felt strangely anxious to leave her mother this year. She hadn’t felt this way since first year and even then she’d managed to keep it together a little better than she was right now.

“In a little,” Gwen shook her head.

Adora smiled and pulled Gwen into a hug. Gwen’s head rested against Adora’s chest as she wrapped her arms tightly around her mother.

“When I come back for Christmas, you’d better have a boyfriend or something,” Gwen said.

Adora laughed. “Alright, and by April Fools you’ll have a new stepdad.”

“I could use a cool new stepdad,” Gwen grinned, “But he has to be rich. I need more books.”

“Right,” Adora said with an impressive amount of seriousness in her voice, “Rich. Books. Check and check. It would also be helpful if he was handsome. I could use some handsome.”

“Yes,” Gwen agreed, “Handsome is good. Oh, what if he always wore suits? That’s classy.”

“Yeah, but then he’d be classy and we’d be wearing sweats. He has to mesh,” Adora pointed out.

“Ah, good point. Alright, he has to own a suit, but several pairs of sweatpants,” Gwen amended.

“Perfect,” Adora agreed.

“Perfect,” Gwen concluded.

They stood grinning at each other for a few minutes before Adora’s eyes shifted slightly.

“If I bring home a new boyfriend, so do you,” Adora said.

Gwen held still for a moment. She knew Adora could feel the tension in her body so she slowly relaxed her muscles and face.

“I’ll try,” Gwen said neutrally.

Adora gave her a sad smile and hugged her again, tighter this time.

“That’s all we can do in the end, Gwen,” Adora murmured over her head.

Gwen hugged Adora just as tightly, half in apology and half in love.

When they finally pulled apart Adora was crying and so was Gwen. Gwen wiped quickly at the tears with both her hands and Adora gave her face a harsh swipe.

“The change is strong,” Adora joked.

“Damn the change. I stay we stay the same,” Gwen said with a watery voice.

Adora huffed out a laugh but shook her head.

“No, I like you better when you’re changing. You always come back stronger,” Adora said while waving a hand.

“Stop saying things like that,” Gwen protested, “Don’t use your poetry powers to make me cry, mum.”

Adora laughed again, more sincerely and pulled Gwen in for one last hug.

“Alright, poetry powers away,” she said.

“I love you, mum,” Gwen murmured.

“I love you so, so, _so_ much, Gwenny,” Adora said.

They held onto each other for a few more seconds before Adora pulled away.

“Christ, this is getting embarrassing,” she murmured angrily.

Gwen laugh was drowned out by the final train whistle.

“Alright,” Adora said, squaring her shoulders, “By the bootstraps, soldier.”

It was moment’s like this when Gwen really heard Adora’s southern twang.

“Yes, ma’am,” Gwen teased back with a mock twang.

Adora grinned. “That’s my girl.”

Gwen smiled and was rushed away by towards the train entrance. She turned back one more to wave by to Adora before stepping inside.

She felt her smile drop a fraction and heavy weight in her chest as she walked through the platform avoiding the cheeriness around her. She almost didn’t hear it when someone called out her name.

“Gwen, hey!”

She looked up and gave a tight smile. “Oh, hey, Colin.”

“Are you okay?” Colin said.

He was clearly noticing her slightly red eyes and cheeks. Colin was just as tall as Gwen remembered, but he looked different. Like every time Colin visited home, his mother insisted on cutting his hair so it was currently cropped short to his skull. The summer had given him weight that he hadn’t had before and his skin was tanned and splayed with freckles, making his eyes and hair even tawnier than before.

“Yeah,” Gwen said laughing a little, “My mum and I always get weepy when we say goodbye.”

Colin smiled. “I remember.”

Gwen smiled back at him.

“How was your summer?” she asked him.

Colin nodded. “It was pretty good. I worked with my dad at the Ministry.”

“That sounds interesting,” Gwen said politely.

“If by interesting, you mean boring then yes, it was interesting,” he said with a knowing grin.

Gwen grinned back sheepishly.

“And how about you?” Colin asked, “How many books did you manage to get through?”

“A fair few,” Gwen said modestly.

“Really?” Colin said sarcastically.

“Well, if by a fair few, you mean a few dozens, then yes, a fair few,” Gwen said casually.

Colin laughed at that.

“And your birthday? I’m assuming you had a good one?” He continued.

“Yes,” Gwen nodded, “My mum attempted to make me a cake in the shape of a lion.”

“I’d love to have seen that,” Colin laughed.

“I have a picture of it,” Gwen said, “I’ll show it to you later. It was truly a work of art.”

“I can’t wait,” Colin teased.

He and Gwen smiled at each other before Colin’s eyes went behind her. His face sobered slightly before he looked back at her.

“I should probably go sit down,” he murmured, “But I’ll see you later. I’m glad you had a good summer though.”

“Yeah,” she said, a little confused, “Thanks. You too.”

Colin gave her one last smile before walking past her. Gwen turned to look and was met with the somewhat hostile glare of Arden Lee.

Gwen gave her a somewhat perplexed smile; which Arden didn’t return. Instead she turned to look at Colin as he walked towards her with his hands in his pockets. Arden moved to give one final glare before reaching up on her tiptoes and kissing Colin on the mouth.

The entire movement screamed, _this is mine._ Gwen was surprised, not so much at the relationship, but at Arden’s aggressiveness. Surely, she knew that she and Colin were still friends after they had broken up months ago.

Deciding it was best to find her own friends, Gwen made her way through the corridor. She glanced into each compartment, looking for telltale signs of her friends. Hermione’s hair, Ron’s hair, or Harry’s hair.

Huh, she realized. She hadn’t realized that her friends had such distinctive hair. She wondered if they used her hair to find her. There wasn’t much distinctive about it, she pondered, tucking in a loose strand from her low, messy bun.

“You look deep in thought,” a low voice called out.

Gwen’s heart beat a little harder as she looked up and she smiled widely.

“I was wondering if my hair was noticeable,” she told him.

Draco smiled at her random conjecture, clearly used to it by now.

“What qualified as noticeable?” he asked.

 Gwen loved that he always took what she said seriously, even if it was something as silly as her hair and its level of noticeability.

“Well, I was looking for my friends and just scanning for each of their hairs because they all have really distinctive hair,” Gwen informed him.

Draco thought about this for a moment. “You’re right.”

“So I was wondering, do you they look for me with the same idea? Is my hair distinctive?” she continued.

“When you leave it down, it is,” Draco told her.

Gwen raised her eyebrows. “It is?”

Draco nodded. “It’s like long, dark ribbons.”

Gwen blushed slightly.

“If the ribbons were tangled,” she said awkwardly.

Grinning, Draco walked closer towards her until Gwen had to lift her head back to look at him.

“I like your tangled ribbon hair,” he murmured.

“So you admit my hair is always tangled?” she countered.

“Yes, but it makes for a nice pillow to wake up on in the morning,” Draco teased.

Gwen laughed and pushed his chest.

“Not nice,” she said.

“I’m very nice,” he disagreed while shaking his head.

He grabbed her hand and held it to his heart. Gwen pressed her palm flat against his chest before sighing.

“Someone could walk out, Draco,” she murmured.

He nodded but made no move to let go of her hand.

“It’s strange,” he murmured, “But I kind of wish someone did.”

Gwen gave him a sad smile and nodded.

“It wouldn’t make things easier though. The opposite probably,” she reasoned.

“You’re right,” he said before adding, “As usual.”

He opened his mouth and shut it again. Gwen waited patiently, trying not to be paranoid about her hand resting on his chest. She prayed that no one had to go to the bathroom and that the corridor would stay empty.

“I know things got harder for you and Colin after you came back to school last year,” he finally told her, “I just don’t want the same for us.”

“Draco,” Gwen exclaimed softly, “That won’t happen.”

“Why not?” he mumbled self-consciously, “What’s so different?”

He wouldn’t meet her eyes. Instead he focused his gaze on a point over her head.

“Please, look at me,” she said softly.

She waited until he brought his crackling blue eyes to hers before speaking.

“It’s not the same because we’re not the same,” Gwen told him seriously, “You’re not Colin and I’m not the same Gwen I was last year. We’re different now for a reason. We’re stronger.”

Draco gazed at her with a desperation before nodding his head slowly.

“You’re right,” he agreed.

“As usual,” Gwen teased gently.

He smiled and kissed her palm before releasing her hand slowly.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” she said emphatically.

“Yes, I’ll see you later,” he said to her.

Gwen smiled at him before walking past him. As their arms brushed, Draco grabbed her suddenly and hauled her up against him.

Before Gwen could say anything, he wrapped his arms around her and sealed their lips together. Gwen sighed into his and wrapped her arms around his middle, as she deepened the kiss. His hands were cradling her face and they moved back to tangle in her hair. When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathing heavily.

“Gwen, I…” Draco began.

Gwen turned up to look at him with wide, questioning eyes. He looked at her for a few seconds, stroking her cheeks with his thumb before closing his eyes slowly.

Before Gwen could ask him anything, he opened his eyes back up and kissed her forehead gently.

“I’ll see you later,” he murmured.

Gwen bit her tongue to keep from saying anything else, but she nodded and slowly detangled herself from his warm body.

“Later,” she confirmed.

She didn’t turn back around as she made her way down the corridor. She gently touched her swollen lips as she walked. It was almost like he was going to say…

Before she could finish the thought, she spotted a bright head of red hair. She opened the compartment door, mostly on autopilot, and was greeting with the cacophony of greetings.

“Gwen,” Hermione cried out.

Gwen spit out some of Hermione’s hair that had ended up in her mouth.

“Where have you been?” Hermione asked.

“Just chatting with some people,” Gwen said, hugging Hermione back.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now,” Hermione said pulling back.

Gwen looked at Hermione and smiled.

“Me too,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being a lot longer than I expected, but I'm sure no one's complaining! Enjoy, friends! Let me know what you guys think.


	8. Slug Club

Hermione and Ron quickly left after Gwen arrived. They had only stopped in to say hello so now Gwen was sat next to Harry and listened to the sounds of the people around them.

“How was the rest of your summer?” Harry murmured to her over the soft sounds of Luna’s voice.

Gwen turned and smiled at him.

“It was good. It’s always so hard to leave,” she sighed.

Harry gave her a smile that looked like a grimace.

“You’re lucky,” he commented.

She felt a guilty pang in her chest at Harry’s words, realizing he would still be feeling the loss of Sirius.

“I’m lucky,” she began, “to have such wonderful friends who love me so much that they don’t mind when I disappear over the summer.”

To her relief, Harry cracked a crooked smile. Genuine in its lopsidedness.

“We always miss you,” he said.

“And I always miss you,” Gwen said, “All of you. If only you could all live with me during the summer.”

“No, you like having your summers for you,” Harry said.

His voice wasn’t accusatory and perhaps it was because Gwen could still feel the sting of Draco’s lips on her own that she reacted more than she needed to. She reared back slightly from Harry with wide eyes.

“What does that mean?” She asked.

Harry’s brow furrowed slightly at her reaction.

“Nothing, Gwen,” he assured, “I’m just saying, you like your space.”

“I have to spend time with my mother, Harry,” Gwen retorted.

At this point, Neville and Luna were staring at them. Neville’s voice faded as he took in the growing tensions across from him.

“I didn’t say that,” Harry snapped back at her.

Gwen could tell that she was acting irrationally. She could see the confusion on Harry’s face, but more than that she saw the hurt. The anxiety masking itself in aggression faded from her body and she took a deep breath as she shut her eyes.

She clutched Harry’s robe and kept her eyes shut as she spoke next.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “I knew you didn’t mean that. I’m just…”

Her voice trailed off. She couldn’t really explain why she was acting the way she was because that would reveal too much.

“I’m just sorry,” she repeated.

She kept her eyes shut and that only made the sudden silence in the compartment even louder to her ears. She felt Harry sigh out the tension in his own body.

“It’s alright. I know you hate leaving home,” he murmured.

Gwen opened her eyes and gave him a half-smile because it was only a half-truth. She loved being home. She loved being around Adora and this summer was the best summer of her life. If she could halt that time forever, she thought that she might.

“Still,” Gwen acknowledged, “I was wrong to get that angry. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Harry said.

Gwen gave him a smile which he returned. She was glad when Neville spoke next.

“We’ve been invited to Slughorn’s compartment,” he called out.

“We?” Harry asked.

Neville read from the card that had flown in without them noticing.

“You, me, and Gwen,” he said to Harry.

“I don’t want to leave Luna alone,” Gwen worried.

“Don’t worry about me, Gwen,” Luna said in her sing-song voice, “I’ve brought plenty to do.”

Gwen saw the stack of newspapers in her lap and couldn’t help but laugh a little at Luna’s natural uniqueness.

“If you’re sure,” Gwen said.

“I am,” Luna insisted.

Gwen stood up and with Harry and Neville and waved bye to Luna as they made their way to Slughorn’s private compartment.

“I wonder what this is really all about,” Gwen commented.

“I’ve heard that Slughorn keeps his top grading students near him in a little club,” Neville commented.

“Really?” Gwen asked.

“You did well on your OWL’s for Potions, yeah?” Neville asked.

 Gwen nodded. “Yeah.”

Neville shrugged like it explained something.

“He likes his students,” he said, “The good ones at least.”

Gwen’s mouth quirked to the side.

“I can’t wait to see who else is there,” she said.

They walked into the compartment and Gwen was surprised by how many faces she recognized. It was mostly students who came from wealthy families and had parents in the Ministry.

“Gwen!”

Gwen turned and smiled as Ginny disengaged from the person talking to her and quickly made her over. She threw her arms around Gwen and Gwen hugged her back tightly, jumping a little in excitement.

“I missed you,” Gwen declared.

“It’s only been a few weeks since your birthday,” Ginny laughed.

“I know, but still,” Gwen said, hugging Ginny tighter.

“I missed you too,” Ginny returned the hug.

“How’s Dean?” Gwen asked.

Ginny smirked and the color rose to her cheeks slightly.

“That good, huh?” Gwen teased.

Before Ginny could respond, Slughorn called them in.

“Oh, Harry,” he cried out, “Mr. Longbottom, Ms. Easton, do please come in and sit.”

“Professor Slughorn,” Gwen smiled politely, “Thank you for having us here.”

“Of course, my girl,” he cajoled, “Come, enjoy! Everyone do please be seated now.” 

Gwen took a spot next to Ginny and laid the napkin in her lap as lunch began. The conversation began to drone on and Gwen eventually tuned it out to choose instead to look out of the window. It wasn’t long before Harry nudged her shoulder, waking her from her own thoughts.

“It’s over,” he murmured to her.

“Thank Merlin,” Gwen grumbled.

They assured their way out of the compartment and began to walk back to their own. Gwen sighed dramatically.

“I can tell you right now,” she said, “That I am not looking forward to anymore of those.”

Harry laughed. “Me neither, but…”

He trailed off and looked around them, as the other students began to disperse. Gwen looked around furtively and felt her body coil in a familiar anticipation as Harry dipped his head and leaned forward.

“Dumbledore asked me to get close to Slughorn,” Harry whispered, “To gain his trust.”

“For what?” Gwen whispered back.

Harry began to relay the journey to Gwen, who’s eyes just kept growing bigger and bigger with surprise.

“That’s quite the mission,” she breathed out.

“Yeah,” Harry said wryly.

Seeing the tense look on her friends face, Gwen felt compelled to crack a joke.

“Does this mean I have to stay in Slug Club as moral support?”

Harry gave her a crooked smile, but his face remained weighted.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” he replied just as jokingly.

“Haven’t you already learned, Potter?” Gwen teased as they began to walk back again towards the compartment, “I decided being your friend was worth all of the trouble.”

If Harry was going to have a reaction, it was cut off by something else. His head turned to the side as he focused on the far end of the train that led to the Slytherin compartments. Gwen turned at his silence and her eyes followed his line of sight.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I think…” Harry began, but he paused suddenly.

He turned to look at Gwen and blinked a few times, as if just realizing she was there. Gwen watched as his eyes turned to cinderblocks and his voice went casual.

“I’ve got to go to the loo,” he continued, “I’ll catch up with you at the compartment.”

Gwen wanted to respond that she knew that excuse, having used it herself on this very train, but she bit her tongue instead and nodded her head.

“Okay,” she said carefully, “Be careful.”

She realized only after she said that it sounded less like a warning and more like a threat. Harry’s eyebrows quirked slightly at her tone, but he nodded his head and turned to walk down the hall in the direction opposite of the nearest bathroom. Gwen watched him until he stood outside the bathroom door, waiting his turn.

She doubted there was anyone in there to begin with, but Harry turned and gave her joking wave, she was forced to return and move into their compartment. She was surrounded by Neville, Luna, Ginny, and Dean and she spent the whole time anxiously waiting – hoping that nothing went wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that I will finish this.


	9. Screaming Truths

By the time the Sorting Hat finished putting all of the new students in their houses, Gwen was officially worried.  

Harry never came back to their compartment and Gwen was certain he didn’t get locked in a bathroom, considering she had checked before she left the train. She was biting her lip anxiously and looking around when Hermione grabbed her hand.

“Gwen,” Hermione snapped, “Please, stop tapping like that. You’re making me nervous.”

Gwen looked down at her fingers.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I hadn’t realized.”

Hermione frowned sympathetically and patted Gwen’s hand before reassuring her.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Hermione murmured.

“He probably just got distracted by something,” Ron offered.

Gwen and Hermione gave him a hard stare.

“When have you ever known Harry to just up and get distracted by nothing, Ron?” Gwen asked sarcastically.

“I didn’t say it was nothing, but it is Harry and so I know he’ll be here soon,” Ron shrugged.

Gwen couldn’t help but huff out a tired sort of laugh and she leaned forward to whisper with her friends.

“He said he was going to the toilets after Slug Club on the train,” Gwen told them, “But I don’t think he did. I think he…went somewhere else.”

“Somewhere else?” Hermione asked.

Gwen frowned, not sure what to say. Thankfully before anyone probed her for more information, Ron looked over their heads.

“Look at that,” he said, “I told you two.”

Gwen and Hermione both turned around and let out a collective sigh of relief as Harry made his way to their table. Gwen felt the breath catch in her throat as she caught sight of Harry’s face. Dried blood coated underneath his nose and onto his cheeks.  

“Merlin,” Ron mumbled as Harry sat down next to him.

Gwen stared at Harry fixedly with horror; her mouth slightly agape as she watched him try to ignore the stares they were getting from everyone.

“What happened?” Gwen said in a hushed voice.

“Malfoy,” Harry said quietly.

Gwen felt a rod of lightening shoot up her back. She schooled her expression into one of worry and said nothing as Hermione leaned forward with her wand.

“Tergeo,” she said.

Gwen watched as the dried blood was wiped clean from Harry’s face and fought the urge to look over Harry’s shoulder towards the Slytherin table.

“What happened?” Hermione repeated Gwen’s question from earlier.

Harry leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table and sighing deeply before saying anything.

“I didn’t go to the bathroom after Slug Club,” Harry said.

He looked apologetically at Gwen and Gwen bit her tongue to keep from asking why he didn’t just ask her to come along, like she normally would have. For the first time, she was grateful that Harry left her out of his plans.

“I see that,” she said tersely instead.

Harry flinched slightly at her tone, but continued.

“I used my invisibility cloak and snuck into Malfoy’s compartment,” Harry said before pausing.

He looked to the side of him quickly before tapping the plate that appeared before him with his nail.  Gwen’s hands, in her lap, fisted tightly as Harry looked back up at her. She wanted to run away before he could say anything.

“I was right,” Harry said, “About Malfoy. He’s a Death Eater.”

Gwen heard Hermione gasp slightly, but she heard nothing but sirens in her head. She felt dizzy. She moved her hands to grip the edge of the table as she heard Ron probe Harry for more information.

“He told them – Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy – the whole lot of them. He said if his mission succeeded this year that he wouldn’t be coming back for his final year,” Harry said tightly.

“What mission?” Hermione said.

Gwen would have asked herself, if she could move her mouth. Her throat was constricted; she was choking from the inside out.

“I don’t know,” Harry sighed out, “But I’m going to find out what it is and then I’m going to stop him.”

Gwen saw Ron and Hermione nod in solidarity and she forced her head to move in the same way. She nodded her head and begged her brain to stop bleeding memories – foretold and past – into her consciousness right now.

Dumbledore’s voice broke through the sirens in Gwen’s head as he began the Start of Term speech introducing the professors. Normally, this was a non-event, and Gwen would have normally tuned it out, but it was easier than being inside her own head. She listened as attentively as possible and had to pinch herself from turning to look past Harry.

She was paying such close attention to what Dumbledore said she almost didn’t hear him.

“I’d like to introduce Professors Horace Slughorn, our new Potions Master,” Dumbledore announced.

Murmurs immediately broke through the students. If Slughorn was the new Potions Master, that meant…

“And finally, you’re new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, our very own Professor Snape,” Dumbledore finished.

The murmurs grew to voices, as students were praising and panicking in equal measure. Gwen turned back to look at her friends in surprise. Harry and Ron were sporting grim faces and she saw Hermione’s hand fist in tension on the table.

Snape had been coveting that position since before they came to Hogwarts. Gwen couldn’t even imagine what it would be like with him even in charge.

As she was turning, she caught a flash of blue eyes that held her for a second before she forced herself to look back towards Dumbledore. His words now falling mutely on her busy ears.

Gwen operated on autopilot for the remainder of the feast. Her friends and she all ate silently and Gwen again, in a rare moment, barely ate.

“It’ll be okay,” Hermione murmured.

Gwen looked up at her friend and suddenly felt the intense need to jump up and run all the way back to her mother’s arms and live in their little cottage forever.

“I hope so,” Gwen said.

“We need to gather the students,” Hermione said worriedly to Ron.

They got up to gather the confused first-years and Gwen eventually made Harry’s eyes.

“Do you believe that?” He asked her.

“Believe what?”

“What Hermione said,” Harry clarified, “That everything will be alright.”

Gwen’s eyes welled up with tears and she looked down at the barely touched plate in front of her. She spoke without looking up.

“I want to,” Gwen murmured.

She finally gathered the courage to make eye contact with Harry once more.

“I have to believe her,” She finished.

Harry nodded with understanding.

“We should go,” he said.

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed.

Gwen stood with her legs still tucked underneath the table. Harry got up and moved away from the bench and Gwen felt her breath hitch slightly as she caught a familiar blue gaze.

She and Draco stared at each other for a moment. His expression was careful and Gwen got the feeling he’d been watching her since before Harry sat down.

She knew Harry wasn’t lying. In her bones, if she was being honest with herself, she knew that Harry was telling the truth.

She broke off their connection and turned to step over the bench and walk towards the entrance of the Great Hall ignoring the feeling of his eye’s on her back.

She knew that what Harry heard explained Draco’s strange behavior over the summer. His distance. His worry on the train. She’d chosen to ignore it over the summer and now it was right in front of her blatantly, she didn’t know what to do.

Sense told her to cut it off immediately and pray no one ever found out.

But her heart rebelled painfully at the mere thought. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t cast him off like he nothing more than a moment, a memory.

And in a moment when her present failed to comfort her, Gwen grasped on tightly to the images from her visions. The togetherness, the openness, the growth. Gwen rubbed her belly remembering all that she saw.

She and Harry were walking next to each other again. He noticed Gwen’s hand on her stomach.

“You okay?” He asked her.

“Yeah,” Gwen lied, “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fantasy couldn't last forever, my friends.


	10. The Draco Malfoy

Gwen lay in her bed that night unsure of what she was supposed to do now. She was flat on her back, looking up at the darkened canopy above her while her thoughts ran rampant.

Should she talk to Draco about what happened?

She had to. It wasn't like she could ignore the fact that he was a -

_No._ She thought violently. She couldn't even form the thoughts.

She closed her eyes and silently prayed for a vision. Anything that would answer some of these questions for her. Even if she could just see a hint of Draco and she in the future, she would feel better. It might be messy now, but it wouldn't always be.

Wasn't that the promise she made him the night she told him about her visions?

That it wouldn't always be this hard. If only she'd known.

Feeling inundated by herself, Gwen sat up and lifted the covers as she stepped on the cold wooden floor beneath her, thankful that she usually wore socks to bed. She cast a worried glance at Hermione as she slowly grabbed her dressing gown and very quietly made her way to the door.

 Hermione snorted and Gwen jumped but kept silent. She paused, with her hand on the handle, and turned with one eye open – as if that would make her less visible – and held still. Hermione sleepily murmured under her breath and rolled over with her arms akimbo. Gwen gave a sad smile of relief before she opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

She descended the stairs as she slipped dressing gown on over her pajamas. She untucked her long, messy braid from underneath the plush fabric and felt it hit her spine with a heavy thump.

As she walked into the Common Room, she stood still and listened. Beyond the ever-present crackling of the fireplace, the room was silent and empty.

Gwen went to stand in front of the fire for a moment, looking for answers the flecks of gold and maroon, but she saw nothing but flames. With a heavy sigh, she moved to the window at the edge of the room to go look out of the large window.

At the sight of the moon, Gwen felt far more calm than she had since the feast. She sat down at the desk facing the window and just stared at the moon without thinking for a second and simply breathed. After a while, she slowly lowered her chin to rest against her hands on the table, keeping her eyes on the moon.  

As if pacified by the sight, her thoughts soon came quietly to her, as if lining in a single-file line for her to examine and move along.

Did Draco lie to her? No, she never asked him in the first place.

Did she believe Harry? Yes.

Did that mean Draco was…one of them? 

She shut her eyes tightly and breathed out the answer.

Yes.

Could she have stopped him?

She rubbed her chin against her hands.

Did she still care about Draco? Yes.

Did she still want to be with him? Yes.

She lifted her head suddenly and covered her face with her hands. What was wrong with her? She just acknowledged the truth. She knew what he was, but…she just didn’t believe it. Even if she knew it, she didn’t believe it. She didn’t believe that it was of Draco’s own volition – whatever Harry heard. And that didn’t make anything different, but it certainly made a difference.

She picked up a piece of loose parchment that lay on the desk. Her hands automatically went for the quill laying on its side next to the bottle of open ink. And then…she wrote.

_These moon shadows_

_that cravenly instill doubt_

_within the cracks of my being –_

_my foundation begins to crumble._

_Is there hope for a heart in hurt?_

She sighed once again and sat back, looking at the words as if they weren’t apart of her. When she was with Colin, she wasn’t able to write anything. No stories, no lines. There was too much conflict within her, when her writing was born as an escape from the conflict around her. She used stories to leave the world for another just long enough to not be overwhelmed by reality.

Over the summer, with Draco, Gwen wrote stories again, but something changed in the stories. They slowly stopped being about other people, and so she stopped writing stories. Not because she couldn’t write them, but because she simply didn’t want to. For the first time, there was nothing she wanted to escape from, and from that her lines became lineation and her prose turned into poetry.

She grabbed the poem and crumbled it in one of her hands. The room itself was stifling. The crackling of the fire, once soothing, was now demanding. She suddenly felt sweat on the back of her neck so she turned sharply on her socked foot and quickly stepped to the porthole.

She opened it carefully and stepped into the cold air of the castle at night. When the portrait hung heavy and closed behind her, she took a breath of fresh, dispassionate air.

Without any aim in mind, Gwen made her way through the castle. Her eyes eventually adjusted to the dark and she listened to the sounds and snores of the sleeping portraits she passed. Her steps were unmarked and unmeasured and she went instinctually through the castle until she stopped seeing what was in front of her and just moved. She followed an unknown destination for some time until she suddenly realized that she was climbing up the stairs of the Astronomy Tower.

Her socks made her footsteps invisible and silent and when she finally made it to the top of the tower, her heart clenched painfully and she covered mouth to stifle the sob threatening to rip free from her.

Draco turned at her gasp with his wand ready. His defensive glare quickly melted into wide-eyed surprise as he lowered his to wand to stare at Gwen standing in front of him in the dark with nothing but the socks on her feet.

“What are you doing here?” he asked her.

He took a few steps towards her before halting suddenly, remembering that he wasn’t sure if he could move towards her naturally anymore.

The movement made the tears in her eyes gather much more quickly and she pressed her hand tighter against her mouth.

“What are you doing here, Gwen?” Draco repeated.

His voice was gentle, but there was a layer of steel behind the words. Gwen slowly lowered her hand from mouth and wiped the tears spilling down her face. Draco’s face turned to one of anguish as he watched her.

“Please, don’t cry,” he begged hoarsely.

“One day,” Gwen cried, “Not even one day went by, Draco, and already I feel like I’m being ripped in two.”

Draco fisted his hands and turned away from her.

“I can’t apologize for what happened, Gwen,” he said quietly, “I can’t change what I did.”

“You broke Harry’s nose,” Gwen said angrily through her tears, “You paralyzed him and left him on the train.”

“Are you really angry about that?” Draco sneered, “He shouldn’t have been there in the first place. What about me? He was eavesdropping on my conversation. Why is that okay?”

“Because you’re a…” Gwen paused abruptly.

The accusation was ripped from her throat as she looked at Draco with wide, desperate eyes. She felt like she was going to throw up. He turned to look at her with the moon behind him, casting his face in shadows.

“I’m a what, Gwen?” His voice was dark.

“You are,” Gwen whispered, “Aren’t you? Over the summer. You did it. You said your parents were expecting a lot from you, but you didn’t say this. That you were becoming this.”

Draco lifted his eyes to glare at her, even in darkness they gleamed.

“You knew who I was before anything between us happened,” he reminded her.

She immediately shook her head.

“No,” she fought, “I thought you were different from what I thought you were.”

“Who did you think I was then?” He said angrily.

He moved away from the railing and towards her. She wished she could stop crying already, but the tears were like the words spilling out of her mouth – unrestrained and desperate.

“I thought you were you,” Gwen said, “Just you. Not your family. Not evil. Not a Slytherin. Just you.”

Draco stood in front of her without speaking. His eyes took in her cracked open face emotionlessly, like he didn’t even notice it was her standing in front of her.

“I’m all of those things, Gwen,” Draco finally said.

“I don’t believe you,” Gwen said angrily.

Draco’s face went tighter as he growled at her. “You don’t have to.”

Feeling the first tides of anger, Gwen latched onto them as if she needed them to survive. She wiped her cheeks angrily as the tears finally stopped and took another step towards Draco. She lifted her chin up to him and glared.

“Then tell me you want it,” she demanded, “Tell me if you could make this choice again, without anyone telling you what to do, that you would do it. If you weren’t the Draco Malfoy you were supposed to be, that would do this.”

He was breathing heavy as he glared at her.

“Stop, Gwen,” he warned.

“I don’t believe you for one second,” she continued fiercely, as if he didn’t speak, “You don’t want to apologize for Harry. Fine. Don’t, but don’t lie to me. Don’t pretend that you just gave in because you wanted to. Don’t make me feel like I was naïve or stupid to care about you.”

Draco’s eyes narrowed more.

“What makes you think I didn’t just give in because I wanted to?” He asked.

“Because I know you. You weren’t who I thought you were supposed to be. The Draco who were supposed to be was all of those things – evil, Slytherin, a Malfoy. The Draco you were was none of those things. Everything you were was something different to you. You are different from the person you were supposed to be,” Gwen said in one confused jumbled explanation.

Gwen saw the first crack in Draco’s face as she spoke. He lost the anger and all that was left was exhaustion. He looked grey in the moonlight.

“I don’t know if I believe that, Gwen,” he whispered brokenly.

Gwen put her hands on his face and forced him to look into her eyes. She suddenly felt sweat on the back of her neck again.

“Just believe me,” she begged, “Believe me because I believe in you. I’ll believe for both of us.”

She felt his hands on her waist and she stepped closer to him until their bodies were flush against each other.

“Draco,” Gwen cried softly, “Please, just fight it. For me. For you. For the world. Just fight it.”

“I don’t know if I can,” he whispered brokenly.

“You can,” she insisted painfully.

Neither of them spoke after that. They held onto each other painfully, as if the world was right there behind them trying to pull them apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep crying, babes.


	11. Names and Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters that exist in JK Rowling's beautiful world. I only own my dearest baby child, Gwen and her relationships.  
> Kudos, comment, and bookmark! xx

She wondered why she inflicted this on herself as she awkwardly clasped her hands together, quietly listened to Professor Trelawney lecture about something or another. This was the first year she had even taken a class without her friends by her side and she was instantly uncomfortable in it.

Hermione was always ahead of them, but Gwen, Ron, and Harry always managed to stay together throughout the years. And even knowing that the boys were taking Transfiguration, Gwen still registered for Divination.

She was now living to regret that decision.

She thought that taking it at the N.E.W.T. level would help her understand her own visions, but so far Professor Trelawney had alternated between having them meditate and listen to her blather on about the importance of “the sight.”

“The sight,” Professor Trelawney continued, “Is a rare gift – passed through bloodlines and secured through the years. Seers were once persecuted, coveted, and exalted throughout history, often all at once. Does anyone here object to the idea of the sight?”

Professor Trelawney’s face look unusually hard at the moment, daring the students to confirm their doubt in front of her. No one raised their hands. Gwen surreptitiously scanned the room, most everyone looked cautious at the sight of Trelawney’s out of place sternness. It wasn’t a large class, but it was bigger than Gwen expected to be.

She recognized most of the students in the room, if not by name, then by face. A few people murmured as she entered the room alone and sat at a lone table. She clenched her jaw to keep from snapping at them. It wasn’t like she couldn’t operate without her friends by her side.

Professor Trelawney had put them pairs during the first class to “change things up.” The look on her face when she said it was similar to the one she held now, daring the students to object to the truth of “the sight.”

The silence stretched on as Trelawney made eye contact with all of the students in the room. When her sharp blue gaze met Gwen’s, Gwen fought the urge to rub in between her eyes to check for a third eye.

“Good,” Trelawney exclaimed, clapping her hands as her smile returned, “Now everyone, turn to the crystal balls between you and begin today’s lesson.”

Gwen turned to face the crystal in front of her. It looked like every crystal ball ever spooky novel ever described: a clear, round, glass ball that was supposed to hold mystic fortunes of a world unknown.

“We practice magic every day and yet, I still have a hard believing anything she says,” Gwen’s partner said.

Gwen responded with a wry grin. Her partner, J.B. Maiomin, was a sixth year like her, but in Hufflepuff. He was someone who’s name she hadn’t known, but who’s face she’d recognized. It struck her as interesting that in her sixth years at Hogwarts, she really didn’t know that many people.

“That’s how you know it’s bad,” Gwen acknowledged.

J.B. laughed. He was definitely handsome, Gwen noted, with his ebony skin and dark eyes. He was probably taller than Gwen while he was sitting down than she was standing up. He was muscular, it was obvious even through his robes, even though she didn’t think he played Quidditch.

“How did you get stuck in here?” he asked her.

Gwen grimaced then. “I thought it would be easier than Transfiguration. I just didn’t account on how boring it would be,” she half-lied.

J.B. nodded his assent. “It’s weird seeing you without the rest of them.”

Gwen raised her eyebrows at him. She knew what he meant but there was something in the way he said it that bothered her – like she wasn’t a whole person outside of her friends. That feeling she got on the first day of class resurfaced and this time she didn’t try to fight it.

“The rest of them?” She asked succinctly.

Unbothered by her sharp gaze, J.B. leaned forward and gave her an easy smile.

“The four of you,” he teased, “Constantly joined at the hip and always causing trouble.”

Gwen felt her face slip into a frown as she glared at him. “We don’t cause trouble,” she muttered.

“Maybe your cause is trouble,” J.B. reasoned.

“Our cause?” Gwen asked.

J.B.’s easy smile only grew now as he leaned forward. Gwen fought the urge to lean back. Normally, people avoided her or mostly left her alone when she was by herself. They always assumed she wanted to be left alone and Gwen had gotten used to that feeling, and now this guy was just completely disregarding that.

“Defenders of good, destroyers of evil,” he said lightly, “You know, that sort of thing.”

Gwen glared at him then. She had never met anyone quite so presumptuous in her life. At least not this presumptuous to her face. She scoffed indignantly.

“That’s not true at all,” she responded coldly.

J.B. began to tap his fingers on the table. “Maybe your cause isn’t trouble, maybe it’s just troublesome. Too troublesome. Maybe you should give it up and just focus on other stuff.”

“Like what?” Gwen said through clenched teeth.

“A boyfriend?” he pried.

 Gwen raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Excuse me?”

J.B. continued his interrogating with a smile. He was far too cunning for a Hufflepuff, she noted.  

“Weren’t you dating Colin Flanner last year?” he continued.

Even as angry as she was getting, Gwen kept answering – without fully understanding why. “Yes.”

“But you guys broke up?”

“Yes.”

“Everyone said you broke up with him.”

Gwen said nothing then. She flicked the parchment on the desk.

“Everyone said you broke up with him to date Harry,” J.B. declared ruthlessly.  

Gwen looked up and gave him the coldest stare she could muster. “No,” she bit off, “I didn’t.”

“So you’re not dating Harry Potter?” J.B. said unfazed.

She knew that most people assumed that she and Harry were secretly a couple, but as long as it remained an abstract theory and Gwen didn’t have to deal with, it didn’t bother her. She didn’t see the point in going out of her way to correct people she didn’t care about, but hearing people say it made her angry. If she was dating Harry, why would she hide it? So even though she wanted to smash the crystal between them on top of J.B.’s head, she instead made her face completely blank and responded tersely.

“No.”

J.B. watched her expression for a few moments before making a “hmph” sound.

“His loss,” he quipped.

Gwen continued to glare at him until he grinned charmingly at her.

“If you’re looking for a boyfriend…” he led off.

Gwen lifted her eyebrows once again. “Are you hitting on me?” she asked incredulously.

J.B. barked out a laugh so loud that Gwen blushed, slightly insulted. She glared at J.B. as students looked over at them and fought the urge to jinx him.

“Don’t look so offended,” he teased, as his laughter subsided.

Gwen didn’t relent in her glaring. He reached over and patted her hand. “You’re incredibly attractive, but my heart already belongs to another.”

With that, he gazed longingly across the room to another Hufflepuff student that Gwen knew by face but not by name. She was devastatingly beautiful with hazelnut skin and wild curly hair that reminded Gwen of Adora’s. As if the girl noticed him looking, she angled her eyes over and grinned when she saw he was looking at her. The complete love and adoration on both of their faces was so sincere, that Gwen looked away.

“You’re very lucky,” Gwen murmured as J.B. eventually turned back to her.

Some of the teasing humor left his face as he regarded Gwen for a moment.

“Do you know that you’re a mystery to this whole school?” He murmured, “But I don’t think you’re all that mysterious. I think you’re just that guarded.”

Gwen’s wide eyes looked at him arrested, but she kept her voice neutral as she responded. “What makes you think that?”

She asked not because she wanted to know, but because she needed to know.

J.B. leaned forward and his eyes were steady and contemplative. The silence dragged on painfully and just when Gwen was about to burst out impatiently, J.B. finally spoke.

“We all have scars,” he said. His voice was as soft and his eyes were gentle. Gwen could see why that girl across the room looked at him the way she had.  “Some are visible and some are buried so deep within us, that we don’t even see them.” He paused once more. “You look like the kind of person who has more scars than their willing to remember.”

Gwen felt her breath hitch and her eyes water. She pinched her thigh to keep from crying. She made her gaze hard as she watched him.

“I don’t want anyone’s pity,” she said coldly.

J.B. smiled widely again. “I’m not stupid enough to pity you,” he told her, “But I’m human enough to see that you need a friend.”

Gwen’s pride still bristling, lashed out.

“I have friends.” Her voice was tight and reedy.

“I know,” J.B. said easily, “You don’t have to want it, but if you find that you ever need another friend – you have it in me.”

“Just like that, huh?” Gwen muttered suspiciously.

J.B. smiled gently again. “Sometimes it doesn’t cost you anything to give part of yourself away.”

Without meaning to, Gwen responded. “That’s not what life has taught me.”

J.B. nodded, as if Gwen confirmed what he already knew. “All I’m saying, Gwen, is if you need a friend who doesn’t expect you to be anything that you’re not. I’m here.”

Gwen didn’t respond. She remained silent as Professor Trelawney came around and expected their work. J.B. handled the talking and Gwen remained silent as the Professor smiled and clapped at J.B.’s words before moving on.

When Trelawney moved on, Gwen finally spoke.

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly.

J.B. smiled at her. “You’re welcome,” he said sincerely. After a pause he continued, “And if you’re looking for a boyfriend, I really do know guys who would be interested. Gryffindor girls have a reputation for having…well, let’s just say ‘spark.’”

Gwen couldn’t help the snort of laughter. She looked at him with quirked lips and disbelieving eyes.

“Ah, the smile returns,” he joked.

Gwen’s half-smile remained for the rest of class, as she flipped her textbook to the next page and thought about what J.B. said – to have a friend who didn’t expect her to be anything…or hate anyone. She felt a hollow pang in her stomach, as she tried to ignore how badly she wanted that.

****

Later that day, Gwen made her way to Potions with a story in her mind. She weaved through the throng of students, only half-way paying attention to the scene in front of her. She knew she’d forget the details if she didn’t write it down now, so taking a quick step to the side, she ignored the students who cursed out from behind her at her sudden change in step, and pulled out the small green notebook that always resided in her robe pockets and began to write furiously.

She thought she was just writing an idea, but more began to filtrate through and Gwen, only half-aware, dropped her bag to the ground and sat against the stone wall and continued to scribble rapidly. When she finished, she watched the words swirl together and form a picture of a tower and the moon. Her sigh was heavier than she intended. She looked up and the halls, in her frenzy of creativity, had gone empty and quiet. She blinked, disoriented from the sudden silence around her.

She never wore a watch because she never liked to know how late she was. Quickly shoving her notebook back into her pocket, Gwen tore off down the halls, running as fast as she could – laughing slightly at how first-year she felt. She pushed open the door for Potions without pause and was thankful to see students still milling around and talking. She saw Slughorn in an animated conversation with a student, clearly to the point of distraction and she used it as an opportunity to slip towards Hermione.

“Why is your face flushed?” Hermione asked as Gwen put her bag away and pulled out her textbook.

Gwen pressed her fingers against her warm cheek. “I ran.”

Hermione snorted. “From where?”

“I got distracted,” Gwen explained.

Hermione smiled, unsurprised, and opened her mouth to respond when Slughorn began to speak. As if a switch flicked in her head, Hermione immediately swiveled around and began to listen intently to the professor.

Gwen smirked at her friend’s back and instead of listening to Slughorn, she crossed her arms and began to look around the room. It wasn’t a large class, maybe twenty or twenty-five of them, and there was a wide array of houses. She again scanned the faces in the room, only again to find that some were less familiar than others.

She suddenly paused when she made eye contact with someone and then smiled. Colin responded with a wide grin and nodded in her direction, making Gwen’s smile stretch out into a grin as she nodded back. Colin suddenly looked down and his grin faded slightly, as Arden looped her arm through Colin’s. Gwen gave Arden a friendly smile, which Arden again – just like on the train – did not return as she continued to glare at Gwen.

 _Geez_ , Gwen thought to herself. She didn’t know why Arden seemed to dislike her so intensely. Yes, she was Colin’s ex-girlfriend, but surely Arden knew that Colin and she were still friends.

She moved her gaze back through the crowd, as she continued down the line, observing the faces of her peers. She thought about J.B. again. She wasn’t sure if he really meant what he said about being her friend, but she was surprised by how badly she wanted his friendship. That immediately brought forth a storm of guilt. She quickly glanced over at Hermione and tightened her arms around her so that she was more hugging herself than simply standing.

She moved her eyes back to line, idly scanning faces as she continued to think. Her friends loved her and she loved them. They’d spent six years facing life and death situations and consequences, and Gwen was confused as to why suddenly she felt so overwhelmed by the very people she trusted her life with.

Her breath hitched slightly when saw Draco standing completely still with his hands in his pockets and his bored gaze on Slughorn. He must have felt her looking at him because he turned his head a fraction of an inch and Gwen felt her heart explode just from the softness in his eyes. His face then reminded her of J.B.’s girlfriend earlier and it made her feel so much that she almost covered her face in order to hide it.

His expression seemed so elusive these days, once they returned to Hogwarts. At the Astronomy Tower, he’d looked so hard and detached, that Gwen had to pinch herself now to keep from flying across the room into his arms.

“Now, that we’ve gone over the basics,” Slughorn boomed out, causing Gwen to look away from Draco quickly, “We can continue on with the lesson today and be careful, as I don’t want any of you trying to concoct a love potion,” Slughorn snorted with mirth.

Laughter rippled throughout the room and Gwen’s eyes met Draco’s again. He gave her a smirk but his warm were still warm, pulling a flash of a crooked grin from Gwen before she moved her eyes dutifully back to Slughorn to hide the sudden blush on her face.  

As Slughorn continued to lecture on, Gwen, without meaning too, she felt her gaze drift back to Draco after a few moments. His eyes were on Slughorn, again clearly bored but now attentive. He was so handsome in the afternoon sun, Gwen noticed. The light dabbled him in a soft golden glow, giving color to his pale hair and skin. Her Marble Man, Gwen sighed.

Hermione nudged her, causing Gwen to whip her head in attention. She was going to whiplash from this constant break in revelry.

“What?” Gwen muttered, crossing her arms defensively.

“You sighed,” Hermione murmured back. Her eyes were rigidly trained on Slughorn, much to Gwen’s relief.

“I just breathing,” Gwen argued.

“Loudly,” Hermione grumbled.

Before Gwen could respond, the door opened and Harry and Ron stumbled in. Slughorn halted and everyone in the room turned to look at them.

“Ah, Harry,” Slughorn called out, “You’ve arrived. Excellent! Grab a book and join the group. You too, Ralph.”

Gwen guffawed and Hermione elbowed her again.

“Who the hell is Ralph?” Gwen whispered. Her voice was full of laughter and her shoulders were shaking as Gwen covered her mouth with her hand.

 Hermione’s lips were pressed tightly together but her eyes were laughing with Gwen. Ron and Harry awkwardly ambled their way over to Gwen and Hermione as Slughorn droned on.

“Hey, Ralph,” Gwen said quietly to Ron when he stood next to her, “Long time no see.”

“Shut up,” Ron grumbled, causing Gwen to smother another laugh.

“We will be making today,” Slughorn boomed suddenly, “the Draught of Living Death. This is a far more advanced potion than a few of you might be used to. It has only ever been perfectly executed a just a few times in my class, but the winner will be awarded this.”

With a flourish, Slughorn pulled a velvet green handkerchief off a stand that Gwen hadn’t noticed before. She saw a small vile perched in the top.

“This is a bottle of Felix Felicis,” Slughorn explained, “Otherwise known as liquid luck.”

Another murmur broke through the room as the student’s excitement grew.

“Brew your potion perfectly, and you will be awarded this,” Slughorn concluded, “Off you go.”

They all scattered among the room and Gwen flipped to the directions in her textbook. It wasn’t long before she was quickly taking cover as her cauldron exploded. She looked up at Professor Slughorn from her crouched position and tried not to cringe at his expression. She tried to ignore the yellow slime that now coated her face, neck, and hair.

“Less is more, Miss Easton,” he critiqued.

“Sorry, Professor,” Gwen mumbled.

She stood up from her crouched position, trying to ignore the embarrassed blush on her face as her friends all snickered around her and the yellow slime dripping down her neck.

“Well done, Gwen,” Ron teased as Slughorn moved on to look at someone else’s cauldron, “You’ve set new standards for inept.”

“That’s really funny, Ralph,” Gwen countered, “Please, do explain on how you plan on wowing us all with your potion prowess.”

Ron made a face at her and looked down at his potion, which during his inattention had turned into a sludge-like consistency.

“Bloody hell,” Ron muttered.

“Well done, Ralph,” Gwen called out with a cheeky grin.

“Miss Easton,” Slughorn called out before Ron could respond, “You are dripping on the floor. Do please have the good sense to get a towel or two from the back closet and clean yourself up.”

Ron snickered as Gwen bit down on her tongue to keep from responding. She grumbled where she’d like to stick those towels and stomped over to the back of the room where the cleaning supply closet rested. She violently snatched a towel off the shelf and aggressively scrubbed at her cheek with it.

“You’ll tear skin that way,” Draco said from behind her.

Gwen smiled without turning around.

“Bloody skin or slime skin,” Gwen mused, “Which is worse?”

“Slime skin is how we met,” Draco murmured.

Gwen turned around to look at him with eyes bright with remembering. He looked so much better in the daylight, she noticed. He looked less like a prince of darkness and more like the boy she snuggled with all summer.

“That was blue slime,” she corrected him, “And we already knew each other.”

“Yes,” he said, his eyes roving over her face with a tender familiarity that made her toes curl in her shoes, “But not really. We knew of each other is more accurate.” 

“Hmm…if I only I knew what I was missing then,” Gwen teased, as she poked his stomach.

Draco smirked and huffed out a laugh. He shook his head, his hands still rested in his pockets as he rocked back on his heels boyishly. “You wouldn’t have liked me then.”

Gwen wanted to immediately reject, but she couldn’t. He wasn’t wrong.

“I may not have liked you,” she conceded, “but I was intrigued by you. That day was the first day I saw you differently, even if I didn’t know what that meant.”

“You weren’t very much like I expected you to be that day,” Draco told her. He leaned against one of the shelves, hooking one of his arms around one of the columns.

“Really?” Gwen asked curiously, “In what way?”

“Well, for starters,” Draco said with a sudden grin, “You were far more ferocious than I ever thought you’d be.”

That made Gwen laugh. “Did you think I was some kind of maudlin, limp noodle?”

Draco’s grin was still intact as he shook his head. “Not at all,” he said, “I thought you’d be a lot more serious. You don’t look very funny from an outsider perspective.”

“I’m hilarious,” Gwen argued. She crossed her arms and took a menacing step closer to the Cheshire-cat grinning boy in front of her.

“Yes, you’re _surprisingly_ hilarious, Little Owl” Draco amended, using the nickname he’d given her over the summer. The teasing glint in his eye made Gwen glare since she knew he was saying that to bother her.

“I’m _plainly_ hilarious and everyone knows it,” Gwen insisted stubbornly.

Draco laughed then. It wasn’t a huff or a chuckle, but a laugh that made him crouch forward slightly, dropping his head to his chest and loosely wrapping one of his arms around his middle as he watched Gwen’s fury fading.

At the sound of him laughing, Gwen couldn’t help smiling. She would tell a thousand jokes every day, if she could seem him laugh like that once.

“Do you remember that day outside of Hogsmeade?” Gwen reminisced quietly, “When you followed me outside?”

Draco grimaced slightly at the memory. “I was an arse.”

“Yes,” Gwen agreed with a crooked grin, ignoring the look Draco gave her, “Did you know that you were the first person who ever noticed that I didn’t like butterbeer?”

Draco’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “None of your friends ever noticed?”

“No,” Gwen shook her head.

“And you never said anything to them?” Draco continued.

“It never seemed important,” Gwen shrugged.

Draco sighed and took a step closer to Gwen. He reached out to hold her but Gwen took a quick step back.

“Slime,” Gwen warned.

Draco pulled out his wand and looked at Gwen. “May I?”

With a slight smile, Gwen nodded, and Draco cast a spell that made all the slime dissolve from her skin.

“There,” Draco murmured, taking no hesitation in reaching out and pulling her gently against him, “That’s better.”

Gwen wrapped her arms around Draco’s side and said nothing. The happiness in her chest was nearing explosive measures and she didn’t want to say anything stupid. So instead she just absorbed the feel and look of him. Draco seemed to be doing the same thing as scanned the planes of her face.

“Gwen, will you do something for me?” Draco murmured.

Gwen looked into his eyes and responded instantly. “Of course.”

Draco smiled at her quickness and stroked her hair then slowly, getting distracted for a moment before continuing.

“Will you go on a date with me?” he asked.

Gwen couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face. Draco looked so uncharacteristically anxious that Gwen couldn’t help but tease him.

“If I didn’t know any better,” she began, dragging a finger down his chest, “I’d say you were nervous.”

Draco’s smile looked like a grimace. “Why are you teasing me?” he groaned.

Gwen’s grin grew so wide that she felt her cheeks tug in protest. She twined her arms around his neck, feeling strangely powerful, as she leaned in and kissed his earlobe.

“Because it’s fun,” she murmured.

Draco groaned again. This time it was deeper and Gwen felt something tug in the depth of her stomach in response.

She turned her face so that her nose skimmed the soft skin of his face, as she kissed under his jaw.

“Yes,” she murmured, punctuating each word with a soft kiss against his skin.

“I’ll -”

“Go -”

“On-”

“A-”

“Date-”

“With-”

“You-”

With her answer, Draco tugged her against him and kissed her passionately. Gwen sighed into his lips as she returned his fervor with her own. It didn’t occur to her to worry that someone could easily walk in on them. She was focused solely on the feel of Draco against her and the tug of his lips.

A commotion outside of the room caused them to pull apart suddenly. Gwen looked around Draco’s arm to the classroom where it had suddenly gotten loud.

“What’s happening?” Gwen murmured, breathing heavily.

Draco, still looking down at her, spoke deeply. “No idea.”

Gwen glanced back up at Draco and smiled at his heady eyes.

“Come on,” she murmured.

She pulled away from him regretfully and he held her hand as she led them from the closet. As they stepped over the threshold, their hands slid apart and Gwen suddenly felt like she was floating without aim.

People looked at her as soon as she stepped into the room and so she didn’t turn back to look at Draco. Instead she kept moving forward until she came back towards her friends, where Professor Slughorn was offering Harry the Felix Felis.

“He brewed his potion properly?” Gwen asked Hermione.

Hermione jumped slightly. “Where have you been?” she asked immediately before shaking her head. Before Gwen could respond, Hermione continued.  

“Yes, he’s the only one to do it right.” Hermione’s voice was untrusting.

“Don’t be a sore loser,” Gwen teased.

Hermione turned to glare at her and Gwen burst out laughing.

“Oh, Mione,” Gwen murmured, gentle stroking the frizzed out hair of her friend, “You need a good cup of tea.”

Hermione deflated and begrudgingly mumbled. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been too long coming. I've had it half-written for a while but suddenly I decided I wanted to take this story into a new, interesting direction. Things are still mapping out the same way, but Gwen is such an interesting person - I want to explore how her character would develop through all of this because there's no way she could remain the same. Either way, it's time to get this ball moving. It'll probably be less fluff and more plot, but do not worry -- there is always room for fluff amongst plot, my friends. I'm a firm believer in fluff.  
> Thank you all of reading and if any of you are being affected by Hurricane Matthew, please stay safe! I've been out of power all day, but drove out to post this chapter. Love you all. Let me know what you guys think - especially of our new character!!


	12. Opal Sighs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark! xx 
> 
> Share with your friends (or enemies)!

Gwen jumped as Hermione banged on the bathroom door.

“Gwen,” she called out, “Hurry up!”

Gwen growled. “Hermione, when you have as much leg hair as me, it takes more than one second to charm it all off, okay?”

Gwen heard Hermione scoff from behind the closed door. “It’s not that bad,” Hermione grumbled.

“You’re a liar and you know it,” Gwen responded sharply before calling out again, “Just give me like five more minutes.”

Hermione gave a thump of concession and left Gwen to sort with her leg hair. Gwen huffed out impatiently and turned to the task at hand once more. She was standing in the tub, surrounded by the hair from her right leg. She was trying to work herself up to cast the spell again. She only had her left leg remaining, but the painful stinging in her right leg was making her hesitate. 

She had been working on this charm for a few months. She’d read about in _Witch Weekly_ and it promised better results than the one she used to. It was more akin to waxing than shaving and would make the hair grow less over time – or something to that degree.

She eyed her dark leg hair like it was an enemy. She normally wore tights beneath her leggings to obscure her leg hair when she couldn’t be bothered to deal with it, but she didn’t know when she was going to have this date with Draco so it was best to be ahead of the game.

“ _Crinis tractus_ ,” Gwen muttered as she drew her wand over the length of her leg. She flinched as the loud ripping sound echoed through the bathroom, releasing a string of curses from her mouth.

She lowered down into the tub from pain. Hermione knocked on the door again and called out. “Are you okay?”

Gwen yelled loudly. “I hate being a girl!”

Hermione laughed and then sighed, thinking about it. “Yeah, me too.”

They both sat in silence until Gwen turned on the faucet to wash everything down the drain. She stepped out of the tub and trudged to the door, opening to look at Hermione with a fierce expression, made all that much more by the pain she just endured.

Hermione bit her lip to keep from laughing as she looked at Gwen furiously standing in her pants. “I’ve got an ointment that will take the sting away,” Hermione said gently.

She went to her night table and pulled out a milky oil and handed it to Gwen, who took it with a savage yank while muttering under her breath.

“Who decided that we’re the ones who had to be hairless?” Gwen began her usual tirade, “What _man_ woke up one day and decided, ‘You know what? I’d like it better if women cut, pulled, and tortured themselves all in the name of this unnatural hairlessness.’”

Hermione nodded sympathetically but said nothing, familiar with the routine as Gwen slathering the oil over her red legs.

“A man with no daughters or sisters, that’s who,” Gwen snapped, answering her own question, “This is ridiculous. Who do we do this for? The men in our lives? So they’ll be attracted to us? To hell with them!”

Her voice got louder and louder until final crescendo, as if calling an army together. She concluded her powerful speech with a fist in the air before snapping the bottle shut and sighing in relief. “That really helped, thanks.”

Hermione laughed then, seeing the cloud had passed. “You’re welcome.” She took the bottle from Gwen and placed it in her drawer, sitting on her own bed as Gwen slipped into her pajamas.

“I haven’t shaved in a while,” Hermione confessed casually.

Gwen snorted. “That’s because you have two leg hairs at a time, Hermione.”

“That’s not true,” Hermione said indignantly, crossing her arms. Gwen rolled her eyes and responded as she lay back against her bed. She linked her hands behind her head and sighed in relief as the ointment did it work.

“Besides it’s not like either of us have any men in our lives to remove our hair for,” Hermione grumbled.

Gwen knew she wouldn’t have noticeably reacted, but she was glad Hermione couldn’t see her face anyways. “You’re right,” she said, keeping her voice neutral, “We should just abandon the practice until further notice.”

Hermione laughed and threw a pillow at Gwen, which hit her in the stomach.

“Ow,” Gwen said loudly. She sat up and glared at Hermione who rolled her eyes.

“That didn’t hurt,” she scoffed.

“It could have,” Gwen argued.

Hermione simply rolled her eyes again and then fixed Gwen with a steady stare. Gwen met it without flinching even though she felt like Hermione was looking hard enough to see right through her.

“Do you miss Colin?”

Gwen looked surprised because it wasn’t the question she was expecting. Part of her was relieved that she could answer honestly.

“I miss him as a friend,” she explained to Hermione, “Not as my boyfriend though.”

Hermione nodded like she understood this feeling exactly. Gwen saw some sadness in her friend’s face. “What about you?” she ventured, “Do you miss Victor?”

Hermione kept her eyes on her fingers as she twined them together while speaking. She looked small to Gwen then, which was strange because Hermione often took up so much space by quiet demand.

“I think I miss the attention of it,” she told Gwen slowly, “Having one person who likes you better than everyone else.”

Gwen’s heart gave a painful thump in empathy as Hermione continued.

“That’s not easy to come by,” she finished quietly.

Her eyes were big and open as she looked back up and it made Gwen want to hug her, but she wasn’t sure she could without shattering herself. So instead she nodded and threw the pillow back at Hermione.

“I like you better than everyone else,” Gwen promised.

Hermione gave Gwen a warm smile. “I hope we always stay that way,” she said wistfully.

Gwen fought the sudden emotion that seized her throat as she turned and crawled under her sheets. Hermione copied her movements as she turned out the lights. Only when they were both still beneath their blankets did Gwen clutched her cover close to her chest as a tear slid from her eye. 

“I hope so too,” Gwen murmured into the darkness.

__

The next day, Gwen and Hermione went trudging through the cold grass as they made their way onto the Quidditch field.

“I miss summer,” Gwen muttered, as her boots squelched loudly.

“You love autumn,” Hermione said.

“Yes,” Gwen acknowledged, “But I also love being warm.”

“You’re always cold,” Hermione simply responded, “You can’t blame the weather.”

Gwen sighed dramatically. “Why won’t you just let me complain?”

Hermione huffed out a laugh. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Gwen. It is cold and you _can_ blame the weather for it.”

“Yes, I can.” Gwen said with a sniff.

They finally arrived at the Quidditch field and both girls paused for a moment. “Merlin,” Gwen marveled, “How many people are here?”

The field was full. There were easily fifty or so students milling around the field. Gwen scanned the crowd and was surprised that a number of first-years were there, looking small and excited. She saw a few Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws as well.

Hermione huffed out her disbelief and led the charge towards a very stressed out looking Harry. He was staring at the crowd in front of him with annoyance and disbelief.

“Big turn out,” Gwen couldn’t help but tease. Harry glared at her and she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“Do they all really want to be on the quidditch team this badly?” Harry asked in disbelief. “I didn’t think it was that popular.”

Hermione scoffed with her hands on her hips. "Oh, come on, Harry, It's not Quidditch that's popular, it's you! You've never been more interesting, and frankly, you've never been more fanciable."

Harry looked around Hermione at a group of girls, who all broke out into giggles the second they saw him. Harry blushed and frowned. Ginny walked up and crossed her arms.

“What a load of absolutely idiots,” she bit off harshly.

Harry gave Ginny a worried look that Gwen didn’t miss. He blinked and it disappeared as he turned back to the group in front of him. “This is too much,” he muttered.

 “Let’s just send the obvious ones away,” Ginny offered, giving the giggling girls another viper glare.

Harry nodded his consent. “You’re right.” He turned to look at Gwen and Hermione. “You guys should probably go sit.”

Gwen grinned widely and waved as she walked off. “Good luck!” Harry glared at her, which made her laugh harder as she followed Hermione to the stands.

They sat up high enough so that they’d be able to watch Ron during try-outs. Hermione was clearly anxious for him, especially when Harry finally sent all of the people ineligible to tryout away.

Ron was one of the first people to try out as they milled through one-by-one. Gwen was unable to tamper down a loud cheer as Ron blocked his third in a roll. She stood high in the stands and clapped while hollering obnoxiously. She could see Ron’s smile from where she was and grinned wildly.

“Don’t distract him,” Hermione said worriedly, pulling Gwen back into the stands.

“He’s nervous,” Gwen said, “Everyone nervous needs a cheer.”

Hermione bit her lip and said nothing. Gwen patted Hermione on the back comfortingly before turning back to the game and they watched silently as Ron finished his tryout and landed his broom. 

“Eck,” Hermione hissed as Cormac McLaggen sauntered past Ron, saying something they couldn’t hear. Ron frowned and looked up at the stands. Hermione leaned forward instinctively and matched Ron’s frown until he continued to the sidelines to watch McLaggen.

Hermione wrung her hands together as Cormac began to block all the throws being hurled at him. Gwen was so tense as she watched, she almost slipped off of her seat when she heard Hermione whisper.

“Confundo.”

Gwen whipped her head around has Hermione moved her hand from shielding her mouth. She heard the sounds of “aww” as she saw McLaggen dramatically miss a shot. Gwen was getting whiplash from switching back-and-forth the way she was. She turned back to Hermione, who was watching Ron grin as he realized that he’d beaten McLaggen. The smile on Hermione’s face faded slightly as she looked up at Gwen and gave her a nervous stare.

“Don’t say anything,” Hermione begged quietly.

Gwen knew what it felt like to break the rules to make someone you cared about ahppy. So with more understanding than Hermione knew, she nodded and promised.

“I won’t,” she said. The sounds of cheering and victory ran through the field as Harry began the final selection of his team. Ron was standing proudly as he grinned at the people around him. He looked up to the stands and grinned widely, Hermione once again returned his expression. She and Gwen clapped happily for him, ignoring the annoyed expressions of those who didn’t get on the team.  

__

Gwen was running late for lunch because she’d gotten preoccupied with her story. She raced into the Great Hall, ignoring the noise around her as she zeroed in on her target. Someone commented that she was coming straight towards him and he turned around. His eyes went wide as she sat down next to him with a dramatic flourish and leaned forward to whisper.

“I need to borrow your invisibility cloak,” she said.

Harry looked at her with surprise but it was momentary. This wasn’t the first time Gwen had made this request. He sighed. “Can’t you wait until night?”

Gwen was shaking her head before he finished. That also wasn’t the first time he responded that way either. “I can’t,” she told him, “I have to go now. It’s urgent.”

“Did you even eat lunch?” Harry asked. Gwen knew he was trying to distract her. Not because he didn’t trust her with the cloak. She’d used it a thousand times, but because he could see that crazy look in her eye that always made him nervous.

Deciding to stoke his worry on purpose, Gwen reached for his plate and grabbed his roll and took a savage bite from it. Harry’s face was a mixture of amusement and disgust as Gwen chewed her giant mouthful with grinning eyes.

“It’s a miracle you can fit all that food in your mouth,” Ron quipped.

Gwen smiled and swallowed, refusing to flinch as the lump went painfully down. “Giving you a run for your money, huh, Ralph?” She teased back.

Hermione laughed and Ron glared at her before taking a savage bite, as if to prove his chewing skills. Gwen turned back to Harry with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Please, Harry,” Gwen begged. She laced her hands together in supplication and stared at him. “Please, please, please, please, please, ple-”

“Fine,” Harry sighed. “You know where it is.”

Gwen immediately lurched up with a noise of excitement. “I already have it, but thank you!”

Harry raised his eyebrows at her. “You already have it?”

“I knew you’d say yes,” Gwen said with a charming grin. She leaned over and squeezed his shoulders in thanks.

“Was that meant to be a hug?” Harry laughed. Gwen quickly grabbed an orange and the rest of the roll she stole from Harry’s plate and began to walk away still facing her friends. 

 “I’m in a rush, Potter. Take what you can get,” she called out. Harry laughed and shook his head. Gwen grinned and wiggled her fingers towards Ron and Hermione before spinning agilely on her feet and turning for the door.

By the time she made it to the library, she’d eaten the orange and put the rest of roll in her bag. She walked into the library and gave a sickly sweet smile to Madame Pomfrey, who glared over her sharp spectacles in response. She casually meandered over near the Restricted Section and behind a dark bookshelf, Gwen slipped out Harry’s invisibility cloak and let it cover her entirely as she eased through the dark and empty passages.

When the sounds of main library faded away, Gwen pulled off the cloak. She’d done this a thousand times throughout her years at Hogwarts. This time, she came to find a book about the roots of elf magic. She had heard once in passing that the elves once lived in kingdoms amongst themselves where they lived and practiced magic freely.

She was writing a story that portrayed a young house elf as the heroine and although it was necessary for her to be exact, the history itself was rather fascinating.

She kept walking back towards the endless chasm of the library. Once you made it to a certain point into the Restricted Section, the whole library was cast in shadows. She normally didn’t mind it so much, but now it just reminded her of that moment in the ministry last year where Gwen and her friends had found Harry’s prophecy…right before they were attacked by Death Eaters. Gwen shivered and quelled down the fear rising in her stomach. She pulled out her wand.

“ _Lumos,”_ Gwen whispered. Part of her felt compelled to call upon her patronus, but she took a deep breath through nose and thought fiercely to herself, _be brave._

Able to see again, she felt the anxiety leave her chest. She began to walk slower as she stretched one hand out, lightly tracing the spines of the books she passed. Some moaned or giggled as she touched them, but she had long ago grew used to the strange sounds in the back of library.

She was halfway through the fourth row in the dark when a new sound emerged. One she had never heard before. It wasn’t a laugh or a pained noise; it was almost one…of pleasure.

Gwen looked to the shelf on her right and turned her arm, so that her fingers faced the opposite way. Watching the books carefully, she began to walk backwards. She gently touched three books before the sound emerged again.

It was a sigh of release as Gwen’s fingertips reached it. She pulled back in surprise and stared at the book. It was clearly old. It was one of the only book not chained to the shelf, she noted with mild wonder. Her fingers had wiped away a thick layer of dust as she past it. She brought her wand closer to the book to examine it. The dust was so thick that Gwen could only tell that it was a blackish color.

Tentatively, as if it were going to bite her, Gwen reached forward and touched the book. The book released another pleasurable sigh and Gwen gripped it and pulled it from the shelf.

It was surprisingly light.

And it smelled awful.

The book was stale from neglect and Gwen could make barely make out the cover. Something deep in her head pulsed, as if reacting to the contact. She laid the book on the ground and cast another spell.

“ _Etnovum”_ Gwen whispered.

The dust from the book lifted off and collected into a ball in the air before vanishing into nothing. Gwen brought her lit up wand back down to the book once more to read the title and her heart stopped.

_The Honorable History of Seers and of the Sight_

The book wasn’t black, but a rich brown, like mahogany. It was made of a sturdy looking leather and the title was scripted in gold lettering. She was surprised that such a large book could be so light in her hands. Gwen stared at the cover as she tried to start breathing again. Why did the book appear as if it had been waiting for her all of these years?

She shut her eyes for a hard moment. Gathering her wits, she carefully picked up the book, ignoring the feeling of relief that she felt surge through the book and in her own chest. She pulled out the invisibility cloak and wrapped it around herself before quickly walking back to the main library.

As she got closer to the lights and sounds of reality, she sped up her pace. Everything looked the same, but it all felt different. She couldn’t explain it, as she clutched the book closer to her. It was instinctual and nervous. She kept her eyes on the exit while keeping one hand tightly on the cloak and the other firmly wrapped around the book, holding it to her chest.

When she finally made it into the main hall, she kept the cloak around her as she milled through the massive halls of the castle. She walked aimlessly, not sure if she should go back to her room or find somewhere more hidden to go to. She didn’t know how she would explain this book to Hermione, if she saw it.

She turned the corner when she saw Draco walking by himself down the hall. His steps were casual, but his pace was determined as he walked towards some unknown destination. His eyes were as closed and still as ice, causing Gwen to trip. He looked so different like that.

Her shoes skidded against the ground. If the hallway had been full, no one might have noticed, but here in this empty stone hall, it echoed. Draco halted and turned to look around. His eyes scanned up and down the hall as he pulled his wand out – waiting. Gwen kept staring at his face. Did he always look like that when she wasn’t there? Like he was waiting for the world to strike him down.

Looking around very quickly, Gwen made sure no one was there before she pulled off the cloak. Draco’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Gwen?” He called out confused.

She smiled and stuffed the cloak in her bag. It was difficult since she kept one hand firmly around the book in her other arm. She walked over to him and smiled softly.

“Hello,” she said lightly.

Draco continued to stand with his wand ready by his side as she walked towards him. Gwen rocked on her feet, standing right in front of him. “How long are you going to just stare at me before you kiss me?” She greeted him.

She enjoyed watching his face break free from that frozen expression as warmth melted his eyes when he laughed a little. He tucked his wand back into his pocket and reached for her. Gwen went easily, grinning as his lips touched hers.

She sighed instinctively and the book that was pressed between them seemed to surge. She pulled back from the kiss suddenly, looking down at the book in surprise.

“Are you okay?” Draco asked. He was still holding her arms gently.

She ignored his question. “Can you do me a favor?” she asked.

“Of course,” Draco said immediately.

Gwen grinned at him, not being able to swallow how adorable he was to her in that moment. She took a step back and held out the book so that it rested on her hands between them. “Can you touch the book?”

Draco stared at her like she’d gone mental. “You want me to touch the book?” He asked slowly.

Gwen nodded seriously. “Yes.”

Draco hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded. “Alright.” He reached forward and touched the book. Gwen held her breath.

Nothing happened.

She frowned. Maybe it didn’t work if she was still touching it. She walked around Draco and rested the book against the wall. She turned around to face him expectantly. “Can you try again?”

Draco’s expression was getting more and more confused as she continued. Yet as a test of his eternal patience with her, he kept his eyes on her but said nothing as he reached forward and touched the book. When his fingers made contact, his eyes moved to the brown book.

“Did you hear anything?” Gwen asked.

Draco, keeping his fingers on the book, “Did I hear anything?” He repeated her.

Gwen nodded sharply. “Did you hear the book make a sound?”

Draco didn’t reply for a moment. “Gwen, what’s going on?”

“You didn’t hear anything? You didn’t feel anything coming from that book?” She continued to press.

Draco stepped towards her, holding her arms in hands again. “No, I didn’t hear or feel anything. Was I supposed to?”

Gwen frowned and looked past him at the book. It seemed to be taunting her. “I’m not sure,” she muttered.

Draco’s thumbs stroked her upper arms, but she couldn’t relax into it. Instead she looked back up to him and asked one more question.

“Can you pick it up?”

Draco gave her an exasperated look and opened his mouth to reply, but he shut it swiftly and shook his head. He turned away from her and walked towards the book. Gwen fisted her hands in anticipation as Draco reached down. His arms were loose as they wrapped around the book, but when he leaned back to lift it – he paused. He grunted as he struggled to lift the book in his arms.

Gwen frowned in confusion. “What are you doing?” She asked.

“How are you carrying this thing?” Draco said through clenched teeth as he struggled to lift the book.

Gwen was completely puzzled now. The book wasn’t heavy at all. She’d carried it from the library without feeling it.

“Are you joking right now?” Gwen accused.

Draco dropped the book with a loud thud. He turned to face Gwen and a cross between a gasp and a laugh broke through her. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth; his face was flushed red from strain and his eyes were wide and bulging.

“Gwen,” he panted, “How did you lift that?”

“I genuinely can’t tell if you’re joking or not,” Gwen confessed from behind fingers, which formed a loose curtain around her mouth.

Draco’s eyes bulged bigger. “You think I’m joking? Gwen, that thing is mammoth. There’s no way you can carry that.”

Gwen regarded the book distrustfully before darting her eyes back towards Draco. “You really are serious?”

Draco frowned deeply and gave her a narrow look of disbelief. “Why would I lie about this?” There was a harsh challenge in his words that she picked up on. She regarded him for a moment and that seemed to make his face colder. His face slipping into cool marble planes, impenetrable and away from her.

She felt a wave of power roll off of the book and Gwen’s eyes snapped back to it. It was as if the book could sense her feelings, like it was in-tune with her mind. She walked around Draco, hearing his feet against the cold stone floor as he turned around to watch her. The closer the got to the book, the more it pulsed with energy. It was almost excited for her to come pick it up.

She leaned down, aware of her breath and her muscles. Electricity prickled in her skin but she couldn’t tell if it was coming from the book or from her. She wrapped her hands around it and cringed as it emitted a sigh of relief. Wary of its supposed weight, Gwen braced herself as she lifted the book up, but again to her surprise it came into her arms with ease. She braced it lightly against her chest and stood.

She could lift it easily, like it was air, and Draco couldn’t. She turned around to face him. Another time she might have laughed at his face – his mouth was agape and his eyes were wide again. The iciness of his face melted with surprise as he speechlessly stared at her.

 “Did you enchant that?” He demanded. She got the feeling that his manly pride might be insulted.

“Not at all,” Gwen said softly. She looked down at the book and saw the gold lettering on the cover. She didn’t enchant it, but maybe someone else did. Maybe this is why it wasn’t chained like the other books. Maybe someone assumed it never needed to be.

But then why was she able to lift it with such ease? Why did the book sigh, like it had been waiting for her? She shivered slightly.

Draco was observing her. “What is it?” He asked quietly. His voice sounded far away and Gwen snapped her eyes to him. She knew there was a fire in her face; she could see it reflected in his eyes.

“What book is that?” He asked. He stepped towards her quietly and Gwen instinctively tightened the book closer to her chest.

“I’m not entirely sure,” she said. She wasn’t exactly lying. She didn’t know what the book meant yet, but she knew that’s not what he was asking.

Draco stood an arms-length away and Gwen sighed, shaking her head to free it from the rapidity of her thoughts.

“I’m sorry. I’m just distracted,” she told him. He nodded but his face stayed neutral. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, so Gwen reached her free hand forward and grabbed the front of his sweater to tug him closer to her. A small smile crossed his face as he shuffled towards her.

“You promised me a date,” Gwen reminded him while also trying to change the subject. “Did you forget?”

The small smile on his face grew as he regarded her. “No, I haven’t forgot,” he murmured. Gwen tugged on his sweater again and raised herself on her tiptoes to gently press her lips against his.

“Neither have I,” she responded, “So get to it.”

 Draco laughed against her mouth. “We should probably be more discrete in the halls,” he told her gently.

Gwen pulled back to look around him. No one was hiding by the walls. She heard no sounds of scuttling footsteps or whispered panic. “No one’s here,” she said.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. “You never know,” he murmured, “I didn’t know you were here until suddenly you were. Appearing like a dream.”

Gwen knew on some level he was talking about the invisibility cloak, but there was a look in his eyes that made her heart give a little flip-flop and she sighed.

She pulled the book from her chest to show him the cover. Wordlessly, his eyes scanned over the golden inscription before looking back at Gwen.

“Where did you get this from?” He asked.

Gwen bit her lip before confessing. “The Restricted Section.”

She watched Draco draw conclusions. “That’s why you had the cloak,” he noted.

Gwen nodded.

“Why did you go looking for this?” He murmured, “Are you visions…” He paused, not sure what to say, “Getting worse?”

“No,” Gwen acknowledged, “In fact, I haven’t had one in a while. I didn’t even go looking for this.”

“What do you mean?” Draco asked.

“I was there looking for something else, but I like taking my time back there. I like the silence of it,” Gwen began. Draco gave her another smile listening to her agoraphobic tendencies. She got distracted by it for a moment before blinking hard and continuing to tell him the story of touching the book and hearing the sigh.

“It sighed?” He asked. His eyebrows were drawn down in disbelief. Gwen nodded quickly in response.

“Yes,” she confirmed, “It sighed, like it was relieved to be found.”

“By you?” Draco drew another conclusion.

Gwen halted then. She wasn’t sure if the book was looking for her specifically or maybe just for someone with –

She looked down at the cover once more. _The Honorable History of Seers and of the Sight._

Professor Trelawney’s words echoed in her head. _“The sight i_ _s a rare gift – passed through bloodlines and secured through the years._ ”

Through bloodlines.

Bloodlines.

Gwen didn’t know her bloodline. The only lines she knew of were the ones she drew herself. She kept her eyes on the book and didn’t respond, not only because she didn’t have an answer, but because she didn’t even know where to begin.

__

She got back to her rooms to find Hermione sitting on her bed waiting.

“There you are,” Hermione exclaimed.

Gwen stared at her friend in surprise. “You were looking for me?”

“Yes, I’ve been looking at throughout the castle,” Hermione complained, “I thought you’d be in here.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Gwen said, marching to her nightstand and slipping the book inside without another word. The nightstand was charmed to automatically lock and only her own fingers could pull it free.

She turned to Hermione who was watching her with narrow eyes. “Where have you been?” She asked.

“The library,” she said casually, keeping her face neutral, “Which reminds me. I have to give Harry his cloak back.”

Hermione nodded. “We’re going to Hogsmeade. Will you come?”

Although Gwen still spent a good deal of time with her friends, she’d felt distant from them recently. A strange feeling of guilt crept into her chest. She hated the idea that she was being a bad friend. So she nodded and smiled. “Let me just change first,” she said.

Hermione nodded and sat patiently as Gwen quickly changed into a pair of jeans and sweater. In less than a few minutes, Gwen slipped on her boots and jacket and crammed a green wooly hat that Hermione made for her a few weeks ago.

“Off we go,” she declared.

They spoke about random things as they made their way to Hogsmeade. Gwen felt better being with Hermione like this. When they could behave and talk like normal girls their age without secrets or looming darkness getting in the way. Gwen locked arms with Hermione so they could generate warmth between them.

“It’s freezing,” Gwen complained. Her teeth were chattering slightly as he walk-jumped. Hermione pulled her along.

“We’re here,” she consoled. When Gwen saw the warm lights of Honeydukes, where they were meeting the boys, she broke out into a run. Hermione burst into laughter behind her but Gwen heard her friend catching up. They burst into the shop laughing hysterically, causing a few people to look at them. Gwen wiped a tear from her eye and scanned the room. She saw Ron’s hair before she saw his pale hand waving them over.

They walked over and Gwen immediately snatched a candy out of Harry’s hand. She quickly shoved it into her mouth and grinned at Harry, who simply smiled back – not the least surprised.  

“Your cloak is in my room,” Gwen said quietly to Harry when she swallowed.  

“Okay,” he shrugged, “I don’t really need it.”

Gwen frowned, “I don’t like holding onto it. It’s too valuable.”

Harry laughed a little. “Okay, fine. I’ll remind you later today.”

Gwen nodded. “Alright, good.”

They continued to walk through Honeydukes and Gwen absorbed the sounds of her friends around her. Part of her warmed again to be around something so familiar, but the book and Draco were still heavy on her mind.

After the third time of being distracted while her friends were talking, Ron nudged her. “Where do you keep going?”

Gwen tensed slightly. “Huh?” she played dumb.

“You keep getting distracted during my very interesting stories,” Ron said, only partly joking.

Gwen gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Ronny. I’m listening.”

Ron nodded, pleased, and puffed out his chest to launch into another story but was cut off by a sudden arrival.

“Ah, Harry!” They all turned as Professor Slughorn waddled over to them. Gwen immediately noticed that while she, Hermione, and Ron looked surprise, Harry smiled at Slughorn, like he’d been waiting for him.

“Professor,” Harry said jovially, “How are you?”

“Well enough, well enough,” Professor Slughorn said in his creaky voice. Slughorn cast his milky gaze over the rest of them, but finding them wholly uninterested he turned back towards Harry.

“My dear boy,” he began, “I’m having a small supper party tonight and I would so like it if you would come. You’ve missed the first three, you know.”

Harry grimaced dramatically and Gwen watched him, confused as to why he was acting so thoroughly contrite. He purposely scheduled his quidditch practices to avoid these supper parties.

“I am very sorry, sir,” Harry apologized, “But unfortunately, I have to meet Dumbledore tonight.”

“Ah, a pity; very much a pity,” Slughorn croaked, “But perhaps, a time in the future, hmm? We can’t have you cancelling on the Head Master to attend a trifle supper.”

Slughorn laughed at his own joke, spitting on them all. Ron flinched the hardest and Gwen bit her lip to keep from laughing as they all fought the urge to immediately wipe their faces.

As Slughorn’s laughter died off as slowly as his speech, he turned to acknowledge the rest of them. “Of course, Ms. Granger, you are also invited to attend as per usual. And Ms. Easton, you have also yet to attend. Perhaps you would consider coming tonight?”

She felt Hermione’s sharp gaze on her, begging her to come, but Gwen knew that Hermione being out of the room was a perfect time for her to comb through the powerful book currently locked up in her bedside table.

She kept her face in its practiced neutrality. “Unfortunately, I do have previous engagements, professor,” she apologized.

She knew Slughorn didn’t care one way or another so she wasn’t offended in the slightest when he nodded. “Very well,” he said unbothered.

There was an awkward pause as he looked at Ron. “Hello, Ralph,” he said politely. Then he quickly, as quickly as he could manage at least, turned on his heels and waddled away.

Gwen held her silence for a few moments and then cast her eyes at Ron. He was already glaring at her harshly.

“Don’t say a thing,” he warned.

Gwen guffawed and covered her mouth, giving him a suppliant nod even though he could tell she was grinning behind her hand. Ron turned to Harry, eager to move on with their conversation.

“What was all that about?” Ron asked.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked casually.

“What was with all the chatting with you and Slughorn? Why did it seem like you knew he’d be here?” Ron continued.

Sometimes Gwen forget how much Ron saw. He was probably one of the most intuitive people she’d ever met. Following his lead, she too looked at Harry expectantly.

Harry looked at his friends before leaning forward. They all maintained purposefully casual postures as he began to murmur.

“Dumbledore asked me to get close to him,” Harry said.

“To Slughorn?” Hermione wondered aloud.

Harry nodded in confirmation.

“But why?” Gwen asked.

Harry sighed. “There’s something that Slughorn knows. Information he’s hiding. Dumbledore wants me to get it from him.”

Gwen frowned. “What kind of information?”

Harry lifted his eyes to her. They were burdened behind his glasses and he shook his head before telling them the long and confusing story of Slughorn and Tom Riddle.

__

After they got butterbeers, except for Gwen, they began walking back to the castle. They absorbed what Harry said, the darkness of the tale, as best they could before they unanimously decided that they all needed a drink.

Hermione was walking in loose, unmatched steps as she careened this way and that. She wrapped her arms around Ron and Gwen and began to hum loudly.

Ron looked at her with amusement, carefully wrapping his arm around her to keep her from falling. Gwen laughed at the look on their faces and began to hum obnoxiously along with Hermione, causing them all to join.

Gwen hooked arms with Harry and before long they were all laughing as they stumbled through the cold. A sudden scream ripped through the air and Hermione tripped, causing them all to halt as they looked up.

A girl was screaming and looking up. Gwen’s throat tightened as she saw what she was pointing to. Another girl was floating in the air with her body contorted so perversely that Gwen couldn’t breathe. Her eyes were pitch black and her head was thrown back in a silent scream.

Gwen recognized her suddenly. It was Katie Bell, a Gryffindor like them. Harry was the first one to try and move towards her. He hadn’t taken more than two steps before another voice thundered around them.

“Stay where you are,” Hagrid ordered.

He was standing underneath Katie, with his finger pointing at them – commanding them to stay put. Hagrid pulled out his wand and levitated Katie back to the ground before he lifted up her prone, lifeless body.

Harry began walking towards Hagrid and Gwen, Hermione, and Ron followed quietly. Gwen recognized the other girl now, Leanne something. Gwen didn’t know her last name, but she knew she was in Hufflepuff. She was in the same year as Katie.

Gwen knelt down to look at what Katie had dropped before. There was a necklace hanging limply on the side of a velvet box. It was large and antiquated in style – clearly very expensive. It had a thick silver chain that connected together artful shards of opal. It was beautiful and yet even from where she sat, Gwen could sense the evil coming off of it.

“Don’t touch that,” Hagrid warned, “Be very careful. Wrap it up and bring it with us.”

Even though every instinct in her body was screaming for her to get away from it, Gwen carefully pulled the edges of the cloth that had been holding it, until she had maneuvered it back inside the box. When it was sealed, she carefully lifted it up, feeling the weight in her hands.

“Quickly now,” Hagrid urged.

__

They stood in Professor McGonagall’s office as Leanne continued to cry.

“She went to the bathroom,” Leanne explained through her tears, “And when she came back, she was holding it.”

“Did she say who gave it to her?” McGonagall asked gently.

Leanne sniffled hard and shook her head. “No, but she did say who it was for.”

As if the words pained her, Leanne began to cry harder. Gwen flinched from where she stood across at the stark fear and pain on Leanne’s face. Gwen stood between Hermione and Harry, as Ron stood on the opposite side of Hermione. They had all been ushered into Professor McGonagall’s office as Katie was quickly removed to the infirmary.

Professor McGonagall had instructed Gwen to put the necklace on the table, which she did so with relief. Professor Snape stood to the side, watching Leanne dispassionately. His face was cold and removed as Professor McGonagall put an arm around Leanne and gave her a tissue.

Gwen wanted to snap at him angrily. He turned to look at her, his eyes blank as he silently sneered at her unnerving glare before turning back to Leanne.

Gwen continued to glare at him. She never understood why Professor Snape hated them all so much. Even if he hated Harry’s father, that seemed like a lot of anger to hold onto for such a long time. She wondered if he’d ever been happy, if he knew what that even meant.

She broke from her thoughts as Leanne’s sobs began to subside. Professor McGonagall spoke again, her voice still gentle. “To whom was Katie meant to give the necklace to, Leanne?”

Leanne whimpered and leaned into Professor McGonagall for a moment. She shut her eyes and responded.

“Professor Dumbledore, ma’am.”

Professor McGonagall released a quick intake of breath. Gwen felt her body jolt in surprise. She didn’t have to look to know that her friends were equally shocked. Leanne’s tears quieted as she defended her friend.

“She didn’t know it was cursed like that, ma’am. Honestly! Katie would never hurt anyone, let alone the Head Master,” Leanne said passionately.

“Of course, dear,” McGonagall assured her. “No one thinks Katie was aware of what she was doing.”

Leanne nodded with relief. Her face went pale as the tension clearly exhausted her. Professor McGonagall, noticing this as well, quickly released Leanne to go to the infirmary to get checked out as well.

When Leanne left the room, Professor McGonagall turned to look at the four of them. Her eyes were tired, but her voice was exasperated as she asked, “Why is it always you four?”

There was a moment of silence before Ron answered. “Believe me, Professor. I’ve been asking myself the same question for six years now.”

Harry jumped in. “The necklace was cursed, Professor. Whoever gave it to Katie cursed it.”

Professor McGonagall turned around to look at Professor Snape. “Severus?”

Snape levitated the necklace in the air. Gwen fisted her hands again as the light refracted off the opals. “Potter is correct. It is cursed. Whoever attempted to hand it off to Ms. Bell did so with the intention that it eventually be given to the Head Master.”

“It was Malfoy,” Harry said suddenly.

Gwen whipped around to stare at him in shock. Her only cover was that so did everyone else. “That is a serious accusation,” Professor McGonagall warned him.

“I know it was him,” Harry said stubbornly.

“Do you have any actual evidence that Mr. Malfoy was somehow involved in this?” Professor Snape sneered slowly.

Harry’s nostrils flared angrily. “I just know,” he muttered.

“Unfortunately, Mr. Potter, that is _not_ things work,” Professor McGonagall lectured, “And it couldn’t have been Mr. Malfoy. He was with me in detention during that time.”

Gwen felt an immense relief at Professor McGonagall’s words, but when she looked at Harry she cringed internally. Harry said nothing but his face made it clear that he didn’t care what anyone else said – he knew it was Malfoy.

McGonagall sighed again. “You may be excused now and please take care to not speak of this with anyone else.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they all answered before filing out of the room.

Once they were out of the room, Gwen couldn’t help herself. She whirled around to look at Harry. “What was that?”

“What?” Harry snapped defensively.

“We didn’t even see him there,” Gwen said angrily.

She was careful not to say his name in front of her friends anymore, worried that the way it fell off her tongue would reveal something.

“I know it was him,” Harry insisted, “He’s a death eater. He said on the train that he has a mission from Voldemort. This is it. This is his mission.”

Gwen felt the blood drain from her face as she watched the pure hatred burn in Harry’s eyes. The idea that a farthing of what he said might be true was enough to make her sick.

“You don’t know any of that, Harry,” Hermione scolded.

Harry tightened his lips but said nothing before turning and walking away. Watching him disappear, Gwen pinched her leg and thought about what she was going to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the longest chapters I've ever posted. It was actually supposed to be about maybe 6 or 7 pages longer but the scene that comes right after this was taking longer than I expected. In between school and work, finding time to write this to the length that I want it is difficult.   
> Anyways, I want to know what you guys are thinking. What do you think Gwen's going to say to Draco? If she says anything at all. Your comments give me life to write. Love you all xx


	13. Painful Fruition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark! xx

Gwen wasn’t sure what she was looking for as she stalked through the halls, ignoring the random students milling about. It was almost sunset; the sun was already burning orange against the stone. When she left her room, she thought she was going to the Great Hall to eat dinner, but instead here she was – walking aimlessly.

She didn’t know who she was looking for. Part of her expected Draco to just appear in front of her, as he had a habit of doing. Part of her, mostly out of reflex, was looking for one of her friends, so that she could pretend that nothing was wrong.

It was only when she turned her head and noticed a few strange looks she was getting that Gwen realized her face was betraying her tension. She took a conscious second, and without breaking a step, she smoothed her features into the blank mask that allowed her to hide in public.

It had been two days since the incident with Katie Bell – two days since she’d last seen Draco. She felt like the whole world had flipped and she was still trying to stand right side up.

There were too many questions in her head – too many insecurities in herself, her relationship, her friendships. She was feeling the heaviness of it beginning to affect her. She hadn’t been sleeping well, making the shadows under her eyes darker than usual. Someone bumped her shoulder and Gwen turned with wide eyes, half-expecting it to be someone she knew.

A worried first-year girl looked at her with horror. Gwen could tell they were a first-year by the sheer panic in their expression. No matter how much angst she harbored, Gwen always had room to feel guiltier.

“Sorry,” she grumbled apologetically. She felt bad for the way the younger girl was staring at her, like Gwen was getting ready to jinx her.

The girl said nothing and with a barely repressed scream, Gwen turned and kept walking. Tears filed her eyes for no reason and she stalked towards the main courtyard, still walking aimlessly. Everything seemed to overwhelm her now. She was on the edge of a cliff, and there was an invisible force behind her, just pushing her feet closer to edge. She could feel herself losing more ground with each passing moment.

“Gwen!”

Gwen turned, and in a moments instance she began to blink the tears from her eyes. She smiled instead of speaking, on the off chance her voice wavered.

Colin frowned as he approached her. “Are you okay?”

Gwen shivered slightly at the déjà vu, but forced herself to nod before speaking. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

Colin looked at her skeptically. He stepped closer towards her and tilted his head down to speak quietly to her. “You have tears in your eyes,” he murmured.

Gwen casually wiped at her eyes, trying to look surprised to find them there. “It must be from the wind,” she said. She tried to laugh, but it caught in her throat. Colin arched a questioning eyebrow at her; not even the trees were rustling.

“Gwen,” Colin murmured, “Is it…”

He paused. One of their biggest fights while they were dating had been about him assuming things about her and her friends, and now Gwen could tell he was mulling over how to ask her what was wrong without upsetting her.

Colin looked so different, she realized. He was still tall enough that he could lean entirely over her, if he wanted to. His face was older; he didn’t have any stubble, but his features had shifted – he lost his remaining baby face and the boy who looked at Gwen now was well on his way to becoming a man. Even so, his eyes looked the same. They were bright brown and kind, even in his concern. They still matched his hair, which should have been growing out darker for the winter, but it still managed to hold onto its glow from the summer. Gwen knew all of the summer head been leached out from her.

Gwen wrapped her arms around herself and gave Colin a faint smile, not sure where to begin. “It’s really okay, Colin,” she murmured. She had to lean her head back to look at him in the eyes.

He pursed his lips, clearly not believing her. “If you need someone,” he finally said, “I’m still here for you, Gwen.”

Gwen bit her lip, trying to stifle the emotion in her chest. She was like a raw nerve, ready to cry at anything in a moment’s notice. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Colin looked unsure for a moment before he reached his arms out towards her tentatively. Gwen gratefully returned his hug, tucking her cheek against his chest. Her arms were wrapped around his middle and he returned by hugging her tightly with his arms entirely encompassing her. His chin rested on her head as he held her quietly.

She listened to the steady sound of his heartbeat, but found no relief in it. Her chest ached because as kind as Colin was, it wasn’t the familiar rhythm that she craved to hear, but even then she couldn’t let go immediately.

Gwen finally released him after a few moments because to hold on would be unfair to Colin.  

She didn’t smile as they both studied each other and neither did Colin. His face was uncharacteristically serious as his eyes flickered across her features. He reached forward and touched the corner of her right eye, using the tips of his fingers to gently wipe away the remaining moisture that lingered there.

“Be careful of the wind,” he murmured.

With his shoulder dropped, Gwen’s gaze slid from Colin’s big, warm eyes to a narrow expression watching them from a few feet behind. Gwen saw Arden’s face red with either embarrassment and anger and felt another painful slam in her chest. Why was she constantly starting fires wherever she went?

“You should go,” Gwen whispered. She looked back at Colin and she could see comprehension in his eyes. He lowered his hand but remained still.

“Gwen, I -” he began hoarsely. He opened his mouth to say something before pausing, and something in her suddenly snapped. He didn’t say it, but she could see it in his eyes. She felt a nameless emotion burning in her throat, making her want to scream.

“She’s waiting for you, Colin,” Gwen said with finality of a court sentence.

Colin’s face fell slightly, but he nodded. “I meant what I said,” he reminded her.

“I know,” Gwen whispered.

With a last glance, Colin turned and walked with his hands in his robe pockets towards a very angry Arden. Without waiting to see what happened, Gwen turned on her heel and walked as quickly as she could through the halls.

Where she originally was hoping to run into someone, Gwen prayed that she avoided everyone she’d ever known. The pressure was building behind her eyes and in a moment of self-preservation, Gwen threw herself behind the first closet door to her right.

She didn’t even look around before the sobs ripped through her. She sank to the ground as she cried and cried. It was loud and ugly as she let everything she’d been bottling up leave her.

She cried for Draco. She cried for her friends. She cried for Colin. She cried because she missed her mom. She cried because it felt like she couldn’t do anything right. She cried because even in the darkest moments of her life, she’d never felt this lost. She cried because for the first time since she was five-years-old, Gwen didn’t know where she belonged.

And to not know was to belong nowhere, and to belong nowhere was to be alone. And there was nothing Gwen feared more than being alone.

She cried until she was coughing. She sat up and pressed the heels of her hands against her closed eyes to keep them from overflowing again. She worked to catch her breath so she wouldn’t hyperventilate. She tried to focus on her breathing until the sobbing sounds stopped coming.

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered to the empty space.

She was answered by silence. She slowly lowered her hands and slowly blinked away the black spots from her eyes. When she was finally able to focus, she looked around the small room. She was surprised to find herself in Professor Snape’s private herb closet.

Her mind strayed for a moment, wondering why it wasn’t locked, but she was too tired to think about it. Instead she took one more cleansing breath and deciding not to spend more time here, she stood and left the small closet.

She walked to her dorm in a state of blindness. She changed into her pajamas, crawled under her blanket, and hoped for strength tomorrow.

__

Draco walked up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, trying to quell the nerves in his stomach. Gwen had sent him a note that flew into his room that morning. It came and swatted Draco in the face with quite a bit of force. Part of him wondered if Gwen enchanted the note to do that on purpose.

Everyone had seen it. “What’s that, Draco?” Crabbe called out while pulling on his shoes.

“Nothing,” Draco snapped.

Crabbe bowed his head and Draco bit on his tongue to keep from apologizing. He went over to his bed and waited until he heard his friends meekly call out that they would seem him in the Great Hall before opening the note.

His heart thumped painfully just at the sight of Gwen’s sloppy cursive handwriting: **_Astronomy Tower at midnight. Please. – G._** He stared at the words carefully. He could almost see the pause in her quill before she added on the “please.” Draco felt a flush of guilt. He had been avoiding Gwen.

He still had the note with him in his pocket as he continued to make his way up to the top of the tower. He touched it lightly for a few moments, thinking of Gwen’s handwriting – the same handwriting that wrote to him all summer. He thought of those last few months during the summer.

He remembered the first night he showed up in Gwen’s room. He had been nervous when she invited him to come by that night in her last letter. He didn’t know how serious she was, but his desire to see her outweighed his anxiety. So he stepped into his fireplace and called out her address.

When the flames dissipated, he didn’t move. She was sitting in her bed with the covers over her lap. She paused with her quill in the air, hovering over the book in her lap. She stared at him in shock for a few silent seconds and he began to blush madly as horror strung his body tense.

He would never be able to articulate the relief he felt when her face broke into a bright smile as she threw her book to the floor and jumped for her bed to race towards him. He took three steps towards her before she launched herself into his arms.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her as her laughter filled the air. “ _You’re here_ ,” she kept saying as they kissed.    

He smoothed her hair back and pressed his forehead against hers. “ _I’m here,_ ” he murmured.

He smiled at the memory before he saw the top of the stairs. The warm feeling faded from his chest and he slowed his silent steps. He turned the corner to the Astronomy Tower and halted.

She stood in the moonlight with her back to him. She was wearing the same sweatpants that saw was wearing that first night he spent the night. He made no noise, but she turned around anyways – just knowing he was there.

Even cast in shadows, he eyes still glowed brightly. Draco pushed his hands into his pockets and stood at the threshold unsure of what to do.

“You can come closer,” Gwen called out quietly, “I won’t bite.”

A wavering smile made it across his face as he walked to her. He loved that Gwen tried to laugh when she was nervous or scared. It was so telling of who she was and what she’d overcome in her life.

As Draco stood in front of her, his chest turned to lead because he realized so fully at that moment that he truly didn’t deserve Gwen. What felt like minutes to him was only seconds as Gwen continued to joke.

“Unless you want me to,” she said. Her voice was light but her eyes were pained.

Draco grabbed onto the stone ledge to keep himself grounded as he fought the strong urge to kiss her. He couldn’t speak because he couldn’t think of any words.

“Won’t you even look at me?” Gwen finally murmured.

Draco steeled himself and looked into her heartbreakingly open eyes. He locked his knees to keep from dropping in front of her and begging her to run away with him. Not because he didn’t think she’d say yes, but because she deserved better.

He could feel the words on the tip of his tongue so he bit down hard enough to draw blood and made his eyes blank. Gwen looked up at him and he swore he could see the world in her eyes. She was always like that. She always seemed like she saw so much more than everyone else. His little owl.

“No,” she said, “I asked you to look at me, not through me.”

Draco felt a burn in his throat. She was too good, he thought, too pure.

“Draco,” Gwen whispered. Her voice broke on his name and she reached forward and grabbed onto his sweater. Something else she always did that he loved, but this time she didn’t pull him towards her. She stepped closer to him until they were almost touching. “Just tell me,” she begged, “Was it you?”

This is why he had been steeling himself. He could never admit it. Not to Gwen. He could never say the words. His stomach was rolling with guilt, shame, and heartbreak, but he let none of that show on his face. He couldn’t afford to. The mark on his arm burned with glee.

“Say something,” she suddenly snapped. She was angry because she didn’t want to cry. He knew that. He was more in-tuned with her than anything else in the world, and right now that was the most dangerous thing for her.

“There’s nothing to say,” he finally said. His voice was hoarse, but she jarred slightly at his bleak tone. She shook her head fiercely. She was too stubborn.

“Yes, there is,” she argued, “You haven't said anything.”

“I don’t need to say anything,” Draco answered, “You already know.”

She opened her mouth but no words came out. He saw the tears in her eyes begin to gather. He’d never seen anyone look so beautiful when they cried. Gwen’s face opened even as it closed. She was like the sky and he couldn’t risk her getting caught up in all of this.

“I can help you,” she continued to fight.

He said nothing. His passiveness made her angry. The fist on his sweater went tighter and she sharply tugged his face down to hers and kissed him hard. Her lips, even in anger, were desperate and she continued to pull on his sweater. He felt her tears against his cheek and it took everything in Draco to not respond to her.

Just when thought he’d break, she pulled away. She didn’t let him go far. She pressed her forehead against his. Her voice was strong even as she continued to cry. “If you let me, I can help you.”

Draco felt his breaking point coming. He gently pulled away from her hands until they hovered in the air between them. He stepped back from her and made his voice as cold as his expression.

“No,” He delivered the blow. “You can’t.”

Gwen's hands were shaking. "Don't give up, Draco."

"I'm not giving up, Gwen," he returned quietly. 

"Yes, you are," Gwen fought back. "Don't leave tonight. Stay here. Stay with me. We can talk about this." 

Draco said nothing as he stared at the ceiling. 

"Fight for this, Draco," Gwen said. Her voice was becoming desperate, like she couldn't help it. "Just fight," she whispered again into the darkness.  

__

When dawn broke through from behind the curtains, Gwen was already awake. She hadn’t slept the night before. Draco’s face haunted her mind and bruised her heart. She looked at Hermione, sleeping peacefully next to her, completely unaware that Gwen was trying to save the one person that they should’ve all hated.

The gold and maroon decorations that once warmed Gwen’s spirit, gave her a choking feeling and without another thought, she quietly slipped from her bed and gathered her shoes and coat before silently slipping from the room.

Her socks muffled her footsteps as she headed down the stairs. No one was awake yet or if they were, they were trying not to be so Gwen was greeted by an empty common room. She slipped on her jacket and shoes as she went through the porthole, waking up an annoyed Fat Lady.

“You are _always_ sneaking in and out of this room,” the Fat Lady said angrily, “Who are you going to meet? That boy? The one from Sly-”

Gwen whipped around with her wand at the ready. She knew it wasn’t right, but she was angry and confused and she wasn’t about to let everything get ruined by some talking portrait. “Don’t test me,” Gwen warned, “I’ll make those slashes from third year look like nothing.”

The Fat Lady seemed to pale at the memory, but she sneered at Gwen. “Ignoble self-righteous bully,” she muttered as she Gwen turned and walked away.

Gwen held onto her stomach as she tried to tell herself that those things weren’t true as she moved down the hall until the Fat Lady’s voice disappeared.

The other portraits were mostly still asleep, as the sun was just beginning to peak through the windows. It was still technically fall, but the morning breeze was cold enough to make her shiver. She was glad that she was wearing sweatpants and not a nightgown last night. She walked aimlessly until she had an aim. She made it to the Great Lake and breathed in the familiar wet smell of the fresh land and magical that rested there.

The sky was a collection of creamy ribbons – blues and pinks all smudging together with the morning clouds. The sun glowed orange, lighting the canvas up and creating an ethereal glow. Gwen breathed in deeply, like she could breathe in the powerful magic of nature.

She didn’t even pay attention as someone suddenly ran past her. Her hand shot to her heart, as it spiked in sudden panic. The person turned around and grinned widely at her. She sighed in relief and moved her hands to rest on her hips as she glared.

“What are you doing out here?” she demanded.

“I could ask you the same thing” J.B. grinned. He was in a gray sweat suit with gloves that showed the tips of his fingers. His skin was glistening with exertion and he was breathing heavily enough that Gwen could tell he had been running for a while.

“I came for an early morning walk,” Gwen said.

“Really?” J.B. said, drawing out the word as he walked back over to Gwen, “Do you normally take these early morning walks around this time?”

Gwen bit her tongue before answering. “Yes,” she lied. She knew the second J.B. grinned that she’d been caught.

“That’s interesting,” he said, “because I run out here every morning at this time for as long as I can remember. And it seems strange that we would never run into each other before. I mean, there really is so much lake. And even if -”

“Alright,” Gwen cut him off irritably, “I get it. I lied. I don’t come out here every day, okay?”

J.B. continued to grin as he tsked at her a few times. “And here I thought Gryffindor’s were protectors of sacred truth and nobility.”

Although he spoke in teasing, Gwen couldn’t help but recall the Fat Lady’s earlier remarks and J.B. didn’t miss the flash of pain that went across her face.

“Hey,” he said apologetically, “Gwen, I was kidding. Honestly.”

Gwen gave him an injured smile. “I know,” she replied.

Still look uncomfortable about the expression on her face, J.B. put his hands on his hips and evaluated her. Gwen noticed how much taller he was than her. He was probably the same height as Draco, but vastly larger. J.B. had muscles that Gwen didn’t know you could have.

“How about we walk together?” J.B. suggested.

Gwen thought she needed to be alone, but when she looked at J.B.’s kind face, she realized that she didn’t want that at all.

“I’d like that,” she said quietly.

“Come along then,” J.B. called out, nudging his head to the side. Gwen fell in step besides him, smiling at the way he adjusted his long stride to match hers. She was relieved that she could still smile at things.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re used to doing that?” she asked, pointing to his feet.

As if he understood her immediately, J.B. smiled. “My girlfriend, Eartha, always complains that I walk too fast for someone as tall as I am. She said she can’t keep up, so it’s my responsibility to slow down.”

Gwen laughed happily at that. “I like that.”

“You remind me of her,” J.B. noted.

“I hope that’s a compliment,” Gwen said unsurely.

J.B. laughed. “It is. She has a strong presence – a good one. So do you.”

“Really?” Gwen asked. She looked up at J.B. curiously. It was so strange to think of herself as someone with a strong presence. She often felt dwarfed by the magnitude of her friends. For most of her life, she was comfortable with that. She didn’t like the spotlight and never wanted it on her – she still didn’t want it.

J.B. nodded. He wiped off the misty sweat from his forehead with his sweater and put his hands in his pocket as they walked around the lake. “You’re just one of those people you can tell have a lot.”

“A lot of what?” Gwen was so curious to what J.B. had to say. This conversation was like someone sticking a tap in her head – it was letting things siphon out so she wouldn’t drown in her own thoughts.

“I don’t know what to call it,” J.B. mused. “You just have a lot of…spirit, I guess. Some people have enough to make them people, you know? Just enough to have a normal life. Some people don’t have enough and it can break them. But some people have a surplus, they have too much that sometimes they don’t even realize it.”

They walked silently as Gwen took in his words. The only sounds were their shoes squishing against the wet grass and the soft ripples of the lake.

“I’ve never thought of myself as having a surplus,” Gwen told J.B.

He nodded. “I can tell.”

She looked up at him. His profile was striking in the morning sun. His wide nose curved gently into the strong planes of his face. He darted his dark eyes towards Gwen, as a smile once again curved his lips.

J.B. nodded. “That’s why I offered to be your friend that day in class,” he revealed, “You seemed like you needed someone else to see you. Someone to see you for what you could be, if you were free.”

It took a lot of determination to keep Gwen from tripping over her own feet as she took in J.B.’s words.

“How do you know that?” Gwen asked. Her voice was soft, as if speaking louder would disturb the air around them.

J.B. looked at her then. “I can see it,” he said simply. He kept his steady pace but he stared at Gwen and she thought she saw something familiar in his gaze – something in herself. His eyes were dark and open and she got the feeling that he was seeing beyond her for a moment, and right then and there she believed him. She believed that he could see it. 

“How is it that you keep popping up when I don’t even know I need it?” Gwen mused quietly.

“Maybe there’s a greater force at work,” J.B. joked. Gwen laughed slightly and shook her head as they curved around the lake.

“That seems like a lot of trouble for something so insignificant,” she laughed.

J.B. paused then and gave her that deep stare that she couldn’t figure out. His deep voice halted Gwen’s heart for a second. His words sounded prophetic as the sun rose up from behind him, almost casting him in a full shadow and making Gwen feel smaller. “Maybe something out there decided that you weren’t insignificant at all. Maybe, Gwen, you’re the most important one of us all.”

Gwen didn’t think she believed him, but the hair on the back of her neck stood up as magic seemed to swirl around them – alive in a way that she never knew, like it was a different language. Something powerful throbbed in J.B.’s eyes and the wind seemed to blow harder until she let out the breath she hadn’t immediately realized that she’d been holding.

She never did respond and J.B. didn’t expect her to as they continued their walk. Even now, a sense of familiarity passed between them and it seemed as if they understood one another. Something in her heart warmed as they continued down the lake peacefully, and Gwen found herself thinking that J.B. was in fact nature in human flesh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you're crying. *raises hand full of soggy tissues*


	14. Disassociated Sensation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters from this universe. They belong to the beautifully talented JK Rowling. I only own my characters and the subsequent relationship and interactions with other characters.

They were all working on their Herbology lesson during class when Ron began to mutter about how unfair it was that he didn’t get invited to Slughorn’s Christmas party.

“He’s a bloody elitist,” Ron complained angrily.

“Well then why do you want to go?” Harry asked. He didn’t look up as he used the mortar and pestle to grind up the herbs they had been handed at the beginning of class.

Ron mashed his own with unnecessary force. “Well you’re all going,” he complained, “Even Gwen and she’s basically a hermit.”

Gwen flicked water from her cauldron at him in protest. “Thanks a lot,” she scoffed.

Ron gave her an apologetic look. “You know what I mean,” he told her.

Gwen didn’t even respond before he turned to Hermione to continue. “I can’t believe you’re going either,” he said to her.

Hermione raised her eyebrows, looking up from her work for the first time since class began. “Why shouldn’t I go?”

“Because Slughorn is a bore and you know it,” Ron argued, “Besides who are you going to go with? One of the pricks from the Slug Club?”

“Actually we’re allowed to invite whoever we want.” Hermione started casually. She leaned down to write something in her notebook before looking back up. “I was going to ask if you wanted to go.”

Gwen, Harry, and Ron all stopped moving with similar looks of shock. It was the most forward either Hermione or Ron had ever been in their years together. Ron blinked at her like a fish out of water before recovering.

“I mean…yeah, I guess, if you wanted, I could go with you,” He replied nonchalantly.

Hermione’s smile remained small but her eyes sparkled as she kept her voice neutral. “Of course, I’d understand if you didn’t want go. You know, with Slughorn being a bore and all.”

Gwen bit her lip to keep from laughing as she watched them both. Ron, with a serious expression on his face, was now slowly and methodically mashing the herbs in his mortar– most likely turning them into smithereens. His eyes were watching them like they were going to give him the answer and there was a flush of color on his cheeks as he began to nod slowly.

“Yeah, I’ll think about it and let you know,” he bluffed.

“Okay,” Hermione agreed lightly, “Let me know.”

Gwen was staring with glee at her two friends. _It_ was happening and she was here to witness as it played out. She wanted to clap or do a quidditch cheer or something, but instead she made eye contact with Hermione and grinned widely. Hermione smiled back before looking to Ron and biting her lip to keep the grin threatening to eat her face from growing.

Gwen looked at Harry to see if he was as giddy as she was, but his eyes were cast downward as he moved on to the next portion of his work. Gwen kicked him from under the table and when he looked up she wiggled her eyebrows awkwardly and glanced meaningfully at their two blushing friends.

Harry gave her a half-hearted smile but his eyes were tired and worried. She gave him a concerned look to which he shook his head and moved back to his work. She watched for a few more seconds before turning back to her own work as they passed through the remainder of the class in silence.

__

They parted after they were dismissed, all moving in different directions. Hermione was off to her extra credit course, Ron and Harry were off to quidditch practice, and Gwen was going to go hide in her room and continue her reading of the mysterious book she discovered from the Restricted Section.

She moved speedily down the hall, thinking of what she had learned so far – which was not much. The whole first part of the book was a long family tree of descendants from this one family of seers, and for one family, they had gotten around quite a bit. It was a matrilineal descent, the gift passing from mother to daughter, but there were colors and codes that Gwen couldn’t understand.

The book itself was dense and the language was old and confusing. It took Gwen three times as long to get through a page about Seers than it normally took her to read an entire book, and that was assuming she was able to read this book at all.

She finally entered her room and locked the door behind her, hoping to deter any unwanted intrusions for a while. She dropped her bag, scarf, and robes to the floor before slipping off her shoes and laying in her bed. She reached into her bedside table and slid the light as air book into the lap.

She traced the title once more. _The Honorable History of Seers and of the Sight._   

The book no longer sighed as it did when she first found it. It seemed to have grown used to her touch, but it did almost exhale in relief when she lifted it into her lap, like it was stretching in preparation. She opened the book to the first pages, like she always did, and looked at the family trees again. She loved the way they curved, stretched, and ended abruptly. There was so much history in those lines – so many stories.

Tracing a line upwards, she read a name from the original family. There were six sisters in total, it seemed like three of the lines had died out centuries ago. The three left were _Mariana, Kalinda, and Amoldina Hamida._

Her finger found Amoldina’s lineage line. It was the thickest of all of them; the black ink almost denting the page. Maybe that meant her powers were the strongest. Gwen traced the line through her descendants, noticing that there were significantly less than her sisters. Her line ended with one more person, _Sahar Chenweike_. She had a date of birth but no date of death, but with a book this old that didn’t mean she was still alive.

Gwen continued to trace the line carefully, like the book would just come right out and tell her the story. After a while, she sighed and flipped the page to her makeshift bookmark – an old receipt from a bookshop she visited over the summer with Adora – and opened up to the page she last left off on.

_How to Stimulate the Sight_

Gwen began to read slowly to absorb the information as best she could before she skipped down to a section that was legible.

_…in order to stimulate the sight, a seer must possess extreme physical strength as the bodily taxation of such an act is highly demanding. Also the mental anguish that a seer may potentially endure, such as blinding pain for a prolonged period of time, should be considered as a necessary risk for sight. To avoid such risks, a seer may utilize…_

Gwen scanned the ingredients list. She didn’t know what half of these were and the ones that she did recognize were vague at best. She didn’t know where she’d begin at trying to find them.

She looked back to again read the steps for stimulating a vision. There were different options given, she noted: you could submerge yourself, you could throw yourself from a great height, or walk along hot coals…

The running theme seemed to be pushing yourself to the precipice of death – which was not a concept she comfortable with. She turned towards the bathroom and bit her lip. This could be crazy, she fretted, and it probably wouldn’t even work…but she had to try.

Slowly, like she was still making up her mind, Gwen lifted the open book to her chest as she walked towards the bathroom and after making sure there was no water lingering, she placed the book open on the counter. The room was stark quiet as she turned the faucet in the tub until the sound of running water filled the air.

She stepped out of her clothes, letting them drop to the floor and lifted the book once more as she reread the directions, making sure not to miss any fine print and accidentally drown herself.

If she was reading it properly, the book said that she had to submerge herself and utilize her mental energy to focus on her sight, not her breath. It was only when could she disassociate from reality that she would be able to access her visions. She put the book down on the counter with a shaky breath.

With that vague information in hand, she turned off the water and stepped into the tub. The warm water caused the hairs on her body to stand on edge as she lowered herself into a sitting position. With her hands pressed firmly against the sides of the tub, Gwen took a deep breath, and before she could talk herself out of it, slowly pushed herself back until she was completely underwater.

She immediately felt the need to breathe, but tried to focus on the blackness behind her eyes. She took mental breaths and fought to keep her attention on her mind, ignoring the primal parts of her head to get up and find oxygen.

She visualized a small point in her mind, a small white light in the back of her head, and began to move towards it. She felt the distant pangs for air running through her head, but ignored all else except this one point as she continued.  

She dug her hands against the sides of the bathtub, forcing herself to stay down. Only a little farther, she promised her lungs. What felt like hours passed and the need for air was rivaling all else and she could feel the alarms going off in her head. She turned off all noise and continued to move towards the light, envisioning it getting bigger and bigger until it was right in front of her. When she was certain her time was up, her brain cracked in half and she fell through.

The image was milky, like she was watching through an old looking glass. She was in a cold and grey room that she didn’t recognize. She walked through the house, leaving wet footprints in her wake. Her senses were guiding her towards an old ornate wooden door with serpents along the doorjamb. She lifted her hand to the great knob and opened the door.

Her heart stopped beating.

He was there.

Him.

The Dark Lord.

He was gliding up and down the room, causing people to flinch as he neared them. She didn’t recognize a lot of the people in the room and she couldn’t even look at anyone else. His face was too much. His skin was pale, he almost blended into the wall. His red eyes bounced across the room with a predatory alarm. A large snake was curled on the floor, watching his movements with a possessive unblinking gaze. The Dark Lord suddenly turned and looked at Gwen and she stopped breathing. Did he see her?

“ _Finally, you’ve arrived,”_ he sighed.

Gwen silently yelped as someone walked through her. She watched as a familiar body reluctantly moved into the room.

“No,” Gwen whispered.

“ _My dear boy_ ,” the Dark Lord cooed. He came up and wrapped his arm around Draco’s shoulders; he moved like smoke. Draco was so tense that he looked as if he might shatter beneath the touch. The Dark Lord moved him to the front of the room to face everyone else.

Gwen stared at Draco’s haggard face. The black circles under his eyes stretched into his gaunt cheeks. He looked horrible, Gwen thought painfully. He looked like the life was being sucked from him.

“ _To my champion_ ,” the Dark Lord called out, “ _for taking on this glorious task. Your parents must be so proud_.”

Gwen turned and saw that Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy sat anxiously in the corner. They too looked old and tired as they watched their son. Their presence was made small by the looming and dangerous aura of the Dark Lord.

“ _Now, you must not fail the next time, Draco_ ,” the Dark Lord whispered.

Draco’s face paled further, if that was possible, and his eyes were lidded with barely repressed fear as the Dark Lord continued.

“ _You’ve failed me once and there is only so much I will tolerate before I take matters into my own hands_ ,” he threatened with a falsely kind voice, “ _Is that clear, my boy_?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Draco said emotionlessly. He was stiff; worse than marble, Gwen thought. He looked brittle and jagged as he stood in front of his family with the Dark Lord circling him like a vulture waiting for its wounded prey to give up.

The Dark Lord grinned and Gwen fought the urge to charge at him. “ _Your parents will be so grateful to have their honor restored_.”

Gwen looked back over to the Malfoy’s. They didn’t look grateful; they looked terrified for their lives. What was going on here, Gwen thought. What situation had the Malfoy’s landed themselves in by their own arrogance and discrimination? And why did they drag their son into it?

“ _Isn’t that right, Lucius_?” the Dark Lord called out. He seemed intent on humiliating all of them as thoroughly as he could for his own twisted amusement.

“ _Yes, my lord_ ,” Lucius stuttered. He looked so much like a scared animal that Gwen felt sympathy stir in her chest.

“ _Do not fail me, Draco_ ,” the Dark Lord cooed. He circled until he stood behind Draco and grasped his shoulders tightly. He gave a vicious smile that Draco couldn’t see as he spoke next. “ _The weight of our success rests upon your shoulders_.”

Something violent stirred in Gwen’s chest. “No!” She shouted as she lunged towards Draco.

The image began to swirl and Gwen suddenly broke through the water and leapt from the tub.

She coughed violently, crouched on the bathroom floor, until it reverberated off the tile walls and her throat was sore. She shuddered against the sudden cold as she dripped onto the floor. With all the confidence of a newborn, Gwen shakily stood up and leaned heavily against the counter, dripping onto the book, as she began to move from the bathroom to her bed. She wrapped her wet body in the blanket on her bed and continued to shiver.

This time it wasn’t from the cold in the air, but the images in her head. She didn’t know what to do with them. She didn’t know if that was the past, present, or future. She couldn’t tell anyone, not even Draco, what she saw.

She turned and looked at the window on the opposite side of the room. What task had Draco been appointed?

 _“It was Malfoy,”_ Harry had said.

Gwen froze suddenly as the images played in her head once more. Katie Bells’ tortured screaming face as she was thrust into the air. The necklace. Leanne sobbing in Professor McGonagall’s arms.

 _“To whom was Katie meant to give the necklace to, Leanne?”_ McGonagall had asked her.

 _“Professor Dumbledore, ma’am.”_ Leanne had sobbed.

Gwen shut her eyes against the connection. No, she thought viciously. Draco wasn’t sent to –

No, she couldn’t even form the thought. She shut her eyes against the images swirling in her mind. It was something else, but whatever it was it wasn’t good. The Dark Lord chose Draco because he was a student, which meant it was someone in the school – whoever the task was intended for.

She remembered his face as he left her on the Astronomy Tower that night last week. He had been so different. So cold and removed from her, like he was there but he really wasn’t. She didn’t know where they stood. They weren’t talking because she never saw him. She thought about sending him another note but she never knew what to say.

But she knew what she needed to do.

How could she save him? She opened her eyes when she felt the sun shine on her face. The light was instantly calming. She could do this, she told herself. She could save Draco. She could keep him safe.

___

Gwen stared at the door in front of her pensively. She had been pacing in front of it for a while, chewing her lip and scrunching her brow in thought.

She should just go in, Gwen thought, annoyed at her hesitancy. She stomped her foot on the ground in frustration and reached up to knock on the door but halted before she made contact. She snatched her hand away and began to pace once more.

She had nothing to lose, right? Wrong, she thought immediately. This could go horribly wrong. She could get exposed. She could get used. So many things could go wrong. So many things could be lost.

But there’s so much more to gain, she reasoned with herself. Her rapid pacing slowed down as she stared at the door. If there was any chance that she could save Draco, then she would do whatever it took.

Fortified by the idea, she reached forward and knocked in a staccato rhythm.

Nothing happened.

There was no sound behind the door. Maybe no one was there; Gwen bit her lip again. She reached forward and a little sturdier this time, she knocked firmly against the door. After a few silent minutes, Gwen pressed her ear against the door. She heard nothing. She thought for sure that someone –

The door swung open in such a flourish that Gwen froze stiff in shock. Professor Trelawney opened the door while simultaneously leaning out – it was a miracle her face didn’t smash into the sturdy wood.

Professor Trelawney blinked a few times before her eyes recognized her. “Ah, Gwen!” She cried out happily. “How nice it is to see you. I apologize for not opening right away. You see, I was quite lost in my meditations. And I’m also quite wary of answering the door now with all of last year, you see, remember with Umbridge. The horrible woman, but she’s gone and all is good. Oh, dear, please don’t just stand there. Do come in.”

Still reeling, Gwen allowed Professor Trelawney to guide her inside into her office. It was a warm space, with soft lights reflecting off crystal and china. The air smelled like lavender and tea leaves.

“Can I make you a cup of tea?” Professor Trelawney called out. Gwen only just realized that she was still speaking.

“Oh, yes, please,” Gwen said. She spun around a bit, looking at the room in further detail. Wind chimes hung from the ceiling, giving the room a sense of life as the wind whistled softly through them.

She continued to hear Professor Trelawney in the background as she fiddled with the kettle, never taking a breath to pause in her ramblings to notice if Gwen was listening. Gwen slowly began to walk through the office, pausing at the bookshelf. Her eyes scanning the massive texts greedily.

_The Seers Guide to Past Sight_

_Opening Your Portal Eye_

_Mother Sight_

_Vision and the Beyond_

She was surreptitiously looking to see if Professor Trelawney also possessed a copy of _The Honorable History._ Even though it was in the Restricted Section, professors had access to such things. But there was nothing that old on Professor Trelawney’s bookshelf. She wondered if Professor Trelawney could even answer her questions about the book – who wrote it, was it lost to the family, how did the school acquire it?

“Come, dear,” Professor Trelawney moved past Gwen. Professor Trelawney was always eccentric and unpredictable and Gwen always found it a bit uncomfortable. Sybill Trelawney moved too freely, spoke without restraint, and acted without guard – all things that Gwen did not do.

Gwen sat stiffly across from Professor Trelawney and accepted the cup of tea with a smile. She glanced down and saw the tea leaves swirling at the bottom. This wasn’t a new experience for her. It wasn’t the first time that Gwen ever drank a cup of tea like this, but it was the first time she was really looking for answers.

“I’m very surprised to see you, Guinevere. That’s your full name isn’t it?” Professor Trelawney continued.

Gwen nodded her head, trying to loosen her posture. “It is,” she said. Someone else might have offered more information, but Gwen let the silence settle over them.

Professor Trelawney didn’t seem to mind Gwen’s closed-off behavior and nodded her head and continued to make small talk. After a few minutes, Gwen felt like she needed to interject or she might burst.

“Excuse me, Professor,” Gwen said politely, “There’s something I wanted to speak to you about.”

Trelawney stopped mid-sentence and looked concern. “Is everything alright? Is it about your marks? You’re doing quite splendidly in class, Gwen, truly. Nothing to be worried about.”

Gwen gave a smile that felt like grimace. “No, it’s not about my marks, Professor. It’s about…”

She trailed off because the tea in her hands suddenly felt cold against her nervous hands. She didn’t know how to start or where to begin.

“Guinevere, dear, is everything alright?” Professor Trelawney asked gently.

 _Courage, Guinevere,_ Gwen thought to herself.  

“Yes, I’m alright, Professor, thank you.” Gwen began. She put her tea cup down and looked up into Professor Trelawney’s eyes. “I was wondering if you could tell me about…the sight.”

Gwen never felt so tightly wound in her entire life as she stared at Professor Trelawney with wide, brick-wall eyes. Waiting for the Professor to laugh, scoff, or throw her into Azkaban for undisclosed reasons.

But she did none of those things.

Professor Trelawney’s eyes went soft as she regarded Gwen. The sound of wind chimes whistling through the air, filling the room softly. The sun seemed to climb further over them from the window, like it was trying to see into the room, as it warmed Gwen’s lap and face.

“The sight, my dear?” Professor Trelawney’s voice lost all of its mania.

“Yes,” Gwen continued. The change in the room was palpable, but it didn’t scare her. The room got warmer, as if trying to encourage her. “How…how do you know if you really have it?”

Professor Trelawney’s eyes were perceptive but not cunning and Gwen relaxed slightly beneath them. “The sight,” Professor Trelawney began, “Is a gift passing down through family lines.”

Gwen nodded. “Yes,” she acknowledged, “But how do you know if you have the gift, if you have no way of knowing your family lines?”

Gwen was surprised when Professor Trelawney began to turn misty. “My dear,” she began, “Is there something you wish to tell me?”

Gwen rolled her lips tightly together. It was now or never. “Professor, I’ve…I…think I’ve seen things,” she choked out.

Professor Trelawney regarded Gwen carefully before turning in a quick flourish and moving a chest in the back of the room. Gwen didn’t say anything as Professor Trelawney began to rummage through the trunk while muttering under her breath.

It wasn’t long before she extracted what she needed and came back to sit in front of Gwen. Gwen saw that she was holding a small pot in her hand. Professor Trelawney’s voice was quiet as she spoke.

“This will tell us what you are seeing,” she murmured, “If what you are seeing is from sight, we will know.”

Gwen felt worry seize her chest but she fisted her hands as they rested in her lap and nodded wordlessly. Professor Trelawney nodded and opened the small pot to reveal a rusty looking clay. She dipped her fingers in it before reaching over and drawing a straight vertical line from the middle of Gwen’s forehead to right between her eyes.

Gwen fought the urge to shiver beneath the professor’s cold fingers as she held her breath. Professor Trelawney sat back and Gwen felt the clay on her forehead tingle. She watched the expression on Professor Trelawney’s face carefully. She was shocked when the professor’s lips parted and she suddenly began to cry softly. Gwen opened her mouth wordlessly, unsure of what to do.

“Oh, my dear,” Professor Trelawney whispered maternally, “You have _seen_.”

Gwen felt something burn between her eyes as emotion rose in her throat. Professor Trelawney reached to her side and pulled out a small mirror to hand to Gwen. Gwen took the mirror unsurely and held it her face.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she saw her reflection. The straight Professor Trelawney had drawn on her forehead had altered into the form of an eye, resting between her brows.

A third eye, Gwen realized.

Professor Trelawney leaned forward and grasped one of Gwen’s hand in hers as tears began to roll down her face. Gwen felt wetness on her own cheeks as she looked up into the blue bespectacled eyes of Professor Trelawney. The eccentric woman spoke softly to her in a voice generations old.

“You have awoken, Guinevere.”

__

Many days later, Gwen was standing in the stands screaming her lungs out.

“GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR”

Gwen was hollering loudly, knocking into Hermione, who gave her an irritable frown.

“Why are you always so hyper at quidditch matches?” Hermione complained.

“Because everyone is hyper,” Gwen said happily, keeping her eyes on the game, “It’s like mob mentality. You’re basically invisible.”

She gave another enthusiastic whoop as Ron blocked another throw by a Slytherin chaser. “GO, RON!” She screamed.

Hermione grabbed her arm. “Gwen, he’s using the Felix Felicis,” Hermione admonished under her breath, “It’s cheating.”

Gwen turned and raised her eyebrows suggestively. “Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?”

Hermione was proud enough to look offended. “That was different,” she argued, “That was an audition; this is a match.”

“If you’re having to split hairs, there’s probably something wrong,” Gwen told her. She turned and kept clapping with the other people in the stands.

Hermione was petulantly standing next to her, not allowing herself to enjoy the game. Although Gwen did her best to ignore Hermione, she felt her mood drop and sighed. It was nice while it lasted, she mentally shrugged.

Gryffindor won, but they were silent as they made their way back to the common room after. Everyone was still cheering, making the maroon room brighter with pride.

“That was wicked,” Neville told Ron enthusiastically.

Ron smiled widely and shrugged his shoulders. “It was alright,” he shrugged casually.

Gwen grinned at his behavior. “It’s amazing that you’re able to stay so humble after such a victory,” she mused sarcastically.

Ron rocked forward on his feet. “It’s all in your mentality. ‘Member where you’ve been and all,” he preened.

Gwen shook her head with a grin and Ron’s face slackened a bit. He turned his back to the crowd and moved towards his friend so no one would overhear them. “It was the potion,” he mumbled, “It wasn’t me.”

“Wasn’t it?” Harry mused. A small vial flickered in his hands for a moment before he put it back in his pocket.

“You didn’t use it?” Hermione gasped.

Harry shook his head no.

“Why, Potter, you, sly fox,” Gwen teased.

Harry gave Gwen a crooked grin and looked at Ron’s surprised face. He’d been struck mute by the news and was staring at Harry with confusion.

“So Ron won on his own?” Hermione asked skeptically.

Ron’s face changed at her tone and he turned towards her irritably. “What does that mean?” He accused.

Hermione reared back slightly. “Nothing,” she exclaimed.

“You don’t think I could win without it, is that it?” Ron snapped angrily. “You’ve got that little faith in me.”

Gwen was surprised by the sudden harshness in his tone, but Hermione looked completely aghast as she stepped towards him. “Ron, that’s not true at all,” she said quickly. “You know that’s not true.”

“Right,” Ron scoffed angrily before stomping away from them.

Hermione made a move to follow him but she wasn’t fast enough. Lavender Brown shot out from the crowd towards Ron.

“You did amazingly, Ron,” she complimented intensely. “The best playing I’ve ever seen.”

“Thanks,” Ron said. He turned back to give Hermione a harsh glare. “It’s nice somebody thinks so.”

Hermione opened her mouth but Lavender cut her off. “I do,” she cried out shrilly. “I think you’re the best player in all world. I…”

She trailed off before jumping forward and grabbing Ron’s face. Before anyone could blink, Lavender was kissing Ron with a fervor that was reserved for long-estranged lovers. Ron stood dumbly for a moment before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her back.

“Merlin,” Gwen muttered. She moved back slightly to the give the couple more room and bumped into Harry. He caught her arm to keep her from tipping over. Gwen turned to thank him and paused.

“Where’s Hermione?” She asked. She craned her head around before realizing that her curly-haired friend was gone.

Harry frowned and began to look to. “She’s gone,” he murmured.

Gwen turned back to look at Ron and Lavender snogging and she frowned with a sympathetic pang in her heart. “Let’s go find her,” she said quietly to Harry.

He nodded and followed Gwen from the room. They moved through the silent halls before hearing the soft sounds of crying. Gwen picked up her pace as she moved to the source and paused as she saw Hermione sitting at the bottom of a staircase, crying into her hands.

She swallowed her pain for her friend and immediately went to her side. She wrapped an arm around Hermione and hugged her closely. Hermione leaned into Gwen’s side and continued to cry for a little while before wiping her eyes.

Harry sat on the opposite side of Hermione, reaching forward and holding her hand. Gwen and him shared a worried look before Hermione began to speak.

“How do you both do it?” Hermione whispered, “How do you both look at someone you care about be with someone else and not hurt from it all of the time?”

Gwen felt herself choke and kept her eyes trained on Hermione even as Harry looked at her. Gwen didn’t answer even when Hermione sat up and looked at her. Her eyes were wet and she met Gwen’s frankly. “I saw you with Colin the other day in the courtyard,” she whispered. “How can you see him with Arden?”

Gwen didn’t even open her mouth because she couldn’t bear to lie to Hermione right now. She gave her a pleading look and shook her head. Hermione turned to Harry. “And Ginny,” she said tearfully, “I see the way you look at her, Harry. How does it feel when you see her with Dean?”

Gwen blinked for a moment in surprise at Harry, who looked vaguely uncomfortable for second. He sighed silently before leaning into Hermione.

“It feels like this,” he murmured.

Gwen pressed against Hermione as well. She stretched her arm to reach Harry as well, as she held friends closely to her. They sat that way for a while - all of them heartbroken and all of them hopelessly lost in their own thoughts.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So truth telling time: The reason that this chapter took so long for me to post is because I was having serious doubts about continuing this story. I've been writing a novel - an original novel - for a while now and there's something that's going to happen in this story that I created that I thought I wanted for my character in my novel. So I was afraid that if I included it here that someone would take it and stealing is not okay, kids. I wrestled for about two weeks if I should try and change the story or just stop writing it before I came to conclusion to do neither. I couldn't change this story because changing it made me love it less and if I love it less, I don't want to write it. All of the different leaps fell flat compared to the original and I thought you guys deserved better. 
> 
> So with a leap of good faith, I'm going to continue the story as I intended because I love this story and I love you guys. It was just last week that I created a folder for Year 7 and wrote a scene that made me cry with joy. I want you guys to enjoy this story to its fullest. I want you to enjoy it as I intended it. So this is my love letter to all of you. Thank you for strengthening my life-force with your comments and kudos and encouraging me to continue this story. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. xx


	15. Strength Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, bookmark, and comment! xx

“Hold on a bit longer, Gwen,” Professor Trelawney called out.

Gwen squeezed her hands into fists, concentrating on the small dot of light in the back of her mind, as she moved close enough to touch it. She hovered at the threshold of her sight as she flexed every muscle in her body.

“Forget your breath,” Professor Trelawney coached from an unknown distance, “Forget your physical body and focus on your mental state.”

Her voice was muffled as Gwen gritted her teeth to lock the string of expletives behind her lips, white with strain. She felt sweat drip down her face and neck as she was shaking from the sheer determination to stay at the threshold in her mind without actually falling in.

With a loud gasp, Gwen faltered and she landed back in Professor Trelawney’s office. She collapsed onto the ground and lay motionless on her back as she violently dragged breath in and out of her system. Her body was cold with sweat and her muscles were exhausted.

Professor Trelawney came over to hand Gwen a glass of water. “That was much better,” Professor Trelawney encouraged. “You held your breath for over three minutes.”

Gwen and Professor Trelawney had been doing these exercises for a few weeks now, and so far Gwen had been directed to plunge her head under ice water for extended periods of time, hold hot coal in her hand, hang off of her broomstick with only one arm, and strain her body to the point of exhaustion by holding her breath for extended periods of time over and over again until she was shaking. In that time, Gwen hadn’t had a single vision.

“ _It’s giving you the muscles to control them_ ,” Professor Trelawney explained on their first day of training.

“This can’t be healthy,” Gwen groaned while pushing up on her arms to reach for the glass.

Professor Trelawney laughed. “Most probably not,” she said lightly, “But all great gifts come with a great price.”

Gwen huffed out another breath before taking a few large gulps of water, causing it to dribble onto her chin. She pushed a loose ribbon of her hair off of her face and laid back down, staring at the wind chimes gently clinking together. She shut her eyes to rest for a moment.

“You’ll need to get stronger,” Professor Trelawney told her.

“Stronger?” Gwen questioned with her eyes closed.

“Physically,” Professor Trelawney said. “The sight requires as much physical strength as it does mental.”

“So I need to work out?” Gwen asked.

“I suppose so,” Professor Trelawney agreed. “Whatever that means to you.”

“Hmm,” Gwen grunted, “I’ve been running most mornings with J.B.”

“That’s good,” Professor Trelawney nodded. “J.B. is a good boy. He too has the sight, you now.”

Gwen lifted her head to look at the Professor in surprise. “He has visions?”

“Oh, no,” Professor Trelawney laughed, waving a hand through the air. “The sight does not necessarily mean visions. His mother might have sight is all. He is a boy and it is rare that they ever gain true sight. It is a gift tied to womanhood usually.”

“So in a boy…?” Gwen asked.

“It just makes them more perceptive,” Professor Trelawney explained. “He sees more than most. He’ll be fairly intuitive.”

Gwen nodded, thinking of J.B.’s observations of her. He did have the unsettling ability to see into her without her saying anything. “Do I need to be careful of him?”

Professor Trelawney thought of that for a moment. “I’m not sure,” she said honestly, “But you too possess the sight, much stronger than his for that matter. To understand your sight, you must begin to trust it – trust in your intuition.”

“Seeing more does not always make life easier,” Professor Trelawney continued in a low voice. “It actually has a habit of making life far more complicated.”

“That sounds like a warning,” Gwen murmured.

“It very much is,” the Professor confirmed.

Wanting to move on in the conversation, Gwen rolled over and pushed herself up on her hands and knees. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Professor Trelawney smiled at her again. Her curved crescent glasses pressed into the tops of her rosy cheeks cheerfully. “I am quite proud of you, Gwen,” she murmured, “You’re doing wonderfully.”

Gwen felt that whoosh of embarrassed pleasure in the pit of her stomach. “Thank you, Professor,” she said awkwardly.

As if her slight discomfort gave her strength, Gwen stood up and gave what was hopefully a kind smile. Professor Trelawney took a sip from her tea and her eyes went sharp with perception. “Have you told anyone about this?”

“What _this_?” Gwen asked stupidly.

“Our training, your sight,” Professor Trelawney elaborated.

“My friends know,” Gwen said hesitantly, as if Trelawney was going to reprimand her for telling anyone, but instead the Professor nodded like this pleased her.

“That’s good,” Professor Trelawney said, “This is not an easy thing to go through alone.”

Gwen bit her tongue to keep from confessing all of her secrets right then and there and instead focused on something else. “I haven’t told my mother,” Gwen confessed instead.

Professor Trelawney tilted her head to the side. “Why not?” she asked. “Are you afraid she won’t understand?”

“It’s not that,” Gwen struggled to answer, “It’s just…the sight is passed through bloodlines...”

“Yes,” Professor Trelawney nodded with confusion at her hesitance.

Gwen sighed. “I don’t want my mother to feel bad that there are questions about my past that she can’t answer and I wouldn’t want to hurt her by going and looking for them.”

She finished with a sharp inhale and stared over Professor Trelawney’s shoulder. Over the course of their training, Gwen had relaxed enough around the eccentric professor to begin to see her as another maternal figure, like how she saw Mrs. Weasley or Professor McGonagall. Professor Trelawney was the closest link Gwen had with their her past and her powers and was so willing to help her understand and control it, and this meant more to Gwen than she could express in words.

Professor Trelawney’s eyes went soft with compassion. “Ah,” she murmured, “I see now.” They sat in silence for a moment before Professor Trelawney spoke again. “I’ve never met your mother, Guinevere, but I can see very clearly that you love her very much and love like that is only born from one being love as much in return.”

Gwen fidgeting quietly as Professor Trelawney continued. “Your mother must love you a great deal,” Professor Trelawney said gently, “And she will understand when you tell her.”

Gwen felt the painful burning sensation of tears and nodded, biting her lip. “Thank you, Professor,” she said sincerely.

Professor Trelawney smiled and stood up, pulling Gwen into a hug. “Besides it’s almost Christmas,” Professor Trelawney declared. “Christmas is an excellent time for such things.”

Gwen laughed before remembering. “Speaking of Christmas,” she murmured. She turned and moved towards her bag, pulling at the neatly wrapped parcel sitting on top. She turned and smiled nervously as she held out the present.

“This is for you,” Gwen said. It wasn’t anything big, but the gold wrapping paper glowed brightly in the reflection of the dusky evening sky.

Professor Trelawney made a surprised squeak. “My dear, you shouldn’t have,” she worried.

“I know,” Gwen shrugged, “But I wanted to. To thank you for all you’ve been doing for me.”

“You need not thank me for anything,” Professor Trelawney waved her hand erratically. “It is the duty of a teacher to help a pupil.”

Gwen smiled at her. “I still appreciate it. Happy Christmas,” she said.

Professor Trelawney wiped a tear from her eye and took the gift with another gasping awe. “You shouldn’t have,” she kept saying under her breath. She pulled gently at the paper, putting the box on a nearby table to unwrap it. She dug through the tissue paper and pulled out the gift with a squeak of joy.

“This is too much,” she insisted.

Gwen laughed joyously. She had noticed about a week ago that Professor Trelawney’s personal crystal ball stand was falling apart and so she took it upon herself to get her a new one made of onyx. It was dark as night and smooth as water. It was engraved with beautiful and ancient designs that told the story of revival and rebirth of a phoenix’s life.

“I hope you like it,” Gwen said modestly.

“I absolutely love it,” Professor Trelawney said happily, “But I can’t accept this, Gwen. It’s too much.”

Gwen shook her head and held up her hands. “No, I can’t talk it back, Professor. I want you to have it. I picked it especially for you.” This was all true and Gwen watched Professor Trelawney wrestle for a moment before smiling.

“Thank you, my dear,” she said. She pulled the gift and held it to her heart. “I will cherish it always.”

Gwen smiled broadly as Professor Trelawney reached forward and gave her a hug. She returned it with a comfortable sense of ease due which surprised her. It normally took her quite a bit to warmup to people but this year, Gwen had felt more trusting than she ever had. She was able to feel people in a way that she hadn’t been able to before – if they were good, bad, manipulative, honest. Perhaps that was her intuition, she realized…perhaps that was the power of her sight.

__

Gwen woke up the next morning as the sun was just starting to reach the sky. She felt a sense of dread, but fought it as pulled herself up with a heavy sigh. She kept her running clothes on the edge of her bed so she could change into them under her warm covers.

She wore J.B.’s recommended uniform of sweatpants and sweatshirt to deal with the frigid snow air. They’d been running every morning for about two weeks now and everyday Gwen wanted to quit, but she stayed with it because she could feel the differences every day in her training with Professor Trelawney – and every difference counted.

She slipped on her socks and tumbled out of her bed, putting on the old pair of sneakers that she’d managed to find. She walked quietly to the bathroom to wash her face with tepid water to get the sleep from her eyes and did a rough job of brushing her teeth before walking to make her leave.

“Gwen?” Hermione croaked.

Gwen turned to look at her half-sleeping friend as she slipped on her jacket. “Go back to sleep, Mione,” Gwen said gently.

Hermione sat up anyways with a stern look on her face. “It’s too cold,” Hermione said groggily, “You’ll get ill.”

“I’ll be fine,” Gwen promised, “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Hermione grumbled something under her breath before flopping back down to her pillows with a loud thump. Gwen laughed under her breath and left, making her way down the stairs and into the common room.

Some students were up, finish late assignments with panic and urgency – a staple of this time of year. Gwen smiled casually at a few people she knew, like Neville, and continued on her way. If people wondered she was heading off to before dawn in sweats, they didn’t ask. But maybe that was because they didn’t feel like they could.

She stepped into the castle hall and gave a static wave in greeting as J.B. kicked himself off of the wall. “Morning,” J.B. greeted in a laughing voice – he was always laughing at her.  

He reminded Gwen of Fred and George that way. She gave him her customary eye roll and frown as they continued to walk down the hall.

“You were a bit slower than usual getting out this morning,” he noted.

“Why are you always so perky?” She complained.

J.B. laughed. “I figure after a month of running, you’ll be the same,” he prophesized.

“Not likely,” Gwen snorted. “Besides I’m not running over Christmas.”

J.B. halted and stared at her with astonishment. “Why not?” He gasped.

Gwen raised her eyebrows at him. “It’s Christmas, J.B. The time of good cheer and happiness; I can’t ruin that with exercise.”

J.B. looked like he was trying not to laugh and instead rolled his eyes. “You’re dramatic,” he said as they continued to make with way to the Great Lake.

“No,” Gwen said, “I’m sore.”

J.B. let a huff of laughter out at that. “We’ll do more strength training when you get back.”

“Yippee,” Gwen muttered.

They finally made it to the Great Lake and Gwen automatically began to stretch. J.B. insisted that they torture themselves with a few minutes of stretching in the cold to “loosen their muscles.”

Gwen, always impatient, finished her stretches faster and probably ineffectively. She hopped in place as she waited for J.B., as he leisurely stretched.

“Can you and your gigantic body finish up?” Gwen snapped. “It’s freezing, J.B.”

J.B. laughed loudly as her stretched his left arm across his torso. “It’s not my fault you have less to work with.”

“I bet Eartha would agree with me,” Gwen muttered.

J.B.’s face was always soft at the mention of his girlfriend. He sighed. “Yeah, she probably would.”

Gwen laugh was broken off as J.B. began to lightly jog, forcing her to keep pace with him. “You haven’t met Earth yet,” J.B. commented.

Gwen shook her head as she ran. “I need to,” she teased, “So we can complain about you together.”

“Merlin,” J.B. grumbled. “Maybe you shouldn’t meet.”

That made Gwen laugh loudly, causing her running to fall out of tempo. “Watch your feet,” J.B. called out in his trainer voice.

Gwen complied with comment and continued their conversation. “I’d like to meet her,” she said sincerely.

“Really?” J.B. said, turning his head to look at her while they ran.

“Yes,” Gwen confirmed.

“Why?” He asked.

Gwen turned to look at him and grinned. “For all of your weird and invasive comments, I like you and I think I’d like her too.”

That made J.B. grin widely, showcasing his perfectly white straight teeth that rivaled the freshly fallen snow. “I think you guys would get along too,” J.B. acknowledged. “You’ve taken on an annoying younger sister role in my life.”

Gwen guffawed at that. “We’re the same age,” she argued.

“I’m older,” J.B. challenged.

“By a few months,” Gwen snorted.

“By almost a year and you know it,” J.B. insisted.

“Whatever,” Gwen said, rolling her eyes.

“No more of your sass, Easton,” J.B. said. “Come on, we’re getting to the first sprint interval.”

Gwen groaned but picked up the pace as they began to race faster around the lake. They went on like this for forty-five minutes until she was walking slowly back to the tree where she had flung her jacket after the second mile.

“You’re getting better,” J.B. commented while stretching.

“That seems to the common theme,” Gwen noticed to herself with pleasure.

“What do you mean?” J.B. asked.

 Gwen realized what mistake she made and turned to look at J.B. He was touching his toes with annoying ease before he stood up to look at Gwen.

“I just mean that I’m getting better at running,” she explained casually – carefully.

J.B.’s eyes scanned the planes of her face and with her own insight she could see that he did not trust her answer. He said as much as he responded. “I always think things are changing. You know, one day you’ll feel like you won’t have to lie so much or be afraid, but now I’m not so sure.”

Gwen felt defensive and unsure all at once. She latched onto the more concrete of the two and crossed her arms. “I haven’t known you that long, J.B.” she said tightly. “A few weeks of running doesn’t exactly make us blood brothers.”

J.B. pursed his lips for a moment before nodding. “You’re right,” he acknowledged. “I just think it’s dangerous to have that many secrets.”

Gwen frowned but didn’t respond.

“I’m just saying,” he continued, “If you need a friend, I can be your friend.”

Gwen knew he was being sincere because she could see it and feel it. She relaxed slightly, wondering how some people could be like J.B. So unafraid of extending themselves to other people without worry of what might be taken from them. She envied that freedom.

“I believe you,” Gwen said honestly. “And I’m sorry. I just…”

“Need more time,” J.B. finished for her with a smile.

Gwen smiled back and didn’t say anything because she knew he saw. He understood what she was trying to say and he was alright with it.

“Come on,” J.B. said softly, “Let’s go back inside. It’s freezing.”

Gwen nodded, pulling the hat on her head farther down to cover her forehead and ears more fully. “Hurry,” she said as she scurried off.

“Now you run faster,” J.B. called out after her.

“Shut up,” she yelled.

His warm laugh carried them all the way back towards the castle.

__

When Gwen was showered and warm once again, she made her way to the Great Hall to eat on some much deserved breakfast. It was one day before Slughorn’s Christmas party and only two days before she got to go home. She had purchased all of her gifts and already packed up her suitcase.

She weaved her way through the students standing around, look at the ground to avoid eye contact with anyone. When she arrived to her friend’s usual spot, she was surprised to only find Hermione there.

“Hey,” she greeted while sitting down. “Where are the boys?”

“Quidditch practice,” Hermione responded distractedly. She was reading that morning’s _Daily Prophet._

Gwen knew it would be some time before her friend was ready to talk so she silently began to pile food onto her plate. A Belgium waffle, a few eggs, fruit, and two strips of bacon. She couldn’t help but grin in delight as she slathered her waffle with maple syrup with a dramatic flourish, holding the small tin pitcher high in the air to let the amber stream twinkle in the light.

She put the syrup down and cut straight into the waffle. She chewed silently and turned back to look at Hermione. “Any day now,” Gwen teased with a full mouth.

Hermione sighed and put down the paper. “You should really swallow before you make fun of someone,” she began, “Or else you run the risk of accidentally choking.”

Gwen swallowed and grinned. “Somehow I get the feeling that it wouldn’t be much of an accident.”

Hermione laughed before a sadness caught her eye and she slouched forward slightly. Gwen stilled her utensils to lean forward. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

Hermione began to pick at the muffin on her plate, tossing the crumbs aside as she bit her lip. “It’s about Slughorn’s party,” Hermione began.

Gwen quirked her lips. “What about it?”

Hermione gave Gwen a pained look. “I know we all agreed – you, me, and Harry, that is – that we’d all just go together as a friend group.”

“Right,” Gwen said slowly. She was beginning to develop a bad taste in her mouth as she put the silverware in her hands down completely.

“Well, I just…” Hermione began and to Gwen’s surprise she watched tears fill her friend’s eyes. “I couldn’t, Gwen,” Hermione finally said, “I couldn’t go alone.”

Gwen stared at her in confusion. “What do you mean?” she asked, “You weren’t alone? We were all going to go together.”

Hermione shook her like Gwen didn’t understand. “No, I can’t not have a date when…”

As if the words were too painful, Hermione turned away from Gwen and pinched hard at the muffin, squeezing it between her forefinger and thumb.

“I just can’t, Gwen,” Hermione murmured.

Gwen tried to catch up. She shook her head in disbelief before speaking. “So you have a date then?”

“Yes,” Hermione confirmed in an unhappy mutter.

“Well, who is it?” Gwen continued.

Hermione turned her head slightly and gave Gwen a sardonic look. “You don’t want to know.”

“Well I know it’s not Harry so out with it,” Gwen invited.

Hermione grumbled something under her breath.

“What was that?” Gwen leaned forward.

“I said” Hermione said through clenched teeth, “I’m going with McLaggen.”

Gwen reared back like Hermione had spit in her eye. “Hermione,” she exclaimed in shock, “He’s vile!”

Hermione glared harshly at Gwen. “Oh, just say it louder so everyone can hear you,” she snapped.

Gwen blew out a disbelieving breath and leaned forward again. “I’m sorry. It’s just…ew.” Gwen punctuated her sentence with a grossed out face.  

“I know,” Hermione moaned. She put her face in her hands and Gwen pat her shoulder.

“Can’t you get out of it?” Gwen asked.

Hermione shook her head. “I don’t want to get out of it,” Hermione said.

“You mean you want to go with McLaggen?” Gwen asked disbelievingly.

“No,” Hermione cried out, “Of course not. I just know that it’ll bother…you know.”

It was the pain in Hermione’s eyes that kept Gwen from censuring her friend. “Are you sure about this, Hermione?” Gwen asked gently.

Hermione bit her lip once more and nodded. “I think so,” she said.

Gwen gave her friend a little side hug before turning back to her waffle. “Well then I’ll be there for you when it inevitably goes to shit,” she offered.

Hermione gave a laugh, but it caught in her throat. “There’s just one more thing, Gwen.”

Gwen paused in her movements once more at Hermione’s suddenly strangled voice. She no longer looked pained, she looked terrified – a look Gwen didn’t trust at all. “What now?” Gwen asked monotonously.

Hermione’s eyes began to dart back and forth worriedly. “You see, it’s just that I already told Harry that I had a date and then he said that he would just ask you, but I…um…sort of told McLaggen that you would go with his friend.”

Gwen’s mouth dropped. “Which friend?” She asked.

“I can’t remember his name now,” Hermione hedged, “You know the burly one…with the dark hair. The one who said that thing about your…um…bum third year.”

Gwen recalled him instantly. Trenton Linfield – the utter prick. He was tall and swaggered around the castle as if he owned it. Once during third year, Linfield loudly complimented Gwen’s bum in front of her whole class.

_“That’s a right arse you got there, Easton,_ ” he said, _“Is it real? Mind if I give it a squeeze_?”

Gwen had jinxed him on the spot and served two detentions for it. Professor McGonagall had given Linfield six as well as making him wait a whole day before reversing the jinx because she was conveniently “unfamiliar with the spell.”

Gwen’s gaze turned murderous as she looked at her nervous friend. “Absolutely under no conditions would I ever go anywhere with that bastard,” she said violently.

Hermione shrank under Gwen’s venom. “Yes,” she agreed, “Well, I realized that shortly after and so he conveniently got sick.”

Gwen paused for a few seconds. “He _conveniently_ got sick?”

Hermione nodded and went back to mutilating her muffin. “Yes,” she confirmed, “He’s come down with something that will probably leave him ill for the remainder of the night.”

Gwen just blinked in response. “You’ve made an absolute mess, Hermione,” she commented.

Hermione sniffled as she fought off tears. “I know,” she cried a little, “I’m sorry.”

Gwen sighed and put her arm around Hermione’s shoulders. “It’s alright, I guess,” she said, “Nothing really happened and I guess I’ll just go with Harry.”

“Well,” Hermione hedged again.

Gwen pulled back from Hermione and looked at her in disbelief as she exclaimed incredulously. “Merlin, Hermione, what did you do now – kill Harry?”

“Of course not!” Hermione snapped defensively before deflating once more. “I did tell him though that we both had dates and he said he was going to get one.”

Gwen closed her eyes and pushed her plate aside so that she could lay her head on the table. She thumped down on the wood so heavily that the silverware rattled.

“I’m sorry, Gwen,” Hermione said – her voice still watery for tears. “I acted so stupidly.”

Gwen felt compassion stir in her chest for her friend and slowly lifted her head up, running her hands gently over her face as she agreed. “You did.”

She sighed out the choking sensation and turned towards Hermione. “It’s okay,” she assured, “It happens to the best of us.”

“You forgive me?” Hermione worried.

“I forgive you,” Gwen said lightly, “Besides maybe Harry hasn’t gotten a date yet.”

“Maybe not,” Hermione enthused. “He’s notoriously awkward anyways. I’m sure he hasn’t even gotten past the sweating stage of his proposal yet.”

Gwen conceded with a soft laugh and began to slowly cut back into her waffle with a little less enthusiasm. “Speak of the devil,” she murmured as Ron and Harry emerged into the Great Hall.

Gwen leaned back and waved at them as their eyes searched for the girls. Hermione leaned towards Gwen as the boys came closer. “You won’t tell Harry, will you? About McClaggen?”

“No,” she promised, “But he will find out.”

She turned to look at Hermione with serious eyes. Hermione bit her lip and nodded dejectedly. “I know,” she sighed.

By then the boys had reached them and Gwen gave them a tight smile. “How was practice?” She inquired.

“Good,” Ron supplied shortly. The air between Hermione and him was still frosty.

Gwen turned to look at Harry, who was quickly buttering a biscuit. “So my date for tonight flaked out,” she told him from across the table.

Harry looked up with his biscuit in his mouth. He tried to speak but the words were muffled by food. Gwen waited as he chewed quickly before swallowing too soon – evident by the way he winced as the food went down.

“What happened?” Harry asked.

“He got sick,” Gwen told him.

She could feel anxiety radiating off Hermione, but she kept her face completely calm. “Are you still free to go together tonight?”

Harry opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I…” he stuttered, “I wish you told me sooner.”

Gwen felt dread pool in her stomach. “You already asked someone?”

Harry nodded. “I didn’t want to go alone,” he defended, “I just asked someone and they said yes.”

“Who did you ask?” Gwen narrowed her eyes.

“Luna,” Harry said. His voice was slightly airless, like he couldn’t keep up. “I could cancel, I guess,” he said.

“No,” Gwen immediately said, “That’s horrible. I’ll…just go alone.”

“Alone?” Harry worried. “Won’t that look…”

“Pathetic?” Gwen asked tightly. “Probably.”

Hermione clutched Gwen’s robes from under the table and Gwen fought the urge to shake her friend in response.

“We’ll all still be together,” Harry assured her. “Me and Luna, Hermione and…whoever.”

Ron slid his eyes towards Hermione, who at that exact moment, straightened her back and met his gaze imperiously.

Gwen sighed. “Right,” she muttered.

_

It was the night of Slughorn’s Christmas Party and Gwen was slowly walking down the dark halls, waving the moon make shadows on the cold stone. She was alone because Hermione had left much earlier so that she could meet McClaggen beforehand.

Gwen rubbed her hands along her arms, trying to ignore the nip in the air as it stung her bare skin. For tonight, she’d chosen the red dress Adora had gifted her last Christmas. She had been planning on wearing it for her date with Draco, but so much had changed.  

She sighed softly as she reflected on these last few weeks. She hadn’t seen Draco since that night on the Astronomy Tower – he’d been avoiding her.

He was never in the Great Hall during meals, he was barely in the classes they shared, and she never saw him at quidditch practice. The last images she had of him were the ones from her visions and she tried to not think about those.  

 “Gwen!”

She turned around to find Harry walking down the hallway.

“Hey,” Gwen said smiling.

Harry cleaned up nicely. He was wearing black dress robes and had somewhat tamed his wild hair. He smiled awkwardly as he made his way towards her.

“Are you waiting for Luna?” Gwen called.

Harry shook his head as he stood in front of her.

“She’s waiting for me in the next hall,” He told her.

“Let’s not keep her waiting then,” Gwen said, swinging her arms forward.

They walked down the hall talking quietly. “I wonder who Hermione brought with her,” Harry murmured.

Gwen didn’t answer, as she already knew. She simply shrugged her shoulders. “I wonder who’s all going to be there,” Gwen changed the subject.

“Are you looking for anyone in particular?” Harry asked.

“No, just wondering.” Gwen said genuinely curious, “I know the Slug Club, but I wonder if anyone else managed to nick an invite.”

Before Harry could further inquire, they reached the hall and found a lonely Luna standing happily as she waited. Gwen greeted the unique girl with a grin. In the time she had known Luna, she had grown to massively enjoy Luna’s spacey tendencies.

“You look lovely, Luna,” Gwen greeted kindly.

And she really did. While the bright, metallic looking pink dress was eccentric; it still highlighted Luna’s light hair and wide blue eyes nicely.

“Thank you,” Luna said happily, “I ordered the dress from a group of rehabilitating goblins.”  


Gwen’s brows quirked up in wonder but she simply smiled, not sure if she wanted to know what the goblins were rehabilitating from.

“Shall we go?” Luna asked looking both at Gwen and Harry.

“Sure,” Harry nodded and the three of them took off.

Their venture was silent except for the sounds of their feet. It was an interesting combination of Harry’s stomp, Luna’s light rhythmic tapping, and Gwen nervous dragging. As they got near the front door, Gwen halted in her steps causing both Luna and Harry to stop as well.  

“You guys go ahead,” Gwen offered kindly.

She wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted to take a moment to shake all of dread and worry from her body. Gwen also wanted to be able to slip in the party inconspicuously, and as guilty as she felt about it, The Boy Who Lived and Looney Lovegood were not prime candidates for the inconspicuous.

Luna didn’t look bothered by her hesitation, but Harry was frowning at her now.

“If you spin three times and throw bat droppings over your left shoulder, it’ll help with the nerves,” Luna suggested in her tinkling voice.

A smile itched its way on to Gwen’s face as she regarded the whimsical girl in front of her. “I’ll have to give that a go,” Gwen said laughing appreciatively.

Luna smiled at Gwen. “It’s very odd that your friends with Hermione Granger,” Luna commented, “You’re much kinder, or maybe it’s just that you’re not quite as stern.”

Gwen bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh. “She’s not as stern as she seems,” Gwen offered.

“It’s nice of you to defend your friend,” Luna said lightly.

Gwen smiled but didn’t speak. She looked at Harry hoping he’d get the hint to leave. He simply stared at her with a worried look on his face.

“I’m going to go get something to drink,” Luna said quickly before dashing into the room.

 “You should go to,” Gwen said, frowning slightly as Luna disappeared.

“Are you okay?” Harry ignored her.

Gwen smiled, but it felt a bit tight. She hated that question. “It’s just all the training with Trelawney,” Gwen said, telling half the truth, “It’s exhausting.”

Harry nodded because he understood what it was to be plagued by images that were not yours. He walked forward and hugged her, his arms wrapping around her.

Gwen gladly accepted the hug, wrapping her arms comfortably around Harry’s neck. They were similar in height so she could rest her chin on his shoulder and stare at the wall in front of her.

“You look lovely by the way,” He murmured.

Gwen pulled away from him and smiled. “That’s the kind of compliment you’re supposed to give your date,” She admonished playfully.

Harry grinned. “You complimented her for me, and as you don’t have a date, I thought I’d tell you.”

Gwen laughed. She was happy to have a friend like Harry; with whom she could simply be playful despite everything she was going through. “Go have fun,” She said, still smiling.

“Yeah, I’ll give it my best shot,” he said doubtfully.

Gwen laughed again and watched him walk inside the party. The smile remained on her lips as she turned and walked towards the window. She closed her eyes as she got nearer to the window. The smile began to fade as she took a deep breath and tried to banish the heavy weight in her chest.

Why did it have to be this hard? Why couldn’t she be like Hermione and just ask another guy out when the guy she liked made her mad? But then again, Hermione wasn’t dating Ron. Gwen considered Draco her boyfriend, and that meant she couldn’t date other boys. Not to mention that she didn't even want to date other boys. But did Draco even consider her his girlfriend anymore?

The thoughts only fed the dark monster that was crawling its way from Gwen’s heart, infecting her blood stream and making her head hurt. She clenched her jaw in an attempt to stop the oncoming wave of emotion.

Where were some bat droppings when she needed them?   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving! You know, if you ignore the genocidal history and mass turkey slaughtering. Even as I say this, I too will be enjoying stuffing for the days that follow. These last few weeks have been nothing short of hellish and this was the first time that I've been able to work on this series since then. I hope you all enjoy it. It's not much in the ways of romance, but it acts as the prep for the chapter to follow. It was originally going to be apart of this chapter but then it would be too long and it would be a few more days before I could post so I decided to break it up. 
> 
> I've had the next scene written since I started this story, almost two years ago. I get giddy every time I read and I hope you do too! I'll have it up before the end of the week. Let me know how you guys are feeling/doing! xx


	16. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark! xx

It was the draft in the hallways that got her moving inside the room where the party was in full swing. She snuck in like she planned and quickly took in as much as she could without feeling panicked. The room was lit up with candles and chandeliers, giving a golden glow over the tinsel and green and red streamers that decorated the space. She saw people passing out drinks and appetizers before halting slightly. Those were students passing out them out.

She made eye contacts with Verma Parthak, a fellow Gryffindor, who was serving out something she couldn’t identify. Verma walked over to her quickly and held out the tray. “Want one?”

She gave him a bewildered smile. “I’m good, thanks,” she said. “Why are you serving them?”

“Slughorn said he’d give us extra credit for serving dragon bites to his favorites,” Verma said drolly.

 Gwen laughed apologetically. “I really don’t think he realizes how wrong that is,” she told him.

Verma gave her a grin before looking around. “Where are your usual people? I saw them earlier, but they’re normally flanking you.”

Gwen knew he didn’t mean anything by and she tried not to be offended, but she still felt her voice go tight in response. “My friends aren’t glued to me,” she said, “I’m allowed to stand alone every now and then.”

“Yeah,” Verma said distractedly.

His eyes were past Gwen. She turned and saw him ogling some pretty Ravenclaw’s and rolled her eyes. “Bye, Verma,” she called out as she walked away.

She heard his vague, “bye,” but kept moving. Her dress curled protectively around her body as she weaved through people, the thick fabric settling nicely on her olive skin. Even though J.B. and she had been running in the earliest parts of the morning, Gwen felt better despite the lack of sleep. Her body was stronger; she could feel it moving differently.

And it was her mind as well. She moved through the crowds, almost tasting their emotions and feelings as she passed them. She felt the nervousness, the drunken giddiness, the anxiety-driven pompousness, and she saw it all on their faces. She wondered how anyone was able to hide what they were feeling when she could see it so clearly on them.

She felt as different in these last few weeks, like something had woken up inside of her and come to life. Gwen felt her friends noticing it – the difference in her – though they said nothing. Part of her felt defensive, like all it would take was them commenting on her changes before she snapped at them.

That was also a new feeling.

She shook the thought away from her head as she spied a nervous looking Hermione standing by a tense Harry. Hermione saw her coming and her eyes went wide with relief; she gripped Gwen’s arm tightly as she approached.

“Thank Merlin you’re here,” Hermione muttered.

Gwen raised her eyesbrows. “What’s wrong?”

“McLaggen,” Harry offered as explanation.

“Are you surprised?” Gwen asked sarcastically, turning towards Hermione. “He’s a pig, Hermione. You knew that already.”

“I know,” Hermione said defensively, “I made a mistake.”

“That’s very big of you to admit,” Gwen teased.

Hermione gave her a deep frown and snapped harshly. “That’s not funny, Gwen.”

Gwen could taste the anxiety and regret on Hermione over the sharpness in her voice. Gwen stifled the retort at the back of her throat and swallowed it. “I know,” she consoled, “I’m sorry this is happening.”

Hermione blinked as her expression became watery, and she deflated slightly. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, “It’s just…I know it’s my fault that I’m in this situation. I just…hate it,” she finished lamely.

“It does suck,” Gwen acknowledged.

Hermione gave her a weak smile before her eyes shot up in panic. “Dammit,” Hermione swore, “Here he comes.”

Without another word, Hermione slipped through the crowds, leaving Gwen and Harry to intercept McLaggen.

He swaggered, Gwen noticed, like he legitimately swaggered up to she and Harry like he was doing them a favor in approaching. She could see his eyes scan the lengths of her body, and she could taste his lecherous thoughts. She fought the urge to shiver as she met his lustful gaze head-on.

“Potter,” he greeted with a nod, “You’re Guinevere Easton, right?” He angled his body towards her, taking an unnecessary step closer so that he blocked out the crowd behind him.

Gwen, refusing to be intimidated, loosening her arms so that her hands were fisted at her side aggressively and lifted her narrow chin up to face him.

“And?” she asked deadpanned.

McLaggen was immediately thrown off by her pert reply, but it did nothing to wipe the oily grin off his face as his eyes went back to ogle at her chest, even though her dress covered it.

“I’m looking for Granger,” he told her chest, “She and I seem to keep getting separated.”

“Or maybe she’s avoiding you,” Gwen said in an attempt to spit the foul taste of McLaggen’s aura from her mouth.

McLaggen only laughed, like Gwen made a hilarious joke. “You should talk more,” he advised her, “You’re funny when you don’t look so serious.”

Gwen felt a snapping sensation in her head when Harry, who had been silent up until this point, stepped in. “Hermione went over there,” he diverted McLaggen’s attention.

McLaggen peeled his eyes away from Gwen long enough to give Harry a dirty wink. “Thanks, mate,” he cajoled.

He turned back to Gwen and gave her one more look over. She couldn’t bite back her response. “See anything interesting?” she barked.

McLaggen didn’t even flinch. He met her gaze and Gwen felt bile in the back of her throat because she could taste him, the essence of him, and he was putrid. “Not at all,” he said coolly.

Gwen fisted her hands in an attempt to squeeze out the urge to punch him right in the face, but with one last wink, he swaggered away from them with that grease-slick grin, casting his eyes onto everything in a dress.

“What a prick,” Gwen growled, crossing her arms to contain her rage.

“That’s the most aggressive I’ve ever seen you,” Harry noticed.

Gwen turned to head to look at Harry, who was observing her with raised eyebrows. “Are you saying that I should’ve just stayed quiet?” She seethed.

“Not at all,” Harry said calmly, “It’s just…you seem different.”

Gwen could feel his intentions, his emotions. If McLaggen was bile, Harry was a flame in her throat. Right now he was burning gently, not enough to hurt her, but enough that she could feel his warmth.

“I probably am,” she confessed softly.

Harry nodded. “It’s not a bad thing.” His voice was so gentle.

Gwen decided to make a joke to deflect. “I’m glad you think so.”

Harry smiled and huffed out a laugh. “This party, huh?”

He looked back out into the room with eyes that were sad and tired. Gwen reached forward and put her hand on his arm, taking a step closer to him, so she could murmur softly over the noise of the party. “Are you okay?”

Harry kept his hands tucked into his pockets, but turned to face Gwen. Their faces were close enough that she could see the small flecks of brown in his green eyes reflecting behind his glasses. She wasn’t nervous, not with Harry, but she felt something change in his air. The soft burning went even gentler, a tender flick.

“Are _you_ okay?” He countered softly.

Before she could answer, someone tapped on her arm. She turned to see Verma once more. He was holding out a note in his hand. “This is for you,” he informed her.

“Thanks,” Gwen said, taking the note uncertainly.

Verma nodded wordlessly and went back into the crowd, probably looking for the Ravenclaw girl he had been with earlier. Gwen held the note cautiously, not sure who it could be from, and she was more aware of Harry’s closeness in that moment more than ever.

She turned slightly, hoping it seemed casually, as she opened the note with the back facing Harry, hiding the words from his bespectacled gaze. She almost sighed in relief at the messy scrawl on it.

“It’s from Trelawney,” Gwen said, keeping her voice casual. She held out the note, probably unnecessarily.

“What does she want?” Harry asked.

If he suspected Gwen of anything suspicious, he wasn’t actively feeling it. She tuned into Harry’s aura as sharply as she could, but the flavor in the back of her throat didn’t change.

“She’s been wanting to me track my visions as they appear in dreams,” Gwen murmured, lest anyone was listening.

“Only the dreams?” Harry wondered.

Gwen nodded. “Their different than the ones I try to conjure apparently. More important.”

Harry pursued his lips but nodded. “Are you going to go now?”

Gwen sighed. “There’s nothing really to keep me here,” she mused quietly.

“Want company?” Harry asked.

Gwen gave him a smile but shook her head. “Find your date, Potter, and have fun,” she commanded.

Harry huffed out a dry laugh but nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She squeezed his arm in goodbye and made her way across the room that might as well have been empty for all that it held for her. She all at once felt the pang of loneliness in her chest that had been ever-present in the last few weeks. The ache she’d never been able to ignore, but was just learned to live with.

As if the thought of him conjured him, Filch’s raspy voice echoed through the room. “We’ve got an intruder, Professor Slughorn.”

Gwen turned with everyone else, but she felt a shock run through her body at the mere sight of him. He stood at the door on the opposite side of the room, Filch holding his arm roughly as Draco glared. Her senses had been deprived of him that even from across the room, her heart thumped loudly and everything in her body, all the noise, all the tastes in the back of her throat, silenced and disappeared until there was nothing but him.

She felt him; she tasted him. She tasted his anger, his shame, his worry, his fear, his exhaustion, his embarrassment. She felt all of this so fully that tears came into her eyes under the weight of is. The world around him faded, and she stared at him so intensely that his eyes shifted and tangled with hers.

Before anyone could notice, Filch began to explain how he found Draco. “…he was just mucking about, trying to sneak in,” he started saying before Draco cut him off.

“I wasn’t trying to sneak off,” Draco snapped.

Filch frowned and opened his mouth to argue, but Slughorn cut him off. “It’s quite alright, Mr. Filch,” he wheezed, “The young man just wanted to the opportunity for fun at the party. Let’s just chalk it up to that and continue with the festivities, etc?”

Filch looked like he was going to argue, but before he could Snape smoothly detached Draco from Filch’s grasp and moved him towards the door.

“Allow me to escort, Mr. Malfoy back,” Snape said in his sneering voice.

“Of course,” Slughorn said, clearly desperate to get his party back on track. “Thank you, Professor Snape.”

With a slight nod, Snape whisked Draco from the room and the party slowly took on its life once more. Gwen felt all of the world around her begin to creep back into her sense, she could taste the familiar flame sensation of Harry from across the room, but the flames were crackling- she could feel the sparks.

She turned around to look at Harry and instantly saw the cold, calculating look in his eyes as he watched the space where Draco once occupied. She fought the urge to go back over and distract him, do anything to keep him away from Draco, but she felt the note in her hand and forced herself to leave the room.

_

Gwen left Professor Trelawney’s office and shuffled through the hall with her new book in tow. She knew the dream interpreting one would come in handy since she hadn’t been able to conjure any visions of her own volition since that first attempt in the tub.

She’d expressed her irriation in her slow progress and only bristled, remembering Trelawney explaination for it.   

_“I do recall that you developed rather late, Gwen,”_ Trelawney remembered perceptively.

Gwen had blushed intensely. She had only gotten her period right before the beginning of fourth year. Fifteen wasn’t exactly “late.” Yes, both Hermione and Ginny had already had theirs. For Merlin’s sake, it wasn’t something Gwen could control.

_“What’s that got to do with anything?”_ Gwen asked irritably.

_“Well, powers, especially something as strong as the Sight, take a toll on a body_ ,” Trelawney had explained, “ _Symptoms might have been delayed, if your body wasn’t physically capable of tolerating the physical stress of it.”_

Gwen supposed it made sense, since she had basically passed out every time she had a vision.

_“But…”_ Gwen began to argue, before being cut off.

_“Besides you’ve always had excellent grades in my class. Equal to Ms. Granger, who quite frankly only makes so due to her capacity for memorization, not actual skill at the subject.”_

Gwen didn’t want to point out that it was relatively easy to get a good grade in Divination. It was mostly just showing up that determined their grade.

Even though she was looking forward to gaining more control over her visions and her ability to taste people – a new development that had occurred in the last week or so. She noticed it first with J.B. when they were running. When he spoke, whenever she was near him, she tasted something sweet and fresh – like clover – in the back of her throat. She tasted his friendship. Given that frosty field where they ran, she wasn’t sure where it was coming from.

When she met with Professor Trelawney later, she tasted something different – a maternal warmth that made her choke up. She began to cry right there in front of Professor Trelawney and explained that she could feel it, or more accurately taste it.

Professor Trelawney grinned widely. _“I was wondering when you’d begin to Sense people_ ,” she said.

Gwen wiped her eyes long enough to hiccup a question. _“Sense?”_

“ _Yes,_ ” Professor Trelawney said, “ _It manifests in a different sense for the Seers who possess such a gift._ ”

“ _So I can taste people’s…feelings?_ ” Gwen asked tentatively.

_“Their feelings, auras, flavors, if you will_ ,” Professor Trelawney waved her hand, _“You taste their essence_.”

Gwen made a face. _“That seems rather intimate,_ ” she grumbled.

_“All sight is, my dear_ ,” Professor Trelawney laughed.

“ _Not all Seers can Sense_?” Gwen asked.

Trelawney shook her head no excitedly. _“I wasn’t sure if you’d have that gift, but it seems you do. It’s rare to be a Seer and to also Sense. You’re more powerful than you.”_   

Of all the things she’d ever considered herself to be, powerful was not one of them. Headstrong, stubborn, and maybe a little reckless – sure, but powerful…those were words she applied to people like Harry and Dumbledore.

But Professor Trelawney had applied it to her. She did it without surprise, like it wasn’t hard for her believe either, and Gwen could taste the truth of her words.

Remembering now, Gwen could hear the silent clacking of her heels as she made her way through the cold halls once again. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t immediately register that two people were having clearly having an aggressive stand-off in the hall.

“I made the Unbreakable Vow,” Snape snarled.

His hand gripped Draco’s collar, forcing him to make eye contact. Draco’s arm rested on the sleeve of his left arm, holding it up to reveal a…

Gwen stopped violently, her shoes created a loud scraped that echoed through the darkened space. Both men whipped their heads in her direction. Draco’s eyes widened at the sight of her, as he just about ripped his sleeve off in an attempt to pull it down. Snape’s face remained neutral meaning he still looked like a greasy troll.

The air tasted like anger and male ego as Gwen just watched them with wide eyes until Snape let go of Draco’s collar with a casual ease, before he turned to walk away, calling quietly over his shoulder.

“Think carefully about what I’ve said, Mr. Malfoy.”

It was something that Gwen would’ve never heard if anyone else had been around, but before she could give Snape another thought she was alone.

Draco stood hunched over slightly, his hands in fists as he glared at the ground before looking up meet her gaze with cold, impenetrable eyes. The sight nearly cut off Gwen’s oxygen supply. They had come so far for her to be on the receiving of his icy gaze again. She tasted his iciness, but she also could feel the flavor of something deep in him aimed towards her.

“Excuse me,” Draco said coldly, as he attempted to walk away.

Gwen felt his voice in her stomach. Without thinking, she took a step forward and called out, “Draco.”

He stopped but didn’t turn around; she bit her lip for a moment, wondering what she could say. She didn’t know where they stood since the Katie incident. Since that night on the Astronomy Tower when he told he gave up and he left her to cry by herself.

Maybe she should have been angry, but she could taste his loneliness and something in him that was so overwhelming she couldn’t identify what it was.  

“I’m sorry,” Her voice came out tentatively, “I was angry at you for what happened. You, Katie, and…” she paused, before swallowing and adding, “Harry.”

Draco still hadn’t turned around, so Gwen took a few steps forward before continuing, gaining courage with every moment he didn’t run away. “I was angry, and to be honest, I was scared, but I shouldn’t have cut you off. I shouldn’t have left. We should’ve talked. I should’ve been there for you.”

Draco turned around slowly to finally face her; they were still a few feet apart. His face was still in its smooth mask, but his eyes were flickering with that intense emotion that Gwen could feel tickling the back of her throat.  

“I can help you, Draco,” she whispered softly.

His face turned darker than she’d ever seen. “How could _you_ possibly understand?” He growled lowly.

“I could,” Gwen defended, while keeping her voice gentle, “If you’d let me.”

“This isn’t something I can explain to you, Gwen.”

“Why not?” Gwen demanded.

Gwen walked even closer to him, and he took a step back. Gwen narrowed her eyes at him, but didn’t stop.

 “Because you can’t understand,” Draco snapped, “You’ve made your choice, just like I have. You’ve chosen Potter, and I’ve chosen...”

Gwen paused about a foot away from him as she looked at him carefully. She needed to be careful how she proceeded next. As she looked at his ashen face, Gwen tuned into to every flicker of him, every flavor. He was angry, scared, and lashing out like a wounded animal. She stared at this thin pale boy, frailer than he looked over the summer, and Gwen realized how deeply he meant to her – how much his well-being was entirely necessary for hers.

“Whatever you’ve chosen,” Gwen began slowly, “Is not set in stone. Whatever decision you think you already made. It doesn’t matter. You can still change your mind, Draco. You always have a choice.”

Draco’s eyes became desperate as his voice became sharper. The flavor in Gwen’s throat getting stronger. “That just shows how naïve you are. I don’t have a choice,” His voice broke, “I never did.”

Gwen felt tears sting her eyes at the waver in his voice, and without another thought towards tact, she dropped the book in her hand and took the last remaining steps towards him before wrapping her arms tightly around his cold body. She laid her head on his chest listened to the staccato rhythm of his heartbeat. He paused for what felt like eons, seeming think about pulling away for a moment before giving in and wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“I can’t do this.” Draco whispered brokenly as he hunched into her.

“You don’t have to,” Gwen said hugging him ferociously before pulling back to look at him.

She reached up and couldn’t help but stroke his cheek. His face was so much thinner than she’d last seen; his cheekbones sharper from hunger and anguish. She watched as his eyes flickered shut when her fingers met his skin.

“I’ve already agreed, Gwen. I’ve been…” He paused again; his eyes opened and looked down to his left arm that rested on her waist.

Realizing that horror that his branded limb was touching her, he tried to pull it back quickly. The sudden metallic fear she tasted from him, she knew he was just about ready to disentangle himself from her entirely.

“Hey,” Gwen called out. Her voice was strong and sturdy, causing Draco to halt his movements and panic to look at her.

His wild eyes looked back to meet Gwen’s steady gaze. Without breaking contact, Gwen reached down for his arm. He tried to pull it from her grip, but she refused. Taking her other hand from his face, she looked down at the fisted hand she held in her own. Gwen stroked the skin where his fingers curled into his hand, coaxing his hand to relax.

Draco seemed to be struggling with something powerful inside of him. Gwen understood how important this moment was. She could feel it in her that this was a changing moment, for the better or worse she didn’t know yet.

She gently pried Draco’s hand open before stroking his now flat palm. She brought the cold hand to her own warm cheek. She held it there, allowing her own warmth to heat him, and looked into his pained expression.

“Even in the middle, there’s a decision. You don’t _have_ to do anything. Whatever your family says, whatever _He_ says. You always have a choice. You always have hope,” Gwen said softly.

She deliberately gripped his left arm gently with her right; pressing down on what they both knew had been etched there. Draco jumped at the pressure, but didn’t attempt to pull away, his eyes hypnotized by her words, as if they were prophetic.

“I’ll be here. I’ll protect you. I’ll fight for you. Whatever it takes. Whatever you need.” Gwen ardently declared.

As she had continued to speak, the tears in her eyes began to blur her gaze so she blinked hard. A tear slowly trickled down her face, and Draco’s expression crumbled at the sight.

“Only you,” He said throatily, his blue eyes glistening with that intense emotion, “I only need you.”

They both moved for each other at the same time. Draco’s lips pressed to hers with fierce passion. Gwen’s heart nearly exploded with joy at his touch. The weeks apart had left them both starved for each other and what might have been a tamer embrace was lost in their hungry need for one another.

Gwen felt her back being pressed into the cold stone wall behind her. She tangled her hands in Draco’s hair, while his tongue tangled with hers.

Draco’s hands roamed all over her body as he rediscovered every curve he had craved for the last week. His deft fingers traced over the soft fabric of her dress as Gwen strained upwards, attempting to press every inch of herself against him. She spent too much time apart from him to tolerate a single inch of space now. She was barely conscious of anything beyond the feeling of Draco’s lean form when she heard a sharp but distinct scraping sound, like someone slipping.

Gwen ripped her mouth away from Draco and pressed her face in his shoulder. Her heart was beating thunderously and she could still hear both of them panting. Draco must’ve heard the sound as well because his arms came up to encompass Gwen, resting on the wall behind her so her face was covered from all sides.

“I heard someone,” Gwen whispered.

Her voice still sounded ragged, but she felt supremely at ease. Draco’s face was still very close, his chin touching her forehead, a feeling of rightness passed over her. Gwen felt him shift away from her slightly so he could pitch his head around, looking for the intruder.

His voice was a pitch deeper than usual when he responded. “I don’t see anyone.”

Gwen knew that didn’t mean anything. She, herself, had crept through the castle undetected by the aid of a certain invisibility cloak. The thought sent a small alarm off in her brain, but she couldn’t bring herself to think of who might’ve possibly seen them.

Neither of them spoke again. After a few moments, Gwen wrapped her arms loosely around Draco again, bringing him back against her. She kissed his chest softly before she rested her cheek against his heart. She breathed in the clean minty smell of him.

A few more minutes passed in silence, as they both fought to regain their breath.  Gwen felt something strong coming from the pit of her stomach. It was a good thing she was entirely pressed against Draco because she suddenly felt dizzy from the force of it. Her chest clenched as she felt the tightly wounded feeling travel upwards. Her reflexes immediately tried to pull it back down, to keep it from coming out of her. To no avail, because she felt it quickly reach the back of her throat and before she could cover her mouth, out it came.

“I love you.”

Gwen couldn’t see Draco’s reaction, but she felt his body tense up underneath her hands. It took Gwen a few seconds to realize that she had stopped breathing as well. She hadn’t expected the words, but now that she had said them, she couldn’t understand what took her so long. The truth in them almost surprised her. She did love Draco. She had loved him for a while now, it seemed. Maybe she’d always loved him.

She took a deliberate breath and pulled back.

Draco’s eyes were wide and still. He watched her as if he expected her to break into laughter and shout, “Just kidding!” before sprinting in the other direction waving a Gryffindor flag over her head.

Gwen had always thought she would be afraid to admit she loved someone. Most of the characters she wrote hesitated at the intense confession, but she felt no anxiety as she stared into Draco’s fearful eyes.

“I love you, Draco Malfoy,” She said again. Her voice was clearer this time and her eyes were steady.

Draco swallowed hard before hoarsely replying. “Why?”

The question nearly broke her swelling heart. Gwen smiled gently and reached up, almost maternally, to stroke his cheek.

“I wouldn’t know where to begin,” She said, as her smile widened.

The words seemed to unlock something volatile in Draco. She felt him restraining himself against the wave of emotions he seemed to experiencing. She could feel his body vibrating slightly from the force. Before she could speak again, he pressed his lips to hers. She tasted what she imagined would be sunshine in the back of her throat, so bright and pure it could have melted all of the ice surrounding the castle. Unlike their last kiss that was fueled by desperation and angst, this kiss was soft. It was a kiss sourced only with love and love returned.

Draco’s lips pressed to Gwen’s with a tender pressure. “I love you,” He gasped, pulling away only for a moment before kissing her again.

Draco pulled away after a few moments to mutter it again.

“By Merlin, I love you.”

Should anyone have walked past them now, they would’ve heard Gwen’s happy laughter sparkling through the hall, followed by Draco’s repeatedly fervent but sincere “I love you.” He pressed each declaration into the skin of her face, neck, and hands in an attempt to seal them into her forever. Gwen smiled at the boy she loved, returning his loving caresses with her own, tasting the sun, and allowing hope to come into her heart once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the middle of finals week, and although it is burying me alive, I was sad, and I thought this would make me feel better. I was right. I feel like I just ran up a steep hill and can finally breath again. I wrote this end scene, their "I love you's" so long ago that it feels crazy to post it. 
> 
> I'm graduating university in ten day, and I'm excited and sad but for non-academic reasons. I'm nonsensical and exhausted. Please comment on this and tell me how you feel. It will give me life-force to keeping moving forward. Love you all xx


	17. Secret Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, and kudos! xx

Lost in the memories of the last few minutes, Gwen eventually headed back to the Gryffindor common room after many more moments locked in Draco’s unending embrace.

_“I’ve got to go,”_ She whispered softly as his breath touched her neck.

_“In a minute,”_ He muttered, kissing a trail up to her jaw.

Gwen closed her eyes and let out a combination between a sigh and a laugh. She tilted her head back to allow him more room, and tugged him closer as she spoke.

_“It’s very late.”_

_“Practically midnight,”_ Draco agreed quietly.

He kissed up to her jaw and angled her face back to his. _“I love you,”_ He repeated ardently, as he fluttered kisses across her cheeks.

Gwen couldn’t help but grin, and he kissed the apples of her cheeks in response. 

_“I love you too,”_ Gwen returned softly.

He paused in his movements, and Gwen opened her eyes. His face was suddenly very earnest as he gazed at her. His eyes were dark blue, like an ocean at midnight, full of passion, his usually pale skin was flushed with happiness, and the hardness of his mouth had melted with every kiss he pressed to her skin.

_“I love you, Gwen.”_ He murmured.

It came out with distinction, like he hadn’t been repeating it all night. Like it was once again the first time she had heard him say it. Gwen opened her mouth, but he shook his head.

_“I love you, Guinevere Easton,”_ Draco repeated, his voice was beautifully sincere, _“I will always love you.”_

Gwen smiled as her eyes filled up with happy tears. Draco leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers.

_“I’m here,”_ He whispered.

His cold breath hit her lips causing her to shiver slightly. _“You’re here,”_ Gwen confirmed in a voice hoarse with emotion.

She sealed the oath with her lips lightly, which caused a passionate response from Draco. Renewing their embrace for a long blissful while...

She passed through the dark halls, laughing happily. What an interesting thing it was to know that someone who she loved, loved her back. She had never been loved, at least not to her knowledge. It hardly seemed to matter though because she got the feeling unrequited love didn’t feel quite this euphoric.

She rubbed her fingers against her smiling, swollen lips and sighed softly as she walked up to the porthole.

“You look like you’ve had a goodnight,” The Fat Lady leered.

Gwen dreamily looked up at the noisy portrait, fingers still feeling the imprint of Draco’s declaration against her lips, and smiled.

“Did you say something?” She murmured.

“Oh, please,” The Fat Lady muttered under her breath, swinging the porthole open and allowing Gwen to drift past in a heavenly daze. 

Still lost in her thoughts, she moved through the warm common room when a voice called out to her.

“Gwen!”  

Gwen turned to the source, breaking from her reverie with a sharp tug when she found Ginny, surrounded by all of their friends, smiling at her.

“Oh, hi,” Gwen said, blushing but not really knowing why.

She didn’t want to imagine the stupid smile that had been on her face moments ago. Although it took effort, she tried to work her face into its usual calm mask as she walked towards her friends, but there was nothing she could have done to subdue the bright glow in her eyes. As she neared her friends, she could feel one particularly heavy gaze carefully watching her.

Ginny continued to smile at her odd expression. “Where’ve you been? I’ve wanted to give you back your last story. I loved it!”  

“Oh,” Gwen said, not remember what story Ginny was talking about. She quickly tried to think of something to say, but Ginny interrupted her.

“The characters are so tragic, but so passionate,” Ginny continued, “It was so romantic.”

Gwen smiled, the romance that she had just experienced made her smile brighter than she intended, unknowingly dazzling her friends.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Gwen said sincerely.

Ginny waited for a moment and repeated the first question she posed.

“So where were you?”

Gwen tried to think. Her love-focused mind moving slowly to think of anything that wasn’t Draco or Draco’s eyes, and lips, and hands as he whispered “ _I love you_.” Thankfully, she managed to gather her wits long enough to say:

“I was with Professor Trelawney.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ginny said, shaking her head, “Harry said she sent for you during the party.”

Gwen kept her eyes purposely on Ginny as she spoke. “She gave me a vision journal for my…dreams,” Gwen said carefully, as she casted her eyes around the mostly empty common room.

Ginny nodded seriously.

“Does she think it’ll help?” Hermione called out from the armchair.

Gwen looked slowly at Hermione, purposely-avoiding Harry’s penetrating gaze. “She said it’ll make it easier to track any consistencies, see if there are any links. Dreams are often more powerful than visions called at hand.”

Hermione frowned, clearly skeptical, but nodded.

“I’m going to head up to bed,” Gwen said, trying to escape.   

“Goodnight,” Ginny said cheerfully.  

“I’ll be up in a bit,” Hermione said, motioning to the homework, that wasn’t due for another three weeks, which she was working on. The party must have stressed her out, Gwen thought.

She’d forgotten about the party earlier that night. It seemed years ago…

“Okay,” Gwen said to her roommate before giving out a collective, “Night.”

She turned on her heel and tried to walk away as quickly as she could without seeming suspicious.

“Gwen,” She heard Harry call out.

Panic instantly gripped her chest. Gwen thought about making a dash for the stairs, but if she did that, she might as well tattoo “Draco Malfoy was here” on her face so she reluctantly turned around. Harry had stood up from the couch with Ginny and had quickly walked over to her. They were well out of earshot of their friends, but Gwen still held herself ramrod straight and kept her face completely clear.

“What’s up?” She asked blandly.

Harry didn’t speak for a moment. He simply stared at her, trying to evaluate the secret nuances of Gwen’s expression. “Where were you just now?” Harry asked quietly.

His tone was soft, but there was underlining iron that matched his eyes, heavy with accusation. Gwen’s first instinct was to bark out that it was none of his business, but years of self-control and tactical maneuvering allowed her to raise her eyebrows at her friend and answer with fake confusion. 

“Trelawney. Didn’t you just hear me?”

Harry nodded slowly, his eyes sparking with something akin to anger. “I heard you. You got a journal from her,” He responded lowly.

“Yes, and?” Gwen returned.

She was trying to stay calm but his penetrating gaze was making her increasingly nervous because she suspected that if she looked at his shoes, she would find a distinct skid mark to betray them both. 

“Where is it?” He asked her.

“Where is what?” Gwen snapped, losing control slightly.

“Where’s the journal, Gwen?” Harry asked. His voice was deathly still.  

She blinked in surprise.

It took every ounce of self-control, every moment that Gwen had used a casual smile to delude her friends into thinking she was okay, to maintain composure in this moment. She knew exactly where the book was. It was on the floor in the hallway where she had spent, what might as well be hours, snogging Draco Malfoy, the love of her life and the bane of Harry’s.

 “I must’ve dropped it,” Gwen finally said, trying to speak past the choking sensation in her throat, “I’ve been tired recently.”

Harry nodded as if he was confirming Gwen’s obvious haggardness the last week. “You’re looking better suddenly,” He commented. 

There was no misconstruing his words as complimentary. They rang with accusation. Demanding that she explain. Demanding that she confess.

Goosebumps ran all over Gwen’s body. She felt an erratic staccato of panic beat through her body.

“I’m going to bed,” She said slowly, “Goodnight, Harry.”

Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and raced up the stairs, not caring how desperate she looked. She quickly got ready for bed and buried herself under the blankets. She heard Hermione come upstairs a bit later. Hermione put away her books before walking over and sitting on the side of Gwen’s bed.

“Are you okay?”

The question was sincere and it made Gwen want to cry.

“I think so,” Gwen said carefully, not wanting to lie to her best friend.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hermione asked.

“I can’t,” Gwen saying, realizing that she was repeating the same desperate words Draco used earlier that night.

“I won’t push you, but you know, Gwen…I’ll always do whatever I can to help you,” Hermione said softly.

For the umpteenth time tonight, tears welled up in Gwen’s eyes, but no longer from happiness.

“I know,” Gwen whispered.

Hermione didn’t say anything after this before going to change into her own pajamas and crawling into bed.

“Good night,” Hermione said softly.

“Night,” Gwen said, feeling her heart squeeze at the turbulent emotions waging war inside of her.

__

“Take a break,” J.B. insisted for the fifth time.

Gwen shook her head, panting hard, and wiping the sweat from her forehead. She’d run faster and harder than she ever had, trying to run away from the feelings chasing her all night. “I’m fine,” she insisted.

“You’re not fine,” J.B. frowned, “You’re punishing yourself.”

“I’m not,” Gwen ground out. She leaned forward and braced her hands on her knees as she continued to drag breath in and out of her body.

J.B. said nothing as he waited. When she eventually stood back up, she met his worried gaze head-on. His dark skin glistened with sweat that had made its way through his sweatshirt. It was the first time that Gwen had pushed him into breaking a hard sweat during their runs, and she knew that meant she was probably drenched.

“What’s going on, Gwen?” He asked pointblank.

Gwen crossed her arms against the cold winter morning and wiped a sleeve over her sweaty face. “Nothing’s wrong,” she responded.

“Then what is all of this?” J.B. gestured with his arm.

Gwen turned to look at what he was motioning to. In the piles of snow, she saw their footprints crossing and trailing over the lake from repeated circles. She had run until it burned and then forced herself to run further.

“What do you mean?” She avoided his question.

He shook his head, clearly annoyed. “No,” he fought back, “I’m not playing this game with you. Cut this shit out and tell me what’s wrong with you.”

His accent was thicker, harder with frustration as he watched Gwen glare and sidestep his every attempt at helping her.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” Gwen snapped. 

“I just want to help you, Gwen,” J.B. pleaded.

“I don’t need you to help me,” Gwen responded savagely, “I didn’t ask for your help, and I don’t need it. Stop trying to force your way into my life. I already have friends, okay? I don’t need you to keep trying to just -”

Her voice broke in anger and she just stared defiantly at him, ignoring the swooping sensation in her stomach at the expression on his face.

He said nothing as he watched her and she could taste his hurt on the back of her tongue. Gwen rarely yelled at people; she got angry and snapped, but that usually resulted in her drawing further into herself. She was choking on her anger and fear, and taking it out on J.B. was cowardly, but she didn’t know what to do to fix it so instead she chose to glare at him.

He shook his head sadly. “Fine then,” he murmured, “Have it your way.”

He turned away from her and took three steps before pausing. “I know you’re going through a lot right now,” he called over his shoulder quietly, “And I know we just met really, but if you keep pushing people away – there won’t be anyone left.”

Gwen felt his words ringing in her head as she watched him walk away from her until he disappeared from her sight, leaving her alone in the white chasm of her own aimlessness and fears. She felt tears trail down her face and didn’t bother to wipe them.

She stood there in the snow long enough that she began to feel the cold start to creep back into her bones. She trudged through the slush and entered the drafty castle halls, ignoring the hollow pain in her chest. A few students were milling around, most everyone was in the dining hall or still in bed, the sun rising not long ago, but she felt like a ghost in a concrete world.

She made it back to her room without seeing anyone or anything, really, and let the blank mask she donned drop as she greeted an empty room. Hermione must already have gone down to breakfast.

Gwen felt a nervous queasiness thinking about her friends, but she tucked away the thought and feeling with an iron will as she went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Her teeth finally stopped chattering as warmth seeped back into her bones, and she quickly charmed her hair dry and got dressed carefully.

On good days, her uniform gave her a sense of belonging and allowed her to blend in. On bad days, her uniform was her armor; it made her a student first before she was anything else. Before she was Guinevere Easton, the mysterious orphan with no name and the Sight. Her uniform made her like everyone else.

She bunched up her fleece-lined tights, a staple of the season, by the bottom and slowly slid them up her legs. When her feet and legs were warmly snug, put on a tank top and tucked it in the top of tights. Methodically buttoning up her white button-up shirt and then slipping on her black skirt were all things she’d done a million times, but everything felt foreign and strange today.

She slipped on a grey sweater on top of her shirt before bundling herself up in her robes. She picked up her scarf, Gryffindor colored. It was one of her favorite things in the world and yet she couldn’t bring herself to put it on.

She bit her lip as another wave of emotion crashed through her. She was still a Gryffindor, she told herself. She could wear the scarf, if she wanted. But even so, she hung the scarf back up and instead went over to the mirror.

She didn’t look like someone in love, she thought. Her deep olive skin had paled – giving her jaundiced look. All the warmth of last night had been leeched from her skin. Her long, dark strands, though still managing to hold onto some of the warmth of the summer, fell over her shoulders and down her back – a curtain to hide from the world. She ran her fingers through the always tangled locks and decided to leave her hair down.

She turned from her pained reflection and muttered to herself, “Stop being such a prat and get your shit together.”

She grabbed her books and bag and marched down the stairs all the way to the Great Hall. Her friends were right where she expected them to be and with slight hesitance, Gwen came and sat down next to Hermione.

“Morning,” Hermione said brightly.

Gwen turned to evaluate her friend’s expression. Hermione’s eyes were worried, but friendly. Her smile alluded to no scheming or planning so Gwen relaxed slightly and gave her a smile, albeit a weak one, in return.

“Hey,” Gwen greeted. She turned to look at Ron, sitting across from Hermione, who greeted her with a grin and continued to eat his breakfast – a smile she couldn’t help but fully return. She braced herself internally before looking at Harry.

She felt the breath catch in her throat. His eyes were just as careful and blank as her own – his brick wall back up, but there was no friendly smile on his face, and she didn’t know what to do in response.

_Be Guinevere_ , she reprimanded herself as she met his eyes. “Hey,” she said lightly.

“Hi,” he responded. His voice was neither friendly nor apathetic. He might be as confused as she was on where to go from there.

Deciding that was enough, Gwen reached for a waffle and turned her head to listen to Hermione and Ron argue about the appropriateness of a t-shirt as a present for his mother.

“You cannot give your mother a t-shirt, Ronald,” Hermione reprimanded.

“Mum loves shirts,” Ron complained.

“Not as a Christmas present,” Hermione retorted.

Gwen huffed a laugh at them, tasting both of their affection and attraction to one another in her throat. How did they not see? Or if they did, how did they ignore it?

She could taste Harry’s distrust mingling with the sweetness of affection, forcing her to swallow the acrid taste. She ate quietly for a few moments when she tasted something else. A taste that was so unique and perfect and specific to one person that she began to blush as she looked down at her waffle.

She could feel him looking at her and looked up at Hermione and Ron, still squabbling, keeping the smile on her face before shifting her eyes carefully to make sure that Harry had his attention on their friends before looking over his shoulder to where the feeling was radiating from.

Liquid sunshine in her throat, her body sighed at the sight of him. Draco looked brighter than she remembered. His blond hair was brushed back, and the planes of his marble skin were warm as he gazed at her lovingly.

_Lovingly_. Gwen could taste it as it washed away all of her other senses. She wanted to keep staring at him, but she forcibly turned back to her friends before anyone could notice. She caught Harry’s eyes, narrowed slightly, but thankfully was unknowingly saved by Hermione.

“Gwen, when is your train leaving?” She asked worriedly.

 “Uh…9,” Gwen thought for a moment, “Why?”

“You have to leave now,” Hermione fretted, looking at the watch on her wrist. “You’ll be late!”

“It doesn’t take that long to get there,” Gwen frowned.

“You don’t want to miss the train,” Hermione warned.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Gwen tried to joke, but the question felt too raw.

“Of course not,” Hermione rolled her eyes.

Gwen was grateful that Hermione found the joke so ridiculous – that the notion of them trying to get her to leave was so dumb that it made for a bad joke. It was the only thing that made it possible for her to stand up and smile.

“Give me a hug before I go,” she demanded.

Hermione gave a cross between a laugh and scoff but stood and gave Gwen a tight hug. “I’ll see you soon,” she murmured.

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed. She felt strangely emotional at this parting. Perhaps because she knew it was only a matter of time before Harry told everyone what he knew…what he had seen last night, and she couldn’t bear the idea of her friends looking at her like she was something they needed to get rid of. 

Powered by a desperation that she couldn’t yet face, Gwen began the long trek around the table to hug Ron. Ron, knowing what was going to happen, put down his utensils and stood up just in time for Gwen to fling herself at him.

“Whoa,” he laughed, “It’s alright, Gwen. I’ll see you in a week or so.”

She wrapped her arms around him tighter, closing her eyes as she tried to commit his laughter to memory. “Yeah,” she whispered, “I know.”

Ron laughed again and hugged her back. Gwen forced herself to eventually release him and slowly stepped away, fighting back the urge to cry.

Ron tilted his head to the side and observed her hidden expression. “I’ll see you soon, Gwen,” he reassured her, “I promise.”

She wanted to hold out her pinky, slit her wrist, or do anything that would bind him to that promise, but instead she gave him a lopsided smile and nodded. She carefully turned her eyes to look at Harry, who was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t read.

She refused to rely on her Sense. Instead she simply held out her arms and looked at him beseechingly. He stepped from the bench and came to wrap his arms around her. She expected his hug to be loose, mostly for show, but he gripped her tightly – almost crushing her to his body. She returned his hug just as fiercely, both begging him silently to keep her secret and asking him to forgive her.

“I’ll miss you,” Gwen murmured in his ear.

“I miss you,” Harry said so quietly that no one else could hear.

Gwen gripped him tighter for a second, fighting off her warring emotions once more. She knew he meant to say it that way; she could taste his intentions. He was telling her, “I miss who you were once were.” Even without either of them saying anything, everything had changed, and neither of them knew what to do about it.

Almost unwillingly, Gwen let go of Harry. She looked up at him with watery eyes she couldn’t control. His face was just as broken as hers, and she almost forgot that they were standing in the Great Hall with hundreds of students around them.

Students were milling out now, running late for the train. Gwen sniffled and looked over Harry’s shoulder. “I have to go,” she said reluctantly.

Harry nodded and said nothing. Gwen looked back into his green eyes and wondered if she made a mistake.

“Gwen,” Hermione called out from behind her.

Gwen turned around and saw the questions and worry in both Hermione and Ron’s eyes. “You’ll be late,” Hermione warned her gently.

Gwen nodded and tried to smile. “I’m probably PMS-ing,” she joked.

Ron and Hermione both laughed, but she saw Hermione glance at Harry’s face.  She could taste Hermione’s questions and her worry for them both, and the guilt almost drove her to confession.

“Alright,” Gwen spoke while she still could, “I’m going to go.”

“We’ll see you soon,” Ron repeated.

Gwen turned to look at him gratefully and smiled genuinely this time. She grabbed her bag from Hermione and turned to leave, facing Harry once more.

“Bye,” she whispered.

“Bye,” he murmured deeply.

Their eyes connected for a single moment, and Gwen tasted his remorse and conflict. She swallowed painfully against it and moved quickly down the Great Hall.

She didn’t see anything until someone bumped into her. She blinked a few times as they threw out an apology before rushing past her. She was on the train, she realized.

She took a deep inhalation and continued her journey down the hall, looking for an empty compartment to rest in.

When she finally discovered one, she gratefully stepped in and shut the curtains behind her, hoping that everyone who saw it would think it was occupied. She sat down with her bags and looked out the window until the train began to move.

She always loved the takeoff. The train chugging along, gaining speed, and the gentle rocking motion of the engine coming to life. Her back hit the seat rhythmically as she moved with the train’s momentum.

She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts so she reached into her bag and pulled out _The Honorable History_. She hadn’t been reading it these last few weeks because of how much she’d been doing. Between her training with Professor Trelawney, running with J.B., and trying to maintain a passing grade in her courses, she was too tired to do much of anything else.

She opened her book to the last page and traced her eyes across the colorful words. In the time that she had read the book, she learned that it was compiled by the six sisters themselves and that they each had a signature or specialty.

The page she was on now was an entry from Amoldina. Gwen had quickly learned that although all of the sisters had beautiful script, Amoldina’s were more rigid, making her letters look like type. Amoldina also focused in strengthening the mind’s defenses.

Gwen traced her fingers over the familiar scrawl, describing a way to use Sight as a way to block out all kinds of mental intrusions. Gwen closed her eyes and began to envision the darkness of her mind with the single light in the back.

Her body and mind were stronger now so she moved easier through the shadows. Her steps and breathing were measured, all moving together as she walked right up to the light. She lifted her hand and reached forward into the light.

It began to hum, and in a sudden surge, the light burst forward and blinded her for a moment. She tasted everything first.

The overwhelming pain, heart-wrenching fear, and protective anger that saturated the air. Then she heard the shouts.

She opened her eyes, and she was in a small room. It was like looking through muddy water, everything was murky. There was a man standing in front of a small basinet, standing with his arms splayed out.

An older woman stood in front of him, her wand aimed at his chest. Gwen stood away from them, but she could see the man’s face. It was distorted in an expression she’d never seen on anyone before, but it took her breath away. He was screaming, but she could no longer hear the sounds.

She saw the woman with the wand thrust in his direction and spiral of green light cast forward and hit the man in the chest.

A primal scream filled the air, but it wasn’t from the man. It pierced Gwen’s mind, making her ears ring and eyes squint. She watched as the man slowly crumpled to the ground while the scream in the background shattered the world.

She woke up to the sound of the train whistling.

She’d slept through the whole trip.

She got up slowly, not fully understanding what she just saw. But the train whistled again, and Gwen, in a panic, shoved the book back into her bag and ran from the compartment and out of the empty train.

She stepped out onto the platform and squinted at the sudden brightness. She stood completely disoriented when someone shouted out her name.

She turned and found her mother, standing taller than most people, weaving her way towards Gwen. Her wild curls creating an ebony halo around her head. The sight of her mother filled Gwen with a relief so intense, she could have wept.

She broke out into a run and practically dived into Adora’s arms.

“I missed you,” Adora said happily.

“I missed you more,” Gwen returned.

She squeezed her mother as tightly as she could. When Adora finally put her down, Gwen wiped away the few tears that had managed to leak out. She laughed when Adora began to wipe her own tears.

“It’s the change,” Gwen joked, “It’s giving us hot-flashes in the form of tears.”

Adora nodded. “Makes sense,” she agreed, “We should leave the platform. It seems to make things worse.”

“You’re right,” Gwen confirmed.

Adora wrapped her arm around Gwen’s shoulder, and the two of them made their way back home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I graduated! Yeeeeeeee. It was very old and archaic. There was a lady with bagpipes leading us in and out of the ceremony. I already started my new internship so I don't start my holiday break until next week. Let me know how you guys are doing and how you feel about this chapter and Harry. It's all very tense...  
> I'm curious as to how you guys see Gwen. How would you describe her? I feel like I'm too close to her to see how she comes off to people generally. I have her character arc sorted, but I'm just curious because this is such a pivotal time in here life. Yesterday I wrote two scenes for Year 7 and bawled. I can't wait for you guys to read it!


	18. Family Trademark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos! xx

Gwen quickly settled into holiday life at home with her mother. The evening before Christmas, she was sitting in her favorite armchair in the living room wearing onesie pajamas. Her legs were thrown over the arm as she held a book in one hand and with the other hand, she rested a cup of tea on her stomach.  

She heard Adora in the kitchen making her own tea. Classical music filtered through the small house as a fire crackled in the distance, and pine and the smell of fresh bread filled the air as Gwen read.

She paused when she heard a scuttling sound. She looked up at the window and saw nothing. Even at twilight, the world was blanketed white. It was one of the hardest snows they’d had in years. Since she arrived home, it had been coming down both in hard wet globs and soft puffs.

She heard the scratching sound again. She sat up, putting her book and tea on the coffee table, before standing to walk towards the window.

Maybe it’s an owl, she thought, but then she tasted it.           

Panic.

Pain.

Fear.

She inhaled sharply at the feelings, feeling tears well in her eyes. She looked to her right, where the feeling was radiating from and followed her instincts to other side of the room, where the backdoor was.

She couldn’t see anything, but she could feel it in her throat. She knew someone was out there and that they were terrified. Now that she had focused in on those feelings, the taste of it, they were consuming. She felt them as strongly as the person feeling them did.

With a desperation that wasn’t hers, Gwen threw open the door. She looked out into the distance and saw nothing.

“Hello?” She called out, “Are you there?”

There was no response.

She opened her mouth to call out again when a small whimper sounded off. She looked at her feet and saw nothing. But the feeling intensified as she looked down.

“Gwen?” Adora came from the kitchen stirring milk in to her tea.

Gwen didn’t turn around as she slowly lowered to her knees.

“Gwen?” Adora called out again. “What are you doing?”

“Someone’s here,” Gwen murmured.

Adora came and stood behind Gwen. “What are you talking about? I don’t see anything.”

“I can sense it,” Gwen whispered.

With that, she began to push away the snow. Her fingers instantly numbed, but the panic in her throat was real. Another whimper came from deep within.

“The whimpering,” Gwen said, as she continued to dig, “Don’t you hear it?”

“I don’t hear anything, Gwen,” Adora said confusedly.

Gwen didn’t stop digging. She could hear the sound ringing in her head. She could taste the fear in her throat, the desperation. She continued to dig until her hand suddenly hit something.

She pulled back instinctively.

“What is it?” Adora asked worriedly.

Wordlessly, Gwen reached back into the hole she had created with both hands and wrapped her numb fingers around the small mass. With a held breath and eyes closed, she pulled it out. Adora gasped.

Gwen opened her eyes and also gasped. It wasn’t a person. In her hands was a small, half-frozen puppy. It whimpered aloud this time.

“Oh, Gwen,” Adora cried out, “Bring him inside quickly!”

Gwen immediately cradled the small pup to her chest, feeling the snow melting against her chest and soaking her pajamas.

“I’ll grab blankets,” Adora said, “We have to get him dry and warm now.”

Gwen nodded. She stood and quickly shut the door. By the time she turned around, Adora was already running back with towels.

Gwen wrapped the small pup in a towel and immediately went to go sit by the fire. “Use quick motions, Gwen,” Adora commanded swiftly, “Create friction to help warm him up.”

Adora grew up on a farm in the southern part of the States. Gwen knew whatever Adora was telling her to do was something she had seen her own parents do many times before. 

Gwen nodded and began to gently but quickly rub the towel around the dog, drying the moisture from his wet fur. He was still moving and whimpering, which Gwen was choosing to take as a good sign. Her senses were entirely focused on the dog. When the dog was mostly dry, Gwen quickly unzipped the top of her onesie, revealing just the tank top she wore underneath, and held the small dog to her chest.

“Bring me a sweater,” Gwen called out.

She heard Adora immediately hand her something and Gwen looked up. Adora had pulled off her own sweater and was staring at Gwen with wide, panicked eyes.

“He’ll be okay,” Gwen murmured.

Adora nodded wordlessly and helped Gwen ease the sweater over her, covering the small pup between the warm fabric and her chest so only his little nose stuck out. Adora also draped another blanket over the front of Gwen as they sat in front of the fire while Gwen continued to rub life back into the small dog.

Soon Gwen felt the young pup’s claws began to rake against her skin as life began to creep back into his frozen limbs, but she ignored the pain and continued to rub the small life in her arms. She felt the relief, the pain of returning to sensation, and the apprehension swirl in her throat.

But mostly, she felt his hunger.

“He needs to eat,” Gwen murmured to Adora.

“I’ll make him something,” Adora said, jumping up, “I’m going to heat it up.”

Gwen nodded her head again. She heard Adora begin to bang around in the kitchen and jumped when she felt the little puppy’s wet nose touch her neck. She gently moved the blanket so she could smile down at the half-lidded eyes peeking out.

The dog was looking at her with small tired eyes and Gwen began to pet him soothingly. “You’re okay now,” she murmured, “You’re safe.”

As if he understood her, the dog nuzzled her neck again. Adora quickly came back into the room with a small bottle in hand.

Gwen looked up at her mom in confusion. “Where did you get this from?”

Adora shook her head. “It was around the house.”

Gwen wanted to ask questions but she could sense the small dog’s hunger so she turned around and brought the small nib to the puppy. He latched on with a desperation that hurt her heart and began to drink the milk rapidly.

“What’s in it?” Gwen asked.

“Goats milk and an egg,” Adora supplied.

Gwen looked up at her mother with furrowed brows. Adora gave her a faint smile. “Old farmer trick,” Adora revealed. Her southern accent thick with memories.

Gwen felt the small dog finish off the bottle and drift off to a blissful sleep. She put the bottle down and gently removed the puppy from her chest and wrapped him into a new thick, warm towel.

“Are you sure he’s alright?” Adora fretted.

Gwen could feel his heartbeat. She sensed he was weak, but his will to survive was strong. “Yes,” she assured, “He’ll sleep for a while.”

“Poor little thing,” Adora murmured as they laid him by the warm fire.

“We’ll have to get him food,” Gwen said.

Adora nodded. “It’ll be hard to go to the store,” she worried.

Gwen shook her head. “I’ll use the floo powder,” she said, “I’ll go into Diagon Alley and get some.”

“Are you sure?” Adora asked, “It’s too late, Gwen.”

 “It’ll be fine,” Gwen said, getting up. “I’ll be back before he wakes up.”

“What about dinner?” Adora asked.

Gwen was already almost to the stairs. “When I get back,” she called out from the stairs.

“Alright, let me give you some money,” Adora called out.

“Kay!” Gwen shouted as she went into her room.

She stripped off her onesie and stepped into some fleece-lined leggings. She stared at her bra for a moment, debating whether or not to go without one before reluctantly putting it on. She put on a long, black turtleneck and slipped her cloak over and secured it from the top.  

She was lacing up her boots when her mother came in and laughed. “Are you at least going to fix your hair?” She asked.

Gwen looked up and laughed at her reflection. Her hair was still in a messy braid from sleep. She quickly let it out and shook out her heavy locks so that they framed her face.

“This way I can hide my half-asleep self from unsuspecting strangers,” Gwen joked with her mother.

Adora frowned. “You’re beautiful,” she said seriously.

Gwen snorted and went to the fireplace. “I’ll be back in a little,” she said.

“Just for dog food and back,” Adora said sternly, handing her a few gold coins.

Gwen pocketed them with a nod and a grin. She took off her right glove and reached into the small tin with floo powder.

“I won’t be long,” she promised.

“Good,” Adora said, “There’s something I want to talk to you about anyways.”

That made Gwen pause for a moment. She tasted her mother’s sudden apprehension and anxiety. She’d never known her mother to be anxious before, and she studied the worry-puckered features of her mother’s face.

“Is everything okay?” Gwen asked.

Adora nodded and gave her a tight smile. “Yes,” she assured, “There’s just something I need to tell you.”

Gwen didn’t move and Adora sighed. “When you get back,” she said, even though it sounded like a she’d rather not ever discuss it.

Gwen swallowed the sickly sweet sensation of her mother’s worries and nodded her head. “I won’t be long,” she repeated.

“Diagon Alley!” She cried out. Her voice cracked with worry, but she threw the powder down anyways and up in flames she went.

She came shooting out of a sooty grate coughing. She looked up at the dark alleyway she emerged from and grimaced. She had messed up her pronunciation and now she was in Merlin knows where.

She had the faintest memory of Harry telling her of a similar mistake he made during his first year with the Weasley’s. Gwen had the sinking suspicion that Hagrid wouldn’t appear out of thin air to help her like he had helped Harry then.

She stood for a moment, almost struck dumb by her reality. She could hear the high, painful shrieking laughter of women and the shouts of men in the air.

Taking in a great gulp of air and courage, she hoped the soot that covered her would allow her to blend in. She lifted her dark hood over her head and hoped it would add to the menacing presence she was trying to conjure.

She began to walk through the narrow path, trying to ignore the violence and lechery she could smell in the air that coated her throat like a thick syrup. She heard a woman cry out, a sound mingled in pain and pleasure, from somewhere in the distance, and she slipped her hand into the pocket of her cloak, gripping her wand tightly.

She began to walk among the crowds of people, going mostly unnoticed. She held her breath against her senses and ignored the lewd calls from the side. She could see the light of the street and continued to stealthily sneak through.

Suddenly, she sensed a man higher up on the winding stairs. She took a sharp inhalation and could smell the stench of his testosterone, a sharp, sour smell in her nose, a scent that promised pain. She gripped her wand tighter and kept walking, keeping her head bowed slightly forward, so her hood covered the youthfulness of her face. She made her steps light, but sharp as she battled against her fear.

“Hello there, pretty lady,” the man crooned out.

Gwen ignored him as she continued to climb the steps, nearing him. She could practically smell his growing excitement – the start of a chase. His taste was something new to her; in it, she could taste his longing and perverseness.

As she neared him, he pushed off the steps and she fought the urge to break out into a sprint. She felt a probing sensation in her brain, and almost tripped as she realized it was _his_ sense invading her mind, smelling her fear.

He didn’t seem to notice her own sense, but her fear caused excitement to swell further in him. He was practically salivated as she sought to pass him.

Out of fear, she made a quickly turn down a sudden path and continued to walk further into the shadows. She felt him follow her, his twisted mind growing more and more pervasive in her thoughts.

He tracked her silently for minutes. His soft, menacing laughter floating up to her ears every now and then, causing the hair on her arms and neck to stand in fear. She was suddenly overly aware of the dying sun in the sky.

She’d made a mistake taking this detour, she realized. She quickly went through her options in her mind. To attack him would bring more attention to her, but to do nothing would leave her open to him.

Before she could make a decision, she turned a corner and was met with a dead end. Panic swelled in her chest and with the striking stealth of a snake, a hand gripped her arm and pushed her against the wall.

He ripped off her hood and pressed his body against hers, trapping her. She looked up at him and almost gagged.

His bright green eyes roved over hers with a serpentine absorption. His prey.

He looked at the small girl with hunger. He saw the long dark hair that almost swallowed up the young face beneath. Pale olive skin that held thick arched eyebrows, framing amber eyes heavy with an unknown weight.

He could taste her fear, a flavor so exquisite that he almost lost control here and there. But he knew the chase was what he craved and the subsequent ecstasy it brought.

Gwen stared at him and in her panic, her powers coiled and suddenly she could see into him, she realized. Fear was making her power stronger, sharper, and she saw his intentions for her. The thoughts almost caused her to wretch and with last shreds of self-will, she willed her powers around her.

She thought of her mother, waiting for her at home.

“ _I’ll be back soon_.”

That was the promise she had made. Drawing her strength from it, her sense encircled her like a shield, all of her senses went on the defensive and she regained control.

Keeping her hand on her wand, she lifted her chain and narrowed her eyes at him. “Let go,” she demanded in a low, dangerous voice.

 The man grinned, revealing long, sharp teeth, as if he had filed them down. “Say it again,” he purred.

Revulsion almost overturned Gwen’s stomach. “You’re disgusting,” she spat right in his face.

Her actions seemed to fuel whatever twisted mind stood against her now. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes as his mouth hung open in perverted bliss. “You smell different than the other wizards,” he murmured, “Stronger, more complex.”

“You’re a Snatcher,” Gwen realized.

That’s why he tasted different, she thought to herself. He couldn’t sense her fear the same way she could sense him. He tasted it her hormones, the physical evidence of her fear. The thought calmed her for a split second before she looked back at him, and the calm sank with dread.

“Guilty,” he grinned.

He brought his face closer to hers, and Gwen actually smelled the decay on his breath. His mouth was a few inches away from her when his tongue darted out as he licked his lips. She fought the nausea and panic in her throat and grounded herself in her courage.

“I’m giving you one more chance,” she warned. 

“Are you going to fight, young Seer?” he whispered.

Gwen’s eyes widened slightly, and his grin became proud. “Ah, yes,” he murmured, “How interesting…a wizard and a seer. So rare these days, aren’t you?”

Gwen said nothing as he continued.

“I could smell it right away,” he boasted, “The difference in you. The raw power.”

He shuddered against his final words, pressing his body further into hers.

“How do you know that?” Gwen demanded.

He smiled widely. “You smell like her,” he mused.

That got Gwen’s attention. “Like who?”

He continued to grin maniacally and stroked his finger down her cheek. “She’s powerful too, you know,” he whispered, “More powerful than them all.”

Gwen jerked her chin so his hand fell away from her. “Who is she?” She demanded again, “Who are you talking about?”

“You don’t know?” He tilted his head. “How interesting…”

Gwen ground her teeth together as he continued to speak. “There were rumors she had a child,” he continued to murmur intimately, “But that they died along with that traitorous man of hers.”

“What man?” Gwen practically yelled, “Who is she?”

“Why,” he drawled, “She’s the most powerful of all…”

With a growl, Gwen pushed harshly against him, freeing herself from his weight. He laughed like a hyena and lowered into a hunting crouch.

“You’ll go for a fine price,” he declared menacingly. He pulled out his wand and launched a curse at her.

As if her instincts felt it coming, Gwen ducked and narrowly missed the curse. Without waiting, she took off into a dead sprint down the opposite street.

She heard his maniacal laughter fill the air. “Run, girl,” he hollered, “It only makes it better for me when I eventually catch you.”

For a split second, she believed he might eventually catch her so she kept running through the lanes. She heard his heavy breathing behind and ducked as he shot another curse at her, again sensing it before it came. Her body was on hyper-alert, protecting her with every ounce of power she possessed. She whipped out her wand and turned briefly, never halting in her steps, to shout:

“Confringo!”

A blast came from behind her. Boxes and trash shooting up as she kept running. His laugh filled the air once again.

“Come now, young Seer,” he screamed, “You can do better than that.”

Gwen went running down another street, throwing another spell over her shoulder, blocking the path. She took a sharp turn and ran through a maze of stacked boxes. The smell of decay and old, wet garbage filled her nostrils and made her eyes water, but she kept running.

Something knocked into her side with enough force that she faltered and tripped, sprawling out on the dirty street. With a choking sound, she scrambled upwards, ready to attack. She looked and saw the source of her fall. An old rusty metal pipe was sticking out from in-between the boxes and in her panic, she’d run right into it. Her ribs began to throb painfully, but without taking the time to ponder what she should do, she began to run again. She could sense the deadly mania of the Snatcher near her.

She just turned another corner when the Snatcher appeared at the opposite end. He had doubled back to cut her off. She stood with her wand at the ready as she panted. He grinned widely at her, not even winded by the chase, and stalked closer to her.

“I wonder if she knows your alive,” he mused, “There are rumors, you know, that she killed him, the father. Apparently she caught him with another…”

“Caught who?” Gwen demanded. “What do you know?”

He smiled lecherously at her. “Step a little closer,” he purred, “Let me whisper it in your ear.”

Gwen growled her disgust. He continued to watch her with that sick twisted face of his. He tilted his head and regarded her with clinical interest for a moment. “The eyes are different,” he murmured, “You came without the family trademark.”

“The power she wielded with those eyes,” he continued to circle her.

Gwen wanted him to keep talking, her curiosity almost outweighing her reason, but she knew her life currently hung in the balance, and she was outmatched on her own in the dark against the Snatcher. Her best chance was to get away to the main streets, so she swallowed her curiosity and instead she remained silent, watching his wand as he sought to distract her.

“The things she did with just a look. She could reduce a man to a sniveling pile of nothing with just a look. She was always a bitch,” the Snatcher spat on the street, “But then again, you Seers always are.”

She didn’t even give him a chance. Gwen launched her spell. “Stupefy,” she shouted.

She heard him shout in pain and without looking back, off she ran again. Doubling back to where she came from, throwing a spell behind her to once again block her path. She took an intuitive turn and ran down the street. She was back to the main staircase where she started when she heard the Snatcher blast through her blockade with a roar.

She pushed through the crowd as she raced up the stairs, her legs burning with exhaustion, and she heard J.B.’s voice in her head.

“ _Keep breathing, Gwen. That’s the secret. You gotta remember to breath.”_

She dragged in a harsh breath and kept pushing through people, ignoring their growls and shouts, when a hand reached out and grabbed her arm. She was hauled to the side again suddenly, and she immediately began to lash out.

“Stop, Gwen,” the familiar voice snapped.

Gwen immediately halted and looked up. His blue eyes met hers for one moment before he turned around to meet her pursuer.

The Snatcher was barely out of breath, but held his bleeding arm with the other as he glared at her intensely. He was bleeding near his right shoulder. Her spell had done some damage, she thought with some satisfaction. “She’s mine,” the Snatcher snapped, “I claimed her.”

“I don’t think so,” Draco said menacingly.

“You have no power here, boy,” the Snatcher sneered.

Draco took a step further and whatever the Snatcher saw in his eyes was enough for him to falter slightly. “This isn’t your place,” he argued, a bit weaker this time, “Your lot doesn’t own these parts.”

“The girl is mine,” Draco spat each word.

“What does the Dark Lord want with her anyhow?” The man yelled.

Gwen blinked and Draco had his wand to the Snatcher’s throat. “Say another word,” Draco said, his voice threatened a quick end, “And it’ll be the last thing you ever say.”

Gwen stared at Draco’s with wide eyes. Everyone was pushed to the sides of the stairs, gaping at him from the corner of their eyes. They were afraid of him, Gwen realized.

The Snatcher swallowed and remained silent. After a few moments, Draco slowly lowered his wand and turned back towards Gwen. His face was marble hard with shuttered eyes. He gripped her arm, almost painfully, and pulled her away with him.

She turned back over her shoulder and shuddered. The Snatcher was watching her with a promise of bloodlust, etching her face into his brain so he’d never forget. His green eyes were neon with lust and anger.

She walked quietly next to Draco as he dragged her along, turning the corner. “Put your hood back on,” he demanded.

His voice was tight and as the relief and fear began to swirl through her once more, Gwen silently obeyed. She blindly allowed Draco take her wherever as she replayed the last few moments back over in her head.

“ _You smell like her_ ,” the Snatcher had said.

Smelled like who, Gwen wondered to herself. Her thoughts were cut short as Draco stopped in front of a door. They hadn’t gone very far before he pulled out his wand and muttered an incantation. Gwen heard the door unlock as Draco barged right in, pulling her along.

They had barely taken three steps into the building, when Draco dropped her arm and whirled around to face her. Gwen blinked into his furious face.

“What are you doing here?” He seethed.

Gwen opened her mouth but no words came out. Her senses, as if happy to sense Draco, were utterly stilled, calmed by his presence. “I came…”

She fumbled about her memory, trying to remember before the Snatcher. She looked around her as she thought. “Dog food,” she suddenly murmured.

“Dog food?” Draco raised an eyebrow.

Gwen looked back up at him; his eyes were confused but the anger was fading from his face. She nodded. “I found a dog outside my house,” she said slowly as her thoughts returned to her, “I came to get him dog food.”

“You came _here_ to get dog food?” Draco asked tightly.

Gwen looked around her, finally seeing _here_ , and shook her head. “I mispronounced where I wanted to go,” she explained, “I ended up here by accident.”

Before Draco could respond, she spoke again. “Where is here anyways?” she asked.

“Nowhere you belong,” Draco snapped.

This time Gwen raised her eyebrows at him. “But you do?” She countered.

His eyes widened for a moment before he glared again.

“He knew you,” Gwen reasoned, “He recognized you from around here, as a D…,” she broke off and shook her head, “As one of them.”

Draco said nothing. His shoulders were tensed, and his hands were balled into fists as he silently glared at her. Gwen looked over his shoulder and saw a large wardrobe standing in the middle of the room.

“What is that?” She asked, “Where are we?”

That seemed to snap Draco out of his angry trance. “Nothing,” he said irritably.

Gwen frowned. “Stop snapping at me,” She snapped.

“He’s marked you, Gwen,” Draco almost shouted, “Do you know what the means?”

She didn’t immediately respond. “It means that parasite will have you latched on his brain for the rest of his existence. He’ll think about you every morning and every night. He’ll never stop looking for you,” Draco imploded.

Gwen began to shake and before she could control herself, tears began to stream down her face. She closed her eyes and bowed her head. She heard him murmur something inarticulate and gently pull her into his arms.

“You’re okay now,” he promised, “You’re safe.”

She held onto him desperately as fear radiated through her body. Her breathing was coming in short, heavy pants. She couldn’t catch hold of her breath, and the panic began to rise again. Draco led her to a chair and pulled her into his lap, cradling her head against his shoulder.

“I’m here,” he soothed.

He gently smoothed her hair away from her face until she finally stopped shaking. “I don’t know why I’m crying all of the sudden,” Gwen said with a wobbly voice.

She sat up, wiping her eyes, and looked at Draco. He gave her a gentle smile though his eyes remained in pain for her.

“It’s the shock,” he told her, “It numbs you to keep you alive, and then when it doesn’t have to, you feel everything.”

Gwen nodded, feeling the tears well into her eyes.

“No matter how different we all are,” Draco murmured, “We all feel fear the same.”

“And hope,” Gwen reminded him. She reached forward to touch his cheek. “We’re all capable of hope.”

His eyes went soft with an emotion Gwen couldn’t identify with her eyes, but she could taste it in her throat. It was shame tinged with great sorrow, but above all, Gwen could taste his fear and worry for her. It was so overwhelming, she almost cracked under the weight of it.

She reached up and grasped Draco’s face gently within her hands. His cheeks were still flushed red from emotion, but as soon as their skin touched, the pain faded from his eyes and left the fear it sought to cover.

“It’ll be okay,” she murmured.

“No, it won’t,” he worried. “What if I can’t protect you?”

Gwen raised her eyebrows but smiled. “Are you implying that I can’t protect myself?”

His eyebrows were crowded, puckering his forehead. Gwen wanted to smooth it out with her thumb. “You know that’s not what I meant,” he grumbled.

“I know,” Gwen acknowledged.

Their looks became soft as they continued to watch each other. Draco’s eyes drinking in the sight of her tearstained, soot-covered face. “I missed you,” he said thickly.

Gwen smiled and wiped a tear from her face. “It’s only been a week,” she reminded.

“Eight days,” Draco grumbled, correcting her.

She couldn’t help but laugh as she leaned forward to kiss him sweetly. “I love you,” she sighed, as she broke away from him.

It had only been eight days since they spoke those words to each other, but Gwen still felt sheer joy when Draco wrapped his arms around her and hugged her fiercely. “I love you too,” he muttered, “And you scared the hell out of me.”

Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck and smoothed the nape of his neck. “I’m sorry,” Gwen said with laughter in her voice.

He tightened his arms around her, poking her sides. She gasped in pain and jerked against him. “Don’t do that,” she said through clenched teeth.

“What happened?” Draco loosened his arms in worry.

Gwen untangled herself from his arms and stood to move her cloak from in front of her. She gripped the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted it up, revealing the large bruise spreading over her ribs.

She heard Draco take a sharp breath in. “Gwen,” he whispered. His voice sounded like he was in pain.

“It’s alright,” she assured him. The bruise was already darkening along her ribs. “It looks worse than it feels.”

Draco’s pale fingers reached up and gently stroked the bruised skin. His other hand was in a tight fist resting on his keen. Gwen looked down at him, letting her shirt fall back down, and saw the bags beneath his eyes. She moved so she stood in between his legs and lifted his face to look up at her so she could stroke the tender skin beneath his eyes.

“You have your own bruises,” she noticed.

Draco blinked at her, his face worried. “It’s hard to be back there,” he confessed.

“Oh, Draco,” Gwen worried. She rested her hands on his neck, stroking his skin with her thumbs. “Leave,” she begged, “I’ll go with you. Anywhere. We can run away together.”

Draco rested his hands on her hips and faintly smiled up at her. He sat quietly for a few moments before speaking. “You’d really run away with me?” He asked.

Gwen nodded. “I’d do anything for you,” she told him instantly.

He gently pulled Gwen down so that she straddled his lap. Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. “I don’t deserve you,” he said softly.

“Says who?” She frowned.

He was still smiling crookedly. “Logic,” he shrugged.

“Hm,” Gwen sniffed, “I’ve never had much faith in logic to begin with.”

“I know,” Draco laughed.

“It doesn’t matter who deserves who,” Gwen argued, “The only thing that matters is that I chose you and you chose me, and we fight for each other. That’s it.”

“I _do_ choose you,” Draco murmured. “Always and every day.”

“Good,” Gwen tugged on his jacket.

Draco kissed her, his hands sliding beneath her cloak and stroking her sides. Gwen kissed him with an equal fervor, feeling the heat of his hands through the fabric of his shirt. Lost in the sensation of him, she breathed in his familiar minty smell as they pulled apart and hugged, Gwen tucking her face into his shoulder. Draco sighed into her neck. “You smell of garbage and brimstone,” he murmured against his skin.

She laughed happily and pinched his side, causing him to laugh as well before he kissed her soundly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays and New Year everyone! I hope you guys all ended the year on a somewhat positive note (or you were at least to block out the overwhelming shiftiness of the past year). As we forge into a new year, I just want to say how much this story has meant to me. It's encouraged me to write and to try harder, to push through the moments of slump, and to just pour myself into my work. I'm a recent graduate, and that's a pretty scary place to be. I'm currently finishing up my internship, and I'm on the hunt for a job as we speak. I'm also looking to move from my hometown and find my way to a big city. Have any of you made big moves like that on your own? How did it go? 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. Some new threads have appeared in piecing together Gwen's story, and I am so massively excited. The final part of year 6 and most of year 7 are going to a big deviation in terms of canon. Gwen's story is going to to develop outside of her friends and I'm so excited to write it. I hope you guys are just as excited to read it. I hope your first day of 2017 was a lovely one. Much love xx


	19. When You Are Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos! xx

After securing dog food, a few more kisses, and a promise from Draco that he’d come to her room tonight, Gwen finally returned home. She stepped out of her fireplace and halted. Adora was perched in her chair, with the puppy in her lap, looking worried out of her mind.

“Where have you been?” Adora exclaimed.

Gwen grimaced and walked further into the room, aware of the soot-covered tracks she was leaving behind her. “I got lost,” Gwen supplied.

“LOST?” Adora screeched, “You’ve been gone for hours, Gwen, hours, and you’re telling me you got lost. Why are you covered in dirt?”

Gwen didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t tell Adora about the incident with the Snatcher because it would just make everything worse, and thinking about everything he had said…she didn’t know if she was ready to talk about it again. Even thinking about the look in his eyes had her knees shaking.

“I’m sorry, mom,” Gwen said, “Really. I mispronounced my location and got dumped somewhere. It took me time before I could find where I was, and then I ran into…” She paused for a long moment.

“You ran into who, Guinevere?” Adora demanded.

“A friend,” Gwen said, giving a half-truth, “We just lost track of time.”

Adora narrowed her eyes. “What friend?” Adora said.

Gwen knew that Adora had no magic, but she had this uncanny ability to sense when people were lying to her. It was a gift that Gwen had always been grateful for because it had saved her life, but right now, staring her mother in the eye, Gwen felt trapped by it. She relaxed her face into her familiar mask and lied.

“Just a random friend from school,” Gwen evaded.

“A random friend?” Adora responded, clearly suspicious, “Hermione?”

“No,” Gwen ground her teeth, “I have friends beyond Hermione, Ron, and Harry.”

“Well how I am meant to know that, Gwen?” Adora said angrily, “You haven’t mentioned anything. In fact, you don’t ever say anything anymore. You’ve been hiding things from me since the summer, maybe even before that.”

“Am I not allowed to have secrets?” Gwen yelled, “Merlin! Why do you have to know everything that I do?”

Hurt cut through Adora’s expression, and Gwen clamped her mouth shut so she could swallow the hurtful words strangling her throat. They remained in silence, Gwen standing and Adora sitting in her chair. The small puppy in Adora’s lap began to whimper again. He wiggled free of Adora’s arms and teetered over to Gwen. He was so small that when he pressed his nose against her legs, it reached a little above her ankle.

He looked up at her with small, happy eyes, as if he was saying ‘You’re back!’ Gwen’s heart melted and hurt all at the same time. Unable to resist, she reached down and pet his little head.

“It’s a girl,” Adora said. 

Her voice fell into the silence as Gwen nodded before looking up. “I’m sorry,” Gwen apologized, “I didn’t mean what I said, really. I’m just…there’s a lot going on right now.”

Adora nodded as tears filled her eyes. “I know,” her voice broke, “but feeling distant from you is just hard for me.”

Gwen stood from her crouched position and went to her mother, who stood in time for Gwen to wrap her arms around her tightly. “You’re not distant from me, mom. I love you,” Gwen said fiercely.

“I love you too, darling,” Adora murmured.

“And I’m sorry,” Gwen repeated.

Adora responded by hugging her tighter. Gwen felt the tears burning her eyes as she tasted the hurt in her throat. She paid attention to the taste, to her Sense, and found fear. Adora was afraid, Gwen realized, but of what?

Of her being gone for so long? She thought that might be the answer, but she was standing right in front of her mother, and Gwen sensed no relief. Adora was afraid of something else.

Adora finally pulled back and smiled as she wiped away her tears. “Do you want some dinner?” She asked.

“Sure,” she agreed. Her stomach was still in knots, but she rarely turned down the option for food. “I’m just going to shower first.”

Adora nodded. “I’ll heat it up for you again.”

“Thanks,” Gwen called out as Adora scooped up the little puppy – a girl puppy – and head for the stairs.

Gwen could still taste that fear in her throat. “Mom?” She called out.

Adora turned and looked at her from the stairs. “Yeah?”

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

Gwen felt the sudden tartness of her mother’s fear, the apprehension. It was only because she could taste it that she saw the sudden worry in Adora’s eyes flash for a single second.

“We can talk about it later,” Adora brushed off.

“Okay,” Gwen nodded.

Adora gave her a tight smile before hurrying down the stairs. Moving automatically, Gwen gathered her towel and robe before heading to the bathroom. She turned on the water to a scorching degree, scrubbing the smell and memory of the Snatcher from her skin.

She stood under the spray for moment as realization washed over her, leaving her cold under the hot water. Gwen understood the flavor of fear she tasted in Adora, the one that threw her off before she left, and the one she tasted just now – it was apprehension. Adora had to tell her something she didn’t want to.

Gwen bowed her head under the weight of secrets between them. She had too many secrets from too many people, and the heft of them all were starting to crush her.

When she finally stepped out of the shower, she moved to stand in front of the mirror. She pulled her towel to the side and saw the bruise on her ribs, darker and larger than before. It would take a while before it healed, but her body had been strong for her today, Gwen acknowledged.

She had always had a curvier body, but she could see now that while her legs were still plump, they were strong. She wrapped the towel around her tightly and frowned in the mirror. She’d heard J.B.’s voice when she was running for her life, like she heard it as they ran around the lake.

He had been such a good friend to her. He offered her his friendship at no price, and she threw it back in his face callously. She took a big huff of breath, swallowing her guilt. She brushed her teeth, deciding that she didn’t want to eat after all.

She slipped on her long, thick robe before rubbing her hair with a towel. She walked into the cold cottage and shivered harshly, feeling the goosebumps rise on her skin. She quickly tiptoed downstairs.

The puppy trotted over to her, still weak, but excited. Gwen reached down and scooped the small puppy in her arms. “Mom?” She called out.

She heard Adora suddenly slam the phone shut. “Sorry,” Adora apologized from the kitchen, “I haven’t heated up your food yet. I had to feed the dog.”

Gwen bit her lip as she walked into the kitchen, holding the little puppy. “It’s okay,” Gwen said, “I just came down to tell you that I’m not hungry after all.”

Adora looked worried as she crossed the room to Gwen. She put her hand on Gwen’s forehead and murmured, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Gwen tried to smile, “I’m just tired.”

“Okay,” Adora agreed. Their secrets filled the gap between them, making Gwen feel alone and hollow.

Adora pulled her into a hug, careful of the small puppy in her arms, “Goodnight, baby.”

Gwen wrapped her loose arm around Adora. “Night, mom.”

“You wanna keep her with you tonight?” Adora asked.

Gwen nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Alright,” Adora said, “I made sure she peed before, but if she bothers you just bring her down her. There’s a small bed for her in the corner.”  

“Okay,” Gwen agreed, “Night.”

“Night,” Adora repeated.

Gwen took the small puppy upstairs with her, cradling her close to her chest. She got into her room and put the puppy on the floor. Gwen quickly changed into her pajamas, a pair of sweatpants and shirts and shivered again she pulled her long, wet hair from inside her sweatshirt.

Her puppy was quiet on the floor, watching outside the window. Gwen put socks on her feet and moved her chair to face the window again. She pulled the small puppy into her lap and cuddled as she waited for Draco.

“What shall I name you?” Gwen mused to herself aloud as she stroked the little dog’s head.

Gwen lifted her up so she could look the dog in the eye. Gwen looked into the small blue eyes and smiled slightly. “I’ll call you Courage,” Gwen told her. “You look like you have plenty of it, and it’s something I definitely need.”

She pulled Courage back to her chest and they settled against each other. Gwen breathed in the scent of puppy and sensed Courage’s happiness in her throat. She snuggled a little closer to the pup and shut her eyes for a moment.

With an idle mind came all of the things she didn’t want to think about. J.B. came into her thoughts once more; the look on his face making her chest seize in regret. It was better than the look on Harry’s, she thought.

Harry.

Just thinking about him made her whole body tense with nerves. Would Hermione and Ron share his expression the next time they saw her? Would they also know what she did? Who she loved? Would they hate her for it?

She couldn’t imagine that they’d understand. Tears filled her eyes, making her squeeze them harder shut to block out the outside world. She had so much guilt.

With her eyes shut, she saw the light – ever-present – in the back of her mind. She felt the muscles of control flex, but it was no use. The light in the back of her mind came for her this time. She fell into rather than walked into this time as her vision came.

She was laying in an unfamiliar bed. The room was dark, nighttime. She woke up and froze as someone crawled next to her, a small weight settling against her chest. She felt scared pants against her neck as little hands clutched at her shirt. Relaxing instinctively, she wrapped her arms around the small form.

 _“What’s wrong, baby?”_ she murmured.

 _“I had a nightmare,”_ the little voice cried.

Gwen sighed and pulled him closer to her, cooing over his head. _“You’re okay; I’m here,”_ she whispered.

 _“Mommy,”_ he cried.

 _“I’m here, love,”_ Gwen promised _, “You’re safe.”_

Courage burst from her arms barking like mad. Gwen fell out of the chair in surprise as the vision faded from her eyes. She blinked back into reality to watch Draco rush forward, gently pushing away Courage’s mad attacks on him, and lift Gwen up. “Are you okay?” He asked worriedly.

“I saw a baby,” Gwen murmured, still out-of-it.

“A baby?” Draco asked.

Before he could ask any more questions, he made a sound of irritation and snapped. “Whose dog is this?”

Gwen blinked slowly and looked at Courage, still jumping and biting Draco’s jacket in an attempt to pull him away all the while managing to bark loudly.

“Courage,” Gwen commanded, “Stop that.”

Courage paused her attack to look at Gwen unsurely. “Come here,” Gwen said.

Courage, still watching Draco, came to sit by Gwen. She growled at Draco’s hands, holding onto Gwen. “It’s okay,” Gwen patted her head, “He’s a friend.”

“A friend?” Draco raised his eyebrows.

Gwen look at him and rolled her eyes. “Thank Merlin that I still have the sound-proofing charm on my room because you two would’ve woken the whole village up.”

“You two?” Draco scoffed, “It was your mad dog!”

As if on cue, Courage began to growl again. Gwen sighed and stood up, pulling Draco up with her. “Don’t call her mad,” Gwen censured.

“My apologies,” he grumbled.

Gwen smiled, but it fell from her face as her vision came back to her. Draco instantly noted the change in her face instantly and began to stroke up and down her arms.

“What is it?” He murmured, “What did you see?”

“I didn’t see anything,” Gwen told him truthfully, “It was dark. I was in bed.”

Draco nodded encouragingly and smoothed her tangled hair, almost dry now. “You said there was a baby?”

Gwen shook her head. “It wasn’t a baby. A child. A little boy. I don’t know how old.”

“Who was he?” Draco asked.

“I’m not sure,” Gwen said. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling her stomach once again, “I think he was mine.”

Draco raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Yours?” He asked.

She nodded and looked into Draco’s inky blue eyes. “He called me mommy,” she told him and shivered, “I think he was my son.”

“Who else was there?” Draco asked.

His voice was both serious and worried. “I don’t know,” Gwen told him truthfully. “It was just he and I.”

He nodded, but remained silent.

“I was thinking about Harry, and it just happened,” Gwen rambled.

Draco looked at her sharply. His voice was hard. “Harry?”

“He knows about us,” Gwen confessed in a whisper.

Draco’s eyes went wide. “How do you know?”

“He was there in the hall that day,” she told him, “He knows.”

Draco held her tighter. “Is he going to say anything?”

Gwen bit her lip and focused her gaze on Draco’s throat. “I don’t know,” she said with halting breath.

Draco nodded. His hands had stilled on her arms. Gwen looked up at his marble face; his eyes far away from her now.

“It’s been a long time since I had a vision as a dream,” she said softly.

He was distracted by that. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she said, “The last one I had was during fifth year. I was saying bye to my friends. They were going somewhere without me.”

“What do you mean you were saying bye?” He asked confusedly.

“I don’t know,” Gwen shrugged, “I don’t know the context. I just remember the overwhelming sadness.”

Draco stared at her, his eyes imperceptible. “Let’s get you into bed,” he finally murmured.

He and Gwen walked to the opposite sides of her bed. She just then realized that Draco came in his pajamas, their rituals still intact. It made her smile. Draco was pulling back the comforter and looked up to catch the expression on his face. He returned her smile before speaking worriedly.

“You don’t have to keep talking about it – your visions,” Draco told her, “If you don’t want to tell me about it, it’s okay.”

She tasted the truth in his words, she could feel the bitterness of regret, but overwhelming all that she could taste the unique liquid sunshine that was wholly his love.

“I trust you,” she told him from across the bed.

He looked like she had struck him. His face went tight with suppressed emotion as he stood completely still across from her. “You shouldn’t,” he whispered.

She only hesitated for a moment. “I don’t care,” she said stubbornly.

He shook his head. “You have to care,” he argued, “You’re a part of a movement, Gwen. You can’t let the whole thing fall to pieces just because you love me.”

She reared back. “Those aren’t two mutually exclusive things,” she said with surprise, “It’s because I love you that I’m a part of a movement.”

“You were a part of it before me,” he insisted.

“Yes,” she acknowledged, “but it’s because of you that I’m fighting for more now. I’m fighting for your freedom, our freedom.”

“You can’t put us before everyone else,” he said desperately.

“Like hell I can’t,” Gwen growled. She yanked on the comforter angrily, not sure what else to do. “You matter more to me. You matter more than everyone else.”

Maybe it was because she was so tired, so afraid of being alone, so tired of secrets that made it so easy for her to shoot from zero to one hundred in a blink of an eye. But Draco was all she had left, and if he started pushing her away…she didn’t know what she’d do.

“Stop saying that,” he snapped.

“What are you so afraid of?” She demanded.

“I’ll hurt you, Gwen,” he yelled.

His confession rang through the air, silencing all of them – even Courage. Gwen stared at him from across the sheets. “What are you talking about?” she whispered.

He looked at her desperately then. “I’m fighting as hard as I can, but it doesn’t feel like enough. Every day that we’re apart, the forces keeping us that way get stronger. There’s no way for either of us to fit into the other’s world. Outside of the bubble we surround ourselves in, it just doesn’t work.”

Gwen didn’t immediately respond because his words cut deep into her. She heard the truth in their lacerations, and she’d be lying to both of them if she said she wasn’t afraid.

“I won’t lose you,” Gwen finally said.

“Are you willing to give up your soul just to keep me?” Draco responded gravely.

Gwen didn’t have to sense his feelings because they were written clearly on his face. The overwhelming pain they were enduring, the heaviness of the secrets and lies, was leaving them both haggard.

She didn’t know what to say because she wasn’t sure how far she’d be willing to go to be with Draco. She couldn’t imagine pushing more boundaries than they had already, but what if one day she had to? What if she pushed so far that she cracked?

As if he was reading her mind, he dropped her blanket. “Maybe I should go,” he murmured quietly.

Gwen wordlessly crawled into bed and pulled the blankets back from his side. “Come to bed,” she demanded gently.

Draco looked at her worriedly before climbing in beside her. Gwen laid down on her pillow and waited until he copied her. When they were facing each other, Gwen began to stroke his cheek lightly as moonlight spilled into the room.

“I don’t have any answers for you,” Gwen murmured, “I don’t have any plans or solutions.”

Draco swallowed painfully and nodded.

“The only thing I know is that I love you,” Gwen confessed, “There’s distance between me and everyone else in my life, but I can’t bear distance from you. My heart won’t tolerate it. My brain can’t process it. I need you more than I need anyone else.”

“Gwen,” Draco choked.

“I mean it,” she insisted, “I can’t do anything in half measures, especially loving you. That’s all of me. You have all of me always.”

Draco sought her lips. Whether or not he was kissing in response or trying to stop the words from coming out of her mouth, Gwen wasn’t sure. The desperation in his lips could be from both, but it didn’t stop her from kissing him back.

They rolled until Gwen was lying on her back and Draco hovered atop of her. Gwen moved her hands up his back, feeling the muscles that padded his thin form. She traced his spine with her fingers causing him to shudder.

Draco pulled back. “You have me,” his voice was thick with emotion, “Always, Gwen. You above everyone else. You have me.”

They kissed again. Gwen wanting to absorb him into her body to keep him safe. Draco suddenly pulled away again, this time breathing heavily. “We should stop,” he said.

Gwen wanted to tell him no, but she knew he was right so she reluctantly nodded. He rolled onto his back, and they linked hands as they laid side-by-side.

After a few moments, Draco spoke. “I want to give you your Christmas present.”

Gwen turned her head to look at him. “What present?”

Draco smiled hesitantly and moved from the bed, dodging Courage’s growls, and went to his jacket to pull a small box from his pocket.

Gwen moved so that she was sitting up. The whole room was diffused in moonlight, making Draco look like a ghost as he silently came back and sat across from her on the bed. His pale hair was completely bleached in the pale world, making his eyes glow from his alabaster skin.

Draco gently pushed the small black box into her hands. “It isn’t much,” he said, “I just wanted to give you a present that meant something.”

Gwen opened the box and stared. Inside was a fountain pen so beautiful that she stopped breathing for a moment. It was a heavy bronze color. She lifted it up and was surprised by the weight of it. Engraved along the sides were intricate designs that she couldn’t understand.

“It’s enchanted to never feel heavy while you’re writing and to never run out of ink,” Draco explained quietly.

Gwen looked up wordlessly.

“I hope you like it,’ Draco said. 

“I love it,” she smiled.

“Yeah?” Draco smiled crookedly.

She nodded and clutched it to her chest. “I really do, Draco. I love it.”

“I’m glad,” Draco relaxed with a smile.

Gwen held it to her and hesitated before giving him her gift. Once again, almost reading her mind, Draco smiled and reached forward to hold her hand.

"If you didn't get me anything, Gwen, please don't worry about it," he began before she cut him off with a sharp shake of her head.

"I thought really hard about what I wanted to give you but nothing felt right. I had that problem once with Colin," she explained.

Draco frowned at the comparison which made Gwen grin before continuing.

"It was for a different reason," she continued, "With Colin, my feelings were already gone so there was nothing physical that could express them. With you...my feelings are so overwhelming, there's still nothing that can express them."

Draco's frown turned in a self-conscious smile as he leaned forward and tugged on ribbon of her hair gently.

"So I wanted to give you something that I’ve never given anyone else," Gwen began, "but it would hurt."

Draco's eyes widened until she thought they'd rip. "You want to give me what exactly?" His voice was slightly strangulated.

Gwen quirked her eyebrows at his expression. "A tattoo?"

Draco's face didn't change. "Are you being serious?"

Gwen blushed slightly. "Yes," she confirmed, "I wanted to give you a tattoo."

"You want to give me a tattoo?" He repeated, "As a Christmas present.”

She nodded wordlessly.

Draco blushed bright red but his voice went back to normal after he cleared his throat violently. "Okay," he agreed.

"Really?" Gwen asked in surprise.

He smiled crookedly at her. "Did you think I would say no?"

"Maybe," Gwen shrugged.

"I trust you," Draco told her seriously.

Gwen tasted that sunshine in the back of her throat and leaned forward to kiss him. She sniffed as she pulled away and smiled at him. "Roll up your sleeve," she directed.

The panic on his face was immediate, she could taste it. She grinned a little and put a relaxed hand on his cheek. "Your right sleeve," she whispered.

Still a little apprehensive, Draco dutifully rolled up his right sleeve and held out his blank arm to Gwen.

She stroked the bare pale skin of his forearm before turning it over onto the inside. "This will hurt," she told him again.

"I trust you," he repeated.

Gwen looked at him for a halting second before pointing her wand to the skin just below the crease of his elbow. "Inna perpetuum," she cast.

Draco flinched at the sudden pain but held dutifully still as Gwen drew the small shape. He kept his eyes averted, like she directed, and quietly winced.

Gwen finally finished and put her wand down. "Don't look yet," she told him. She crawled over to her bedside table and pulled out a small vial that she had purchased for this exact moment and dropped a few drops on his red skin. He hissed in relief as it cooled his arm.  She smiled and smoothed out the new mark with her thumb as the redness began to fade.

"You can look now," she murmured quietly.

He looked and she heard him stop breathing. On his right forearm now was a sun. He looked up at Gwen through his eyelashes. "A sun?"

"That's how you taste to me," she whispered," when I sense you - you taste how I imagine the sun to be."

Draco looked at his new mark once more before looking at his left arm, seeing what his shirt covered.

"That's my promise to you," Gwen murmured, "That’s the only answer I can give you – to love all of you. To fight for all of you."

"I love you, Gwen," he whispered.

"And you'll fight?" She asked.

"I'll fight for you," he promised.

“Good to know,” she grinned.

She put her new pen on her bedside table and laid down. Draco followed suit and they cuddled close, facing each other. After a few moments in silence, a thought came to Gwen.

“Draco,” Gwen began, “What did you think I was going to give you?”

His brow furrowed in confusion.  “What?” He asked.

“When I said it was going to hurt,” she explained, “You look terrified.”

Understanding dawned on his face and he looked away from her.

“I…uh, nothing,” Draco muttered.

Gwen narrowed her eyes at him and poked his stomach. “Tell me,” she demanded.

Draco looked mortified. Even in the pale moonlight, Gwen watched the blush bloom in his forehead and down his neck. She was more than intrigued now.

“You said it was something you’d never given to anyone else,” he finally began to say, “And you said it would hurt.”

“Yeah?” Gwen said slowly.

“I thought you meant it would hurt you,” Draco muttered under his breath.

It took three seconds for it to click. She burst out laughing.

“Draco Malfoy,” she exclaimed through a fit of laughter, “Did you think I was going to give you my virginity as a Christmas present?”

Draco blushed even harder. “No,” he said stubbornly.

“Merlin, yes, you did,” Gwen huffed.

She was laughing so hard her stomach started to hurt, and the bed was shaking. Draco was glaring at her, still blushing. Tears began to stream down her face and it was only when Courage started to bark, that Gwen allowed her laughter to peter off.

She leaned over the bed to call out to Courage, “Shh, Courage, everything is okay.”

When the small puppy settled down, Gwen flopped back onto her back and turned her head to look at Draco. “I haven’t laughed that hard in…I can’t even remember,” she said, laughing one more time.

Draco frowned. “How wonderful,” he said under his breath.

Gwen couldn’t help her laughter, but she did her best to swallow as she turned and faced him again. “Don’t be embarrassed,” she teased.

“I’m not,” he said irritably.

Gwen grinned and stroked his hot face. Draco looked at her, still frowning, which made her laugh again. “Come on, little pervert,” she cooed, “Let’s go to bed.”

“Gwen,” Draco began to argue.

She kissed him while laughing. He grunted in annoyance but braided his fingers in her damp hair and kissed her passionately. When she pulled back, he gave her a reluctant smile and huffed out a big breath. “Let’s go bed,” he agreed.

Gwen smiled and turned around as Draco wrapped his arm and snuggled into the back of her neck. He moved her hair from his face and settled in. She felt his breath on the nape of her neck and relaxed.

“I’m not a pervert,” he muttered in the darkness.

Gwen laughed and patted his hand. “I know,” she murmured.

_

Gwen recalled muttering irritably as Draco extricated himself from her smothering embrace with a deep laugh.

“Happy Christmas, love,” he murmured.

She grunted again and tried to pull him back into bed with her, but he whispered that he had to go so Gwen reluctantly sat up and watched him.

He stood in her fireplace with floo powder in hand. He smiled softly at her, his face roved over hers gently even though Gwen knew she looked a fright.

Draco lifted up his right sleeve so that his new tattoo was visible to both of them. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” Gwen said, her voice still hoarse with sleep.

“Don’t forget,” Draco said softly.

Without another word, he threw down the powder and disappeared from her room. Gwen stared at the empty fireplace for a few more minutes before venturing downstairs with Courage in tow.

“Morning,” Gwen called out.

Adora came from the kitchen smiling widely. “Happy Christmas!”

“Happy Christmas,” Gwen returned.

They embraced warmly before Gwen decided to make waffles for breakfast. After they had eaten and made themselves another cup of tea, they ventured into the living room to open presents.

“Do I have another dress to look forward to this year?” Gwen asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Adora said mysteriously.

“Very mysterious,” Gwen joked.

Adora smiled, looking lighter than she had the day before, and made Gwen open the smaller presents first.

Gwen smiled at her new books and the pair of boots Adora gave her. She opened up her sweater from Mrs. Weasley and laughed at the color combination because it was so familiar yet so surprising. She had sent Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s presents to them to open at the Burrow so she had a gift from each underneath her tree.

From Hermione, she got a new thick grey beanie.

From Ron, she got a beautiful emerald green leather bookmark.

She kept her face completely neutral as she reached for Harry’s present, aware of everything around her. The soft music playing in the background, Courage barking excitingly as she ran through the wrapping paper on the floor, Adora laughing and opening presents from her friends.

She unwrapped the familiar haphazard wrapping job and pulled out an old book of poetry. There was an inscription inside the front cover.

_Gwen,_

_I saw this book in a shop over the summer and thought of you. Happy Christmas._

_\- Harry_

There was a page folded in the corner. She thumbed open to it and read the title. “When You Are Old,” by William Butler Yeats.

_When you are old and grey and full of sleep,_

_And nodding by the fire, take down this book,_

_And slowly read, and dream of the soft look_

_Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;_

_How many loved your moments of glad grace,_

_And loved your beauty with love false or true,_

_But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,_

_And loved the sorrows of your changing face;_

_And bending down beside the glowing bars,_

_Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled_

_And paced upon the mountains overhead_

_And hid his face amid a crowd of stars._

Tears filled her eyes as she traced over the words, hearing his voice as she read them.

“What is it, Gwen?” Adora asked.

“Poetry,” Gwen said, opening her eyes as she shut her book.

“By who?” Adora was playing with Courage so she didn’t notice the heavy expression on Gwen’s face.

“Yeats,” Gwen replied.

“Good taste,” Adora complimented.

Gwen gave a brittle smile and tried to brush it off. “I think it just looked old and cool so Harry assumed I’d like it.”

Adora laughed. “Was he wrong?”

“Not really,” Gwen tried to joke.

Adora continued to rub Courage’s belly before looking back up at Gwen, who had composed her expression completely and was smiling lightly.

“You ready for your final present?” Adora asked.

“I wonder what it will be,” Gwen teased.

Adora laughed, but there was a nervous catch in it. Gwen tasted Adora’s apprehension in her throat, and worked to keep her face smooth. Adora pulled out a final box. It was plain white and only wrapped in a large red ribbon.

“I hope you like it,” Adora murmured.

She placed the box in front of Gwen, and sat on the opposite side with her legs crossed. Gwen untied the ribbon, smiling as Courage came to nip at it. She handed the small dog the ribbon and opened the lid of the box with bated breath.

“It’s beautiful, mom,” Gwen said in awe as she pulled out the dress.

She stood up and held the gown to her body. It was a gorgeous lavender color and reached all the way down her body. The pleated fitted top gave way to a gossamer layered bottom. The dress itself was ethereal and just holding it against her body made Gwen feel transported.

“Where did you even find this?” Gwen asked.

“I had it made,” Adora grinned.

“It must have cost a fortune, mom,” Gwen worried.

“Lissy gave me a deal,” Adora said casually with a wave of her hand.

Gwen narrowed her eyes. “You said that last year, and I doubt Lissy made me this.”

Adora rolled her eyes. “You’re too suspicious.”

“You’re too secretive,” Gwen shot back.

Although Gwen had said it as a joke, the sudden spike of anxiety from Adora was so palpable that Gwen swallowed against the taste.

She quietly sat back down, holding the dress in her lap and looked Adora right in the eye.

“What have you been trying to tell me since I got home, mom?” She asked quietly.

Adora avoided Gwen’s eyes as she flattened her lips against each other. She began to crumble the leftover wrapping paper in her hand left over from Courage’s playing.

“Mom?” Gwen prompted in the continued silence.

“I’ve met someone,” Adora dragged out each word like they were questions.

“You’ve met someone?” Gwen asked.

“His name is Luca,” Adora said, “He’s a kind mind. A teacher actually.”

Gwen was surprised. Of all the things she expected her mother to confess to, a man was not one of them. Adora had never dated to Gwen’s knowledge. It had always just been the two of them since the day they met.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Adora apologized.

Gwen could taste Adora’s regret and worry. She looked at her mother with wide, broken open eyes. “You’ve no reason to be sorry,” Gwen told her.

Adora looked up. Her face was tight with anxiety as she waited for Gwen to react. It hurt Gwen’s heart to think Adora expected such a selfish reaction from her.

“How did you guys meet?” Gwen asked.

“At the supermarket a few months ago,” Adora said, “Right after you went away to school.”

“How meet-cute of you,” Gwen teased.

Adora laughed. “He reminds me of you, you know.”

“Is that so?” Gwen drawled, pulling the dress higher up to her chest, “He’s socially awkward, dangerously introverted, and a wizard?”

“No, you snarky girl,” Adora responded, “He’s kind and self-aware and funny. He’s got a good heart, and so do you.” 

Gwen frowned a little. “So do you, mom,” she said softly.

Adora’s face went a little misty and she looked down at the wrapping paper in her lap.

“Why were you so afraid to tell me?” Gwen asked.

Adora finally looked back up after a second and gave Gwen a sad smile. “I just didn’t want you to think that something’s changed or like I picked someone else before you.”

Gwen was struck into silence. She could taste Adora’s fear, not anxiety, fear. Fear that she would feel less loved if she had to share Adora’s heart with another person.

“Is that why you never dated while I was growing up?” Gwen questioned.

“Partly,” Adora admitted, “I mean, when I first adopted you, I was just coming out of my divorce so I didn’t want to date, but then you were always so worried about me leaving you. You used to say it all the time.”

“What do you mean?” Gwen asked.

 Adora looked beyond Gwen, as if she was seeing into her memories. Her expression was pained and sad. “Whenever things got really good. Whenever you were so happy or laughing, you’d suddenly stop and your face would go up in that mask you have.”

Adora looked at Gwen then, checking for the mask now before continuing. “I would ask what was wrong, and you said that you didn’t want to be that happy because you were afraid of how much it would hurt when you were alone again.”

Gwen watched as tears began to slide down Adora’s face quietly.

“Mom,” Gwen said, her voice breaking.

“You were barely six years old, and you were afraid to laugh because you expected time to run out,” Adora cried.

“Mom,” Gwen repeated.

She began to cry as well as she sat across from the only woman she had known as a mother. The first person who loved her. The first person to be there for her.

“I swore I’d never hurt you like that,” Adora said vehemently, “I’d never let you feel like your time would run out with me and that you didn’t matter. So if this is too hard for you, Gwen, I need you to tell me. You’re first in my life, and you always will be.”

Adora broke off her declaration with a sob and covered her face with her hands. Gwen had only seen Adora cry a few times in her life. In one motion, she dropped the dress into the box, pushed it out of the way, and vaulted into her mother’s arms.

Adora wrapped her arms around Gwen as she cried. Gwen hugged her mother tightly as tears ran down her face.

After a while, Adora stopped crying, and they pulled back to look at each other. Adora’s eyes were puffy and her dark eyes were rimmed with red. She was so worried that she looked paled under her dark skin.

“Mom,” Gwen began, “I want you to be happy in whatever and all ways. I need you to be happy, and if Luca makes you happy, that makes me happy.”

Adora cried once more and hugged Gwen quickly. “Are you sure?” she worried.

“Of course,” Gwen said decidedly.

“I was so worried,” Adora murmured.

“I’m sorry you felt like you had to,” Gwen apologized, “That I gave you that impression.”

Adora shook her head. “You haven’t,” she said, “I just still see that look on your face sometimes. I can see how that fear still plays in your life with your friends and relationships, and I just needed you to know that your place here with me was always safe even if the outside world wasn’t always.”  

Gwen nodded. “I know, mom.”

“I love you, Gwen,” Adora said, “I know I’m not your birth mother, but you’re my child in every way that matters.”

“How can you say that like it’s less?” Gwen argued. “You’re more a mother to me than my birth mother because you did what she couldn’t. You chose to love me. You saved my life, mom.”

Adora brushed Gwen’s messy hair back from her face. “You saved yourself, Guinevere.”

“That name wouldn’t even belong to me, if I hadn’t met you,” Gwen said thickly.

Adora smiled softly. “You were who you were before me. I was just the first person who looked,” she murmured.

“And it’s because of that you’re my mother,” Gwen declared fiercely.

Adora hugged her gently this time, stroking her long hair. They sat in silence for a few moments before Gwen finally spoke again.

“So is he handsome?”

Adora laughed and nodded. “He is,” she said, “He’s from America too.”

Gwen pulled back. “We’ve lived in England for years now and you managed to find another American to fall in love with.”

“He was the only other person buying hot sauce,” Adora explained.

Gwen burst into laughter. “Of course he was,” she groaned.

Adora suddenly quirked a smile and looked at Gwen with a funny look. “Actually,” she amended, “It was the same day you left. You told me I better have a boyfriend by Christmas, remember? I guess you’re a little psychic.”

She halted for one second, and Gwen felt her tongue thick in her mouth. Part of her was screaming to tell Adora now, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not after she’d learned why Adora kept Luca from her. To tell her mother she was a Seer now would be to bring up her questions.

“ _There were rumors she had a child_.”

The Snatchers words rang in her ears once more.

So with a sick feeling in her stomach, Gwen gave Adora a convincing smile and laughed a little.

“Do I get to meet him?” Gwen diverted.

“If you want to, of course,” Adora said, “He wants to meet you.”

“Does he?” Gwen asked surprisingly.

Adora grinned. “He said I talk about you too much for him not to meet you.”

“Oh, Merlin, mom,” Gwen groaned.

“He actually wanted to spend Christmas with us,” Adora told her, “But I didn’t want to ruin your break.”

“It wouldn’t have had,” Gwen exclaimed.

Adora gave her a wan smile. “I was just worried.”

“I know,” Gwen acknowledged, “And I feel so bad because of it.”

“Don’t be,” Adora protested.

“Why doesn’t Luca come over for dinner tonight?” Gwen suggested.

“Are you sure?” Adora asked with raised eyebrows. “You don’t have to pretend for my benefit.”

“I’m not pretending,” Gwen insisted, “Now that I know you have a boyfriend, I want to meet him so I can evaluate him.”

Adora laughed happily. “He’s prepared for your stare down,” she revealed.

“What?” Gwen laughed.

“I told him you have a way of looking into people,” Adora explained, “You’ll decide what you think of him in the first few minutes.”

“That doesn’t cast me in the best light,” Gwen grumbled.

“In the best possible way,” Adora patted her lightly.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my mom,” Gwen muttered.

“That’s probably true,” Adora agreed.

“Well,” Gwen said, clapping her hands and standing up, “I’m very excited to meet him.”

“I’ll call him and let him know,” Adora said.

Gwen helped pull Adora up and lifted her face up to look at her mother. “Are you happy, mom?” Gwen asked, “With Luca?”

Adora smiled softly. “I really am, Gwen.”

“Then I’m happy too,” Gwen shrugged.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter! I'm exhausted and maybe getting sick, but I'm powering through hopefully. I couldn't help but include a Yeats poem because he's one of my favorites. 
> 
> One of my favorite recitations - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYJzRfLR50E
> 
> It's absolutely amazing, and you're welcome in advance.


	20. All A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos! xx

A few days later, Gwen was just finishing setting the table when there was a knock on the front door. Adora turned and gave Gwen a look of wide-eyed panic. Gwen raised her eyebrows and gave her mother her trademark crooked smile.

“Did you remember to flush the toilets?”

The panic receded as Adora laughed, shaking her head. “You’re disgusting,” Adora said good-naturedly.

“It’s best that he knows that now,” Gwen cajoled.

Adora smiled and turned to the door while Gwen remained waiting in the kitchen, listening. It was actually a few days later when Luca finally came for dinner. Gwen heard the soft, familiar murmurs of Adora welcoming Luca in the house. Luca’s voice, even at a distance, was manly and deep. When the unmistakable sounds of soft kissing, she fought the urge make noise to embarrass them.

She grinned at the thought, but the desire to make a joke faded as she began to sense Adora’s deep affection for him. The sweetness in her throat as she focused on her mother was so pure, Gwen felt herself choking up.

Adora was in love with this man. Luca.

Before she had time to really think on this, Adora and Luca walked into the room and Gwen couldn’t help but smile at the sight of them.  

Luca was the large man. The small potted plant in his hands only seemed to emphasize his gigantic size. He was taller than Adora, meaning he was probably around six foot, if not more. His thickly muscled skin was a dark brown that glowed with the vigor of health. With a full head of thick black hair that lead way to equally thick eyebrows that framed his dark brown eyes, he was easily a handsome man. His face was friendly and open as they made eye contact; he offered her a bright smile.

He was wearing a red flannel shirt and faded jeans. He had taken off his wet shoes by the front door so Gwen noticed his unorthodox sock choice. They were bright green with an old time portrayal of a fox and hare playing cards.

They were surprisingly whimsical for a man his size.

“You must be Gwen,” Luca said, with a grin. His speech was slightly accented.

“Last time I checked,” Gwen greeted.

She moved around the table and held out her hand to shake his. He returned her grip firmly, and she noticed how his hand just about covered the entirety of her own.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said sincerely, “Your mom talks about nothing else.”

“Sorry about that,” Gwen joked, shrugging her shoulders casually, “She’s obsessed with me. What can I say?”

Luca laughed happily, and Adora fought her smile. “Easy or your head will swell,” Adora warned.

Gwen grinned widely. “Duly noted,” she agreed easily.

Luca handed her the potted plant in his hands. “This is for you,” he said.

Gwen looked at the plant with surprise before slowly reaching for it. “Thank you?” She said slowly.

It wasn’t even a flower. It was a branch of some sort and all along the edge, instead of small bulbs promising beauty and life, were small dead nubs that resembled tiny skeletal heads. They even looked like they were crying out in pain.

Gwen kept her face in a light neutrality as she regarded the plant carefully. She looked up to Luca, who was grinning sheepishly.

“It’s a snap dragon seed pod,” he explained before she could say anything.

“Luca’s a horticulturist,” Adora explained.

“I see,” Gwen nodded confidently, like that explained the plant even though it really didn’t.

“When snapdragons have gone to seed, this is what it is left behind,” Luca continued to tell her. “Some people used to grow these specifically because they were believed to have the power to protect homes from curses and evil.”

That caught her attention. She looked back down, suddenly very intrigued, at the small bulbs.

“Your mom said you were a writer,” Luca said, sounding embarrassed now. He reached up to scratch the back of his hair. “I thought you might appreciate the story behind them more than some roses.”

Gwen laughed. “I do,” she said happily, “They’re cool. Thank you.”

Luca smiled and Adora let out a breath of relief. “Should we sit down for dinner?” Adora said.

Gwen nodded and moved to her seat at the table. Their table was small, quaint, and round so they were all facing each other.

“So Gwen,” Luca began, “Your mom tells me you go to a boarding school for gifted children.”

Gwen look at her mother imperceptibly raised eyebrows before responding to Luca. “Yes,” she confirmed, “I do.”

“Where is it exactly?” Luca asked as he scooped potatoes into his plate.

“In Scotland,” Adora supplied. She gave Gwen a panicked ‘what else am I supposed to say’ look.

“Must be cold,” Luca joked.

Gwen smirked secretly. “It can be,” she told him truthfully.

“What kind of things do you study or do you have a specialty?” Luca asked.

Her first instinct was to say “Charms,” but with slight repressed laughter she looked at her mother’s expression again. Adora must have clearly not thought ahead enough to this moment where her boyfriend would ask her daughter normal questions. It would just help if her daughter were normal in the slightest.

But Gwen could sense his genuine curiosity in her questions and that he wasn’t asking just to impress her mother. She thought carefully for a second before giving a vague answer. “It’s your basic school,” she told him, “The academic expectations are just a lot higher.”

“Are you in any clubs?” Luca prompted.

“Not really,” Gwen told him. “I don’t like sanctioned social interaction.”

Luca grinned. “You prefer the solitude of writing?”

“It doesn’t ever feel like solitude,” Gwen explained, “I don’t ever feel lonely after.”

“I guess it’s because you’re not really alone, right?” Luca guessed.

Gwen couldn’t help but smile at his kind expression. “Are you a writer?”

“No,” he shook his head with a rueful grin, “But I feel the same way around plants. I don’t feel lonely around them.”

It was such a poetic sentiment from such a burly man. Gwen could sense his kindness, his love for her mother, and his subsequent determination to make things good with her. And from this, she made the decision that she wouldn’t make things hard for him.

Suddenly Courage bounded through the room and went straight for Luca. Courage, maybe from her weakness, slept like the dead for hours on end since they discovered her the day before. Gwen didn’t see the little puppy as she came into the room, but she could hear the newly familiar pitter-patter of her paws on the floor.

Luca looked down and smiled at the small dog. “This is the dog you found in the snow,” Luca exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Gwen said.

“Your mom told me,” Luca said, looking back at her. “She said you managed to hear her all the way from the living room.”

“I still don’t know how,” Adora mused, “I was in the kitchen and didn’t even hear her.”

Gwen covered her guilt and panic with a joke. “Maybe you’re losing your hearing?”

Luca laughed, but when Adora glared at him, he turned it into a cough. Gwen bit down on her lip to keep from erupting with laughter. Luca coughed one more time before leaning forward and holding Adora’s hand in silent apology.

Adora couldn’t help but let out a rueful smile as she returned his grip. Gwen watched them share a look so tender she felt the need to look away.

They pulled apart, as if remembering she was there, and Luca leaned down, his large form disappearing from their sight for a moment as he reached down to pick up Courage. “What is that in your mouth you’re nibbling on?” He laughed.

He came back up with Courage in his arms, and Gwen almost choked.

Courage was chewing on her wand.

Adora’s fork slipped from her hand when she saw and clanked loudly on her plate. The sound made all of them jump, and Gwen leapt into action.

“Courage,” she reprimanded calmly, “Give that to me.”

The puppy wagged its tail playfully at Gwen, thinking it was a game. “Don’t run,” Gwen warned.

Courage practically grinned at the challenge, and with Gwen’s wand in her mouth, scrambled out of Luca’s lap and took off.

Gwen felt her panic spike as she chased after Courage, who circled around the small center counter in their kitchen. Adora stood from the table watching worriedly. Luca was still in his seat watching them both with slight confusion.

Courage began to bang Gwen’s wand against the cabinets, and Gwen watched with tight fists in horror as smoke began to whisper from the tip of her wand.

“Courage,” Gwen practically begged.

Courage took off in a run towards the living room. Merlin, stop, Gwen thought desperately. As if responding to the thought, Courage suddenly halted in mid-dash.

Gwen’s pounding steps came to a stop as she watched the puppy, expecting a trick, but Courage just remained completely still.

The small dog whimpered suddenly and all in one motion, Adora reached down and grabbed the wand from Courage’s mouth. Gwen relaxed in the same instant, releasing the tension in her back and arms.

Courage took a weak step forward, and Gwen came forward and lifted the puppy up to her chest. “You’re okay,” Gwen said worriedly.

“Why did she stop suddenly?” Luca asked.

Gwen didn’t notice that he had come to stand with them.

“She’s still weak,” Adora reasoned, “She’s been tiring out like that all day today.”

Luca nodded. He was standing next to Adora, looking down at Gwen’s wand.

“Is that her toy?” He asked.

Gwen shook her head. She took her wand from her mother a bit aggressively. “No,” she said shortly.

Adora’s eyes were wide with panic as she watched Gwen, not sure what she should say. “That’s mine,” Gwen said, trying to come up with a lie for both of them, “I…uh…whittle.”

The silence that followed would have made her laugh at another time. Luca raised his eyebrows at her. “You whittle?”

“Just a trick I picked up from school,” Gwen said casually. “I’m not very good.”

“It looks like she’s probably ruined it,” Luca said sadly, gesturing the teeth bites across the length of Gwen’s wand, “You might as well let her have it.”

“That’s okay,” Gwen said, aware of the tightness in her voice, “I can fix it.”

“Oh, okay,” Luca said awkwardly.

“Well,” Gwen said casually, “I’m going to go put this away and then come back down to eat.”

Without waiting for a reply, Gwen ran up to her room, leaving Courage downstairs and looked at her wand in privacy.

Luca was right. Her wand looked ruined. It was glowing in the dying twilight, and Gwen sighed. She leaned her head against the cool glass of the window pane and looked at the rising moon.

_

The rest of the night had gone much better, and Luca left promising to let Gwen borrow a few books on mysticism and horticulture.

Gwen assured her mother that she approved whole-heartedly of Luca and as they were finishing up cleaning the kitchen, Gwen turned to face her mother with awkwardly crossed arms.

“You know, mom,” Gwen cleared her throat, “If you wanted to, you could go with Luca for the night.”

Adora looked at her in surprise. “What?” she asked.

Gwen blushed slightly. “I’m just saying,” she insisted, “You don’t have to babysit me. I’m almost seventeen. If you want to spend time with your boyfriend, I don’t mind.”

Adora blinked a few times, as if she was processing what Gwen was saying. “You’re home from school, Gwen,” she reasoned, “I’m not going to just leave you alone.”

“I won’t feel hurt if you do,” Gwen told her. She uncrossed her arms and walked to stand closer to Adora. She leaned her hips against the counter. “I won’t feel like you’re choosing him over me. I just want you to know that.”

“I know, Gwen,” Adora murmured.

“Okay,” Gwen nodded militantly. “So if you want to spend time with your boyfriend, don’t let me stop you.”

“Alright,” Adora laughed, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Gwen laughed in response and went to pour herself a cup of water. She held the cup underneath the faucet and was watching it fill when her mother asked a question.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

Gwen was glad she had already been looking at the water because she felt her face slip in surprise. It was harder to control her emotions when it came to anything surrounding Draco. She quickly schooled her expression back so by the time she turned the faucet off and turned around, she had a mild smile on her face. “No,” she said, taking a sip from her water.

“Have you seen Colin since you two broke up?” Adora continued to ask.

Gwen nodded. These questions were easier. “Yeah, we’re friends. He’s dating Arden Cho now.”

“I think I remember you mentioning her in a letter once,” Adora recalled, tilting her head to call on the memory.

“Yeah,” Gwen said, “She was one his friends that I actually liked.”

“Well, that’s good that they’re together,” Adora commented.

“Except Arden doesn’t like me now,” Gwen revealed.

Adora raised her eyebrows. “Why?” She asked.

Gwen shrugged her shoulders and took another sip of water. “I don’t know,” she, said after she swallowed. “Every time she sees Colin and I talking, she glares at me.”

Adora pursed her lips in thought. “How do you and Colin look while you’re talking?”

Gwen frowned and furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?” Gwen asked.

“Was Colin in love with you?” Adora asked.

“Uh,” Gwen hedged, “Yes?”

“You’re not sure?” Adora said with an amused expression.

“No,” Gwen responded, “I mean he was. He told me, but he’s not anymore.”

“Are you sure about that?” Adora asked gently.

“Mom, it’s not like that,” Gwen assured, “I’m just his ex-girlfriend. Arden wouldn’t like any of his ex-girlfriends.”

“You think it’s not specific to you,” Adora rationalized.

“Right,” Gwen said firmly, “It’s just the ex-girlfriend thing.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Adora told her softly.

“Colin isn’t in love with me anymore,” Gwen insisted.

“I think part of him might always love you,” Adora said.

“Fine,” Gwen acknowledged, “But not in a romantic way. Not in a ‘let’s-get-back-together’ kind of way. It’s in an ‘I-loved-you-once-and-still-want-good-things-for-you’ kind of way.”

“That’s still hard for a girlfriend to see,” Adora continued, “Even if she knew he didn’t love you romantically anymore, knowing that he ever loved someone else isn’t easy, especially when she’s right there and she’s someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” Gwen scoffed. “What’s someone like me? Weird and withdrawn?”

Adora gave her a soft, maternal smile. “You choose to make yourself invisible.”

“I don’t,” Gwen immediately argued.

“Yes, you do,” Adora insisted.

Gwen wanted to leave the room. She wasn’t sure why her mother was suddenly pushing her like this, but she wanted it to stop. Gwen made her face completely smooth and gave Adora an empty stare. This only seemed to serve Adora’s point.

“Why are you so afraid to let people see you?” She asked.

Gwen tightened her lips and said nothing. “Thanks for dinner,” she bypassed Adora, “Luca’s nice.”

“Gwen,” Adora called out softly.

But Gwen didn’t stop to listen. She went upstairs, ignoring the soft barks of Courage and swallowing the guilt of it. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts and room.

She went through the routine of getting ready for bed before snuggling in her warm sheets. She looked back out of her window, the moon was higher in the sky. She pulled out her writing journal and reached for the pen that Draco gave her Christmas.

She began to write.

The words consumed her mind and energy as she furiously scribbled across the pages, unaware of anything beyond the characters at the story.

_“Why are you so afraid to let people to see you?” The old man murmured._

_The young boy felt his chin wobbling; he swallowed harshly and turned to look out to the sun. He didn’t look the man in the eye as he drew upon his powers, pulling the shadows around him._

_“Because I am afraid that they will reject me for what they see,” the young boy murmured, “And then I will truly be alone.”_

The words came before she could process them and as she wrote the last word, her hand stilled. She read the last line again as emotion welled like a firm ball in her throat. The word that plagued and ruled her life.

Alone.

She didn’t want to be alone.

It’s what drove her to every bad decision and fueled her every fear. She blinked blearily and looked at the clock by her bedside table. She’d been writing hours, right into the night. She closed the journal and reached over to pull _The Honorable History_ towards her.

She’d found that the book had started to bring her a sense of comfort. She still heard it sigh every time she touched it, and the feeling now traveled through her body as well. She opened the book to her favorite page, the family tree, and wove her fingers through it.

These women, all bound together by blood and Sight.

“ _The eyes are different. You came without the family trademark._ ”

The Snatchers words had been ringing in her head since that day as she continued to look at all of the names that marked this page. She thought the book might provide her with some answers, but it only seemed to raise more questions.

With her fingers tracing over the six different bloodlines, only three still living, Gwen sighed. She had to find more information about this family, her Sight, and herself. She quickly rolled through the people she could potentially ask.

Professor Trelawney was an obvious candidate, but she seemed like a limited resource. There was so much more Gwen needed to know, and she got the feeling that the book was something that should stay a secret.

She thought about Hermione. Her friend that knew how to find out anything.

A pang of longing went through her chest. She hadn’t seen any of her friends since the holiday began which wasn’t a new development, but Gwen felt their absence more this year. Maybe it was because was afraid.

She felt that word ringing in her head once more – a painful whispered reminder.

Alone.

Unable to sit with her thoughts, she kicked off her sheets and shut the book. Quickly she pulled on a sweatshirt and slipped on socks and shoes before walking over to her fireplace and grabbing a handful of floo powder.

She stepped inside the dark alcove and stood mutely. Where should she go? Who could she be with right now?

In her heart, she knew where she wanted to be right now. So with halting breath of the unknown, Gwen threw down the floor powder and quietly called out her destination.

“The Burrow.”

_

She arrived from the fireplace and into a dark room. She had barely taken one step before someone had a wand to her throat. Her eyes went wide with panic as she looked up.

The wand immediately fell from her throat.

“Merlin, Gwen,” Fred groaned.

He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up more than usual. “What are you doing here?”

“I just missed you all,” Gwen whispered, “What are you doing down here?”

“George and I take turns staying down here at night while everyone’s upstairs sleeping,” Fred told her before adding after a significant pause, “Just in case.”

The selflessness in the act made Gwen smile. “It’s good to see you, Fred,” she said sincerely.

He smiled that Weasley smile and pulled her in for a hug. “It’s good to see you too,” he murmured over her head.

“Are the rest of them sleeping?” Gwen asked, as they pulled apart.

Fred nodded. “In their usual places,” he told her.

“I’ll go sneak in on them,” Gwen told him.

Fred nodded and moved back to the couch. There was a pillow and blanket thrown over it that revealed the consistency of their time those cushions. “Night, Gwen,” Fred called out softly, as he snuggled back beneath the blankets.

The blankets got tangled and left most of his legs exposed. Gwen walked over and pulled the blanket back down over his feet before giving them a soft pat. “Goodnight, Fred.”

She moved through the rest of the house quietly. The house creaked with the wind and cold so she made it through relatively unnoticed. She turned the corner up the stairs and paused when she heard a distinct creak.

“What are you doing here?”

Gwen looked up to see Harry standing at the top of the stairs. She felt the initial happiness at seeing, but it immediately fled when she saw the look in his eyes. “I missed you guys,” she said truthfully.

Harry’s expression softened as he watched Gwen from below. He was wearing an old ratty t-shirt with too big pajama pants, making him look younger than his sixteen years. His glasses were crooked, but it did nothing to diminish the angular handsomeness of his face.

The thought surprised Gwen. She’d always thought both Harry and Ron were attractive boys, but never had she found herself attracted to them. Yet seeing Harry like this, she could understand why girls giggled when he walked by.

Gwen took a step up and waited. “Did you miss me at all?”

She meant for it to come out as a joke, but it fell small and anxious instead. Two things that she hated feeling.

Harry took a step down the stairs, mimicking Gwen’s stance and keeping one hand on the bannister. “Of course,” he murmured, “We all missed you.”

Gwen forced herself to take a deep, quiet breath and went to stand on the same stair as him. The old wood creaked beneath their weight so Harry took a step down, reversing their positions and putting them at equal eye level.

She could feel something crack in her chest. “Harry,” Gwen pleaded softly, “Please don’t hate me.”

Harry’s face flashed with something vicious, but she could sense the conflict in him. “I don’t hate you, Gwen,” he said. His voice sounded angry as he jerked a hand through his hair.

“No?” Gwen murmured.  

Harry frowned and stared at her for a painfully long time. His eyes looked all over her face, taking in shadows of night on her face. Whatever he was looking for, he must have found because his expression softened and his hand dropped back down to his side.  

“I don’t hate you, Gwen,” he said, quieter this time.

“But you hate what I’m doing,” she couldn’t help but whisper in response.

He didn’t say anything at first. He just watched her again with his body tense and his glasses crooked, thinking too hard for the middle of the night. She could tell he’d been up for hours and that he hadn’t been sleeping by the dark smudges of insomnia beneath his eyes. His gaze was chipped and his mouth was hard, but there was something desperate in his eyes – like he was trying to remember who she was.

If this was another time, Gwen would’ve reached forward and held his hand and demanded that they both relax. But something was different this time, the air between them had changed, and they stood on opposite ends of a larger playing field, each one bound to their choices.

“I…” He began but the words faded.

Another creak sounded from downstairs. It was probably Fred, Gwen rationalized, but she didn’t want to be in the hallway, not like this. She swallowed the taste of Harry’s conflict and turned around slowly and continued to walk up the stairs, neither of them speaking.

She walked all the way down the familiar hall until she got to the proper bedroom. When she opened the door, she was met with the peaceful snoring silence. She knew which bed she needed and even in the dark, managed to quietly locate it.

She slipped off her shoes and crawled in next to her best friend. Hermione jerked slightly as she felt someone next to her. “It’s me,” Gwen murmured.

“Gwen?” Hermione asked groggily.

“Yeah,” Gwen whispered, “Sorry to wake you.”

“What are you doing here?” Hermione’s voice was thick with sleep.

Gwen pulled the blankets over her and laid on her back, feeling Hermione’s warmth next to her. “I just needed to see you,” she said.

“Are you okay?” Hermione asked, sounding more awake than she had a second ago.

Gwen felt her eyes well up from the question. She shut them before tears could still out, thankful that they were in pitch black. “Yeah,” she lied, “I’m alright.”

Whether or not Hermione believed her, she didn’t say. Instead she scooted back down and snuggled closer to Gwen, gently holding Gwen’s arm with one of her hands.

Gwen squeezed her eyes gratefully at the contact, and in silent support, the two friends drifted off to sleep.

_

The next day, Gwen was up at sunrise, knowing that her mother would be expecting her. She slipped on her shoes, throwing her tangled hair over her shoulder.

“Stay for breakfast,” Hermione insisted.

Gwen shook her head. “I don’t want to worry my mom.”

Hermione frowned and sat up, pulling the covers over her shoulder. Her curly hair sat in a mess at the top of her head as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Is she alright?”

Gwen shifted so that she could turn around and look at Hermione. “She has a boyfriend,” she responded.

Hermione took that information in while silently nodding. “Has she ever had a boyfriend before?”

“I don’t think so,” Gwen shrugged. “I met him yesterday.”

“How was he?”

“I like him” Gwen said truthfully, “He’s really nice, and he makes her really happy.”

Hermione was watching Gwen carefully. “How do you feel about it?”

“I’m happy,” Gwen told her, “I’m happy she has someone.”

“But?” Hermione led off.

“It’s not about my mom,” Gwen told her softly, “I just miss you.”

Hermione frowned and scooted closer to Gwen. “I miss you too, Gwen, but we haven’t been apart for long.”

Gwen knew Hermione was misunderstanding why she was here. She thought that Gwen had snuck to the Burrow in the middle of the night because her mom suddenly had a boyfriend, and Gwen couldn’t tell her the truth.

She was afraid that her time for being here, being with them, was running out. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt it in her stomach that her choices were going to come crashing down on her sooner than later, and she wasn’t ready.

So instead of saying anything else, Gwen leaned forward and hugged Hermione. “You’re my best friend, you know?”

Hermione returned the hug. Her voice was still high with surprise as she responded. “And you’re my best friend.”

They pulled apart and Gwen gave Hermione what she hoped was a convincing smile. “You’re worrying me,” Hermione frowned.

“I know,” Gwen said, “I’ll be normal by the time we get back to classes.”

“Alright,” Hermione said skeptically, “Hold on, I’ll walk you downstairs.”

The two of them braced the cold morning together quietly. It was still around sunrise as they made their way back into the main sitting room. Gwen couldn’t help but smile at Fred’s open mouth snoring. The blanket had come off him in the night, and Gwen quickly went over to put it back on him gently.

She went back towards the fireplace where Hermione was waiting for her, holding the bucket of floo powder. “I’ll see you in a few days,” Hermione promised her.

Gwen fought the urge to ask for that in writing and instead gave a convincing, if not brittle smile, and went to stand in front of her. “Yeah,” she agreed.

Gwen grasped a handful of floo powder and went to stand in the fireplace. “See you later,” she said quietly.

Hermione nodded, her hair bouncing slightly on the top of her head. “It’s New Year’s Eve,” Hermione said.

That surprised Gwen. “I forgot,” she confessed.

“Will you come tonight?” Hermione asked.

Part of her, the one rooted in the familiar and tradition, wanted to say yes, but there was something heavier in her chest reminding her that Draco had promised to be in her room to celebrate the New Year with her. “I think I need to just be at home,” Gwen murmured.

Hermione nodded again, as if she was expecting this answer. “I’ll see you back at the castle then,” she assured.

“Yeah,” Gwen agreed, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Hermione said. It was probably Gwen’s pained desperation, but she heard it like a promise.

Gwen threw the floo powder down and called out her home. The stared at Hermione’s worried face as the flames came up and drag her upward. In an instance, she was back in her fireplace staring at her pale bedroom.

She kicked off her shoes so as to not drag the ash further into the room and crawled back into her bed, pulling the cold sheets up to her ears and fell back asleep.

_

When Gwen finally emerged from her room, it was well into the day. Adora was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. She looked up at the sound of Gwen’s footsteps.

Courage ran to Gwen, barking happily. Gwen bent down to pet the small puppy, her barks filling the otherwise silent room.

After calming Courage down, Gwen looked back up at Adora and gave her a tentative smile. “Morning,” she greeted.

“It’s past noon,” Adora returned lightly.

 “I was up late writing,” Gwen shrugged.

Adora’s expression was hesitant, and Gwen didn’t want to think about yesterday. She didn’t want to think about her gnawing pain in her stomach. So when her mother began to speak, she felt compelled to stop her abruptly.

“Gwen,” Adora began.

“Don’t,” Gwen said tightly. She looked at the hurt expression on her mother’s face and deflated slightly. “Please, mom,” she begged, “I know. I just don’t want to keep talking about it. I just want to move forward.”

Gwen could taste Adora’s hurt and worry, but chose to ignore it as she looked at her mother with no expression. Adora measured Gwen’s words, full of something mysterious and heavy, and eventually agreed. “Alright,” she said quietly, “If that’s what you want.”

“It is,” Gwen confirmed.

The rest of the day was spent normally, but the world tasted different to Gwen. She could feel all of the underlying confusion from Adora and the stronger it became; the more adamant Gwen became about ignoring it.

They did everything as usual. They read and watched movies, spoke just as elaborately over their meals, but the taste remained – coating every memory.

“What time are we going to the Burrow?” Adora asked as they ate dinner.

This was the moment Gwen had been waiting for. She kept her attention on the soup in front of her as her appetite disappeared entirely. “I’m not going to the Burrow tonight,” Gwen said casually.

This caught Adora’s attention. “Why not?” She asked with surprise.

Don’t get defensive, Gwen told herself. “I’m just not up to it tonight,” she said, keeping her voice light.

Adora was quiet, the tension getting stronger for a moment. “Are you fighting with your friends?” She asked. Her voice was gentle and cautious.

Gwen swirled her spoon in her soup absentmindedly, not sure how much she could tell without telling everything. “Not really,” she evaded.

“What do you mean?” Adora continued to question.

“It’s not a fight,” Gwen said, keeping her eyes on the soup, “It’s just weird right now.”

“What happened?” Adora worried.

“Nothing, really,” Gwen said, trying to avoid all concrete answers.

“Is it Hermione?” Adora asked.

Gwen shook her head. “No, Hermione’s fine.”

“Well, it’s not Ron,” Adora confirmed.

“How do you know that?” Gwen said. She looked up at her mother with raised eyebrows.

Adora’s brow was furrowed with worry. “You and Ron are the most balanced as friends,” Adora said, “You’d have worked it out by now.”

Gwen cast her eyes back down and thought about that for a moment, not sure how to respond, but Adora didn’t give her a chance. “So it’s Harry?”

Gwen tightened her grip on the spoon by a fraction before letting go of it gently. She leaned back in her chair, done eating, and looked at her mom. “It’s not a fight,” she responded.

Adora nodded in confirmation. “Did he say something to you?”

“No?” Gwen frowned.

“Did you guys have a disagreement?”

It wasn’t really a disagreement, Gwen thought to herself. “Fundamental life differences,” she finally landed on.

“Hmm,” Adora thought.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Gwen repeated.

Gwen felt a sharp tug of Adora’s hurt in her throat. She tampered down her own guilt. “Right,” Adora said. Her voice was quiet with defeat.

“I’m sorry if what I said yesterday upset you, Gwen,” Adora apologized.

“It’s alright,” Gwen tried to reassure. She picked up her bowl and put it in the sink before walking over and kissing my mom’s hair. “I’m going into the New Year writing so don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?” Adora asked, “We could watch another movie.”

“That’s alright,” Gwen said, already moving towards the stairs. “If you want to go out with Luca, go for it.”

Adora turned in her chair to look at Gwen, not saying anything. “Alright,” she finally murmured.

Gwen gave her a hard smile, the only thing she could offer right now, and turned and went towards the staircase. Courage began to bark worriedly, and Gwen sighed before picking up the small dog and taking her upstairs with her.

When she got to her room, she had too much nervous energy to write so she simply paced. She put down Courage, who was content with curling up on the pillow on the floor in Gwen’s room and drifted off.

Gwen walked up to the small chest on her desk where she had all of her letters. She kept every letter she’d ever received carefully organized in the wooden chest that was enchanted to never run out of room. She turned the lights off in her room, allowing the sunset to spill into the room, lighting it with bronze.

She pulled it into her lap and sat on the floor. Courage got up long enough to trot over to Gwen and rest against her legs. Gwen rubbed behind the small dogs ears once before moving back to the letters before her.

She knew the stacks by heart. The biggest two belonging to Hermione and Harry, who always had plenty to say. She had a good amount of letters from Ron, though not nearly as much as her other two friends. She thought about Adora’s comment about them being compatible. It was true, she realized as she opened up one the letters dated from July two summers ago.

_Gwen,_

_I know you love the summertime, but I find it incredibly boring. There’s no schoolwork, so that’s alright, I guess, but mum keeps making us clean out stuff. I’ve been practicing quidditch every day. Don’t tell anyone yet, but I think I might try out this year._

_I say that but I know that I don’t have to worry about you telling anyone a secret. You’re the ultimate secret keeper. Even being one of your best friends I know you have more secrets than anyone else – except for maybe Dumbledore. I hope those secrets don’t make you feel alone though. For every secret that you’ve ever kept for me, I promise I’ll keep one for you, you know?_

Gwen smiled, feeling tears in her eyes. She entertained the idea that Ron might have the sight for a while. His perception was something that always managed to throw her off, but now that she could sense what the power was like, she knew that he was without it.

He was just good person on his way on becoming a good man.

She hoped that he and Hermione found their way to each other sooner rather than later. Although they argued and were had different temperaments, they balanced each other out. Hermione took life and herself too seriously, and Ron was intuitive and compassionate. They would keep each other afloat in a turbulent world.

Folding the letter, Gwen went and pulled out a letter from Hermione. This one dated back from Christmas during their first year.

_Dear Gwen,_

_I hope you don’t mind that I’ve written you. It’s been so dreadfully boring this Christmas with mum and dad, even though they missed me very much. I missed them too. They got me a wonderful set of books highlight the major wars in Wizard History. I’m not sure how they managed to find them. Perhaps in Diagon Alley earlier this year. They always do manage to think ahead._

Gwen scanned over the rest of Hermione’s thoughts on how her parents managed to get a copy of the book, which spanned the next two pages, before getting to the final parts of the letter.

_I hope your Christmas is happy and well. I’ve never had friends to write to before so I can’t be sure that I’m doing it properly. You always write so well. I’ve seen you in class. I hope that you’ll respond._

_Your Friend,_

_Hermione_

Gwen laughed softly, making a curtain with her fingers in front of her mouth. They hesitancy in her friend was something she’d forgotten after all of these years. Hermione was simultaneously afraid and pompous, using her conceit as a way to keep herself focused in a world where her existence was considered a flaw in the natural order.

She frowned at the thought of Hermione’s anxiety. Hermione was one of the most intelligent people she’d ever met. She was far more resourceful and clever than anyone ever needed to be and it had saved their lives more than once. She should tell Hermione that more often, Gwen thought to herself.

She closed the letter and pulled out one from Colin from when they dated. She thought back to Adora’s comments and frowned at the parchment for a moment. This letter was the from the summer that they dated.

_Gwen,_

_I think I should take a break from the pool because my hair is beginning to turn green from the chlorine. Do you like to swim? I can’t wait to see you again. Did you like hanging out? I had a good time. I hope you did too. You always seem so shy so I can never tell._

Gwen laughed softly at Colin’s young writing. He had been kind to her, perhaps more than she deserved, but he hadn’t been right for her. She looked up and stretched, trying not to disturb poor Courage who was asleep against her, and opened the bottom drawer of her desk.

She stuck her arm in and fished around until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out the small velvet box and brought it to the light. In her reading, the sun had gone and the moon replaced it – casting the room, and the box, in a silver glow.

She opened up to the heart necklace that caused her so much grief last Christmas. She’d felt so guilty for leading Colin on because she wasn’t sure that she even like him romantically. She knew now that her feelings for Colin were rooted in her own fears of being alone.

She closed the box again and set it on the floor before looking back at the letters in front of her. She pulled out one from Harry. It dated back to the summer before fifth year, the same time she was dating Colin.

_Gwen,_

_Why aren’t you responding to my letters? I know you’re normally busy, but I just –_

He’d tried to cross out those lines, but she still managed to see through the scribbles. She continued to read through his words, painfully etched into the parchment.

_I hate it here. I wish I had taken you up on your offer to stay at the cottage with you and your mother. I miss you. I miss all of you. What should I do here, Gwen? You know better than anyone what it’s like to be alone. That’s what summer is to me. It’s being alone. It’s horrible. It’s –_

He’d stopped writing there.

Gwen’s fingers, still on her lips, curled into a fist that she pressed against her mouth at Harry’s hurt and suffering. They’d been through so much together, Gwen thought to herself, how could she just throw that all away?

The thought hit her painfully in the chest. How could she do this to her friends? Wouldn’t it just be better for all of them if she just did what was easy? What should have been more natural? She looked at Harry’s words, begging for something to stir in her. But nothing did.

She looked at the last pile, the most recent, the pile that made her heart thump harder just knowing what was there. She reached for one of the letters, now recognizing the elegant scrawl of her name on the parchment.

_Dear Gwen,_

_I miss you. Is it too soon to say that? I can’t help it, but I do. Seeing you yesterday for the first time outside of Hogwarts was…a dream. I still don’t totally believe it happened, but if you send back a letter of outrage in response to this letter, I’ll know that’s exactly what it was._

_I miss you. I just needed to say it again because I feel it so much. I try to avoid thinking about you all the time, but in that void I find nothing else worth thinking about – so my thoughts return to you and all the beautiful things about you. I like the way you speak. How you always start off hesitant until you’re mad. I like how you speak when you’re mad. You’re braver. The way your lips form the words and your eyes come alive at the sound of your own thoughts. It’s not vain. It’s just like art._

_Yours, even if it’s all been a dream,_

_Draco_

Gwen stopped reading as the tears began to pour down her face. She ugly cried at his words as they reverberated through her so powerfully. She put the letter down and saw the raised ridges on the back of her hand as it gripped the letter.

I WILL NOT KEEP SECRETS.

She stroked the scars with her other hand, thinking about those words. She had kept a good secret that day. Protecting her friends and their cause. The secrets hadn’t felt so heavy then. She’d been able to endure Umbridge’s torture and still not drown in those secrets.

But now…

She felt like she’d never stop drowning. When did everything flip for her?

Was it the day she and Draco kissed? The day they said ‘I love you?’ Or was it that first day with the slime? Did something dormant in both of them wake up, aware before they knew what it was, and respond to the primal call of soulmates?

Or was she just sabotaging her life?

She looked back at the fireplace, waiting for Draco to come and soothe all of her fears. She put the letters back in the box and turned to face the fireplace completely, bringing Courage into her lap. She stared at the fireplace until her eyes were dry and raw. Soon after, she didn’t know how long she’d been staring, lulled by the Courage’s warmth and snores, Gwen felt her eyes droop shut.

The images came to her all at once. The room was dark and cold. It was so cold that Gwen felt the ice in her lungs and worked harder to breath.

“ _There’s a choice for us all_ ,” a voice whispered.

She recognized the voice, Gwen realized, but she couldn’t figure out from where. She felt something circle her, it wasn’t a body, but almost a presence. It smoked around her shoulders, cold to the touch, and whispered in her ear.

“ _Your time is coming, my dear,_ ” it continued with a foreboding wheeze, “ _You've awoken your destiny, and there is no turning back._ ”

Gwen bolted upright and squinted. It was well past dawn and she was still on the floor. She blinked in surprise, adjusting to the sudden brightness of the room, as she looked around. She was laying on her stomach on the floor, she realized with confusion.

Her chest of letters was still next to her, just as Colin’s velvet box. Courage, who had been jostled by her movements, opened her eyes blearily at Gwen with annoyance before drifting back to sleep. Gwen lifted her head past the small dog to the fireplace, wondering if this was all a dream.

The fireplace was cold and clean. The creepy chill from her vision settled over her again as realization began to dawn on her.

Draco hadn’t come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A TURNING POINT, MY FRIENDS.


	21. Broken Biscuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos!!

As they walked onto the platform, Gwen looked around at the familiar setting. The slight fog from the train’s smoke, the poor lighting was irrelevant because of the slatted architecture of the ceiling, which allowed the morning sun to pour into the tunnel.

People were bustling about, pushing through and past others to get to the train. Gwen remained by Adora as they quietly moved through the bustling crowd. The last few days went past her like the wind, each one cold and without anything tangible to grasp onto.

She’d waited for Draco to come or to write but nothing happened. She had a horrible feeling in her stomach that something had gone horribly wrong. Her last remaining thread of hope was that they would see each other at the Hogwarts soon.

Adora wrapped her long, strong arm around Gwen and pulled her slightly closer, out of the way, as a few people raced by them. “Thanks,” Gwen said.

“I’ve got you,” Adora responded.

Gwen looked up at her mother. The sun hit her outline, making her natural, soft curls, frame her face like a halo in an old Italian painting. Gwen felt guilt and regret all at once. She could sense Adora’s worry for her; the sickly taste of it branding her throat.

“I know,” Gwen murmured sincerely.

Adora whatever the secret pain in her face. “Whatever you’re going through, Gwen,” Adora began. She paused to clear her throat – a nervous response that was unlike her – before continuing. “I want you to know that I’m here for you always. Whatever you need, kiddo, okay?”

“Thanks, mom,” Gwen said with a watery voice. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Adora responded, hugging her tightly.

Gwen wiped the tears from her eyes, unable to stop them from coming. When Adora pulled back, Gwen laughed when she saw the same quiet tears stream down Adora’s face. Her mother smiled in response. “I can’t help it,” she shrugged, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Gwen returned.

“Write more,” Adora commanded gently.

“I will,” Gwen promised.

“And eat more,” Adora added.

Gwen laughed. Even though the thought of food made her sick. “I’ll try,” she offered.

Her mother frowned, worry sharpening the taste in Gwen’s throat. “Take care of yourself, Gwen,” Adora advised seriously, “You can’t take care of anyone else, if you’re not willing to start with yourself.”

Adora suddenly shut her eyes, swaying slightly. Gwen reached forward to steady her. “Mom?” She asked worriedly, “Are you okay?”

“My eyes,” Adora sighed, “They’re just bothering me.”

“Like your glasses prescription?” Gwen frowned.

Adora shook her head and smiled, her face slightly paled. “Probably,” she said with a smile, “They’re just giving me headaches.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Gwen fretted. “We could have gone to the doctor.”

“I didn’t want to ruin the holidays,” Adora shrugged.

I did that all on my own, Gwen wanted to say. She also knew that Adora was not a fan of the doctor in general and tended not to go. “Please go to the doctor,” Gwen insisted.

Adora waved her hand. “I will, I will,” she assured.

Gwen frowned but she nodded, reaching forward to hug her mom one more time because she couldn’t help it. “Bye, mom,” she said softly.

“See you soon,” Adora amended.

“Get Luca to take you to the doctor,” Gwen said as she began to reluctantly walk away.

“I will,” Adora repeated.

“Promise?” Gwen called out, walking backwards. 

“Yes, I promise,” Adora said, “Now look where you’re going.”

Gwen smiled. “Love you!”

“Love you too!” Adora shouted back.

Gwen waved once more and finally turning away from her mother, she began walking towards the train. Soon she’d be back at Hogwarts and things would start to make sense again, she told herself. It would all be okay.

She made her way further into the train corridor, smelling the familiar scent of old carpet and sweets from the trolley that made its way periodically through the compartments. People were laughing and hugging, seeing each other for the first time in weeks.

She finally made it to her compartment, Hermione and Ginny were seated opposite of each other. Ginny looked up first. “Gwen,” she cried out happily.

She jumped up and wrapped Gwen in a warm hug. Gwen returned it thankfully, happy to see her. “I missed you,” Ginny said fiercely.

“I missed you too,” Gwen laughed slightly.

Ginny pulled back. The fiery hair falling in sleek layers around her small face. “I heard you came to the Burrow on New Year’s but snuck out in the morning,” she said. Her voice rang with accusation.

Gwen grimaced, looking at Hermione, who gave her an apologetic look. “Yeah,” Gwen hedged, “I did.”

“Why didn’t you stay?” Ginny demanded, with her hands on her hips.

“Things were kind of stressful this year, Gin,” Gwen sighed. “I’ll make it up to you next year.”

Ginny frowned, still looking like she wanted to fight, but she knew Gwen’s stonewall behavior and so she relaxed. “Deal,” Ginny said, clearly appeased.

They sat back down, Gwen nestled next to Ginny and smiled across at Hermione. She tapped her friends leg with her shoes to get her attention. “Where are the boys?” She wondered aloud.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms. “Who even cares?” She responded irritably.

“They got into another fight today,” Ginny informed Gwen quietly.

Hermione glared at Ginny, but didn’t deny it. Gwen tapped Hermione’s leg again. “If you keep glaring like that,” she teased, “You’ll get wrinkles.”

Hermione grumbled something inaudible under her breath, and Ginny sighed. She leaned her head on Gwen’s shoulder.

“These bloody boys,” she muttered, “They’re going to drive us all mad.”

“Well you’re dating Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome,” Gwen laughed, “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Ginny said nothing. Gwen turned slightly, bumping Ginny’s head with her chin causing Ginny to shift her head off Gwen’s shoulder in order to meet her gaze. “Ginny?” Gwen prompted.

Ginny’s face furrowed into concentration and she bit her lip worriedly. “Things haven’t been going great with Dean,” Ginny began slowly.

“What’s happened?” Gwen asked.

“We’ve been fighting more and more,” Ginny confessed quietly, “He’s always jealous or angry about something – saying I never want to spend time with him or that I’m always busy with quidditch.”

Gwen frowned. She felt the echoes of her own desperate confusion from earlier last year. “Ginny,” she said softly, “You don’t owe anyone your time. Even in a relationship.”

Ginny continued to chew on her lip. “But he’s my boyfriend, you know?” Ginny tried to reason.

Gwen shook her head and leaned closer, as if to emphasize her point. “I spent weeks, months probably, unhappy with Colin but not breaking up with him because I felt guilty. Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to be with him, Ginny. Even if he’s a good guy, he might not be the right guy for you, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.”

“She’s right,” Hermione said from across.

Gwen turned to look at Hermione, who was looking at Gwen with tired, apologetic eyes. Gwen tasted Hermione’s guilt and sorrow in her throat, and she smiled gently at her friend and blinked her forgiveness.

“I just feel like it shouldn’t be this hard,” Ginny said.

Gwen turned back to look at the younger girl. “It’s not supposed to be,” She confirmed. “Not this part, at least.”

A girl with long dark hair and dark russet skin came to the compartment and opened the door. She was all business; her eyes glancing off of Ginny and Gwen before finding Hermione. “We have a quick prefect meeting,” she announced.

Hermione nodded and stood up. “I’ll be back,” she said to her friends before stepping out and closing the compartment door.

Gwen sighed and moved to Hermione’s side of the compartment, stretching out her legs and leaning her head against the window. Gwen rolled her head back towards Ginny only find that she was observing Gwen carefully, completely still before speaking, “Gwen, have you dated since Colin?”

Gwen showed no reaction. Not even a blink. She simply looked at Ginny with a calm expression, even as her heart began to beat harder in response. She tucked back a lock of hair and shrugged her shoulders. “Not really,” she said lightly, “I’ve been worrying about other things.”

Gwen tapped in between her eyes as an explanation. Ginny nodded, but her eyes remained careful. “You and Harry seemed to have drifted apart recently.”

This caught Gwen off-guard. She looked at Ginny with confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean,” Ginny’s face was focused and alert. Her voice was slow with intent as she repeated herself. “I’ve noticed that you guys have been drifting apart.”  

Gwen frowned and stared at Ginny. “I mean, we’ve both been busy with stuff,” she spoke slowly.

“That’s not that I meant,” Ginny insisted, shaking her head.

“Well why don’t you tell me, Gin?” Gwen said, her voice calm, “Because I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

Ginny was back to biting her lip again. Her lips fisted slightly before she took a big gulp of breath and looked Gwen directly in the eye. “Is there anything going on between you and Harry?”

Gwen couldn’t respond. Her mouth dropped open slightly as she stared at Ginny, someone she’s known for years, and had yet totally and completely surprised her. “What?” She guffawed.

Ginny’s expression didn’t lessen in severity. Her eyes were still hard. “Are you guys dating? Or almost dating? Or avoiding dating?”

“Merlin, no,” Gwen exclaimed, “Ginny, how could think that?”

Ginny relaxed slightly and shrugged, still sounding defensive. “You’ve guys have always seemed to have this…bond.”

Gwen moved so her feet were back on the ground and turned to face the younger red-head. “Ginny,” she explained, “It’s not like that with Harry and I. I love him, but I’m not _in_ love with him, you know?”

Ginny relaxed fully and slouched against the seat. She gave Gwen an apologetic and timid smile. “I’m sorry,” she apologized softly, “I’m just…”

“Are you still in love with Harry?” Gwen asked just as softly.

Ginny closed her eyes but didn’t say anything. “He’s got a lot going on,” Ginny finally answered.

Gwen huffed and laugh and mimicked Ginny’s stance, leaning back against her seat. “It doesn’t make them any less wonderful, does it?”

Ginny smiled before tilting her head to the side and examining Gwen’s statement. “I think you’re in love,” she announced.

Gwen managed to grin. “Is that so?” She drawled.

“Yeah,” Ginny nodded.

“Well, I know you’re in love,” Gwen countered.

Ginny returned Gwen’s grin. “Fair enough,” she conceded.

Gwen laughed genuinely and looked out of the window. They continued their conversation on far lighter ground, trading stories and laughing about stupid things all the way to the castle.

_

The next few days went by in a flurry as Gwen and her friends went through the motions of getting back to classes. They were all sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room late one evening silently working.

Gwen was sitting on the couch next to Ron. She was leaning against the arm of the couch, with her legs propped up and feet tucked into the cushions as she wrote against the parchment laying in her lap.

“Why do you sit like that?” Ron asked suddenly.

“Hmm?” Gwen asked distractingly, looking up at Ron and blinking until his face came into focus.

“Your feet,” Ron motioned.

“Are cold,” Gwen finished snippily.

Ron laughed and returned to half-heartedly writing his Potions essay. Gwen looked around. Hermione was sitting in the armchair nearest to Ron, totally absorbed in her work. Harry and Ginny were both on the floor, quietly doing their homework as well, but Gwen could taste their desire, their hope for one another.

It had caught her by surprise the first time. She’d been able to sense Ginny’s openly growing love for Harry, but was surprised when she’d been able to taste the same in Harry. She stared at them now realizing that it was only a matter of time before they both gave into it.

She felt something painful ring in her chest as she observed her friends. Ginny and Harry, Ron and Hermione. And there she was. Alone.

She stared past them into the crackling fire without seeing. Her thoughts drifting to Draco, as they had been for the last week. He hadn’t arrived with the rest of the students. She looked for him in every class, during meals, randomly in the halls, but he wasn’t here.

The ringing got louder, traveling through her spine and echoing in her head, as her loneliness encroached further into her subconscious. How could she feel alone with the people she normally felt so at home with? The sensation seized her throat and as if she could physically separate herself from the feelings, she quickly put down her parchment and quill and began to pack her things. Hermione looked up from her homework. “Where are you going?” She asked Gwen.

Gwen fought to keep the distress from her voice. “I forgot that there’s something I need to do,” she explained vaguely.

Harry stopped his homework to look up her. She met his accusatory glare with a stoic one, inviting him to speculate even if it hurt her to do so.

“Are you alright?” Hermione worried, furrowing her forehead.

Gwen turned to smile at her friend and nodded. “I need to go to the library,” she informed Hermione.

Hermione nodded. “I’ll take your things up for you. I’m going to head to bed soon.”

Gwen nodded, leaving her things on the couch. “You’re the best,” she thanked.

“I know,” Hermione smirked.

Ron looked at Hermione with raised eyebrows, causing her glare at him – daring him to respond. The look must’ve struck enough fear into him because he looked away. Gwen quickly stepped over the books on the floor and headed for the door.

“See you later,” Gwen waved.

She quickly stepped from the Common Room into the cold castle halls, instantly regretting not bringing a coat with her. She crossed her arms over her chest and pulled the sleeves of her grey sweater over her already cold hands.

She moved through the halls, still relatively busy with students moving to and fro. Gwen kept vigilant, looking at the faces for the one face she longed to see. She finally made it to the library and walked right up to the main desk. 

It was rare that Gwen sought help from others. She never did because she believed that not only could she do whatever she needed; she also didn’t like to be indebted to people. She also hadn’t mentioned _The Honorable History_ to her friends, and therefore, couldn’t ask Hermione for help. So here she was staring at Madam Pince as she ignored Gwen and continued to write in her meticulous handwriting in an archaic ledger.

Gwen wasn’t sure what she was going to do until she stood in front of Madam Pince, who still chose not to acknowledge her. Gwen cleared her throat. Madam Pince looked up, glaring at whoever stood in front of her. Madam Pince could have been a beautiful woman at one point, but her nature and tendency to stay indoors took whatever beauty she might have had.

She was a tall, pale woman who looked like she’d forgotten one too many meals with her sunken in cheeks that only served to extenuate her hooked nose. During their first year, Ron once described Pince as “underfed vulture” which had all made them cackle meanly until she’d kicked them out.

Gwen noticed quickly though that regardless of how frail she might look, Madam Pince’s eyes were sharp with attention. Gwen knew that she was taking in every detail of Gwen’s countenance and appearance, figuring out what Gwen was going to ask before she’d even opened her mouth.

“Hello, Madam Pince,” Gwen greeted politely.

Pince sniffed in the air. She put the quill in her hands carefully back in its place and turned the full force of her dark eyes on Gwen. Her voice was imperious as her air. “Are you going to explain yourself, Ms. Easton, or am I meant to guess?” She declared loudly.

Gwen mashed her lips together for a second to keep from snapping back. She pasted on the fakest, brightest smile she could manage – something she could immediately sense Pince saw through – and tried to make her voice as obliging as possible.

“Of course,” Gwen placated, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I had some questions about librarianship.”

Pince looked at Gwen with equal parts surprise and suspicion. “What of it?” She asked in a reedy voice.

“Well,” Gwen began, lacing her fingers together and putting them on the desk, as if imparting a great secret, “I’m getting ready to begin my seventh year, and I was thinking of potential careers after I graduated.”

“You want to be a librarian?” Madame Pince raised her thin eyebrows distrustfully.

Gwen continued to smile. “It’s definitely something I’d like to learn more about. I was hoping you could answer some of my questions, if you’re not too busy, of course.”

Madam Pince looked at Gwen with hard eyes before finally relaxing a bit. “If you don’t take too long, I can answer some of your questions now,” she finally answered, still sounding defensive.

“Oh, thank you,” Gwen exclaimed, grinning brightly.

“I don’t have all day,” Pince snapped. Gwen’s interest seemed to rattle her.

“Of course,” Gwen soothed quickly, immediately business, “I was wondering mostly about the books in the library themselves. Are many of the books ones you acquired yourself?”

Madam Pince puffed out her chest proudly. “Yes,” she answered, “A great deal of these books are my personal triumph. They’re not all easy to collect, you know. A good librarian must know when to seize an opportunity.

Gwen nodded, encouraging her to continue. “How do you go about acquiring the books?”

“There are many ways,” Madam Pince continued, relaxing slightly. “Depending on the genre and rarity of the book – different measures must be taken.”

“What about restricted books?” Gwen asked, keeping her voice as light as possible.

A fire lit behind Madam Pince’s wrinkled face. “Those are the hardest to collect,” she informed Gwen, “That is why they are in the Restricted Section.”

“Yes,” Gwen agreed quickly, her curiosity peaking, “How many of the books in the Restricted Seciton are of your own collecting?”

Madam Pince thought about it for a moment, seeing the books in her head. “Most probably half of the books here are the result of my work,” she said proudly.

Gwen had to actively keep her expression casual as excitement flooded her veins. “I suppose you have different sources for the different genres of books, like for books on herbology, you’d go to famous herbologists.”

“Yes,” Madame Pince confirmed, “Or various herbology conventions and book auctions. Those are always a lovely time.”

“I’m sure,” Gwen agreed quickly. The thoughts began to move faster in her head, and her fingers tensed as she gripped her hands together a bit tighter. “And I guess for books on something like the sight or the history of Seers, you’d go to…”

Gwen led off and Pince picked up the bait without missing a beat. “For Seers, it is all tribal and remote. Most powerful Seers do not live among common channels of society. Actually a large portion of Seers live in the far mountainous tribes of the Wizarding world.”

 “What tribes?” Gwen pressed.

Gwen felt a bubbling heat in her stomach, pooling her forward, dragging the questions from her lips with an intensity she couldn’t control. Fortunately for her, Madam Pince took the fervor of her questions as a compliment so she continued answering.

“There are three major Seer bloodlines left of the Origin Family,” Madam Pince mused.

“The Origin Family?” Gwen murmured.

Madam Pince’s eyes began to shift back and forth again as she sifted through the information stored in her head. “Two are brandished in small communities – the Olidans and Govender tribes. They live on opposite ends of the foothills of the Bsharri mountains in Lebanon, I believe.”

“Lebanon?” Gwen cried out. She quickly looked around, noticing a few students casting her dirty looks. She leaned in, lowering her voice. “They’re in Lebanon?”

Madam Pince nodded. “The original, most powerful line of Seers began in the Levant region. They’ve remained in that area.”

“But Professor Trewlawney,” Gwen began, but Madam Pince cut her off with a scoff and swipe of her hand.

“Western Seers are a different line all together. It’s a different sort of sight,” she explained impatiently, “The sight of the Origin Family is cultivated in nature – it exists outside of traditional magic.”

“How so?” Gwen continued to press.

“It is embedded in the natural world,” Madam Pince explained, pushing her glasses higher up on her nose. “It does not rely on charms, crystal balls, or tea leaves. It is an entity without artificial manifestations. It goes deeper, older, into the very core of our world. The sight you are taught is like looking through a smudged looking glass compared to the ancient ways.”

Gwen wasn’t prepared to process that information yet so she moved in a different direction. “You said two of the bloodlines are in Bsharri,” she said, the city name falling clumsily off her tongue, “Where’s the third?”

“The third,” Madam Pince mused. She leaned back from Gwen, her eyes still somewhere far and distant from her line. “The most powerful bloodline,” she continued, “I believe the last remaining descendent is Sahar Chenweike.”

Gwen held her breath at the familiar name as Madam Pince continued. “She lives away from the rest of her family in an unknown location; she’s the last one of the Amoldina bloodline. Some sources and scholars have theorized that she never left Lebanon, but others say that she left long ago at the result of a great personal tragedy. Some even say that she might even be dead.”

“Do you know those scholars?” Gwen asked breathlessly.

“Of course,” Madam Pince declared, “A good librarian always keeps friendly contact with the most renowned and prestigious scholars and collectors. It is a necessity.”

Gwen knew she was running out of time, but she needed more information so she looked at Madam Pince as earnestly as she could. “Madam Pince,” she began, “May I please intern or volunteer to work alongside you for the remainder of the year?”

Madam Pince looked at Gwen in surprise. “What?” She squawked.

“I’d like to learn more about book acquisitions and maintaining connections with scholars and collectors,” Gwen rattled off, “As well as general library maintenance.”

Madam Pince was clearly wary of allowing someone else into her sanctuary, but Gwen sensed something longing in Madame Pince’s stiff stance. Regardless of her devotion to the written text, she was lonely in the sea of books she encased herself in. 

“I’d like to apprentice with you and learn more, if you’ll have me,” Gwen continued to persuade. “I promise to work hard and maintain the integrity of the library.”

The older woman watched Gwen, again gauging her intentions with those dark sharp eyes. Her intuition was strong, Gwen sensed, but it was more the result of experience rather than natural aptitude. “Very well,” Madam Pince agreed after a long silence, “You may come four times a week at four hour shifts. I will assign you work and reading to do in order to maintain your progress. You may accept my offer or reject it.”

Gwen nodded profusely. “I accept it. Thank you,” she replied sincerely.

Madam Pince didn’t smile, but Gwen could sense her slight excitement. “You shall begin tomorrow,” she said, once again imperious.

“What time?” Gwen inquired.

“After dinner,” Madam Pince said, “You may report here.”

“I look forward to it,” Gwen said smiling.

Madam Pince waved her hand again and sat back down to look at her ledger. “Very well,” she snapped, “Now leave me to my work.”

“Of course,” Gwen agreed, “Thank you again.”

Madam Pince only sniffed in response and Gwen turned and walked from the library, letting the information she just received roll back through her head. She needed maps of the world, the Middle East, the Levant, and Lebanon.

Lebanon, she thought.

She had no reference for it, but something in her began to speak softly. All those moments people referred to her as “exotic” or “mysterious” looking. Maybe some part of her ancestry was rooted in those mountains.

She shook her head. If she was from this original bloodline, how did she end up an orphanage all the way in America, she wondered. The thoughts were swirling in her head when someone caught her eye.

His large form moving down the hall perpendicular to her. Gwen called out his name before she could even process if she should.

“J.B.!”

He turned to look at Gwen. His dark eyes were scrunched up with surprise until he realized it was Gwen who called his name. His surprise quickly turned to confusion as he stood halted in the darkening halls. Gwen quickly shuffled towards him, only realizing then that he was holding hands with a smaller girl.

Eartha, Gwen immediately recognized her from their Divination class. She was prettier up close, Gwen thought. She was small and petite with a dark amber complexion. Freckles dusted her cheeks and nose, making the light brown flecks in her dark eyes stand out. She was watching Gwen with the same confused defensiveness on J.B.’s face.  

Gwen felt guilty as she looked back at J.B.’s blank expression. She’d been such a terrible friend to him, she thought again.

“Hey,” she said lamely.

Now that she stood in front of him, she wasn’t sure what to do.

“Hey,” he responded.

Silence overtook them again, and she forced herself to speak. “How was your Christmas?” She asked.

“Good,” he responded and after a moment he added, “Yours?”

“Good,” Gwen said with a few nods.

The awkward silence flowed between them until Gwen nearly burst. She looked at Earth and smiled. “You must be Eartha,” Gwen said, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you too,” Eartha responded. Accusation was heavy in her voice.

Gwen flushed with shame and cast her eyes up towards J.B. He met her gaze squarely, but after a brief second of silence, he spoke again. Looking down at his girlfriend, he squeezed her hand and murmured. “I’ll catch up with you in the Common Room,” he said.

Eartha tilted her head back to look up at him. She was frowning worriedly but nodded. “I’ll wait up for you,” she told him.

It sounded more like a warning, Gwen thought, and she got the feeling it was a warning for her. J.B. smiled at his girlfriend’s protective voice and leaned down to quickly kiss her on the lips. The act was pure and motivated only by a deep-rooted love. Gwen fought the urge to cry in envy at the ease in which they could be around each other.

J.B. let go of her hand and took a step towards Gwen. Eartha cast Gwen one more hard look, which Gwen could only respond with a wan, mostly apologetic smile that Eartha did not return. Gwen turned as J.B. came to stand next to her and they began to walk down the hall.

She crossed her arms tightly, trying to conserve heat as best she could. J.B. immediately noticed. “Why don’t you have a jacket?” He sighed.

She frowned at his paternal tone. “I was in a rush,” she defended.

“Hmm,” he judged.

“What?” Gwen said irritably, forgetting that she was supposed to be apologetic.

“Always putting something before yourself,” J.B. commented gently. 

Gwen turned her face towards him, faltering in her steps slightly. “That’s not true,” she argued.

J.B. gave her a crooked smile and said nothing – his stance clear. He slipped off his jacket and put it around her, stilling her motions. The warm grey fabric wrapped around her like a friendly cocoon. She immediately tried to take the jacket off, but he held the fabric down on her shoulders. “Take it,” he insisted.

“You’ll be cold,” she tried to argue.

“I’ll be fine,” he insisted.

Gwen frowned but stopped struggling. J.B. released her shoulders and looked at her with a neutral expression. It wasn’t like the mask that Gwen had. J.B. clearly never had to develop a sense of public privacy. His face was active even in stillness. Gwen wanted to continue to fight him, but his gentleness gave way to truth eventually. She sighed and looked over his shoulder in concession. “Maybe I do sometimes forget my own needs,” she grumbled.

“Acceptance is the first step towards recovery,” J.B. teased.

She shifted her eyes over to glare at him momentarily “There’s nothing wrong with helping your friends,” she defended.

“True,” J.B. agreed, “But not at the constant expense of your own soul.”

She crossed her arms tightly in defense as she observed him. The familiar fresh taste of what could have been morning clover ran down her throat – friendship. She wanted to be angry at him, but she could sense his intentions, and they were genuinely concerned for her. It almost made her heart ache to have someone who she had treated so badly still care for her so much.

“It’s not like that, J.B.” Gwen said, sounding deflated.

“I hope it’s not,” he murmured sincerely.

His earnest eyes were as dark as his smooth skin, the setting sun making him glow while he looked at Gwen’s upturned face. There was something sad in both of their faces, Gwen could see it reflecting in both of their eyes, those feelings silently speaking with one an another. “I’m sorry for what I said last time,” Gwen apologized, “It was horrible, and I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay,” J.B. shrugged.

“No,” Gwen argued, shaking her head, “It’s not. I had no right to say those things to you when all you’ve been is kind to me.”

J.B. shuffled a little bit. “You don’t owe me anything, Gwen,” he said, “Not even friendship.”

“I know,” she said, surprising herself, “But I’d like your friendship.”

J.B. looked up at her, smiling awkwardly. “I always felt like we were going to be friends,” he told her, “Even in first year when I saw you, I just felt it. I guess I came on a little strong.”

Gwen raised her eyebrows, loosening her arms and letting them fall to her sides as she laughed a little. “First year?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “When you were at the Sorting Hat. Something in my head just went off, and I knew I was supposed to know you. So I guess when we became partners in Divination, it had felt like I’d known you for years already.”

“I’m sure Eartha loved that,” Gwen rolled her eyes.

J.B. laughed and Gwen couldn’t help but respond. He grinned widely at her, the expression almost taking over half his face. “I told her when you and I first became partners,” he said, “She didn’t really like it at first, but she trusts me, and also everyone thinks you’re weird so she’s not really threatened.”

“I’m not weird,” Gwen complained.

J.B. was still wearing that grin that told her she was weird but he wouldn’t call her out on it. “Well you and I know that,” he said sarcastically.

“I’d like to meet her properly,” Gwen said, “You know, not in the hallway where she clearly hates me.”

He huffed out a laugh. “She doesn’t hate you.”

Gwen raised a sardonic eyebrow and crossed her arms. “The look she gave me begs to differ,” she replied with a deadpanned voice.

“She’s protective,” J.B. shrugged. “Once you guys become friends, she’ll give that look to people you don’t like too.”

Gwen couldn’t help but smile. “How do you know we’ll be friends?”

“You both kind of remind me of each other in some ways,” J.B. said. “I know you’ll get along in the same way I knew you and I would be good friends.”

Gwen could feel her sense interacting with J.B.’s own senses. Testing the strength and depth of it. She could literally feel her own gifts asserting dominance over his before relaxing. J.B. knew that they would be friends because he had sensed it. Her own intuition told her that he was right.

“I believe you,” Gwen said sincerely.

They smiled at each other for a moment, and Gwen felt the ringing ache in her body finally dissipate. “So,” J.B. said, “Does this mean we’re going to start running again?”

Gwen groaned loudly and threw his jacket back at him which muffled his laugh that carried them through the rest of their conversation.

_

 It was 8 o’clock at night and Gwen was shelving books in the back of the library. She had to pause every few seconds to cough from all the dust, but she had learned that instead of utilizing magic, Madam Pince preferred to use an old feather duster to keep the shelves clean. “A good librarian maintains upkeep of her books with her own two hands,” Madam Pince had declared on Gwen’s first day when handing her the duster.

Gwen finished wiping down the highest shelf before she began to descend back down. She’d been working in the library for over two weeks now and hadn’t yet gained access into the Restricted Section or learned anymore about the scholars who might know more about the Origin Family.

“I can see up your skirt,” someone called from below her.

Gwen looked down and glared. “Liar,” She called out.

Hermione grinned back widely at her. “If I leaned forward, I bet I could,” Hermione responded.

Gwen laughed and finished her descent. When she was three rungs up, she jumped down and almost hit Hermione in the face with the feather duster.

“Careful,” Hermione sputtered.

“Whoops,” Gwen grinned.

Hermione gave Gwen a brief dark look before looking at all the shelves. “Remind me again how you ended up apprenticing in the library,” Hermione asked.

“I like the library,” Gwen defended.

“Yes,” Hermione agreed, “But you really want to be a librarian?”

Gwen shrugged at Hermione’s tone. “It’s an option, and I’m trying it out.”

Hermione frowned like she wanted to fight, but decided to move on instead. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?” She asked suddenly.

Gwen kept her expression careful. “I mean, yeah,” she evaded, “Why? Is he alright?”

“I’m not sure,” Hermione continued to frown. Her forehead furrowed in worry. “He told me something a while ago, and I’m not sure what to do with it.”

Gwen felt her breath hitch in her throat and gripped the feather duster a little tighter in her hand. “What did he tell you?” She asked.

Hermione looked around to make sure they were alone before leaning forward slightly. “It was about Malfoy,” she whispered.

Gwen felt like she was choking. Hermione must’ve not expected a useful reaction from her because she continued on worriedly. “He said that he saw Draco in the hallway with Snape after Slughorn’s party, when I was hiding from McClaggen and you were with Professor Trelawney.”

Gwen had officially stopped breathing as Hermione quickly whispered all of this information to her. “He said he heard that Snape’s made an Unbreakable Vow to help Malfoy with a secret mission – apparently from Who-Know-Who.”

“What did you say?” Gwen asked. Her voice was hoarse.

Hermione breathed loudly through her nose. “I told him I thought Snape was still acting on Dumbledore’s orders,” she said.

“And Malfoy?” Gwen said. Referring to Draco like that, like he was her enemy, burned her throat.  

“I’m not sure,” Hermione’s eyes narrowed in concentration. “I think he’s a pawn in something much larger. If he’s really a Death Eater, wouldn’t Dumbledore have removed him from the school by now?”

Gwen forced herself to nod and speak. “Probably.”

Hermione sighed, putting down her books to rub her temples. “How are we even meant to know?” she murmured.

I know, Gwen thought. She quickly beat down all thoughts and feelings and remained silent. Luckily, she didn’t have to think of anything to say.

“Ms. Easton,” Madam Pince snapped from down the aisle.

Gwen turned to face the older woman with an apologetic look. Hermione quickly snapped up and looked worriedly between them. “Thank you for helping me find that book,” Hermione said quickly.

“Sure,” Gwen nodded.

Hermione scuttled off past them, and Gwen felt herself deflate.

“Ms. Easton,” Madam Pince began to lecture, “If you cannot find time to work instead of socializing with your friends, then perhaps this isn’t the most appropriate positon for you.”

“I’m sorry, Madam Pince,” Gwen apologized. “It won’t happen again.”

Madam Pince roved over Gwen’s tired expression – the face of someone who was carrying the dead weight of worry and stress – and her sharp, black eyes softened slightly. “That’s enough for tonight,” she said, a bit more gently, “You may put the duster away and go.”

Suddenly feeling the exhaustion all the way to her bone marrow, Gwen nodded. “Thank you,” she murmured quietly before moving past and out into the library.

Moving through the halls, Gwen thought about what Hermione had told her. She never doubted that Harry had been in the hall that night, but hearing Hermione confirm it jarred her. There was no ambiguity between them; a line had been drawn.

What worried Gwen more was the fact that Harry was no longer confiding in her. Besides all of them hanging out together, Harry and she never spent time alone together anymore. Her relationship with Draco was straining all of her friendships, and she knew that her friendship with Harry was taking the worst hit.

Her relationship, she thought painfully. What relationship? Her boyfriend had been gone for weeks now. She’d sent him letter after letter and had never heard anything back. She was losing people left and right. She felt the familiar rise of panic in her stomach and began to move faster before breaking out into a run. She kept up the hard pace until she reached the end of the hall.

She turned the corner sharply and pushed her legs harder until she was practically sprinting. The portraits in the halls began to yell, boo, and cheer as she sprinted past them.

“No running!” One shouted.

“Faster, faster!” Another screeched.

Gwen clenched her teeth and she dragged in breath from her nose. She ran from the castle of the dark night and all the way to the Great Lake. She stood on the pier, staring out at the fathomless night sky. She watched the water and sky bleed into each other, the stars reflecting and lighting up the world.

There was nothing concrete to hold on to. That floating feeling came back to her and she closed her eyes and tightened her hands into fists. A sob ripped from her throat, but she clamped a hand on her mouth in the same second.

Get a hold of yourself, she commanded. She pressed her hand onto her face until it hurt and squeezed her eyes shut as a few tears managed to escape through. She quickly regained control of herself and when slowly released her hand from her mouth and opened her eyes back up, her expression was calm.  

But even then the world was still dark and bottomless, and she felt utterly alone in it.

_

_“_ Your time is coming _,_ ” a voice hissed in her dreams.

“What time?” Gwen called out.

She was standing nowhere; smoke filled the air and obscured her vision. It smelt of rain, brimstone, and fresh earth, but Gwen saw nothing but empty smog.

“You must find me,” the voice whispered right in her ear.

Gwen whipped around to find nothing. “Who are you?” she shouted, but her voice simply echoed in the abyss.

There was no answer but Gwen could sense a presence was still there. She waited, body tense like she was expecting an attack. Finally, the voice came again, it’s smoky sound wrapping around her like a shawl.

“You already know,” it whispered.

 Gwen bolted awake. She was panting heavily but still shivered hard. Her whole body was covered in goosebumps. Her alarm was going off; it was time to meet J.B. Gwen began to change into her running clothes from the safety of her bed, thinking about what just happened.

It hadn’t felt like a dream or a vision, she thought. Someone had been trying to reach her. Someone _had_ reached out her and communicated. The voice. The voice she heard at home; the one talking about her destiny.

She shivered again as she pulled her sweatshirt over her head. She didn’t want to have a destiny. People like Harry had destinies. People like her just had lives. She pulled back the curtain of her bed, greeting the morning sun gratefully.

She slipped on her shoes and moved out of the room, not waking Hermione, and down to the empty Common Room. Stepping into the cold castle, Gwen gave a weak smile to the familiar figure in front of her.

J.B. approached her with his signature smile, but it faded as he took in her expression. “What’s wrong?” He asked intuitively.

“What do you mean?” Gwen played dumb.

J.B. narrowed his eyes at her and tightened his lips for one moment. Gwen wasn’t ready to fight or share with him so she braced herself, but the fight never came. Instead J.B. scanned her features once more before giving her a single, sharp nod and started walking down the hall.

He quietly kept pace with Gwen all the way until they silently began to run as they made it outside. J.B. always monitored the pace when they ran together, and Gwen intuitively followed his lead. She allowed herself to once again sink into the burning sensation of the run, following where her body took her.

The snow had melted, leaving only heavy morning dew on the grass. It soaked through their shoes as they ran around the lake, both of them breathing heavy until J.B. finally slowed to a walk – their cooldown.

Gwen was breathing heavy and sweating as they walked back to the castle. Her mind blissfully empty for a few moments longer until J.B. sighed.

“You feel heavy,” he said.

Gwen turned to look at him and wiped her forehead with her sleeve. “Heavy?” She wrinkled her forehead.

J.B. tapped his forehead. “Your thoughts,” he clarified.

“You can feel that?” Gwen asked incredulously.

J.B. gave her a confused look. “You’re not hard to read, Gwen,” he told her. “However mysterious you think you are.”

Three things occurred to Gwen at once: J.B. wasn’t aware that he possessed any level of sight, yet he was maybe dangerously in-tune with her mind, and strangely enough it didn’t scare her at all.

“Can I tell you a secret?” She asked suddenly.

J.B.’s eyes widened for a brief second as he nodded. “Of course,” he said.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Gwen told him seriously. She stopped moving so he could see the hardness in her eyes.

“I won’t,” he assured.

“I mean it, J.B.,” Gwen continued, “Absolutely no one. Not even Eartha. Not even anyone you think I might have told already.”

J.B. frowned. “Gwen,” he said seriously, “I wouldn’t tell anyone something you told me in confidence.”

She couldn’t explain it, but she knew she could trust him completely so she nodded that she believed in him. “Promise?” She whispered, just to give herself more time to back out.

“Promise,” J.B. replied solemnly.

Gwen took a sharp inhalation and looked into his deadly earnest face. She could sense the familiar taste of clover in the back of her throat. She could taste his worry for her and the selflessness of it. It still amazed her that he could feel so much towards her for the relatively short time they’d known each other.

She could trust him, she reminded herself. J.B. was the kind of person she could trust.

 “I’m a Seer,” Gwen finally said. Her voice was quiet, but steady as she realized this was the first time she’d said those words aloud.

J.B.’s face faltered for one moment, but he kept his voice neutral as he responded. “How do you know?”

She smiled crookedly and began to walk again, knowing that the activity would make it easier for her to share. J.B. silently followed suit, stuffing his hands in his pockets, waiting patiently for her to begin. “I’ve known for a while,” she told him, “I had my first vision in fourth year.”

“Is that early or late?” He asked.

“Late,” Gwen confirmed, “Trelawney thinks it’s because I ‘developed’ late.”

J.B. snorted his laughter. “Trelawney knows?”

“Yeah,” Gwen said, “I was so lost and scared. I had to turn to somebody. She’s been teaching me how to control them.”

“That sounds difficult,” J.B. acknowledged.

“It is,” Gwen confirmed. She began to explain the kinds of things Professor Trelawney had been making her do.

“Merlin,” J.B. moaned, “That sounds horrible.”

Gwen laughed a bit. “It’s not so bad anymore,” she shrugged.

“Isn’t the sight passed through bloodlines?” J.B. mused.

Gwen felt her smile fade slightly and as if he picked up the change in her mood, J.B. turned to look at her. “Yeah,” she confirmed, “That’s another thing.”

“What do you mean?” J.B. asked.

“Well, I’m adopted,” Gwen explained.

J.B. nodded. “I never knew if that was true or not,” he told her casually.

Gwen frowned in annoyance. “Why does anyone think I would make that up?” She snapped.

J.B. grinned at her ire. “You’re mysterious, remember?”

“I never said I was mysterious,” she argued.

“Mysterious people never do,” he quipped.

“J.B.,” she growled in warning.

He laughed again and held out a placating hand towards her, gesturing her to continue. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Keep going.”

She glared at him for one more second before continuing. “I don’t know who my birth parents are. I never have known,” she explained.

“Does your adoptive mother know?” J.B. asked.

She winced. “Don’t call her my adoptive mother, please,” Gwen said quietly.

J.B. looked at her and Gwen met his silent question with what she knew was a vulnerable look. “She’s the only mother I’ve ever known. She’s just my mother,” she explained.

J.B.’s face softened in a way that normally would make Gwen tense, but she didn’t. “I understand,” J.B. murmured apologetically.

Gwen gave him a soft smile as they neared the castle. “And no,” she continued, “She doesn’t know. The orphanage where she found me didn’t know either. I was just left there as a baby. My mom didn’t know I was a witch when she adopted me.”

“That must’ve been quite the surprise,” J.B. mused.

Gwen huffed out a laugh. “I think she was more excited than me,” she recalled Adora’s smiling face fondly.

“You were very lucky,” J.B. said, reading her face.

Gwen looked at him, the smile still there. “I was,” she agreed.

“So bloodlines,” J.B. brought them back to the conversation.

Gwen nodded. “I used to just get visions, you know? Of things that could happen. Things that have happened, but recently…”

Her voice trailed off. She felt the smog that carried the hoarse voice from her visions around her. She looked at J.B. as a way to anchor herself, and swallowed against the taste of his friendship – reminding herself where she was.

He smiled encouragingly at her, another reminder that he was here for her. That he meant it when he said he would be her friend.

“I feel like someone’s been communicating with me,” she said slowly, “When I’m sleeping, like they’re reaching out to me.”

J.B. took this information in quietly and seriously. His face was screwed up in worry as he listened to Gwen. “Who is it?” He asked anxiously.

Gwen huffed out a quiet breath and shook her head slightly. “I don’t know,” she told him truthfully, “They…they just keep saying that I’ve awoken to my destiny.”

“Your destiny?” J.B. reared his head back slightly.

Gwen looked at him, waiting for him to scoff at her. “Yeah,” she confirmed.

J.B. looked over her head for a moment, the rising sun lighting up his eyes and the sheen of exercise on his face. He looked back to Gwen, probably seeing every anxiety she was allowing to show on her face.

“What?” Gwen asked desperately.

J.B. gave her a smile that was part worry and part humored. “Maybe you really are as mysterious as you seem,” he said softly.

_

Early signs of spring began to arrive in March, and Gwen happily welcomed it with open arms. She was walking back up to the Common Room from her shift in the library, letting her thoughts swirl through her mind.

Draco had long ago returned to Hogwarts and had actively been ignoring her. She’d tried to corner him a few times, but it never worked because she couldn’t speak to him in class, and he never came to meals, and he wasn’t anywhere else.

She sighed heavily as she arrived at the porthole. The Fat Lady looked down at her with her highbrow annoyance. “Why do you always look so maudlin, girl?” she called out.

“I don’t,” Gwen immediately argued.

The Fat Lady sniffed. “You need a boy,” she scoffed.

“Just let me in,” Gwen growled.

“That’s the problem with young girls these days,” The Fat Lady ignored her, “You think you can do it all. That you don’t need anyone. What you need is a good snog.”

Gwen clenched her fists so tightly that her nails were digging painfully into her skin. “I don’t need anyone,” Gwen snapped.

The Fat Lady guffawed, “Of course you do,” she retorted, “We all need someone.”

The comment hit Gwen harder than she thought it would. She put one of her fisted hands on her stomach, where she felt the blow, and stared hard at the portrait.

Before she could respond the door swung open and Gwen leapt out of the way. Two boys were walking out.

“Come on, Ron,” Harry coaxed.

“Are you taking me to Romilda?” Ron cooed.

“Yes,” Harry said exasperatedly.

He turned and saw Gwen suddenly. His expression shifted through so many emotions before turning somewhat stiff. “Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey,” Gwen furrowed her brow. “What’s happened?”

Harry opened his mouth but Ron spoke instead. “I’m in love, Gwen,” he shouted, “I’m in love, and everyone needs to know!”

Ron came and hugged her tightly. “Isn’t it wonderful to be in love, Gwen?” Ron murmured on her shoulder.

“Are you pissed?” Gwen groaned, holding his weight.

“He ate love potion,” Harry said.

Gwen shifted so she could look over Ron’s shoulder at Harry’s worried face. “Who slipped him a love potion?”

Harry grimaced. “Romilda Vane,” he said. “She sent me a box of chocolates, and Ron ate them.”

“Bloody hell,” Gwen grumbled. Ron leaned more heavily on her and she faltered slightly. Harry raced forward to help to take off some of Ron’s weight off of Gwen.

Ron pulled back and looped one arm around each other their necks. “It’s so wonderful to be in love,” he said dreamily. He tightened his arms around their necks, pulling their face closer together. “You guys should be in love,” Ron continued, “I always thought you would be.”

Gwen looked up at Harry and blushed. His eyes were trained on hers intensely, but he was also turning red. “I was taking him to Slughorn,” Harry murmured.

Gwen nodded, even though the motion was restricted from Ron’s arm. Ron made a loud groaning sound. “I want to go to Romilda,” he whined.

Gwen sighed, giving Harry a knowing look that said ‘I’m in.’ It was a look she had given him many times over the years, and just like every time he nodded his acceptance.

“Come on, Ron,” Gwen said gently, moving his arm from around her neck. “I’ll take you to Romilda; she told me she’s waiting for you.”

Ron picked up his limp body in excitement. “Really?” He asked happily. “I didn’t know you guys were friends.”

“That’s right,” Gwen lied. She took Ron’s hands in hers and led him down the stairs with Harry walking cautiously beside them, ready to catch either one of them.

“Romilda is so beautiful,” Ron sighed. “Don’t you think, Gwen?”

“Yes, very beautiful,” Gwen agreed. She couldn’t help but look at Harry with a crooked smile, trying not to laugh.

Harry’s eyes were friendlier than they had been in weeks as he returned her laughing expression. “I’m so glad you think so, Gwen,” Ron continued. “You’re one of my best friends; so it’s important.”

“You’re one of my best friends too, Ron,” Gwen said, feeling her voice catch a little.

Harry seemed to pick up on it as they stepped off of the stairs. Ron, however, remained obliviously content talking about Romlida. “Harry’s one of my best friends and you’re one of my best friends. Are you two still best friends? It’ll be awkward to introduce Romilda to you if you’re not best friends anymore.”

Gwen was holding Ron’s arm as he awkwardly came off the stairs. Gwen kept her head down but cast her eyes up at Harry, who was watching her with the same soft expression. “Yeah,” Harry finally murmured. “We’re still best friends.”

Gwen’s eyes flooded with emotion, but she didn’t cry. She smiled at Harry, trying to silently communicate everything she felt. He returned the smile and they led Ron to Slughorn’s office.

They knocked on the door until a somewhat annoyed Slughorn came to the door. Harry leaned forward. “I’m sorry to bother you so late at night, professor,” he apologized, “It seems that Ron accidentally took a love potion.”

“Oh, dear,” Professor Slughorn said in his watery voice.

He opened the door and ushered the three of them inside. Gwen was managing her half of Ron’s weight surprisingly well considering how much taller he was. They half dragged, half hobbled to the small sofa in Slughorn’s office and deposited Ron on the seat.

“And how did young Wallanby come by this love potion?” Slughorn wheezed.

Gwen turned and watched Slughorn pull out a small vial. He moved as slowly as he spoke, and Gwen fought the urge to snap at him to hurry up and fix Ron. There was a strange energy in the room, something brimming in the background, and it was causing the hair on her arm to stand straight.

“He ate some chocolates,” Harry explained, “Ron mistakenly ate them.”

“Who were the chocolates intended for?” Slughorn paused in his motions.

Gwen looked at Harry, who was now blushing slightly again. If she wasn’t feeling so alarmed, she’d tease him from across the room. A strange taste began to coat her throat – like someone had forced her to swallow cotton balls.

“They were for me,” Harry hesitantly explained.

Slughorn chortled. “Throwing the young girls in a tizzy, eh, Potter?” He laughed. He turned to look at Gwen, misinterpreting the stressed look on her face. “Don’t worry, Ms. Easton, I’m sure your young Mr. Potter won’t be swayed in his affections from a silly love potion.”

Gwen raised her eyebrows at Slughorn, but he wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. He leaned down and handed the antidote to Ron. Gwen quickly looked over him at Harry who smirked at her. She rolled her eyes in response, feeling happier than she had in weeks.

Slughorn waved the vial in front of Ron’s face, as if to wake him up. “Drink up, Wallenby,” He instructed.

“Where’s Romilda?” Ron asked. “Is she coming?”

“She’ll be here soon enough,” Slughorn laughed. “You have to drink up first.”

Ron with droopy lids drank from the small vial, swallowing the crystal blue liquid. Gwen watched carefully as the stars faded from Ron’s eyes, and he began to blink in rapid succession. When he spoke, his voice lost its dreamlike wispiness. “Where the bloody hell are we?”

Gwen sighed slightly. Feeling herself relax at the return of Ronald Weasley. Ron turned to look at her with a furrowed brow and a frown. “What’s going on?” He asked.

“You mistakenly ate love potion laced chocolates,” Gwen explained succinctly.

Recognition dawned on Ron’s face. “Blood hell,” he muttered, “I’ll never trust chocolate again.”

Gwen wanted to laugh but instead she shivered. She looked around the room, feeling the cotton ball sensation but not being able to understand why.

“Well now,” Slughorn said jovially, “Let’s celebrate Wallenby’s return with a bit of Rosmerta’s Mulled Mead, eh?”

Gwen blinked back into focus as Slughorn pushed a glass in her hand. The second the glass touched her hand, Gwen’s senses began to hum loudly in her head. The cotton ball feeling growing stronger to the point where her throat felt like it was closing up.

“I need a drink,” Ron groaned.

 “Ron, wait,” Gwen called out a warning instinctively.

But it was too late, Ron tossed the whole drink back in one gulp. Slughorn began to laugh at his antics but broke off suddenly when Ron collapsed to the ground.

“Ron,” Gwen cried out. She dropped her glass and ran to his body.

She gripped his shoulders as his body began to seize. “Professor, what do we do?” She shouted.

She looked back at Slughorn who was staring in disbelief. “Oh, dear,” he murmured in terrified fear.

Gwen looked back at Harry. “Get something,” she demanded. “A bezoar. QUICK!”

Her voice reached such a high decibel that Harry sprang into action. He raced to Slughorn’s chest of herbs and such and pulled out a bezoar before running back over to them. He leaned on the other side of Ron and Gwen wrapped one of her arms behind Ron’s neck, supporting his weight, and used her other hand to force his mouth open.

She ignored the foam leaking from his lips, and pried his teeth apart. “Now,” she yelled at Harry.

Harry shoved the bezoar into Ron’s mouth and they clamped his jaw shut, forcing him to swallow the small stone-like antidote. Gwen held him tightly as the tremors began to subside until he opened his eyes hazily at them. “Why me?” He groaned.

Gwen hugged him to her, feeling tears in her eyes, as she laughed painfully. Ron leaned into her, completely weak. “What was that?” Gwen turned her head to face Slughorn.

“Mead,” the professor said weakly.

“Where did you get it from?” Gwen asked. She worriedly began to stroke Ron’s hair with a maternal touch.

“Rosmerta,” Slughorn supplied in a shaky voice.

Gwen looked at Harry with an anxiously furrowed brow, but Harry’s face had gone dark as he continued to stare at Professor Slughorn. “Why would Rosmerta give you the mead, professor?” Harry asked, his voice completely calm.

Slughorn stammered, still watching Ron’s limp body resting against Gwen. “It wasn’t meant for me,” he said in a shaky voice. “I was supposed to deliver it.”

“To who, professor?” Harry implored.

Slughorn looked at both of them. His face went pale in shame and fear and it colored his voice. Strange muffling sounds erupted from his throat. “Professor Dumbledore,” he finally said.

Gwen stopped moving; her hand resting on Ron’s head as she gaped at Slughorn. “Dumbledore?” The question fell from her lips in despair.

Harry immediately yanked his eyes in her direction, evaluating her expression. Gwen felt the breath leave her body as she turned slowly and looked at him. She took in a quiet deep breath as she turned to face Harry. The rage burning behind his skin matched the heat of anger she began to feel in her throat.

“We’ll take Ron to bed,” Harry finally said. His voice was giving off a strangled sound.

Slughorn gave no argument as they lifted Ron up, struggling under his limp weight and began the long trek down to their Common Room. Gwen wanted to say something, anything, but she was struck mute. She could feel Harry’s rage burning her throat, like she had the flu or had raked her trachea with a fork.

They silently dragged Ron into the Common Room, and Gwen quietly followed as Harry began to walk up the stairs leading up to the boy’s dormitory. They both began grunting as they lifted Ron up the stairs, his feet knocking repeatedly against the wood.

They finally made it into the room and laid Ron down on the bed. Harry walked away, leaving Gwen to tuck Ron into bed. She yanked the blankets out from underneath him and pushed him towards the center. Pushing down his legs to pull the blankets over him. She could still sense Harry’s burning rage so she stroked Ron’s forehead instead of turning around.

When she almost flinched from the burning heat, she turned around to face him. He was staring at her like he’d never known her. His face was so unfamiliar to her in that moment, so foreign. “Tell me what he’s up to,” Harry demanded in a low voice.

Gwen reared back as if he’d slapped her. “What?” She exhaled.

Harry took a few steps towards her. “I know you know,” he snapped, “You know something. Tell me what he’s doing. Are you helping him?”

Gwen felt tears well up in her eyes. She stared at Harry in disbelief. She was so constantly on the edge these days that it took one thing to make her burst out crying. “How could you say that?” She asked.

Harry remained silent and glared at the tears rolling down her cheeks as she chokingly repeated herself. “How could you think that I…”

Her voice broke off painfully as she shook her head. “You’re…with him,” Harry finally spat out, but Gwen tasted his hurt in her throat – the agony he felt.

“How could you really think that I would be a part of this?” She whispered.

Harry looked torn as he watched the tears on her face. “You knew that mead was poisoned,” he countered.  

“I didn’t,” she argued.

“You tried to stop Ron from drinking it,” Harry pointed out.

Gwen opened her mouth but no sounds came out for a second. She shook her head painfully, tears falling from her cheeks. “I could feel it,” she cried.

“Feel what?” Harry asked. His voice was tight and his hands were curled into defensive fists as he glared at her; he wanted to believe her.  

“I could feel that there was something wrong in the room,” Gwen tried to explain as she wiped tears from her face. “I didn’t know what it was until Slughorn put the cup in my hand.”

Harry examined her then; his eyes still pained. “You really expect me to believe that?” He asked in a deadly quiet voice.

Gwen gaped at him. “Why would I lie to you?” She yelled disbelievingly.

“You’ve been lying to me,” Harry finally snapped. “You’ve been lying to us all.”

She shook her head again. “That’s not true,” she defended.

“Gwen,” Harry said like her name was painful for him. She covered her mouth, feeling pain in her chest.

“Don’t say my name like that,” She choked out.

“Like what?” Harry asked. His voice was barely audible.

“Like it’s a stranger’s name,” she said, her voice almost angry, “Like it’s the name of your enemy.”

Harry didn’t say anything for a while; his own eyes went wet and then hard all in the same moment. “I can’t trust you while you’re with him,” Harry finally said. His voice broke on the last word.

Gwen wanted to cry harder at the regret in his voice. “It’s not like that, Harry,” she said, her words coming in a torn whisper, “I’m still your friend. I’ll always be your friend.”

“I know, Gwen,” Harry said hoarsely, “That’s why this hurts like hell.”

-

Gwen didn’t speak to Harry again until the next quidditch match the following week. She was sitting in the stands with Hermione, listening to Luna Lovegood commentating on the game.

“And they’ve hit the bludger!” Luna cried out. “Also, the wind has taken a turn.”

Gwen laughed and gripped the handlebar in front of her. “I wonder who volunteered Luna to commentate,” she mused to Hermione.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “She volunteered herself,” she told Gwen.

“Really?” Gwen asked. “That was brave.”

“I don’t think Luna has many inhibitions,” Hermione sniffed.

“We could both benefit from being more like her,” Gwen teased.

Hermione raised her eyebrows at Gwen. “I’m quite fine, thank you very much,” she said primly making Gwen laugh again.

Hermione smile quickly faded as she looked down to the field. “Ugh,” she made a sound of disgust. Gwen followed Hermione’s gaze to find McLaggen, sauntering towards Harry and some of the other quidditch players.

“He’s vile,” Hermione muttered.

“Agreed,” Gwen responded.

“He’s trying to take Ron’s spot,” Hermione said irritably.

“That’s because he’s a prat,” Gwen supplied.

Hermione huffed out a laugh in agreement. Luna’s voice was ringing through the air, commenting on the shape of the clouds, as Hermione and Gwen watched McLaggen start swinging a club around showing the beaters how to play.

“He better stop swinging that thing,” Gwen muttered.

Before Hermione could respond, a loud crack sounded through the air. Gwen just about leapt over the railing when she realized what had happened.

Harry was lying prone in the grass with McLaggen staring at him with mouth agape in shock. “He hit him,” Gwen cried out in disbelief.

Hermione began to shove their way through the stands, and Gwen quickly followed. Harry was immediately taken to the Hospital Wing with a small convoy of people following. Madame Pomfrey shooed them all from the room until she was done. She announced that she would only let them in one at a time to avoid overwhelming Harry.

Gwen nervously let Hermione and Ron go in first as she paced back and forth in the hallways. When Hermione came out, Gwen stood utterly still for a moment. “I’m going to take Ron back to the Common Room,” Hermione murmured softly.

Gwen turned to look at the still pale Ron. “Okay,” she nodded. Hermione began to lead Ron away and Gwen stared at them until they disappeared behind the corner before slowly dragging her feet into the room, trying to be braver than she felt.

Harry was propped up on the bed. His eyes were careful as she walked towards him. She stood beside the bed and grasped her hands together in front of her. “Does it hurt?” She asked jokingly.

Harry’s lips tightened like he was holding back a laugh, but he said nothing. Gwen sighed and forced herself to speak. “Harry,” she began, her voice immediately going watery, “I would never do anything to hurt you. Any of you.”

He was quiet for a moment, casting his down as he plucked a loose strand from the blanket on top of him. “I want to believe you, Gwen,” he murmured.

“Then just believe me,” she entreated.

Harry looked up at her. She noticed the dark smudges under his eyes and wanted to give him a hug. Instead she stood by his side and stared at him imploringly. “Just believe that I’m still me,” she whispered.

Harry nodded and shut his eyes. “I believe that,” he told her in a raspy voice.

Gwen didn’t know what more to say. Everything was so lost; there was an ocean between the two of them and Gwen didn’t know where to start closing that gap. She leaned over and kissed the side of his head, keeping her lips against his hair for a moment. “I will always be your friend,” she whispered, before wiping a tear from her eye and leaving the room.

She entered a blissfully empty hallway much to her relief.  She began to walk back to the Common Room, wrapping her arms around her middle trying to stop the choking feeling from taking over. She was so raw, so terrified, all of the time and could feel the weight of it pressing down on her. She didn’t know how much longer she could bear of this.  

She heard another pair of footsteps suddenly stop and something in her body began to buzz with recognition. She looked up and was actually surprised to see Draco standing there.

She wondered if she just missed him so much that she’d just conjured his image. But a quick examination of him made her think otherwise. The Draco in her head was not the same boy in front of her.

The Draco in front of her was sickly grey and thin. He must have lost another stone since the last time she saw him. His face was gaunt and withdrawn from stress and sleep deprivation. Even so, he was still achingly beautiful to her.

He stared at her dumbstruck, like she was the last person he’d expect to run into. She couldn’t help her reaction. She rushed to him, throwing her arms around his thin body and hugging him to her. He tentatively hugged her back after a brief pause, his hands come pull her tightly against him.

She pressed her cheek against his chest, listening for the sound of his heartbeat. She ignored all of the sensations trickling down her throat and focused on the feeling of his body against hers. She was so desperate for him, that she pulled back only to stand on her tiptoes to press her lips to his.

Draco kissed her back but cut it off briefly. He held her hands gently as they gripped his suit jacket and dodged her next kiss. “Gwen,” he murmured.

“Where have you been?” Gwen asked, hearing the pain in her voice. She couldn’t seem to help it. “I’ve been so worried. I thought you were…”

A look of pain flashed across Draco’s face. He looked torn and Gwen gripped his jacket tighter. “Are you okay?” She whispered.

Draco bit his lip and looked at her carefully. “Gwen,” he repeated.

The vulnerability in his face arrested her. She saw wounds that went beneath the skin, things that she knew not even time could completely heal. “What’s happened, Draco?” She murmured, almost not wanting to know.

He shook his head. “Don’t ask me things I can’t tell you,” he told her softly.

“Draco,” she began but he cut her off.

“Please, Gwen,” he begged imploringly.

He didn’t move away from her, but she felt the sudden lurch of desperation in his body. She complicated things for him, she knew. She could sense it.

Good, she thought violently. She needed to complicate things for him. That might be the only thing that saved him. “I haven’t seen you in weeks,” she tried to argue though her voice wobbled, “Months, and you don’t want me to ask.” She let go of his jacket only to angrily wipe the tears on her face away.

He closed his eyes for a heavy second. He looked so much older, Gwen noticed. Haggard. “I can’t,” he said tightly.

“Do you still even love me?” Gwen whispered.

She hated how weak she sounded, but she didn’t know what to do. She was losing everything all at once, and she was constantly on edge, constantly afraid, constantly alone. One of the most important people to her was cutting her off, and she didn’t know where to go from here.

His eyes had more life in them suddenly. “You’re the only thing keeping me alive right now,” he told her hoarsely.

She choked against the onslaught of emotion. “Oh, Draco,” she cried out against him.

He hugged her tightly to his chest. “Let me help you,” she begged. “I can help you, please.”

“You can’t, love,” he whispered. “No one can save me from Him.”

“That’s not true,” Gwen sobbed angrily. She pulled back to look at his bleak expression. “How can you even say that?”

“He’ll kill me if I fail, Gwen,” Draco murmured.

Gwen stopped breathing. She suddenly sensed his fear in her throat; fear so overwhelming that she could barely swallow. She stared at Draco with wide, terrified eyes. “Fail at what?”

Before he could respond, something caught the corner of her eye. She turned her head and froze. “Dobby?” She cried out.

“Ms. Gwen!” Dobby exclaimed in surprise. The small house-elf gave her an equally panicked look before disappearing, yanking Kreacher with him. Gwen wretched herself from Draco’s arms towards them. “Wait!” She cried out.

She stared at the space they once occupied before turning back around to look at Draco. She had opened her mouth to speak but the words died on her lips when she realized he was gone.

She was alone.

_

The days that dragged on felt just like that, dragging. Gwen experienced each day with the toleration required of someone who was looking to make it to the next day with the least amount of damage. She was sitting in the Great Hall with her friends, not even listening to them talking around her. She stared at the bowl of porridge in front of her, looking at the shapes.

She could sense everything around her though. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensation; sound faded from her as she moved through the room. She sensed Hermione’s irritation and pain and adoration as she snapped at Ron as he sat across the table.

Gwen breathed out, feeling her power swell, as she moved through the room. She sensed Ron’s feelings towards Hermione swell and crash every few seconds, like a wave. She moved to Harry, almost tentatively exploring the emotions that surrounded him. He was angry. He was worried. He was confused and lost.

Gwen could feel his attention suddenly shift to her, but she ignored it as she took another breath and expanded her powers, feeling it like a wave of light moving over a room. She sensed Ginny’s casting looks from all the way down the table. She could immediately sense J.B. laughter and his happiness. She could even sense Eartha next to him.

She felt the insecurity of a girl she didn’t know. She felt Professor McGonagall’s quiet contentedness from the front of the Great Hall. She could sense jealous anger of a young boy as he watched a girl he knew. She felt unrequited love, awkward worry, high anxiety, apathy, pain, everything all at once, and she breathed in deeply taking in all of these feelings when they all paused.

She felt him.

She squeezed her eyes shut a little tighter focusing on the liquid sunshine running down her throat. It tasted different to her now. It was running down with fear, regret, and shame; coloring her throat different, but it was love nonetheless. Gwen would know him anywhere.

She lifted her head and batted her eyes open. She looked over at the Slytherin table and was surprised to find that Draco wasn’t there. She could still sense him though. She looked to the door of the Great Hall when she suddenly realized with some surprise, she felt him in the castle. Her powers extended that far.

She blinked without seeing until Ron kicked her slightly from underneath the table. Gwen jumped out her seat with a silent yelp and landed back with a thud. She glared at Ron, who was laughing and hiding his face. “What the hell was that?” He scoffed.

“Why did you kick me?” Gwen snapped.

“I was asking you if you were okay,” Ron explained, “But you weren’t focusing.”

“Sorry,” Gwen said, not correcting him by saying that she was focusing. She was so entirely focused that she slipped from reality.

Ron opened his mouth to ask her a question, but suddenly stopped and ducked his head. “Bloody hell,” he muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Gwen asked.

“Lavender,” Ron muttered under his breath.

He quickly looked over at her, paled slightly, and looked back at them. “I broke up with her and she’s not taking it well.”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

“She hates me,” Ron said, looking back over at Lavender before looking back at them, looking guilty.

Hermione gave him a smothered smile, Gwen sensed her elation. “I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, Ron,” Hermione soothed.

Gwen turned to look at Lavender’s face. She didn’t need sense to see what Lavender was feeling. Gwen turned back and bit her lip slightly, trying not to laugh. She popped a grape in her mouth. “Yes, she does,” Gwen corrected.

Ron looked at Gwen worriedly. “Are you sure?”

“Gwen’s just teasing,” Hermione reassured.

“I’m not,” Gwen said adamantly, enjoying herself a bit. She ate another grape and smiled at Ron, trying to bite back the shit-eating grin threatening to break across her face.

“How do you know?” Ron asked.

“Trust me,” Gwen told him blandly, “She hates you. You’d do best to leave her be and get over it in her own time.”

Ron looked at Lavender, probably seeing the truth of Gwen’s statement, before looking back and poking his food with his fork. Gwen huffed out a laugh, feeling like her lungs stretched out in the movement.

She felt her laughter deflate slightly as she looked at Harry, who was watching her with carefully guarded eyes. “How do you know?” Ron had asked her that question, but she could see it in Harry’s eyes.

She realized suddenly that she hadn’t shared with her friends about her sense. They knew of her visions, but not of her ability to sense the emotion and truth of each person around her.

Thank Merlin they couldn’t do the same towards her. Her thoughts drifted to Draco and immediately her sense picked up the feeling of him. She sensed his angst and loneliness from some distant place in the castle and was distracted from it for moment, marveling at her own head. She was stronger.

_  


“It’s too early for this,” Gwen muttered under her breath.

“It’ll be over soon,” Hermione soothed.

Gwen bit her tongue from complaining that Hermione had only woken up an hour earlier, whereas Gwen had been awake since dawn, running and complaining to J.B. about how stupid running was until they cooled down and Gwen continued to confide to him.

 She thought about J.B.’s frowning face as he listened intently to Gwen tell him more about the Origin Family.

“ _Do you think_ …” He had started hesitantly, “ _That this family is your…birth family_?”

He wasn’t sure how to describe them to her and Gwen couldn’t blame him. She had only bit her lip on kicked at the wet grass. “ _I don’t know what to think_ ,” she told him, “ _But I know they’re important_.”

Gwen snapped back to the present as Madam Hooch whistled, calling all of their attention towards her. Her narrow eyes watched them all carefully as her voice boomed forward. “Today, you will take your apparition test. Those of you who pass will receive their certification. Those of who you don’t will retake the test at a later time.”

Gwen could sense both the nervousness and anticipation of the students around her, even Hermione was getting nervous.

“You’ve all been taught the basics,” Madam Hooch continued, “So we’ll begin one at a time.”

Madam Hooch apparated in front of their eyes and ended at the opposite end of the large stretch of land. Her eyes shifted to the clipboard in her hands and she began to call out names. “Marian Anderson!”

Gwen watched as Marian Anderson approached the first marker. Their test was to apparate from the far length of a field into a small cottage where Madam Hooch stood. They had to manage not only the distance itself, but passing through the material obstructions, like the wall. People we still milling around Hogsmeade and began to watch the young wizards with curiosity.

“Very well, Ms. Anderson,” Madam Hooch said from near the cottage. “We haven’t all day!”

Marian looked nervous but her face scrunched up with concentration as a ripping sound pierced the air and Marian disappeared. They all turned and looked as Marian came walking out of the cottage a few seconds later.

“Well done, Ms. Anderson,” Madam Hooch congratulated briefly before moving forward. “NEXT!”

The line slowly trudged forward as students continued to pass and fail. Timothy Lombardo started crying when he apparated twenty feet into the field before vomiting. His friends came and lifted him up. His pleas, begging for a redo, fell on deaf ears as Madam Hooch simply responded by calling out the next person.

Her last name being Easton meant that she went before all of her friends. “Guinevere Easton!” Madam Hooch called out.

Gwen swallowed her own apprehension. “Go, Gwen!” J.B. shouted from the end of the line.

Gwen turned and glared at him, wishing she could punch the grin right off his face. “Now, Ms. Easton,” Madam Hooch boomed.

Gwen turned and looked at the door. She shut her eyes, taking in a deep breath. She saw the inside of the cottage in her mind before focusing on the center right behind her belly button, visualizing the pulling sensation.

In an instant, she apparated and landed inside the cottage. She blinked at the fire in front of her. “Congratulations, love,” an old man said kindly to her.

“Thank you,” Gwen said, feeling a little wobbly.

She turned and opened the front door of the cottage before stepping. Madam Hooch gave her a smile. “Well done, Ms. Easton,” she congratulated loudly.

“Woo!” Gwen heard cheering from down the field. She blushed and smiled tightly at Madam Hooch as a way of apology. The older woman grinned in response for a single second before calling out the next name.

Gwen walked halfway back to the castle, stopping at a tree to wait for her friends to come. She pulled out Adora’s latest letter and read back through it.

_…Everything’s been calm here. Courage has gotten so big you’d hardly recognize her. I couldn’t tell in those first few days but she’s a Saint Bernard. She’ll be as big as you are when you come back._

Gwen huffed out a laugh, resting her head on the tree behind her as she continued to read the letter.

_And no, Gwen, I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, but I will. I don’t really have a choice anymore. The headaches have been getting so bad that everything irritates me – reading, sewing, painting. Luca’s insisting on it too now and between the two of you, I don’t stand a chance. Speaking of which, Luca says hi. He’s always asking how you’re doing and what you’re studying right now. I can’t very well tell him that you’re taking classes in Defense Against the Dark Arts though, can I? Either way, he’s got some books that he thought you might enjoy. He wanted to send them himself, but I insisted on doing it. Another bullet dodged!_

_I feel like I always end my letters saying how much I miss you, but it’s always true. Each letter more so than the last. I miss you. I hope everything is okay, and you’re taking care of yourself. Make sure you’re eating and sleeping. Give your legs a break. I’m sure J.B. will understand. I’d like to meet him soon too. I love you always and most of all, baby girl. I’ll see you soon._

_Your mother,_

_Adora_

Gwen read over the last paragraph over and over again. She had begun to feel guilty about the obvious strain that her circumstances were putting on her mother’s relationship though she knew Adora would never admit or even think so.

She knew her mother would put her first and it worried her. She liked Luca and it was clear that he and her mother were in love, but was that enough to potentially risk exposing herself?

She couldn’t really come up with an answer before someone came and sat by her. Gwen turned and smiled at Hermione, folding the letter up as she spoke. “How did it go?” She asked.

Hermione smiled and shrugged. “I passed,” she said.

“I’m not surprised,” Gwen teased.

Hermione laughed and her eyes took on that annoyed look that usually precluded self-judgement. “It was very controlled though,” Hermione frowned.

“That’s okay,” Gwen shrugged. “You made it through. It’ll take time to get it to be perfect.”

“Yours was smooth,” Hermione pointed out. “You didn’t even trip.”

“I did a bit on the landing,” Gwen said.

“Hmm,” Hermione frowned. “I suppose I should just be happy I passed.”

“If anything, you did better than most other people,” Gwen quipped.

That seemed to perk Hermione up and she nodded. “You’re right,” she agreed.

They continued to talk as they waited for Ron to join them. Gwen was watching the students walk past them, some smiling and others frowning. A few students came with remnants of vomit on their clothes or face and Gwen always made sure to stop breathing when they passed.

She smiled broadly as J.B. walked up to them. “Did you pass?” Gwen called out with a teasing smile.

J.B. tucked his hands into his pockets and matched her crooked smirk. “Nailed it,” he shrugged.

Gwen laughed. “How proud you must be,” she crooned.

“Don’t be so surprised,” J.B. threw back.

Hermione was watching them exchange back-and-forth, her head whipping each time on them responded. Gwen, suddenly realizing that they had never properly met, turned to Hermione. “This obnoxious tall person is my friend, J.B.,” she said gesturing to him.

“She’s just jealous because she’s so short,” J.B. whispered loudly to Hermione.

Hermione laughed as Gwen glared. Any jokes about her stature immediately putting her on the defensive. “I’ll kick you in the kneecaps,” she threatened.

J.B. snorted. “If you can reach them,” he countered.

Gwen growled a little, making him laugh again. She threw a rock at him, hitting him in the thigh. He raised his eyebrows at her. “You’re violent,” he accused.

“You’re asking for it,” Gwen fought the urge to stick out her tongue.

Hermione was giving her a look of mild amusement. Gwen turned her ferocious glare on her friend. “What?” She snapped somewhat violently.

“Nothing,” Hermione said, laughter in her voice, “It’s like listening to you talk to yourself.”

Gwen thought about that for one moment before turning and looking at J.B. who was grinning widely at her. “Gross,” Gwen muttered.

J.B. and Hermione laughed loudly again before J.B. shook his head and looked at the castle. “I better head back,” he said. He smiled at Hermione, “It was nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” Hermione said cheerfully.

J.B. turned his happy dark eyes back to Gwen and rocked on his heels, the motion looking ridiculous on his large form. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he laughed like he couldn’t help it.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Gwen scoffed.

J.B. responded by throwing her another grin before turning and continuing on his way towards the castle. Gwen fought the urge to throw another rock at him as she walked away. Hermione let out a few lingering chuckles.

“I like him,” she declared.

“He’s alright,” Gwen grumbled.

“You guys seem to get along very well,” Hermione said lightly.

Gwen shrugged, thinking it over. “I guess,” Gwen said.  

“He’s very handsome,” Hermione hinted.

Gwen, catching the strange note in Hermione’s voice, turned to look at her friends with raised eyebrows. “What exactly are you saying?”

Hermione grinned. “I’m just saying he’s handsome and you clearly get along.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Gwen groaned. “It’s not like that.”

Hermione rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Gwen said irritably, “It’s never even crossed my mind.”

“Well how do you know it hasn’t crossed his mind?” Hermione needled.

Gwen thought quickly, reflecting on all of their conversations and interactions before shaking her head definitively. “I really, really, really doubt that,” she said, “Besides, he has a girlfriend.”

“So?” Hermione asked. “Maybe it’s not going well between them.”

That made Gwen snort. “Hermione, if you saw the way they look at each other, you’d know that’s not the case at all.”

“Well –” Hermione began but Gwen cut her off.

“J.B. is my friend,” she insisted, “And he’s a good friend.”

“Alright,” Hermione sighed, “If you say so.”

“I do,” Gwen confirmed, “And speaking of good friends.”

She gestured with her head and Hermione turned to look. Ron was sullenly walking down the lane with his hands in his pockets and head bowed. He looked up and saw them waiting for him before he frowned.

Gwen could sense his shame and annoyance – he had failed. “Hey,” she greeted gently.

“I failed,” he muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Gwen frowned sympathetically.

“S’alright,” he shrugged.

“You can take it again soon,” Hermione encourage, “With Harry.”

“Suppose so,” Ron shrugged again.

Hermione stood up and touched his arm gently. “It’s okay,” she insisted gently.

Ron lifted his head and they both looked into the other’s eyes and for a moment, Gwen could have sworn that she saw what they were feeling instead of just tasting it in her throat. She could the mist of their emotions surround them.

People shouting down the lane broke the spell between them and both of her friends blushed a little. Ron cleared his throat and looked at Gwen, still sitting on the grass. “Ready?” He asked, his voice too casual.

She hid her smile. “Yep,” she agreed before standing up.

They continued to walk down the lane and into the castle until they made it into the Great Hall where everyone was eating lunch. Gwen’s stomach grumbled loudly. Hermione looked away from Ron to focus on Gwen. “When’s the last time you ate?” She joked.

Gwen forced herself to laugh even though she knew she hadn’t been eating the last few days. Her stomach was constantly in a state of knots and even the thought of food made her tense.

“All that running,” she joked back to her friends.

They continued to laugh all the way to the table where Harry was waiting for them. Ron and Hermione had immediately gone to one side of the table, leaving Gwen to find her spot next to Harry. “Hey,” she greeted quietly.

“Hey,” Harry said with a slightly smile.

There was a momentary truce between the two friends for the time behind and Gwen was eternally grateful because it was one less thing to worry about.

Ron immediately launched into a diatribe about the apparition test and Gwen felt Harry lean into her slightly. The contact wouldn’t have surprised her a few months ago, but today, it did. She returned it carefully and couldn’t help but smile when Harry handed her a biscuit.

His eyes were friendly and she could taste his intentions. He wasn’t sure what to do about everything, but she could tell he was trying to be okay. She took the biscuit even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it down.

Regardless of everything going on, Gwen held on tightly to that biscuit, causing it break slightly. But she didn’t care. With her best friend finally feeling like her best friend and with a broken biscuit in her hand, Gwen finally felt some of the anxiety in her chest abate.

Maybe everything would be okay after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I know. But between living, emotional setbacks, stress, work, friends, etc, etc, etc, I'm lucky to have this chapter in front of me. There's only two more chapters left of this year! But don't worry, they're long ones. I might end up cutting them up, but I thought maybe people would prefer longer chapters even if it took me longer to post them. Tell me what you guys think! This one clocked up at almost 40 pages, but I always love when people post longer chapters. I get so much more excited haha.


	22. The Crack Beneath Her Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos! xx

The news was all over the school that Ginny and Dean split up. Gwen could taste the relief in Ginny, the ease that came with leaving a bad relationship, and maybe even more importantly, Gwen could sense Harry’s surge of hope.

And for reasons she didn’t want to explore, she could feel her own distinct sadness as a response. Maybe sadness wasn’t the right word, but she felt something deep in the pit of her stomach.

The afternoon sun was bright and blazing as Gwen and Ginny walked down the hall. “I wish people would stop staring at me,” Ginny grumbled under her breath.

“Well,” Gwen said lightly, “You and Dean breaking up is a big thing for people who have nothing else to talk about.”

“They need to get lives,” Ginny said. Her brow was furrowed in irritation.

Gwen laughed a bit. “I hope the breakup wasn’t too bad,” she offered.

Ginny’s face relaxed and then took on an anxious turn. She bit her lip and her steps started to drag a little bit. Without warning, she suddenly pivoted and pushed through the crowd of people to go stand by one of the arches in the courtyard.

Confused, Gwen followed her. She stepped next to the younger redhead and put a gentle hand on her arm. Gwen could taste Ginny’s guilt. “Gin, you don’t have to feel bad about not wanting to be with Dean.”

“I know,” Ginny said tightly.

Taken aback slightly, Gwen moved her hand and crossed her arms over her stomach. “Well then what’s wrong?”

Instead of looking at Gwen, Ginny focused on the courtyard as she chewed her lip violently. Gwen waited patiently until she nearly choked on the violence of Ginny’s emotions. Still looking outside, Ginny finally spoke. “Why did you break up with Colin?” She asked quietly.

Gwen followed Ginny’s gaze and saw the familiar dark brown floppy hair that marked Colin Flanner. He was sitting on one of the stone benches with a few of his friends. Gwen recognized a few, but couldn’t recall most of their names. She saw the same blonde girl that she sat with on the train during Christmas last year. The boy was there too, but they weren’t sitting next to each other and she could sense tension from both.

Looking at Colin, Gwen was surprised that he felt familiar to her even though her sense hadn’t developed when they were dating. He was happy; she could feel it.

“What do you mean?” Gwen finally responded.

“I mean,” Ginny began, her voice was tense and pleading all at once. “Did you break up with Colin because you just didn’t want to be with him anymore or because you wanted to be with someone else more?”

Gwen was glad her hands were tucked underneath her arms because they instinctively fisted. Ginny looked at Gwen’s face, trying to read her expression, but Gwen refused to allow her. She was invisible in public and when she looked Ginny in the eye, she knew there was nothing but emptiness reflected in her expression.

And in that single instant, Gwen understood what Ginny was asking. “You still love Harry,” Gwen murmured.

The guilt flourished in Ginny as she bit her lip and quickly ripped her eyes from Gwen. “I’ve always loved him,” Ginny finally said softly.

“Then what’s the problem?” Gwen asked.

Ginny’s shoulders sagged and she turned to look at Gwen. Her face wasn’t angry or piercing, it was anxious. “I’m worried that you might too.”

“Ginny,” Gwen began but stopped when Ginny held out her hand.

“It’s different with the two of you,” she started, “It’s not like him and Hermione. They love each other but there’s nothing between them. With you…there’s something there. There always has been and I can’t –”

Ginny’s voice broke off as if her tears were threatening to spill over. She clamped her lips shut and made her face hard as she swallowed against the emotion in her voice.

Gwen didn’t know what to say because on some level she knew that Ginny was right. Maybe a part of Gwen always figured that she might end up with Harry, but he was always there so she never really had to make a choice. They could just continue as they were and everything was alright.

She felt compelled to look back at Colin. She saw his dark brown hair catch the sunlight, reminding her of summer days when everything was easier. She remembered Harry not liking Colin, and she felt the force of that truth.

She’d liked the fact that Harry never really liked Colin and maybe part of her dated Colin because she didn’t think she was ready for the weight of Harry’s heart. Not when her own always felt so heavy. The painful realization made her breath catch in her throat; she was making the same mistakes. Afraid to lose everyone so she kept everyone waiting. She was being selfish. Again. Hurting people. Again. Why?

_Alone._

_Alone._

_Alone._

She felt the familiar hole in her heart at as the power of the word reverberated throughout her body, but then she looked at Ginny’s worried and defensive eyes and took in a deep breath – it was a choice to let that feeling take over.

“You’re right,” Gwen confessed quietly. “There was always the possibility between us.”

Ginny’s eyes went wide with surprise at Gwen’s words, but Gwen didn’t give her a chance to respond. “But it was over a long time ago,” Gwen said.

She knew that by picking Draco, Harry was lost to her romantically forever. She’d just been too afraid to let go of that possibility because it had made her feel safe, but ultimately, it was unfair to all of them.  

“I’ll always love him,” Gwen told her, “But he’s not mine to be in love with.”

Gwen looked up at Ginny with honest eyes, telling her with silence what Gwen couldn’t yet put into words. Ginny began to tear up as she reached forward and wrapped her arms around Gwen’s neck, pulling her in a tight hug. “I love you, Gwen,” Ginny murmured tearfully.

“I love you too,” Gwen responded fiercely, wrapping her arms around the younger girl.

Something in her mind, intuition maybe, told her to hug as hard as she could. The thought brought tears to her eyes and she squeezed Ginny just a little bit tighter. As if Ginny knew it too, she sobbed gently against Gwen’s neck.

They were in broad daylight and Gwen knew people could see them, but she held onto Ginny until the younger girl began to unwind from her vicelike grip from Gwen’s neck. Ginny quickly wiped the tears from cheeks and gave Gwen a wobbly smile.

“I guess I’ve got to get to class,” Ginny sniffled.

Gwen wiped a stray tear from her face and returned Ginny’s smile. “I’ll see you later,” she said even though the words felt like a lie.

Ginny nodded. She opened her mouth to say something but instead closed it shut. “See you later,” Ginny finally responded.

Gwen stood still as Ginny turned and walked around her. Gwen felt the loss in her chest. She looked back at Colin and hoped that she did the right thing. A few minutes passed as Gwen allowed the emotions to swirl in her chest, the force of them making it hard to breathe.

“Hey,” a voice called out from her side.

Gwen turned and was surprised to find Eartha looking at her with concern. “Hey,” Gwen croaked.

Eartha came and stood to the side of Gwen, making Gwen turn so the sun was behind her. “Are you okay?” Eartha asked.

Gwen nodded and rubbed her cheek once again, trying to casually check for tears. “Yeah,” she said. She cleared her throat roughly to get the emotion out of it.

Eartha’s hazel eyes narrowed slightly as she watched Gwen. She really was beautiful, Gwen noticed. Eartha was about the same height as Gwen but with far more feminine curves. Her skin was hazelnut and only gave the smattering of freckles across her nose even more prominence. Her hair was amazing – high with tight curls that sprang up and defied gravity.

“You don’t look okay,” Eartha said as-matter-of-factly.

Gwen frowned slightly at Eartha’s domineering attitude. “Can I help you with something?” Gwen asked sharply.

Eartha continued to frown as she crossed her arms to look at Gwen. “J.B. thinks that we should be friends,” she finally said.

“Okay?” Gwen responded when Eartha failed to go on.

Eartha rolled her eyes like Gwen was slow. “Sooooooo,” she dragged out the word like it was a chore, “Are you free to be friends?”

“What?” Gwen asked.

“Friends,” Eartha repeated, “Free to be are you?”

“You’re asking to be my friend?” Gwen clarified.

Eartha sighed, as if she was exhausted by Gwen’s inability to listen. “Yes,” she confirmed. “I am.”

Gwen’s brow scrunched up in confusion. “Just because J.B. wants it?”

“He’s important to me and you’re important to him for some reason so I’m willing to give you a chance,” Eartha shrugged.

“That easy, huh?” Gwen rubbed her forehead.

“Yep,” Eartha responded perkily.

“Okay,” Gwen sighed, “Let’s be friends.”

“Perfect,” Eartha said. “Are you in class right now?”

“Technically,” Gwen cringed.

“You’re skipping?” Eartha raised her eyebrows, as if she was impressed.

“Technically,” Gwen repeated.

“Huh,” Eartha huffed out laughing.

“What?” Gwen frowned.

“Who knew you were a skipper?” Eartha laughed again.

Gwen crossed her arms defensively. “I skip class all the time,” she insisted, ignoring the fact that she sounded like a third year.

“I knew you missed class all the time,” Eartha shrugged, “But everyone always says it’s because you’ve got problems.”

“Problems?” Gwen exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Eartha nodded. “People think you’re weird.”

“I’m not weird,” Gwen muttered.

 Eartha shrugged again. “It’s okay if you are. I am too.”

“I’m noticing this,” Gwen said, a little snarkier than she needed to.

Eartha just laughed again, unbothered by Gwen’s comment. “Come on,” Eartha said, “Let’s go walk.”

Gwen’s legs were still sore from this morning but she agreed. “Between you and your boyfriend, my legs are going to fall off.”

“You guys are still running?” Eartha marveled. “You have determination.”

“I want to be stronger,” Gwen shrugged.

“Well than running won’t help,” Eartha said.

“What?” Gwen whipped around to look at her, causing her to lose balance and trip slightly. “What do you mean?”

Eartha looked amused at Gwen’s reaction. “Running is great cardio, but you’ll mostly lose fat without building up enough muscle. You’ve got to do strength training.”

“Like weights?” Gwen cringed.

“No, you don’t have to do weights,” Eartha sighed. “I do yoga.”

“Yoga?” Gwen wrinkled her nose. “Isn’t that just like breathing and stuff?”

Although Gwen couldn’t see, she could feel the force of Eartha rolling her eyes again. “Merlin, you sound just like J.B.,” Eartha groaned. “It’s not just breathing.”

“I don’t like that you guys keep making me exercise,” Gwen muttered.

“Fine, let’s talk about something else,” Eartha said.

“Fine,” Gwen said.

Silence stretched out as they walked towards the Great Lake. Gwen took a deep breath of the crisp spring air. She was so close to summertime; she could feel it in her bones.

“So,” Eartha began.

“So,” Gwen repeated.

“What was going on with you and Ginny Weasley?” Eartha asked.

Gwen frowned instinctively, but not at Eartha. She frowned at her overwhelming want to share the burden of her truth with someone else, but she didn’t know if she could. She didn’t even know Eartha but she felt a kindred connection to her naturally, like she had with J.B.

“You can trust me,” Eartha confirmed, as if she knew what Gwen was thinking. “J.B. mentioned that you’re not very trusting.”

“Well, excuse me, for not sharing all the intimate details of my life with a complete stranger,” Gwen said sharply.

She cringed at the sound of her own voice, remembering that she basically said the same thing to J.B. only a few months ago. “I’m sorry,” she said immediately, “I don’t know why I keep doing that.”

“Doing what?” Eartha asked, visibly unbothered by Gwen’s words.

“Being so…” Gwen floundered, looking for the right word.

“Bitchy?” Eartha offered.

Gwen looked up at Eartha’s sparkling eyes and felt herself relax. She laughed. “Exactly,” she confirmed.

##

Gwen was in the library the evening, stacking through a list of periodicals when Madam Pince called her to the front.

“I have a task for you,” she announced.

Without waiting for Gwen to agree, Madam Pince began to walk to the side of the library. They paused right near the Restricted Section and Gwen felt the familiar pull of the dark deep alcove of the library. 

"I'll need you to sort through these contact sheets," Madame Pince said leading Gwen to multiple massive piles of parchment scattered throughout the office.

"They need to be first in order based on subject, then on specialty, and then alphabetically. Is that understood?"

Gwen took in the massive piles, wondering where she would even begin. "Yes, mum."

Madam Pince didn't respond as she left Gwen by herself in the room with a flourish of her robes. Gwen could hear the faint ticking of a clock from somewhere in the room as she stared at the stacks of paper. She began to move towards the sound.

She came in front of a large stack of paper before she tried to wrap her arms around the massive haphazard pile. Sheets of parchment flew off but she moved and somewhat dropped the stack onto the floor with a whoosh. She looked at the clock on the desk.

2:30 pm.

She would be here until 6 pm. She could do this, she nodded to herself. She could do this and not die of boredom.

The hours trickled by slowly as Gwen began to sort through one stack of paper at a time. The first two stacks were fairly in order. Consisting of herbology, potions, and charms contacts.

_Elias Tincturator - grows and maintains enchanted fungus that can strengthen magical concentration of powerful spells_

Huh, Gwen thought. An interesting person to keep track of.  

Time dragged on as she continued to sort through the contacts. Without meaning to, Gwen found herself reading all of the pieces of parchment – taking in all the people and resources that Madam Pince knew. It was fascinating.

Gwen was still going through one stack when her elbow bumped into a pile of parchment to the left of her, sending them all crashing to the floor. "Dammit," she muttered under her breath.

She got up from her chair and knelt on the floor, trying to gather the papers before Madam Pince walked in - she always managed to hear the smallest noises. Gwen was putting the papers in a somewhat neat stack when one parchment caught her eye. It had a giant ink stain on the top, which was unusual for Madam Pince's immaculate records. She scanned the page, her eyes getting wider with every word.

_Lamia Samara_ \- _scholar of the Sight, Origin Family, and implications of Western influence on Eastern Sense_

She read the name over and over again, as if rereading it would give her more insight into who this woman was. Gwen clutched the parchment hard enough to make a crease in it. She looked at the door behind her, aware that Madam Pince could barge in at any given time.

Gwen carefully put the parchment down and pulled the green dragon-scale notebook from her pocket. She looked up on the desk for a quill and ink, leaning over and again knocking over another stack of parchment from the desk.

A loud whoosh filled the room and Gwen flinched. Feeling herself to start to sweat all while her breath got heavy, she quickly opened her notebook to the next page and began to jot down information about Lamia Samara – including her last known location.

Gwen could sense someone coming so she quickly stuffed her notebook back into her robe pocket, threw the quill back on the desk, and covered up the incriminating parchment right in time for Madam Pince to open the door.

Gwen looked up in surprise as Madam Pince looked at her with pinched eyes. They remained in silence as Madam Pince took in the orderly stacks of contacts to the right of Gwen and the messy piles of fallen parchment to the left.

“Have you been doing this by hand?” Madam Pince asked.

Gwen’s mouth went dry. “Yes,” she cleared her throat.

“Why?” Madam Pince raised her eyebrows.

Gwen fumbled for an answer. “You said a good librarian knows their librarian with their own hands.”

She kept her expression calm even though was still sweating. Madam Pince looked at her carefully, clearly evaluating her words. She eventually nodded. “You can leave for the day,” she said.

Gwen looked at the clock. She was surprised that it was 6:13 pm.

“I didn’t realize the time,” Gwen apologized.

“It’s quite alright,” Madam Pince said, almost kindly, “The archives are an interesting place.”

“Yes,” Gwen stood up, smoothing out her robes and feeling her notebook bounce against her leg. “They are.”

##

Gwen was in the Great Hall when she finally saw her. Katie Bell.

She had known that Katie Bell returned to school but hadn’t seen her yet. It was sensing Harry’s reaction to seeing her that caused Gwen to react. The sudden flare of his suspicion, anger, and guilt was so strong, she dropped her spoon in response. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny all looked at her suddenly. Gwen looked up at Harry though. His eyes slowly dragged back to the sound she made, like he was moving on pretense than actual reaction.

Hermione saw what Harry was looking at next. "Katie Bell," she whispered.

Gwen turned and looked around, feeling her breath catch in her throat. Katie Bell was standing with her friends. She'd lost so much weight, Gwen noticed. Her skin was pale and wan, and not even the shaky smile on her face could hide the results the curse had on her body.

She knew Harry was now watching her reaction, looking for her guilt. Gwen kept her expression neutral, not even allowing the genuine sadness she felt on her expression. She avoided eye contact with Harry and listened to her friend’s murmur on Katie's physical state.

"She looks as if she's lost a whole stone," Ginny murmured.

"It's awful," Ron agreed sadly.

"I wonder if she remembers what happened," Hermione said.

Gwen looked at Hermione carefully. "Do you think she could?"

There were two parts of Gwen at war. The part of her that wanted to protect Draco and the other part of her that wasn't even sure what she should do.

She could still feel his presence no matter how far he was away from her now. She felt his stress, his fear, his anxiety at all times; just like it was another part of her mind now. He was always there and now that she was actively thinking about him, his taste was brought to the forefront.

His stress had shot up. He must have known Katie Bell was back.

Gwen wanted to soothe him, but she wasn't sure where that left her morally. She didn't know what to do anymore or where she stood.

Everyone began to clear out before Gwen could make a decision and her friends all reluctantly began to pack up their things except for Harry.

“Are you coming?” Ginny asked him gently.

He broke away from staring at Gwen to look at Ginny. Gwen surreptitiously watched as some of the darkness faded from Harry’s expression as he looked up at Ginny. “I’ll see you guys later,” he told her.

Even his voice was softer, Gwen thought painfully. How far had she fallen from favor?

“Be careful,” Ginny warned. Her voice was soft but her face was intense.

Harry just stared at her for a moment and Gwen, feeling a lump in her throat as she sensed their feelings, turned away from the sight of them – ignoring the pang of loneliness in her chest as she followed Hermione and Ron out of the Great Hall and into the throng of students.

She felt the overwhelming sadness pervade her mind, filling her thoughts and hardening her chest. Listening to her friends wasn’t helping. She could sense too much – everyone’s feelings mixing with hers, strangling her.

She suddenly stopped, causing Ron and Hermione to turn around and look at her. “I forgot something in my room,” Gwen lied, “I’ll see you guys in class.”

“Are you alright?” Ron asked.

His face was worried and Gwen gave a tight nod. She could sense his perception and wanted to avoid looking into his eyes. “Yeah, see you in a bit.”

Without another word, Gwen quickly turned and moved back down the hall. She walked past the staircase that would lead to her room and then continued to walk further without direction. She walked until she felt her legs begin to burn with action slightly.

She saw Katie Bell come from the Great Hall and instinctively moved towards her. “Hey, Katie,” Gwen greeted.

Katie tensed and then relaxed. She gave Gwen a shaky grin. “Hey, Gwen,” she said. Her voice sounded as fragile as she looked. “I heard you were one of the people who found me. Thank you for your help.”

Her gratitude almost made Gwen sick. She didn’t respond. “Do you remember anything about that day?” She asked instead.

Katie frowned and shook her head. “I told Harry too,” Katie revealed, “I don’t remember anything from that day. I remember going to the bathroom and that’s it.”

“Was someone in the bathroom?” Gwen pressed.

“I don’t remember,” Katie repeated. “I just remember the pain.”

Her voice broke on the word and Gwen felt her heart break in response. Katie Bell deserved nothing but good things. “I’m so sorry, Katie,” she whispered.

“It’s not your fault,” Katie smiled.

Wasn’t it though, Gwen wanted to scream. If it was Draco, then…didn’t she have a responsibility to stop him?

“I’ve got to get to class,” Katie broke Gwen from her thoughts. “I’ve missed enough as is.”

“Yeah,” Gwen blinked in rapid succession, “I’m sorry for keeping you.”

“Don’t be,” Katie said kindly, “I’m glad I got to see you and thank you myself.”

Gwen gave her a pained smile. “Bye, Katie,” she said softly.

“Bye,” Katie waved before walking past Gwen.

Gwen stood in the hallway, not sure what she should do so she did the only thing she could do. She kept walking.

She stayed close to the edge nearest to the windows, needing the spring sun. Tired of moving, Gwen slumped slightly against one of the pillars and looked outside dejectedly. She nothing at all and too much simultaneously.

She was lonely. She missed Draco. She was worried about Adora. Harry was in love with Ginny and hated her. Ron and Hermione were falling more in love every day.

And where was she? Alone.

The word hit her painfully in the chest.

“Gwen!” A voice called out.

She thought for a brief moment she was imagining it, but she turned her head slowly, like she was moving underwater. Colin was walking towards her with a few of his friends flanking him. He took in her heavy expression and frowned slightly.

“Hey,” Colin greeted her as he neared.

“Hey,” Gwen said. Even her voice sounded sad much to her annoyance.

She blinked her mask on with effort and looked at Colin’s friends with mild recognition. She recognized Ethan from last year on the train, but there was a small redheaded girl that she’d seen around but never met.

“Hey,” Ethan greeted her with a slanted grin.

“Hi,” Gwen responded with a half-attempted smile.

“What are you doing out of class?” Ethan pried.

Gwen raised her eyebrows in mild irritation. “I could ask you the same thing,” she responded without inflection.

“We’re on our way now,” Ethan needlessly defended.

“How nice for you,” Gwen said, aware of the deadness in her own voice.

Ethan scrunched up his face and Gwen could practically sense him think the word _weird._ That caused a crooked smile to find its way on her face.

“I’m Lauren,” the redhead stuck out her hand, “I don’t think we’ve ever met.”

Gwen fought the urge to ignore her extended hand and instead reached out her own. They shook hands. “Gwen,” she said shortly.

Lauren nodded. “Colin’s mentioned you.”

She felt Colin still watching her carefully and finally looked back at him. He didn’t look or feel nervous or embarrassed by this confession.  He looked older, Gwen realized. His normally floppy hair was swooshed back. His eyes were the same bright brown and in their kindness, Gwen could see concern.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Colin said aloud to his friends without looking away from her.

“You’ll miss class,” Lauren warned.

“Okay,” Colin said, still looking intensely at Gwen. 

Gwen wanted to fight him and tell him to leave her alone, but she really didn’t want to be so she let him shoo his friends away – all of them casting her weird looks.

“It was nice to meet you,” Lauren said.

Gwen could sense the falseness in her words so she simply nodded. Ethan didn’t say anything, not even caring to lie for the sake of politeness – which she was grateful for.

Eventually it was just she and Colin standing in the hallway. She looked over her shoulder at the blooming trees outside before she felt Colin come stand closer to her.

“Want to go for a walk?” He asked quietly.

“Sure,” Gwen agreed.

They moved silently through the halls, Gwen allowing Colin to lead them wherever. He took her outside and made it to a stone bench right underneath the trees she was looking at before he came.

They sat side-by-side on the bench, Gwen could feel the heat from his body and actively dismissed the idea of leaning into it.

“Lauren seems nice,” she lied.

Colin shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you guys dating?”

“Not really.”

She managed to give him another half-smile. “That sounds…unlike you,” she teased.

Colin blushed a little. “It’s not like that,” he grumbled.

“I didn’t realize you broke up with Arden,” she said.

He shrugged again. “She was controlling,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Colin,” she murmured sympathetically.

“It’s alright,” he returned. He looked up and smiled at her. “It’s hard to be with someone who can’t trust you to be alone, like I did to you,” Colin admitted.

Gwen blinked in surprise. “I…”

Her voice led off as she wasn’t sure what to say. He gave her a grim smile. “You don’t have to say anything. I know I did that to you. It wasn’t fair and I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Gwen said desperately, “Please don’t apologize to me for anything, Colin. After what I did…”

“Let’s just call it even, okay?” He laughed.

“Deal,” Gwen huffed out something that should have been a laugh.

Another silence came over them. The wind was moving through the trees, pulling Gwen’s long, thick hair around her face – obscuring her vision for a moment.

“How are you, Gwen?” Colin asked quietly.

“Alright,” she shrugged this time.

“I don’t know that I believe you.”

“Then don’t.”

The words were heavy and stifling. Colin sighed heavily and reached over to put an arm around Gwen’s shoulder and pulled her into his chest.

She almost fought at first but then he spoke. “Would it just be better if I held you for a while?”

Tears welled in her eyes because her body screamed _yes_. All she wanted was to be held for a while by anyone who cared enough to hold her. She sat wordlessly against Colin’s chest and he began to gently stroke her arm soothingly.

“You’ll be okay, Gwen,” he told her softly.

She sensed the lingering feelings in his words and that alone made her feel like she was beginning to break so with her body screaming in protest, she pulled away from Colin and quickly stood up. She wiped a few tears from her face and made her face expressionless. “I can’t do this,” she quaked.

“You’re falling apart at the seams, Gwen,” Colin murmured.

She felt his words reverberate in her chest. “I just can’t do this, Colin” she repeated.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” he offered her.

The overwhelming desire to throw herself into Colin – a boy who wanted to be around her – almost consumed her. She wished for a single second that she could forget Draco, forget Harry, and just be with someone like Colin.

But even as she thought it, her soul protested. “I’m sorry, Colin,” Gwen said wetly.

He shook his head. “Don’t be,” he said softly, “We’re even, remember?”  

Without another word, she turned on her heel and raced back into the hallway. She moved faster and faster until she came in front of a door. She paused and looked around, tears still running down her face. She hadn’t recognized the door before but in the same instance she realized what it – the Room of Requirement.

It will open for those who need it, she remembered.

She opened the room and almost broke at the sight. It was her living room from home. The couch and the fire were all the same. There was a cup of steaming tea on the table and an old, ratty copy of a Jane Austen novel. Gwen felt the tears well in her eyes again as she moved towards the couch.

The throw pillow Adora had made one summer was even there where Gwen knew it would be if she went home right now. She sat down slowly and moved the throw pillow in her lap. Her fingers traced over the needlepoint trees, as the tears began to stream down her face.

She was falling apart at the seams, like Colin said. She bowed her head as the tears turned to sobs and she began to cry painfully, finally unable to hold it in anymore.

Her body raked with the pain as she curled down onto the couch, crying into the pillow that somehow managed to smell like her mother, jasmine and coffee grounds.

She laid there and cried until the sobs became hoarse and her stomach clenched with bile. The pillow was wet beneath her cheeks as she stared dejectedly into the fire, tears still coming down her face.

She didn’t blink for a long time and her vision blurred. She felt the familiar tug in the back of her mind and moved with the current of it. She saw the light beckoning her and when she blinked, she saw the vision before her.  

It was clearly her. There was evidence gentle aging on her face, smile creases around her mouth and eyes. She was looking at the fire in front of her. The room was different, bigger and with more light. She could see from the window that was early spring – the frost still paneled the windows.

The book in her lap remained untouched as she continued to gaze into the flames. The thoughts were hidden behind the soft expression; a look Gwen had never seen on herself.

“ _A penny for your thoughts,_ ” a deep voice came from behind her.

Gwen turned and looked, smiling up at Draco. His face was older and covered with a beard; his blue eyes sparkled with happiness. He dropped his briefcase and came to sit on the couch next to her.

Without pausing, he gently grasped her face in his hands and kissed her. She leaned forward, letting the book drop from her lap as she brought her arms around his sides, pulling him closer to her. His hands tangled in her hair as he hummed contentedly into her mouth.

He finally pulled back, smiling against her lips. “ _I missed you today_ ,” he murmured.

Gwen couldn’t help but laugh a little, rubbing her mouth against the small dip right underneath his mouth. She felt the soft, prickly hairs of his beard. “ _You say that every day,”_ she told him.

“ _It’s true every day,_ ” he replied cheekily.

“ _We’ve spent longer times apart before_ ,” she reminded him.

He pulled back to look at her; his eyes turned earnest and serious. “ _I hate thinking about that time_ ,” he confessed.

Gwen put a hand on his cheek. “ _I know,_ ” she whispered, “ _But it made you who you are today_.”

“ _I put you through so much pain_ ,” he said hoarsely.

“ _I am who I am because of the choices I made despite of it,_ ” she said. “ _Those choices brought us here._ ”

“ _Thank Merlin for you,_ ” he murmured, making her laugh again. “ _I love you.”_

“ _I know,_ ” Gwen grinned teasingly.

Draco laughed and kissed her again. This time a little more fiercely, slipping his tongue into her mouth as he gripped her sides with intent. Gwen started to climb into his lap when she heard loud stomping coming downstairs.

She sighed. “ _Incoming_ ,” she said.

Draco didn’t look away from her. “ _Tonight,_ ” he promised.

The look in his eyes caused her to shiver as she huffed out a laugh in anticipation.

“ _Daddy!”_ The children came screaming towards them.

Draco looked away from Gwen just in time for three children to throw themselves at him. He laughed at their wild actions, tickling each of them and causing them all to squeal and hoot with joy.

“ _No hugs for me?_ ” Gwen teased.

A little boy with dark midnight hair, clearly the eldest of the children, pulled back from the pile of his siblings to grin at Gwen. His olive skin was flushed with happiness as his bright silver eyes sparkled. He opened his arms wide and threw himself at Gwen.

“ _I’m here, mummy,_ ” he murmured happily.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly as the sound began to drift away. The vision faded to black as a strange smoke curled through her mind. She tried to grab onto the child in her arms but he disappeared like smoke. She was in darkness alone.

The familiar sweet, acrid smell came before the voice this time.

“Your destiny,” it hissed.

“What destiny?” Gwen called out, “Who are you?”

“You know me,” it whispered. “You are of me.”

“I don’t know you,” Gwen argued. “What do you want?”

“You’ve awoken to your destiny,” it came again.

“You keep saying that,” Gwen snapped. “What does that mean?”

The voice didn’t respond but Gwen could still feel the presence around her. A pair of glowing steel eyes appeared and Gwen felt the iciness of fear in her chest. The eyes looked at her without blinking as the voice came again.

“You will be the most powerful of them all,” it whispered, “You will make the choice that saves us.”

Gwen tried to find her voice but no words came. The eyes remained unblinkingly on her, the words curled around her.

“You will find me,” it hissed, “You will save us all.”

Gwen shot up from the couch. The fire in front of her still crackling and burning. She was breathing heavy as she looked around. For a moment she thought she was home until she looked down at the needle point pillow and saw the remains of tears.

She wasn’t at home. She was in the Room of Requirement.

The voice, she thought. It said…it said she was of it. Gwen saw the silver eyes every time she blinked and she shivered. The eyes. The family trademark.

The little boy in her vision had those eyes. He called her mummy. Gwen looked down at the small table in front of her, a mirror suddenly appearing.

The room has all that you need, she remembered. She reached down the mirror. It was sturdier than she thought it would be. It was framed by a heavy black frame that looked like onyx. She used both hands to lift the mirror up to her face.

Her burning amber eyes stared back at her, looking even brighter from the crying. Even though she couldn’t see them, she felt the silver eyes looking back at her. Eyes that weren’t hers.

Her hair was tangled all around her, swallowing her face and neck. She put the mirror down and began to finger comb through the snarls in her hair.

She thought back to the vision. It was Draco and her. They had children. They were happy. They were together.

Their choices brought them together, Gwen recalled her future self saying to Draco. All her visions were just that; they were what _could_ be if she made certain choices, not what _would_ be.

All of her choices.

She will make the choice to save them all, the voice had said.

What choice?

Gwen couldn’t answer because she heard the door around her open and the room in front of her changed. It lost its warmth as the fire faded. The walls and floor began cold and grey as stacks of objects began to appear. Books, jewels, swords, furniture. It began to look like an antique show right before her eyes.

Gwen stood from the couch as it faded beneath her. Someone else had come into the Room of Requirement.

She heard the footsteps before her sense caught up. Her heart squeezed painfully as she felt him approach and she watched as Draco stepped forth to a wardrobe in the middle of the room. He pulled the white sheet off.

It was the wardrobe from that day over the summer, Gwen realized. She watched him as he carefully observed it. He was painfully thin, Gwen noticed.

He paused in his motions and stilled. He turned slowly and the surprise couldn’t have been more obvious on his face if she had been standing there stark naked.

“Gwen,” he choked out.

He looked so different from the Draco she saw in her head and the juxtaposition hurt her heart. “Hi,” she said. Her voice grated roughly from all the crying.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

She frowned at the accusation in his voice. “The room appeared to me,” she said defensively. “I needed a place to be alone and it appeared.”

She watched the guilt surge through him, feeling it as if it were her own. He seemed to be finally taking in her expression – the swollen eyes, flushed and tear-stained cheeks, and the hollowness in her voice.

“You were crying,” he murmured painfully.

Gwen felt pain in her throat. “Yes,” she admitted in a watery voice.

“Gwen,” Draco stepped forward.

Her heart raged. She wanted the version of him she saw in her head. The boy in front of her now was hurting people, hurting himself, hurting her but she loved him anyways.

“I miss you,” Gwen told him.

She began to cry again without meaning to. Draco paused before moving towards her and wrapping his arms tightly around her.

“I miss you,” Gwen repeated painfully. “You’re gone and I miss you. You’re gone and I’m alone.”

“You’re never alone,” Draco said fervently.

Gwen shook her head against his chest and pulled back. “I am alone. I’m alone because of you. I’ve lost everything because I love you.”

The pain on Draco’s face made the breath catch in her throat but she couldn’t stop. “I gave up everything to love you,” she continued. She started to yell. “Everyone, my friends – and now I’m alone because you…”

Her voice broke off as she sobbed painfully.

“Gwen,” he reached for her. His voice was raw.

She allowed him to hold her arms but made no move to get closer to him. “You’re a Death Eater,” she finally said.

The words sent a palpable shock through both of them.

“You’re a Death Eater and you’re hurting people,” she finally managed to continue.

“He’ll kill me, Gwen,” Draco pleaded with her.

She looked up at him. His eyes were bright blue. She couldn’t see the little silver-eyed boy in his face right now.

“You’re hurting people,” Gwen simply responded, “And I love you anyways.”

Draco looked pained and hopeful for one second before Gwen spoke again.

“I don’t know what kind of person that makes me, Draco,” she confessed. “I don’t know how to live with that.”

The words settled around them painfully – turning the air cold. Draco dropped Gwen’s arms and stepped back.

She shook her head and moved towards him. “Don’t run away,” she begged, “It’s not to late. Let me help you.”

“You can’t,” he replied hoarsely.

They’d had this conversation so many times but Gwen couldn’t help herself. “Draco, please,” her voice shaking with tears, “I can’t lose you.”

“But you can’t love me like this,” he said.

The tears that fell down Gwen’s face were fresh as his words ripped through her chest. “Just don’t leave,” she beseeched.

Draco shook his head. “I can’t keep hurting you, Gwen.”

“Don’t leave,” she repeated.

She reached for him but he stepped back. He gave Gwen a look of pure agony before turning and running from the room. Once again, leaving her alone and crying.

##

Gwen finally left the Room of Requirement about an hour later. She stepped out into the hall and the students were all buzzing with news. There had been a fight.

She’d heard Harry’s name be thrown around. She made it to the Common Room before she saw her friends. Hermione and Ron were sitting close together on the couch whispering worriedly. Gwen moved towards them quickly.

Ron saw her before Hermione and he stood up. Hermione turned to see and when she realized that it was Gwen, she also stood up and hugged Gwen.

“Where’ve you been?” Hermione worried.

 Gwen returned the hug confusedly. “What’s happening?”

“Harry,” Hermione said.

Her voice became choked and she hugged Gwen closer to a second. Gwen looked over Hermione’s shoulder at Ron. His anxious eyes were fixed on Hermione’s bowed head.

“What happened?” Gwen demanded.

Ron finally looked up at her. “He was in a fight,” Ron revealed under his breath.

“A fight?” Gwen scrunched up her eyebrows. “With who?”

Ron’s lips tightened for a moment as Hermione pulled back from Gwen. Her face was pale, making her brown eyes look darker.

“Malfoy,” Hermione whispered.

Gwen felt a current run through her body, like she had been electrocuted. The horror on her expression was obvious and she opened her mouth but no words came out.

“He’ll be okay, Gwen,” Ron consoled.

“Harry didn’t get hurt,” Hermione added.

“Did…” Gwen croaked before clearing her throat. “Did Malfoy?”

She heard a tremor run through her voice. She watched both of her friends worried faces grow long with stress.

“He’s in the infirmary,” Ron murmured.

Gwen wanted to run to him, she wanted to sprint, but instead she stood rooted in place. She continued to hold onto Hermione as her heart screamed in agony.

“It was in the bathroom,” Hermione whispered, “About an hour ago.”

Right after they fought, Gwen realized. Her voice failed her so she simply nodded. She stood in a circle with Ron and Hermione, sensing their anxiety drip down her throat.

“We should go to bed,” Ron said quietly.

Both Hermione and Gwen nodded weakly. “See you tomorrow?” Hermione asked him.

“Yes,” Ron promised. His voice was a gruff whisper as he looked at Hermione.

He turned and put his hand on Gwen’s shoulders, calling her attention. “Just try to sleep, okay?” He said paternally.

Gwen nodded again, still unable to form words as she and Hermione began to ascend the staircase to their room. They both got ready for bed in silence, Hermione either sensing that Gwen wasn’t ready to talk or maybe she herself also didn’t want to speak. Either way, Hermione turned out the lights and both girls crawled into their beds.

“Gwen?” Hermione called out in the darkness.

Gwen made a sound in the back of her throat, again not able to speak. It was like her voice had been stolen from her and was being held hostage.

“I don’t know what we’re supposed to do,” Hermione continued.

Gwen closed her eyes against the weight of the burden that was her heart. She listened to the soft sounds of Hermione crying and finally spoke. “Me neither.”

Eventually, Hermione cried herself to sleep while Gwen laid wide awake, staring at the top of her bed. She could sense him all the way from here. He was terrified and weak, hurt and crumbling – coming apart at the seams.

She slowly turned her head back towards Hermione. She heard the deep breathings of sleep and sensed the lingering anxiety drifting away into the unconscious.

Gwen sat up, aware of her creaking mattress, and moved the blankets off of her as she put her feet on the floor. She put on her dressing gown and shoes before tiptoeing from the room.

The Common Room was empty. Even the fire was dimmed with burnt out embers. She moved through the Porthole, careful not to wake the Fat Lady, and began to make her way through the halls. She held onto her wand but didn’t use it to cast a light; she traveled in darkness soundlessly.

She heard a scuffing sound and jumped, her heart in her throat. She held still for a moment, not even breathing, until silence once again overcame the darkness before pushing through.

She finally made it to the infirmary and opened the door as quietly as possible. The moonlight filled the room so Gwen could see that Draco was the only person here.

She moved towards his bed without making a sound. He glowed in the moonlight but even in rest, his face was tight and drawn. He looked so alien to her. There was a chair next to his bed and so she sat down, still staring at his face. She was looking for something, anything that was reminiscent of the face of the boy she fell in love with or the face of the man she saw in her visions.

But there was nothing in this skeletal anxiety that seemed to plague him even in his sleep.

As if he sensed someone there, his eyes suddenly ripped open. She also jumped back, frightened by his sudden movement. Draco clawed to the opposite of the bed, his wand at the ready, staring at her as if she was a Dementor.

Or something even more terrifying, a painful thought in her head reminded her.

They both sat silently staring at each other with wide eyes – both surprised to find the other there. Draco slightly lowered his wand. His eyes were wide and unblinking, like if he so much as moved, she’d turn into something else. She sensed his soul-striking fear as it tore its way through her body. She felt it so viscerally as if it were her own fear. It gripped her throat and brought tears to her eyes. She didn’t reach towards him as she sought to soothe him.

“It’s me,” she whispered. “Don’t be afraid.”

“Gwen,” he shuddered.

“Yes,” she confirmed, crying a little for him.

She tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear. “It’s me. I promise,” she said.

Draco’s hand was shaking violently and his wand was still fearfully pointed at her. “I don’t know if it’s really you,” he told her. His face was unguarded in his fear. “Sometimes he looks like people I care about.”

She felt sick. Her stomach churned as she looked at this boy, a boy she loved so much. “It’s me,” she repeated.

With her hands up, she slowly moved towards him. He was still shaking, locked into place, and watched her with wide eyes. He hadn’t blinked since he woke up. Gwen brought her hands to his cheeks and stroked the clammy skin with her thumbs.

“I’m here,” she whispered, “My marble man. I’m here.” 

“Gwen?”

“Yes.”

He dropped his wand and with a surprising strength, crushed her to his body. He pulled her onto the bed, holding her tightly. She felt his tears against her cheek and hugged him tightly. She hugged him until his body stopped shaking and his breathing became less labored.

She finally pulled back to look into his dark blue eyes. “Are you okay?” she whispered.

She touched his cheek again, like he was a fragile work of art. His skin was still cold but his eyes weren’t as scared. He didn’t respond for a long while and instead just scanned her worried features.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” he finally whispered hoarsely.

She nodded and cuddled closer to him, keeping their faces level. A tear slid down his cheek and she gently wiped it away.

“I don’t know what to do, Draco,” she whispered.

His body tensed. “Please, Gwen. Can we not talk about that right now?”

“How can we not?” She rasped desperately.  

Part of Gwen knew that if she stayed quiet, things could heal between them. If she ignored everything that was happening, like she’d been doing, they would be okay. But her conscience, her friends, and her heart were heavy weights to bear.

“Can it just be us right now?” He begged.

She looked into his eyes and saw the three children from her vision fade away. She shook her head painfully. “I can’t keep doing that,” she told him. Her voice breaking on each word. “It’s _killing_ me.”

He shook his head and when he spoke his voice was hard. “Don’t do this right now, Gwen.”

She pulled away from him, sitting up. He pulled his arms away from her even though he didn’t move. She looked at the space suddenly between them.

“Just let me help you,” she said emphatically.

“Why do you think you can help me?” He demanded angrily all of the sudden.

He sat up to meet her eye-to-eye. “Why do you think you’re stronger than Him? You’re not. No one is.”

She stared at him with her brow furrowed and knew she would regret the next words out of her mouth but she still believed them. “Harry is.”

Draco looked like she had slapped him. He reared back in disbelief. “What?” He asked, almost inaudibly.

She pushed forward. “Harry will defeat him,” she said before pleading. “We’re going to win this. Just be on the right side when it’s over.”

“I’m on the wrong side?” he asked.  

“How can you not see that?” She whispered.

“I thought I was on your side,” he returned.

She shook her head. “Look what you did to Katie Bell,” she said. Her voice began to shake. “How could you do that? How can you love me and do those things?”

“Are you saying it’s one or the other?” He said harshly. “I can’t love you and do…”

He stopped, like he was unsure what he should say.

“Please,” she implored, “I can find people to help you.”

He sneered. “So I can become Potter’s charity case?”

She frowned at him in anger and climbed off the bed. “Why are you being like this?” She demanded, her voice getting louder.

“I’m doing what I have to, Gwen – for me and my family,” he snapped.

“And what am I?” Gwen demanded.

Silence fell over them. He looked at her with angry eyes but she sensed his sudden overwhelming guilt.

What was left of her heart broke a little more and shaking her head, she turned and walked away. She waiting for him to call out to her, ask her to come back, but he didn’t.

She left the Infirmary and when the weighted doors shut, she bowed her head as the tears came forth. She heard a creak in the hallway and looked up. Someone was moving from the shadows. She gripped her wand tightly and held it up.

“Lumos,” she cast.

The hallway lit up and Gwen saw, with some surprise, Harry looking at her harshly.

As Harry took in her face, his eyes went from surprise, to recognition, to anger. He moved the emotions so quickly, that Gwen couldn’t even sense them individually. They all bled together in her throat.

“Harry?” Gwen croaked.

“I saw you,” Harry admitted without preamble, “on the map.”

He held up the infamous Maurder’s Map to show her name and his standing outside the infirmary. She stared back at him; his eyes were narrowed as Gwen wiped the tears from her face.

He frowned deeply.  "What happened?" He all but growled.

She quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed. "Nothing happened," she tried to say calmly, but Harry took a step forward completely unconvinced.

"No," he demanded, "You don't get to shut me out this time. Tell me what happened."

Gwen felt the embers of anger begin to smoke in her chest. She latched on to that heat and gave her cheek one final harsh wipe while glaring at one of her best friends. She’d reach her limit and refused to be pushed further.

"Back off, Harry," she said lowly.

His frown somehow got deeper and he shook his head, refusing to back down. "I never want to push you so I let you shut me out every time and look what happened because of it," he said angrily.

Gwen reared back in surprise. "What?" She exclaimed.

"It's the truth," Harry declared mulishly.

“What does that mean?” She snapped.

“You’re with _him_ ,” he yelled. “You’ve forgotten everyone we lost, everything we’ve fought for just so you can snog Malfoy.”

The painful reminder of all they had lost almost sent Gwen over the edge, but her anger was still there and she grasped onto it with all her might. "You're an asshole," she said blatantly.

Harry's mouth opened but Gwen continued, "You let me shut you out? Are you serious with that? Who are you?" She said angrily.

"I thought I was one of your best friends," he ground his teeth.

"My best friends wouldn't do this to me," Gwen snapped. "They wouldn't pressure me or make me feel guilty all the time. My best friend would try and help me. They'd try to understand me. They'd see that everything in my life is falling apart and I don't know what to do."

"You chose him, Gwen," Harry accused, "You knew what kind of monster he was and you chose him anyways."

"Don't call him that," Gwen snapped instinctively.  

Although Harry had known for weeks about Draco and Gwen, hearing her come to his defense still jarred him. He was silent before asking. "Do you love him?"

His voice was quiet but it filled the air around them, weighing them both down. Gwen sniffled and blinked the tears from her eyes so that they'd be clear to look at Harry. "Yes," she said with stifled breath.

Harry looked like she had kicked him in the stomach. "You know who he's working for," He reminded hoarsely, "You know he's with Him."

"He doesn't want to be," Gwen tried to argue, "He didn't have a choice."

"Merlin. How naive are you, Gwen?" Harry said with disgust. "He doesn't have a choice? Is that what he tells right before he sticks his tongue down your throat."

It was as if someone lit kerosene on the anger in her chest. The rage filled so entirely that she squeezed her hands into such tight fists to keep from slapping Harry in the face. She could visualize her anger, feel it burning beneath her skin, and before she could say anything Harry's eyes went wide and he fell to the ground writhing.

Gwen stared in shock as he began to cry out in pain. Her body went limp in surprise and Harry relaxed. He was shaking when he looked up at her. "What did you do?" He asked shakily.

"I didn't..." Gwen began slowly.

"It felt like I was burning," Harry said.

He began to check his clothes, like he was looking for evidence of charred marks before looking back up at her, his glasses askew.

"I saw it in your eyes," he murmured in disbelief, "And then it was all around me."

Gwen exhaled fearfully. She could still feel the fire beneath her skin, ready to strike if she needed it. She stared at Harry with mouth agape in shock. What just happened?

"Who are you, Gwen?" Harry whispered.

She stood completely still as he spoke again. Harry was staring at her with fear in his eyes. "What are you becoming?"

The words broke her. Without a second thought, she ran from the hall. She ran from Harry. She ran from what happened. She ran from fear. She made it out of the castle before breaking down and sobbing painfully. She didn't care if anyone heard her in the dark sky.

She heard someone call her name. She looked around for somewhere to hide, but the world here offered no protection and so Gwen did the only thing she could think of.

She apparated.

##

Gwen arrived in her living room with a painful crack. She stood quietly in the room until a loud barking erupted through the house. A dog, nearly up to the size of knee, came bounding towards her growling.

A few seconds later, Adora came running after Courage with a frying pan in her hand. She was only wearing a long t-shirt that wasn’t hers. She skidding to a stop when she saw Gwen. "How...how...how?"

Luca came racing into the living room. “Adora, wait!”

He almost ran straight into Adora when he realized who was there. "Gwen," he said in surprise. He looked embarrassed and moved to stand behind Adora. Gwen then noticed that he was only wearing boxers.  

"What was the cracking noise?" He asked. His voice was higher than usually, probably from embarrassment.

Adora was simply staring at Gwen with confusion and Courage was still barking. Gwen looked at her mother, and then, after months, maybe years of pushing everything down, of pretending that everything was okay, Gwen knew that cracking sound wasn't just her apparation - it was her mind.

And so she finally let it happen.

She cracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been leading up to this point for a while. Gwen has cried more than any I've ever known, but she's feeling more than most people because she's constantly feeling other people. This was the moment I've been writing up to this entire series because it's such a powerful turning point.   
> I actually ended up writing way more than I intended so there's probably about two or three more chapters before Year 6 is over. 
> 
> Things have been super hectic right now. I got into grad school though! Woohoo! I'm moving in August which is super exciting. I wrote this chapter in about two-ish days after being in a kind of rut. I love it though and I love all of you. Let me know what you think. I hope you're all doing well!


	23. Time to Take Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookmark, comment, kudos! xx

Gwen would forever vaguely recall Adora running to her as she sank to the floor sobbing. She’d never forget Luca carrying her up the stairs, holding Gwen securely as she cried against his shoulder.

She suddenly realized at some point that Adora had tucked her into bed and then it was just the two of them. Adora curled in the bed next Gwen, wrapping her arms around Gwen’s shaking body and held her.

Gwen faded in and out of consciousness. She woke up at some point during the middle of the night and felt someone’s arm around her. She thought for a brief second that it was Draco, but then remembered where she was and how she got here and the tears began to fall once again.

As she if had never fallen asleep, Adora immediately hugged her closer and murmured. “It’s okay, baby,” she said, “I’m right here. You’re safe.”  

The next time Gwen opened her eyes, the sun was streaming into her room. She held still for a moment, letting everything that happened since she got home last night wash over her. She sniffled.

“You’re awake,” Adora said quietly from behind her.

Gwen, with effort, sat up and turned around. Her eyes felt swollen and it hurt to blink. “Hi,” she croaked.

Her throat was hoarse and hurt, like she’d spent the night grating it. She flinched at the pain and Adora handed her a warm mug of tea.

“It has lemon and honey in it,” Adora said, “Luca just brought it up.”

She wordlessly took the cup, giving a frail smile in thanks. She took a sip, letting the soothing liquid coat her throat.

“Are you okay to talk now or do you need more time?” Adora asked.

Gwen took another sip of tea. “I can talk,” she said.

Adora nodded and didn’t say anything right away. She took another sip of her tea, using her finger to hold the spoon inside the cup to the side.

“How did you get home?” Adora asked, still looking at the tea.

“I apparated,” Gwen confessed.

Adora looked up. “You did mention that you passed that test,” she recalled.

“Yeah.”

Adora needlessly stirred her tea once again. She held the cup with both hands, letting the silence go over both of them.

“Are you okay?” Adora finally asked.

If Gwen had any tears left, she was sure she’d start crying. She heard a big flopping sound and Courage walked over and jumped up on the bed – nearly upsetting the tea in Gwen’s hands. Courage put her head on Gwen’s lap and sighed contentedly.

Gwen gently began to pet Courage before she shook her head with another sniffle.

“I’m not okay, mom,” Gwen said with a watery voice.

“Tell me what happened,” Adora urged gently, “I can help you.”

Gwen rubbed her eye, feeling the heat of tears that didn’t fall. “I don’t think you can,” she worried.

Adora’s face went fierce with determination. “I can help you help yourself, Guinevere,” she said. “You don’t have to do anything alone unless you want to.”

Gwen looked at Adora, her eyes were trained on Gwen like she’d disappear. In her throat, Gwen felt Adora’s love. It was warm, like she was being blanketed. She had cried away any restraint she might have felt before so she continued to pet Courage’s head and started speaking.

“I fell in love with a boy,” she began.

As Gwen began to spill the story to her mother, everything came out – Draco, Death Eaters, Harry, her sight and sense, the Origin Family, J.B. and Eartha – everything.

By the time Gwen finally stopped talking, she tea was cold and her throat hurt again. Adora was staring at her with wide-eyed shock.

“I know this is a lot,” Gwen ended lamely.

Adora looked at her incredulously. “All this time, Gwen,” she said softly, “You’ve been carrying these…burdens all on your own.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” Gwen said.

“It’s a lot of figure out,” Adora agreed.

“What do I do, mom?” Gwen asked.

Adora reached over to tuck a loose tangle of Gwen’s long hair behind her ears. “As much as I wish I could, I can’t tell you that, baby,” she said.

“You’re my mom,” Gwen argued, “And I’m in love with…a Death Eater.” Her voice broke every time she spoke the words aloud.

“I’ll be honest with you, Gwen,” Adora sighed, “I don’t a lot about your world, but I know right from wrong. So do you.”

Gwen shook her head. “I don’t know what’s right anymore.”

“That’s not true,” Adora countered. “Now, I can’t make these choices for you because I may not always be around. You have to stand on your own two feet, Gwen. You have to make these choices for yourself.”

“I love him, mom,” Gwen said quietly.

“I know,” Adora returned gently, “And I’m not telling you to not love him.”

“I think a part of me always loved Harry too,” Gwen whispered.

Adora nodded. “The thing about love, Gwen, is that it should make you feel good. It should make you want to be better. There’s no guilt in love.”

“What are you saying?” Gwen asked.

“I’m saying,” Adora sighed again, “That love shouldn’t inspire guilt and before you choose other people, you have to choose yourself.”

“Choose myself?” Gwen frowned.

“Yes,” Adora insisted. “Choose yourself. Not Harry, not Draco, not your friends, not me, not whoever – choose yourself.”

Gwen mulled that over. “I don’t know how,” Gwen said plainly.

“I know,” Adora murmured. She reached forward and took one of Gwen’s hands. “My little girl,” she smiled, “You’re afraid that if you don’t choose other people all of the time, they’ll never choose you.”

Gwen didn’t say anything in response.

“Love doesn’t work like that,” Adora continued, “Choose yourself. You owe it to yourself to discover who you are.”

“I’m your daughter,” Gwen said pathetically.

Adora stroked Gwen’s cheek. “You are my daughter,” she whispered, “because we chose each other, but now it’s time for you to take back all the parts of yourself that you gave away. Not because you’re afraid, but because you’re going to need everything you have to get through what’s next.”

Gwen felt warm tears slide down her face. Adora wiped them with her thumb. “No more crying, sweetheart,” she whispered, “It’s time to fight.”

##

Draco entered the Room of Requirement with a nervous purpose. It was buzzing all over the school that Gwen Easton and Harry Potter had a fight and Gwen apparated away from the castle yesterday in the middle of the night.

The same night she came to see him in infirmary. 

Potter had been missing in action until this evening when he and Ginny Weasley had apparently kissed and were now a couple. The rumor was that Gwen and Harry broke up so he could date the Weasley girl, and Gwen was heartbroken.

His own heart squeezed painfully at that as he strode past the wardrobe he normally visited. He felt the taunting laugh of the Dark Lord as he walked past and fought the urge to cry.

Not now, he told himself. He neared the fireplace he needed to be there and saw the small bucket of floo powder that seemed to be waiting for him.

He hadn’t seen Gwen in almost twenty-four hours. He rubbed the healed skin of his chest; the cuts were healed but they smarted a bit in memory. He didn’t know what to say to her; he just knew that they could fix this.

He tried to think of some solutions but his mind went blank; he didn’t know how to reconcile all that made them different. Gwen would know, he rationalized. She always knew how to fix them; she always brought them back together.

Draco was beyond nervous, like it was his first night going to see Gwen again. He reached down and grasped a handful of floo powder in his hand before stepping into the fireplace. Even from the fireplace, he could see the looming presence of the wardrobe.

He shut his eyes, called out Gwen’s name for her home. “The Cottage!”

He threw down the floo powder and felt the flames chase over his body as he was tugged upwards. In the same instance, he felt his feet hit solid ground. The room was utterly still.

He opened his eyes and his whole body throbbed at the sight of her. She was sat in bed with a book in her lap and her quill posed high in the eye – paused mid-writing.

Her dark brown eyes were wide with surprise as he stood in the fireplace. She made no sound as he stood there, almost like she couldn’t really believe he was there.

He waited for her to react but when she didn’t, he moved into the room.

“Gwen,” he said, already hearing the desperation in his voice, “Please listen to me.”

He moved towards her bed and halted instantly when she noticeably stiffened.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

Her voice was like smoke, soft and elusive. There was a coldness in it and Draco felt it in his bones as he fumbled.

“I came to see you,” he said, “You left. Apparated. Do you know how much trouble you’ll get in?”

She didn’t respond.

Instead she moved her book aside; it was the green, dragon-scaled journal he’d given her for Christmas two years back. He felt hopeful at the sight.

She slipped out from beneath her blankets. She was wearing an old long-sleeved flannel nightgown with faded blue-and-white vertical stripes. It was shorter than anything Draco had ever seen her wear, skimming the middle of her plump thighs.

Each of her feet and calves were covered in grey-and-white striped socks that didn’t match. Her long hair was braided over her shoulder with a few rebellious strands having tugged free and framed her face like a frizzy halo.

The moon painted her olive skin a night shadow pale and lit her eyes on fire even as they were ringed by perpetual purple shadows.

She was so achingly beautiful; Draco had a hard time breathing.

She crossed her arms and looked at him with sad, unyielding eyes; her mask was off and Draco felt anxiety creep up his spine.

“Why are you here, Draco?” She asked.

Hearing her say his name like that hurt.

“Gwen,” he croaked, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to fix this; I don’t know what to do.”

He echoed her words from the infirmary because they were the only true things he could say right now and he would never lie to her.

Sadness made her expression heavier and she tightened her arms, almost hugging herself now. “That’s because there’s nothing for us to fix,” she said softly.

“What do you mean?” Draco exclaimed.

Gwen looked at her bed, using her eyes to trace the pattern of the lace on her blanket. Draco fought the urge to grasp her face in his hands, begging her to look at him. She kept her eyes on the blanket as she spoke next.

“Are you going to stop being a Death Eater?” She asked.

The question shocked him, stilled him. The words, the acknowledgement of it, were too much for him to bear.

“I can’t, Gwen,” he said, feeling cowardly.

She nodded softly, still looking at the bed. There was something resolute in her behavior, like she’d come to a decision far before he arrived. Like she’d seen a vision of it.

“I love you,” she murmured.

“I love you too, Gwen,” he responded immediately.

He heard the fervent declaration in his voice. It carried throughout the room and he stood absolutely still because if he moved a single muscle, he’d throw himself at her feet.

She looked up at him; he felt the breath catch in his throat. There was something in her eyes that he’d never seen before.

“I know you do,” she said softly, “And I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

Draco felt something, the faint niggling of hope at the back of his throat, but then Gwen, keeping one arm around her middle, reached her other arm out to grab the back of the chair next to her, as if to brace herself.

“But I can’t be with you,” she told him.

Her words rang around his head without him actually understanding them. He looked at her with wide eyes and no comprehension.

“What?” He choked out.

She gave him a soft look, almost a smile, tears filling her eyes and falling down her face in the same moment. “I can’t be with you, Draco,” she whispered, “I know what you’re doing and I can’t ignore it. I won’t stand by you as you make these decisions…I can’t.”

His mind started moving a thousand miles an hour as he sought an argument. He aimed low.

“Is this about Potter? Are you afraid of losing him?”

Gwen didn’t look angry; she looked sad for him, like she could feel his desperation.

“Loving you was never about Harry,” she told him. Truth made her voice stronger.

“Then why are you doing this?” Draco begged now.

“I’m not afraid to be alone anymore, Draco,” she told him. She stood straight and moved both her arms down as she looked at him. “I won’t lose myself in anyone just to feel safe. I’m tired of losing myself in other people, even the ones I love.”

“Gwen,” Draco whispered hoarsely. His throat burned with oncoming emotion. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Gwen nodded, wiping another tear that spilled on her face. “I know,” her voice was thick. “But I can’t keep fighting for someone who won’t fight for me.”

“Gwen, please,” he whispered over the strangling sensation in his throat.

Draco heard a ringing sound in his ears as his throat closed. He looked at her, like it was the first time he’d ever seen her.

She was crying but her face held the firm softness of conviction. She knew what her choice meant; she was actively choosing this.

“Please be safe,” she murmured.

“Don’t say things like that,” he snapped violently.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re never going to see me again.”

Gwen moved towards him, like a current pulled her near him. His tall form shadowed half of her face as she looked up at him.

“I’ll see you every day,” she promised him softly. “You’ll haunt my mind, but I won’t sacrifice my soul for you. Not when you won’t do the same for me.”

He’d sacrifice the world for her, he wanted to shout, but he knew what she needed from him – what she needed him to walk away from – and he couldn’t do it. 

Feeling the numbness creep in, Draco turned on his heel and went straight into the fireplace. He didn’t even turn around as he grabbed the floor powder and stepped inside, facing the back of the stone.

“Draco,” she called out.

He stilled, waiting in hope. Please don’t let me go, he thought.

“I’ll always love you,” Gwen whispered again. He heard the tears in her voice and wondered if he turned around now, would things be different.

But his heart had shut down and so without responding he threw down the floo powder and knowing he couldn’t survive anymore, escaped.

 

##

Gwen stood in the bathroom the next morning as she stared at herself in the mirror. Her long black hair swallowed her expression. Another shield for her to hide.

She reached for the scissors in the drawer to the right of her and without really thinking about it, she brought them up to her face. She pulled a ribbon on her tangled hair between her index and middle finger, lining it up with her jaw line. She brought the scissors right below her fingers and looked her reflection in the eye as she closed the scissors on her hair.

She heard the sound of cutting hair and watched as the tangle fell to the sink. She continued like that, struggling a little with the hair in the back, but she didn’t stop. She kept cutting until she was surrounded by hair and her face was unhidden.

It was haphazard and choppy at best, but she was free. She felt lighter. She stared at her reflection in the mirror; her face seemed bigger now, more open. Her dark eyes followed her reflection as they traveled over her paled, puffy olive skin. She looked like a different person.

This person, she told herself, would choose herself first. This person would be a contender.

Her heart clenched painfully as Draco’s hoarse whisper broke through her head.

_“I never meant to hurt you.”_

She breathed through the pain, not repressing it, but letting it crash over her because like all waves, they followed the tide and eventually passed. When she was able to unclench her fists and breath evenly again, she opened her eyes.

She cleaned the hair that had fallen on the floor and counter before heading downstairs. She hadn’t left her room all yesterday, transitioning between crying and numbness.

As she descended, she could hear the gentle murmurs between her mom and Luca. She was surprised that Luca hadn't fled the scene yet. She was certain most men would have ditched at this point. He must not scare easy. That was good, she decided.

She moved towards the kitchen not sure what reaction she was expecting. Her hair had been long since she could remember; it was something she had just grown used to until it became a way for her to hide.

She paused as she felt the wave of guilt and tension radiating from the room.

“You need to tell her,” Luca murmured softly.

Adora sighed. “I will,” she said, “Just…not now. She has enough to deal with.

“I know,” Luca said. Gwen heard a soft kissing sound. She moved into the kitchen quietly.

Adora and Luca were sitting at the table. Their heads were bowed towards each other as they spoke; Luca held one of Adora’s hands in both of his as he stroked it softly. Gwen stood at the threshold of the kitchen when Courage trotted up to her. She leaned down to pet the adorable dog, again surprised by how much she had grown, and heard the talking stop.

Be brave, Guinevere, she steeled herself. She rose, keeping her spine completely straight and lifting her chin. She saw Adora take in her hair and face and waited with bated breath.

"You did good," was Adora's only comment.

Relief flooded through Gwen. "Thanks," she said.

"There's oatmeal ready for you on the stove," Adora continued.

Gwen nodded and put her oatmeal in a bowl. She moved to the small refrigerator instinctively and looked for blueberries. Adora hated blueberries, but Gwen loved them. She only ever kept them stocked over Christmas and summer.  

"There aren't any blueberries," Adora apologized intuitively.

Gwen turned and smiled grimly as she turned around. "You weren't really expecting me to be fair," she acknowledged. “This isn’t really a vacation.”

"I can go run and get some," Adora offered.

"It's okay," Gwen assured, "I'll use an apple."

Gwen quickly chopped up an apple, cutting one half into rough chunks and throwing it into the bowl, and offering the other half to Courage before she sat down at the table.

Luca looked slightly uncomfortable to be there, but he was still there supporting her mom through what might as well be described as the most dramatic emotional crisis in recent history.

"Thanks for letting me cry on you yesterday," Gwen said to him, scooping oatmeal into her mouth.

Luca huffed out a soft laugh through his nose and gave her a shy smile. "I was glad to."

His face was friendly and his voice was gentle, like she was a scared animal. "I hope you're feeling better," he murmured.

Gwen smiled at him and sighed, looking at him and Adora. "I do. I just needed to come home," she said.

Adora's eyes went a little foggy as she looked at Gwen. "You can stay as long as you need," Adora said fiercely, "I'll fight Dumbledore himself."

"Dumbledore?" Luca asked. His eyebrows quirked. "That's an…unusual name."

Adora's face paled in panic as she looked from Luca to Gwen. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. In an instant, Gwen came to a conclusion. They could easily brush it off, make excuses, but Luca had proved his worth. She sensed his love for Adora, his goodness.

So she took another scoop of oatmeal. "Not for wizard community," she said nonchalantly.

"Gwen!" Adora exclaimed.

She ripped her hand from Luca's and fisted them as she stared at Gwen with confusion and shock. Luca was just as surprised, clearly more so by Adora's reaction. His forehead was scrunched up and he looked between the two of them.

"Did you say 'wizard community'?” He asked. His Spanish accent thicker with confusion.

His confusion was endearing and predicted. Gwen gave him kind smile and tilted her head to the side, feeling her newly cut locks skim the side of her neck. “I did,” she confirmed, “That’s what my mom’s not been able to tell you. I’m a witch.”

Luca stared at her without blinking. He showed no visible reaction and Gwen stayed quiet and continued to eat her oatmeal, allowing him to process.

“A witch?” He finally repeated.

“Yes,” Gwen nodded once.

“What does that mean?” Luca finally pieced together. “Is it…a cult thing?”

Gwen couldn’t help but laugh a little. “No,” she said, “It’s not something you join. You’re born with it.”

“Born with what exactly?” Luca asked.

He looked at Adora for clarification but Adora was staring at the table like her life depended on it.

“Magic,” Gwen supplied gently.

“Magic,” Luca repeated.

Gwen nodded again. “I’d show you but I’m probably already in trouble for apparating here to begin with.”

“That’s what that sound was?” Luca asked.

Gwen smiled. “Exactly.”

Luca was quiet for a few more moments before looking at Adora once more. He kept his eyes on her as he spoke. “Okay,” he agreed.

Adora finally looked up. She cast her eyes over to Luca, adjusting her glasses. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, “Okay. You have a magical daughter.”

Adora looked at him in disbelief. “And you’re just…okay with that?”

“I think so,” Luca shrugged. “I might freak out later but I’ll get over it.”

“Your reaction is weirdly relaxed,” Gwen told him.

“I teach horticulture,” he explained, “Plants have always been tied to mysticism, folklore, and magic.”

“Fair enough,” Gwen said mildly.

Adora was looking at Luca that he was the first flower in spring after a long winter. He turned and caught her eye, reaching up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. The moment was so deeply intimate that Gwen looked down.

Adora, brightly blushing, turned towards Gwen. “So,” she suddenly exclaimed, as if her voice could disperse the energy of the room, “Do I need to write you a note or something to send to the school?”

Gwen hit her oatmeal with her spoon, watching the soaked oats dent slightly. “No,” she said, “They already know I left. I’ll just answer for it when I go back tomorrow.”

This was news to Adora. “You’re going back tomorrow?”

Gwen nodded. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure, Gwen?” Adora murmured gently. “You don’t have to.”

“I know,” Gwen smiled, “But I need to go back. I need to face everything that I’ve been running away from for a year.”

Adora’s expression was suddenly torn with worry and pride. Her southern twang getting heavier as she spoke. “You’ll do good, baby girl.”

“I hope so,” Gwen said just as softly.

Adora smiled before getting a determined look in her eye. “You have one full day at home,” she declared, “What would you like to do?”

Gwen mulled it over. “I want to play with Courage outside, watch a romantic comedy, and eat chicken pot pie for dinner.”

“It’s not your birthday though,” Adora pointed out.

“What’s her birthday have to do with romantic comedies?” Luca wondered.

Adora and Gwen laughed.

“The chicken pot pie,” Gwen explained, “It’s my birthday tradition.”

“You only eat chicken pot pie on your birthday?” Luca asked with raised eyebrows.

“Or in desperate times,” Gwen looked at her mother with beseeching eyes.

“Fine,” Adora sighed, “I have to run to the store.”

“Can I stay at home?” She asked with a cheeky grin.

Adora rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” she agreed, “Luca and I will go to the store; you stay home and rest. Make some tea.”

“Thank you,” Gwen leaned over and kissed Adora on the cheek.

##

It was a sunny but mildly chilly day as Gwen and Courage walked around the English countryside. She was wearing a pink sundress that was too light for the brisk spring morning and braced the cool air by protecting her feet with boots to face the mud and tossed on one of Adora’s sweaters to stay warm.

She was humming to herself, throwing sticks for Courage to chase and bring back. She found a soft sloping ridge that looked mostly dry and sat down, staring at the beautiful neon fields as the grass almost glittered in the afternoon sun.

The wind stirred her short locks, tickling her neck, as she inhaled the fresh air. She still felt the hole in her chest that belonged to Draco, but there was a lightness in her soul. She loved him; she had this overwhelming feeling that she would always love him, but if loving him meant neglecting herself, that was no longer a choice she was willing to make – for anyone.

It still hurt to think of him; the burden of it was nearly overwhelming at times but she could move on. She could finally move forward.

Courage lolled by her side, rolling around in the sun-warmed grass. She perked up her head and trotted over, resting against Gwen’s side. Gwen scratched behind Courage’s ear as she hummed a song that she didn’t know.

Courage’s head suddenly perked up and she suddenly lurched past Gwen barking. Gwen, still sitting, twisted around and saw the familiar outline of Harry Potter as he made his way over to her.

She turned back around and looked at the scenery ahead as she listened to his soft footsteps nearing her. She brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around, bringing them tightly to her chest.

He stood by her side before settling down. She could sense his guilt and worry for her; she tasted his apology.

“I’m sorry, Gwen,” he murmured.

She nodded. “I would say it back but I don’t think there’s anything I need to apologize for.”

Harry looked at her from the side; she turned and met his gaze head-on. “Not even Malfoy?”

“I won’t apologize for loving him,” she told Harry, “But I can’t be with him anymore.”

This was news to Harry. “You broke up?”

“Yes.” The word was carried away by the wind.

She turned back to look at the landscape in front of her. She traced the sloping hills and trees with her eyes as they sat quietly.

“I don’t know what to say,” Harry finally said.

He couldn’t apologize for her loss because he was glad for it.

“I know,” Gwen said, feeling a sharp tug of pain.  

“I’m sorry for what I said,” Harry looked at her, “For my part in all of this. I’m sorry for being an arse.”

“I know that too,” she whispered.

She turned to look at him and they smiled at each other with the ease of old friends.

“I like your hair,” Harry complimented.

He reached forward and quickly tugged one of the short locks, his fingers skimming her cheek.

“Thanks,” she said, “It was time.”

He nodded and the quietness settled over them again as he folded his hands back in his pockets.

“Ginny and I are dating now,” Harry told her suddenly.

Gwen’s smile grew as she gazed ahead. “I heard,” she said.

“She kissed me,” Harry blushed, “In front of everyone.”

“Naturally,” Gwen laughed, rocking forward a little.

Harry laughed with her. The silence drifted over them again even though it was less strained this time. Courage began to roll around in the grass once again.

“Dumbledore and I are looking for horcruxes,” Harry said quietly.

Gwen turned and listened to him explain to her what he’d been doing over the course of the year. He shivered as he told Gwen about the horcruxes.

“That’s horrible,” she murmured.

Harry nodded. “There’s seven,” he explained.

“Seven murders,” Gwen said. Her voice was hollow with sadness and disgust. “That’s terrible, Harry.”

“We have to destroy all of them to destroy him,” Harry said quietly.

Gwen bumped shoulders with him. “We will,” she promised.

Another silence fell over them. This one was pensive, like Harry was coming to terms with a question. “Gwen,” he began slowly before pausing again.

“Yes?”

He turned towards her, watching her face for any small flicker of emotion. “What happened that day outside the infirmary? The…fire. I saw it in your eyes and then I felt it.”

Gwen sighed heavily. “I’m really not sure, Harry.”

“Is that part of your powers?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I think so.”

“You’re strong,” Harry marveled.

Gwen felt grated by the surprise in his voice. She looked out on the oasis of green and acknowledged that she felt so too. She felt strong.

“Will you come back?” Harry asked her suddenly.

“Where?”

“To school,” Harry said, “To us.”

“I’m coming back to school,” Gwen answered.

Harry was silent for a moment, hearing her distinction.

“But not to us?”

“I can’t promise that because I don’t know exactly _who_ I’m coming back as yet.”

“I’m sorry, Gwen. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt so much. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

That was the second time in one day that a boy she loved spoke those words to her. Something in her wanted to be unforgiving and ruthless. She wanted to protect herself from those words, but again she let the pain hit her like a wave – this time it hurt a little less and the drowning feeling wasn’t as strong.

“You still did,” Gwen murmured. 

“I know,” Harry said. His voice sounded ragged. He reached forward and pulled one of Gwen’s hands away from around her knees and held it tightly. “Will you forgive me?”

Gwen looked at him and heard Adora’s words echo back in her head. _It’s time to take back all the parts of yourself that you gave away_. She would not carry forward with any resentment or anger. It was time to free herself from herself.

“I’ll always forgive you,” Gwen told him truthfully.

Harry gave her a weak smile. “Why?” He asked, almost sadly.

Gwen shrugged. “You know why.”

Harry looked at her for a heavy moment. “You look so different,” he said lowly.  

“The hair?” Gwen guessed.

Harry shook his head. “Your face, your eyes. There’s something different.”

“I feel different,” Gwen murmured.

“Happy?”

Gwen thought carefully. “I’m not happy exactly, but I’m not afraid and right now, that’s more important.”

“I understand,” Harry said.

Gwen looked at him and saw in his eyes, he did understand her.

##

The next morning, Gwen was dressed in her school uniform and eating oatmeal with her mom and Luca. Adora had gone and bought Gwen blueberries just for the day. Luca was looking at her Gryffindor tie.

“Are those the colors of your school?” He asked of the gold and crimson.

Gwen shook her head. “Of my house.”

“House?”

“Hogwarts students are divided into four houses,” she explained. “Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw.”

“Which house are you in?” He asked.

“Gryffindor,” Gwen said, feeling a hint of pride in her throat.

“Why that one?”

“You get sorted,” she told him.

“By your teachers?”

“By the Sorting Hat.”

Luca’s skepticism was clearly reaching levels of hilarity that Gwen had to stuf oatmeal in her mouth to keep from laughing. He shook his head and ate his eggs quietly.

“You might belong in Gryffindor,” Gwen began to recite. “Where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve, and chivalry, set Gryffindor’s apart.”

Luca raised his eyebrows. “That seems pompous.”

Gwen grinned widely. “I’ve never heard anyone else ever say that,” she said sarcastically.

Adora laughed. “Alright, you two. Gwen, I’m going to go get something for you. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Gwen said easily.

Adora left the kitchen and Gwen took her empty bowl to the sink and began to rinse it. Luca came to rest on the counter next to her. Gwen sensed his sudden nervousness.

She turned to look at him. “Want me to wash your bowl?”

“Hmm?” Luca asked distractedly before looking down at his dirty bowl. “Oh, no. Thank you. I’ll get it.”

“Okay,” Gwen said with quirked brows.

Luca looked hesitant for a moment. “There’s something I’d like to ask you,” he began.

Gwen began the process of drying her bowl and looked at Luca expectantly, giving him an encouraging smile. “Alright,” she said.

Luca was a big man. Not in the sense that he was in perfect shape. He was what Adora would call an “old-school” sort of strong. So watching him fumble with his words made Gwen want to laugh a little.

“I wanted to…” He began before clearing his throat. He looked Gwen in the eye; she sensed a shift in his demeanor. A newfound determination trickled down her throat as she saw his focus reflected in his dark eyes. “I wanted your blessing.”

“My blessing?” Gwen inquired.

Luca nodded, looking over his shoulder for one second to make sure it was just the two of them. He spoke quietly. “I want to ask your mom to marry me,” he said.

Gwen stilled, completely stunned.

“I know how much she loves you,” Luca said, “And I know it’s just been the two of you for so long but I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And you. I want to be a part of your family.”

The sentiment was so sincere that Gwen put down the bowl she was drying. She looked up at Luca’s face; it was strikingly earnest. For a single moment, Gwen felt another wave of panic begin to crash over her – things were changing. So many things were changing. The one concrete thing in her life – her mother – was changing.

But change didn’t mean loss. Change didn’t mean loneliness.

“Of course,” Gwen said.

Luca smiled widely. “Really?” He sounded excited.

“Yes,” Gwen laughed, responding to his joy. “When are you going to ask?”

“Soon,” Luca patted his pocket.

“Oh, wow,” Gwen breathed out.

“Yeah,” Luca grinned.

“Are you nervous?”

Luca shook his head and then laughed a little. “Kind of.”

Gwen crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. “I guess that’s good, right?”

“You think?” Luca asked with raised eyebrows.

“I think important things should make you nervous,” Gwen explained. “That’s how you know they matter.”

“Wise words,” Luca mused.

“Found it,” Adora called out as she entered the room.

Even though he had nothing to hide, Luca still scrambled to rearrange himself casually. Gwen swallowed her laugh as Adora looked at him confusedly. “What’s wrong?”

Luca walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said casually. “I’m going to go shower before we leave.”

“Alright,” Adora said. “Don’t be long! We have to leave soon.”

Luca called out something unintelligible as he left the kitchen and Adora watched him with narrow eyes. She turned back to Gwen’s smirking face. “What’s he planning?”

Her voice was so skeptical that Gwen grinned. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said.

She moved to put her bowl back in the cupboard. Adora traced her steps in the kitchen. Gwen could sense her agitation and excitement.

“I don’t believe that for one second,” Adora declared.

Gwen laughed happily. “Patience is a virtue, mother.”

“Oh, please,” Adora grumbled.

Gwen turned around and laughed again at her mother’s surly expression. She gestured with her chin to the small object in Adora’s hands. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” Adora looked down. She gave Gwen a crooked smile. “I got you something to keep with you before you left.”

“You got me something?” Gwen looked at her confusedly.

Adora nodded. “A reminder.”

“It’s not another dress, is it?”

“Not this time,” Adora laughed.

Adora handed Gwent the small black box. It wasn’t wrapped but Gwen felt a strange sense of anticipation. She opened it up and found a small, ornate gold locket.

“Mom,” she gasped.

She touched the heart; it was engraved with different ridges that covered the front. She felt the grooves and looked up at Adora.

Adora was smiling gently at her. “My mother gave that to me right before she died,” Adora explained.

“I can’t this,” Gwen argued. She pushed it back towards Adora.

“Of course you can,” Adora insisted, pushing it back towards Gwen. “You’re my daughter. I want you to have it. Look inside.”

Gwen lifted the locket out of the box and opened it. She’d been expecting pictures but instead there was a message inscribed on the back.

“Just do right,” Gwen murmured aloud.

“Maya Angelou,” Adora told her.

Gwen looked up at her mother. Adora’s face was misty with memories as she looked down at the locket in Gwen’s hands.

“My mother was a good woman,” Adora’s accent became slightly thicker with emotion. “The basis of her philosophy was doing the right thing even if it hurt, and as you know, the right thing usually does.”

“It’s beautiful,” Gwen said.

Adora nodded. “I want you to have it. I want you to remember that you have the power to do what’s right. The magic of being a good human is the strongest kind of magic. You’re a strong girl, Gwen.”

“Thank you, mom,” Gwen whispered.

Adora smiled. “Be brave, Guinevere.”

“I will,” she promised.

Adora reached for Gwen and wrapped her close. Gwen rested her head on her mother’s chest, feeling the steady beat of her heart. The waves had subsided; she would do what was right.  

##

Gwen had arrived in Dumbledore’s office with a slightly terrified, nervous feeling. She came from the fireplace, having arranged to do so at noon.

She’d never forget Luca’s face as they all stood in her room, hugging goodbye. She turned and walked into the fireplace.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“Floo powder travel,” Gwen explained.

“Be safe,” Adora called out.

She was leaning into Luca’s side as his arm wrapped around her. Gwen smiled at the pair of them; everything would be alright.

“If they try to yell at you, you better yell back,” Adora added. “And then come back home.”

“I will,” Gwen laughed.

“Should I be coming with you?” Adora worried.

Gwen shook her head. “It’ll be okay, mom. I promise.”

“It’s not like you left just because you felt like it,” Adora argued.

“I know,” Gwen said, “But I might to have to face the consequences.”

“Be safe,” Adora repeated emphatically. “I don’t care if they’re older than you, don’t let them bully you.”

Gwen grasped a handful of floo powder. “I love you,” she called out.

“I love you,” Adora called out loudly.

“Be careful, Gwen,” Luca smiled.

“Take care of my mom when I’m gone,” she replied with a gentle smile.

“Will do,” Luca said.

They watched as Gwen threw down the floo powder. “Dumbledore’s office!”

She almost laughed again thinking of the split second of she saw the wild panic on Luca’s face as the green flames climbed up her body and whisked her away. He might’ve half believed her wizardry when she’d told him, but if there was any doubt, surely she’d wiped it away.

She now stood in Dumbledore’s expansive office. She’d only been in here a few times; mostly with her friends after a traumatic and dangerous adventure. Dumbledore wasn’t in the office, which made her nervous. It was like being locked in a museum of expensive things, the look-no-touch rule just no longer applied.

Gwen took in the room, surprised that she could somehow feel the energy that slipped through the air, coloring the scene. She touched the desk, feeling the stress, the sadness, the loneliness that lived within it. The story it told was not a happy one.

What a strange thing it was to think of Dumbledore as lonely or sad. He seemed so strong, so revered, so above something as human as loneliness.

“You look serious,” a gravelly voice called out from above.

Gwen looked up to find the Sorting Hat looking down at her. Well, looking in the sense that eye creases were somewhat fixed in her direction.

“That’s just my face,” Gwen said.

“Hmph,” the Sorting Hat blew off. “That’s probably why you ended up in Gryffindor.”

“Probably?” Gwen asked with raised eyebrows.

“You would’ve done just as well as a Slytherin. Perhaps even better,” the Sorting Hat said.

“In what way?”

“You would’ve shaken off that timidity you wear as a shield far sooner as a Slytherin,” the Sorting Hat snorted.

“I’m not timid,” Gwen frowned.

The Sorting Hat gave a sort of laugh. Gwen continued to frown. “Why did you put me in Gryffindor?”

If the Sorting Hat could’ve shrugged, Gwen felt like he would have done so now. “You wanted comradery and belonging more than you wanted to learn.”

“Wouldn’t that have made me more apt for Ravenclaw than Slytherin?” Gwen asked.

“Bah,” the Sorting Hat grumbled. “Not the book learning you waste your time with, but learning of yourself. Learning your destiny.”

Gwen was struck mute for moment. The word _destiny_ had been coming up more frequently and with her powers soaring through her, she was starting to pay more attention to it.

“Do you even remember what I said to you that day of your sorting?”

Gwen quickly searched through her memory for something memorable. “That was a long time ago,” she said instead.

“Young people,” the Hat grumbled, “Always so short-sighted. So linear.”

Gwen rolled her eyes and waited for the Sorting Hat to wrap up his dramatic monologue about “wasting magic on these waste of space teenagers.”

“I told you one day you would wake up and start growing outside of yourself,” the Sorting Hat preached. “You’d see outside the limitations of your own feeble mind and understand that the world was far bigger, and much larger than the one you created for yourself.”

Gwen was speechless. She stared at Hat with a sort of begrudging surprise. “I don’t remember that,” she murmured.

“You were the loneliest child I’ve come across,” the Sorting Hat mused. “Even more so than your friend, Potter.”

“How so?” She murmured.

“He wasn’t afraid people wouldn’t like him,” the Hat explained. “He wasn’t afraid of being alone. Your Potter is afraid of being trapped.”

“Those can be the same things,” Gwen tried.

“Perhaps,” the Sorting Hat allowed, “But you’ll realize that your destiny lies elsewhere, beyond your friends.”

Gwen studied the dark brown of the Sorting Hat’s creased face once again, wishing she could touch it and sense it. “Can you see into the future?”

“I can see into the mind,” the Sorting Hat clarified, “And from there deduce the possibilities. But that’s all they are – possibilities.”

“Visions are the same,” Gwen argued. “There’s no definite future, just a serious of possibilities based on choices.”  

“Yes, but you don’t just see visions. Do you, young Seer?” The Sorting Hat asked in his creaky old voice.

Gwen felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise and she spun around. Dumbledore was standing in the back of the room. Though he wore a friendly smile on his face, Gwen was on high alert. Wondering how much he just heard of the conversation and worrying that she should try to talk herself out of it.

“Would you like some tea, Ms. Easton?” Dumbledore offered in his soft, cavernous voice.

“No, thank you,” Gwen said. She felt tense all over as Dumbledore moved to the chair behind the large desk and sat down.

“Please have a seat,” Dumbledore gestured to the seat before him.

Gwen slowly lowered herself in the chair, trying to ignore that she could feel the Sorting Hat looking at her. The energy in the room was beginning to overwhelm her and she used the silent moment to take in a deep breath and touch the locket around her neck, rubbing her thumb over the grooves to ground herself.

“I understand,” Dumbledore began, “That you apparated from Hogwarts to your home. Is this true?”

“Yes,” Gwen admitted freely. “I went home.”

“Do you realize that to apparate off of school grounds without written consent violates many rules and potentially, laws?”

“Yes,” Gwen said, a little quieter this time. “I’m aware of that as well.”

“And yet you still went?” Dumbledore inquired.

“Yes.”

“Do you have any reasonable explanation you can offer?”

“I have an explanation but I don’t think it will be considered as reasonable.”

His crescent shaped lenses sat regally on his face as he took in Gwen’s serious face. She met his milky blue eyes head-on, feeling nothing but gentleness. She wasn’t in trouble.

“Why did you go home, Ms. Easton?”

“Because I needed to,” Gwen told him sincerely.  

Dumbledore sat quietly for a moment before he laced his fingers together and leaned forward. “Ms. Easton,” he began, “It has come to my attention that you are not simply a witch, but a Seer.”

For all the good Gwen knew Dumbledore was responsible for, she did not want to discuss her sight with him. In fact, she wanted to ball up her gifts and hide them in her robes. But Dumbledore’s perceptive eyes watched her face and feeling her short hair frame her chin, Gwen reminded herself that she had nothing to hide behind anymore.

“That’s true,” Gwen agreed.

If he was surprised that she’d admit to it so freely, he didn’t show. Instead he regarded her sympathetically. “The power of sight is not one to be taken on easily,” he noted.

“Do you have any experience with the sight?” Gwen pried.

“Not of my own,” he admitted. “But I have seen women reach great heights with their gifts.”

Gwen was tempted to ask him about the Origin Family. There was so much she needed to know, but as she looked at Dumbledore, there was nothing in her that trusted him – not this herself. With something about Harry, she wouldn’t think twice, but this was different.

“A Seer under a great deal of stress can fall prey to their own power,” Dumbledore murmured. “Are you under a great deal of stress, Ms. Easton?”

“Nothing I can’t learn to manage,” Gwen evaded.

She fisted her hands in her lap and gave Dumbledore a blank stare.

“I hear Harry and Ms. Weasley are seeing each other?” Dumbledore mentioned. His question surprised Gwen more than if he had asked her if she’d seen Pansy Parkinson’s newest pair of earrings.

“Uh, yes?”

“I understand that this could be a challenging time for you.”

Gwen sat mute for a moment. How did she even respond to a question like that?

“It is hard to love those so determined to believe that they do not deserve to be loved,” Dumbledore said in his soft voice.

She laced her fingers together and sat them in her lap. She tucked a piece of hair behind her and looked carefully at Dumbledore.

“Am I in trouble for leaving, Professor?” Gwen asked slowly.

“Given the circumstances,” Dumbledore answered. Allowing them to move on. “I will let you go with a warning, considering that you are already working with Professor Trelawney and Madam Pince. I can’t imagine that would have time for detention.”

“Thank you.”

Dumbledore nodded. “You may go return to your friends.”

“Thank you, Professor,” Gwen repeated.

She stood up and walked over to the door. Before she could walk out, Dumbledore called out to her.

“Guinevere,” he said. Hearing her full name from Dumbledore sounded different; the syllables felt older, more weary.

Gwen turned around to the older wizard, not quite sure what to expect. Dumbledore was looking at her with a deeply rooted sadness that went beyond her senses; it was so powerful that she could almost see it pale the air around him.

“Yes, Professor?” She asked.

“Power can make you strong,” he advised, voice full of regret. “But it cannot make you whole.”

Gwen blinked at him, feeling the weight of his burden. She nodded, allowing his own feelings to reflect in her face, before she slipped from the room. She went down the spiral staircase, listening to the heavy door swing shut.

##

The days settled back in a routine that was somehow different and familiar to Gwen all at once. The castle and grounds felt different to her, but it all look the same. Even the way she saw people was different. Everyone now glowed with faint colors all around them – auras – Professor Trelawney told her.

Gwen had snorted when she had heard the word, making Professor Trelawney frown. “Auras are a serious business, Gwen,” she reprimanded.

Gwen schooled her thoughts in a sober expression. “I’m sorry, Professor,” she tried to apologize.

Professor Trelawney’s faint purple aura glowed darker in her disapproval before lightening to its usual lavender hue. “You’ll have to be more careful now,” she said.

“How so?”

“Constantly being in touch with other people isn’t easy,” she explained, “That’s why many powerful Seers live in isolation. The constant awareness can be overwhelming.”

Gwen nodded seriously. “It hasn’t felt like too much,” she said.

“That’s good. The sight offers a great deal of power and insight but it comes at a price.”

The warning had been ominous then and even now replaying the words in her mind, Gwen took a deep breath to release the stress.

Walking through the halls was now like making her way through a series of rainbows of peoples, all of them touching her, but none stifling her.

She was moving to meet her friends outside in the courtyards, all of them trying to absorb the warmth of the rare sunny day. She felt people looking at her, felt their curiosity, but she ignored it mostly. Her hair had drawn a few comments and stares, but most benign.

Someone starting walking in step with her and Gwen turned to look. J.B. was grinning down at her with a bright smile. Gwen hadn’t seen him since she returned so she couldn’t help the excited squeal the erupted from her as she stopped to throw her arms around J.B. neck, hugging him tightly.

J.B. laughed in her ear as he easily returned her hug. “Wow,” he said sarcastically, “I knew you were going to miss me but I’m shocked you’d show it.”

“Oh, shut up,” Gwen grumbled over his shoulder.

J.B. pulled back to look at her. It was then that Gwen noticed Eartha standing beside J.B. looking Gwen over. “I like your hair,” she complimented simply.

Gwen tucked some of it behind her ear. “Oh, thanks,” she smiled.

Eartha sighed like Gwen was tiring before reaching forward and hugging her. “Friends hug,” Eartha explained like Gwen was slow.

Instead of being offended, Gwen couldn’t help but laugh and return Eartha’s hug, feeling the girl’s sincerity.

When Eartha pulled back, she looked over Gwen’s face. “You look good,” she said, “Rested.”

“Thanks, mum,” Gwen joked.

Eartha smiled, the sarcasm leaving her face. “You’re welcome.”

J.B. was watching Gwen’s face carefully with a pensive expression. “Let’s sit,” he said.

“Okay,” Gwen agreed. She had time before her friends were expecting her.

They all went to a bench by one of the columned walls. Eartha climbed up and sat on the wide railing, smoothing down her skirt as Gwen sat on the bench in front of her. J.B. sat down on the bench next to her and angled his body towards the two girls.

“How’s your mom?” J.B. asked.

Gwen couldn’t help but smile. “She’s good. She’s getting married.”

“To who?” Eartha asked.

“Her boyfriend, Luca.”

“She told you?”

Gwen shook her head. She turned slightly, hitching one leg up on the bench, so she could turn to see Eartha. “Luca asked for my blessing.”

“That’s so romantic,” Eartha breathed out.

J.B. looked up at her, his eyes years away, and smiled. “I’ll ask Gwen for her blessing too before I ask you to marry me,” he joked.

Eartha and Gwen both laughed. Gwen felt the pang of hollowness in her chest and Eartha and J.B. bickered playfully about their future marriage.

As if he could feel the dip in her emotions, J.B. intuitively turned back towards her. “You left and Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter started dating,” he noted.

“Unrelated,” Gwen shook her head.

Eartha immediately brought her hand to the top of Gwen’s head, the contact was almost overwhelmingly maternal. She stroked Gwen’s thick hair, finally free its perpetual tangle. “It’s okay to be sad about it,” she said softly.

Gwen leaned more heavily against Eartha’s kindness, rest her head against her knee, a rare show of affection for someone she didn’t know all that well. “It’s not hard to see them together,” she explained, “It’s just hard to be alone, you know?”

“You broke up with your boyfriend?” J.B. asked.

Gwen blinked her surprise at him. Eartha’s hand paused in its motions, clearly just as surprised. Gwen looked at J.B.’s gentle grey aura, almost sparkling silver in the light.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You did though.”  

Gwen sighed and rubbed her eye with her hands.

“You would have a secret boyfriend,” Eartha commented over her head, resuming the gentle braiding of Gwen’s hair.

Gwen huffed out a single laugh, feeling the Draco Malfoy shaped hole in her heart. She felt his loss in every vein of her body, but there was nothing she was willing to do about it. She loved him, undoubtedly, but love wouldn’t come at the price of her soul. She couldn’t fix or change him; she knew that now. She could only change how she went about her life.

“Yeah,” Gwen sighed.

“Are you okay?” J.B. asked.

“I am,” Gwen said, nodding. “I’m getting better.”  _Stronger_ , she wanted to say.  

“Why did you break up?” Eartha asked gently.

Gwen thought about it carefully before speaking. Eartha continued to softly muse her short locks and J.B. was looking at her with unfathomable friendship and care. She finally spoke, her eyes cast somewhere else. 

“Love doesn’t work when one person is giving up more than the other all the time. Love shouldn’t make you feel alone.”

Both Eartha and J.B. were both silent. Eartha moved her hands from Gwen's hair and reached forward to her arms all the way around Gwen’s shoulders, her hands clasped over Gwen’s heart. She lowered her cheek to Gwen’s temple and held her for a moment. “I think you’re very brave, Guinevere Easton.”

“I just want to do what’s right,” Gwen said.

“You will,” J.B. said seriously. “It’s woven into the fabric of your personality.”

Gwen smiled at him and reached up to grab Eartha’s hands, holding it to her. She felt their auras around her and she felt safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends, give me your thoughts.


	24. Face in My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark! xxx

Gwen knew she was taking a risk going to the Restricted Section while she was working, but she couldn’t ignore the strong pull she felt every time she stepped foot in the library.

She didn’t dare ask to borrow Harry’s invisibility cloak on the off chance she was caught. She crept through the darkness, using her hand against the shelves as a way to gauge how far she’d gone back – 78 shelves so far.

She touched the flyer she had crumpled into her pocket. Madam Pince had caught her when she’d arrived for her shift.

“Oh, Gwen,” she rang out.

Gwen had approached, ready for whatever task she would be assigned for the day. Madam Pince handed her a very bland looking sheet of paper.

“It’s a flyer for a lecture event tonight at Hogsmeade,” Madam Pince explained, “I thought it might be something you’d find interesting.”

Gwen looked down at the paper to quickly read through the paper:

Teresa Asad – Eastern Sight and Western Influence

She pressed her lips tightly together and looked at Madam Pince with wide questioning eyes. The older librarian watched Gwen with a gentle fondness. “A good librarian,” she said softly, “knows what her patrons need.”

“Thank you,” Gwen said sincerely. “I’d love to go.”

“Wonderful,” she exclaimed. She actually said it normally but the slight twitch in her lips was for her what exuberance was for others. “I’ve written you a pass to allow to leave the castle.”

Gwen took the pass gratefully. “Thank you, Madam Pince. I really appreciate it.”

Another twitch of Madam Pince’s lips.

“You’re quite welcome.”

Gwen gently fingered the pass as she continued to move through the darkness. She knew exactly what she was looking for. Organizing an old catalog book for Madam Pince, Gwen had come across a book titled _Tracing the Sight of Origin in the East_. After briefly reading the books few lines of description, she decided it was worth pursuing. Maybe the way she had been taught to go about her sight was limiting her. If she had a better idea of what questions to ask, she could really learn something from that scholar tonight.

84 shelves.

She reflected on her changing powers in the last few weeks since returning to Hogwarts. The world glowed with auras, the tangible world vibrated with memories, she tasted every intention. Her eyesight had changed. She would be talking to someone and all the sudden their faces stopped looking like their faces; it was like she could see deeper, beyond the flesh and into their soul.

Even her hearing had changed. True words fell gently on her, but lies shook.

Sight was taking on a whole new meaning for her. All of her senses seemed to be attached and they only seemed to be getting stronger. She wondered if there was a peak for people like her or did they just continue to grow throughout your life, like your nose or ears.

99 shelves.

She paused and turned down, keeping her hands on the shelf so as to not lose her way as she began to count the shelves. Madam Pince’s catalog was nearly infallible so Gwen knew her book was on the third shelf from the bottom, fifty-two books down. 

She began to trail her fingers down the shelf, the sensations coming off the books into her mind were distracting. With a grunt, she went back to the beginning again for the third time. She kept getting bombarded with memories and feelings of people who had held the books before her.

She just had to focus.

She took a deep breath in and shut her eyes. She focused all of her energy on a small point in the front of her mind, focusing on this single light as she began to walk down the aisle. She was vaguely aware of the books calling out to her but the sounds fell outside of her.

The light in her head turned into a mouth as she counted the books down. Without any conscious decision the mouth became a face.

She paused at book twenty-one and hitched a breath painfully.

Draco’s smiling face was her focal point. His lips quirked upwards and his eyes sparkling with playfulness. The boy she’d fallen in love with.

“Keep going,” he urged her.

Gwen bowed her head, hearing his voice as if he was speaking in her ear. “Twenty-one,” he repeated softly, encouraging.

Taking a shaky breath in, Gwen continued down the aisle.

Twenty-two, twenty-three…Draco’s voice counted the books for her. She kept her head bowed and fought the urge to allow everything touch her at once. She focused on the physical sensations – fingers to book – and nothing else.

“Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two,” Draco’s voice slowly stopped. She felt the spine of the book but didn’t open her eyes. She focused on the image before; the way his skin lit up with health, the small dip right below his lips, the laughter in his gaze.

She could feel the real Draco around the castle. She had been experimenting with closing off the connection between them, but so far, she could always feel him. It was just like when you put a heavy watch on. In the beginning, you felt the weight of it, the way the band felt on your skin, but eventually it faded and you adjusted to its weight. You only felt the difference when you tried to take the watch off and it left you off-balance.

Draco was tattooed on her sense. Something that was always there but she tried to not pay attention to it because it only made the pain worse. But with his face in her mind, she felt him full force. His overwhelming loneliness, his pain, his grief. All of them trickling down Gwen’s throat in an astringent burn.

She felt his fear. The weight of a burden she didn’t know.

Merlin. How she missed him.

She took a deep breath, actively visualizing pushing the part of her mind so attuned to him back in the crowded space, still there, but not overpowering everything else. She tugged the book she needed out halfway before moving her hand to rest against the shelf.

She opened her eyes and let his face fade from her mind. Power thrummed through her body as the world was lit up with emotion. She shut her eyes, poking around in her mind once more. It came to her like a constellation – small lights representing different senses.

She could immediately feel J.B. distinctly. She tasted his happiness, his stress over exams, his constant love for Eartha. She could feel it all.

She breathed out heavily, moving through the different lights in her mind. She could sense her friends – Harry provided the strongest reading out of all three. Which didn’t really surprise her.

She moved to another light, one of the further ones and moved towards it in her mind. It was Adora. Gwen could feel the distance between them.

She could sense Adora’s glowing elation. Luca must’ve proposed. Luca was there too; his light was entwined with Adora’s.

Gwen felt herself smile at the feelings. The power grew stronger; her body growing warm with heightened awareness. She was fighting to keep her breathing normal. It was like she was exercising while standing absolutely still.

She moved to the light furthest away. Its presence was different; Gwen moved towards more cautiously.

She moved into it and suddenly black smoke filled her mind, vanishing all of the other lights and engulfing her in the darkness. The silver eyes came shooting forward, unblinking and unforgiving.

Gwen reeled. She grabbed the shelf, she felt her hand holding onto the shelf but couldn’t actually feel the shelf beneath her hand. It was like her physical body had disconnected.

The silver eyes remained wide and focused on her. She felt a choking sensation as she dragged breath in and out painfully.

_You’re getting stronger_. The voice curled through her head, mimicking the smoke.

  _Who are you?_ Gwen felt like the words would’ve come out like a shout if she had spoken them aloud. The choking got worse.

A hazy laugh filled her mind. _Come find me, child. Come home._

Gwen gasped like she had been holding her breath and fell to the ground, coughing loudly. She didn’t care if anyone heard her. She leaned heavily against the bookshelf next to her and grasped her neck.

The book she had pulled out fell on her. Gwen snatched it up, holding it to her chest. She could still feel the smoke around her so she began to crawl away, coughing the whole way through. She didn’t bother counting the shelves to see how close she was. She crawled until she regained the strength to stand and then walked until she could run. She saw the light of the library and sprinting without caring how it would look.

She opened the small gate and moved into the main library breathing heavily and with a wild look on her face. There were a few people in the library who looked at with confused expressions before whispering to their friends. Gwen ignored them and looked around for Madam Pince. When she didn’t see her, Gwen quickly, and as surreptitiously as possible, tucked the book under her sweater that had been too thick for the warm spring day.

She adjusted the awkward lump as best she could. She swallowed and flinched – her throat hurt. That was the only thought running through her head as she knocked on Madam Pince’s office. “Come in,” the librarian called out.

Gwen walked in, aware of the slightly crazy haze in her eyes being reflected in Madam Pince’s surprised one. “Gwen,” she murmured, “Are you alright?”

“I’m not feeling well,” Gwen said. Her throat sore and her voice was hoarse.

Madam Pince stood up and started walking over to Gwen. Gwen took a step back. “I have to throw up,” Gwen said candidly.

That stopped the older woman’s steps abruptly. Her face even took on a slight greenish tint at the mere thought and nodded three times rapidly. “Go to the infirmary,” she said.

Gwen gave a jerky nod before grabbing her bag that was stuffed by the door before wordlessly fleeing from the library.

She went to the only lavatory she knew would be empty. She opened the heavy door and heard nothing but the soft leaking of a loose faucet. She threw her bag in the sink next to her, pulled the book out from underneath her sweater, and tossed it on top before she looked into the mirror.

She pulled off her sweater and unbuttoned the top of her shirt. Her eyes bugged. There were bruises on her neck. She looked in closer and clutched the sink for support as she swayed, lightheaded at the sight. There were finger marks, like someone had tried to choke her…from inside her mind.

_Come home_ , the voice was whispered.

 Gwen shivered and stared at the marks before looking down at the smuggled book. What was reaching out to her?

##

Gwen pulled on a high neck sweater that would probably fare better in the crisp spring night. It was getting too warm to wear sweaters, she noted. Summer was fast approaching.

She sighed at the thought, excited to be back at home with Adora, Luca, and Courage. She was already planning a time for both J.B. and Eartha to come visit. Adora had mentioned in her last letter how she still wanted to meet them.

“Where are you going again?” Hermione asked from her bed.

“A lecture in Hogsmeade,” Gwen said casually. She brushed her short locks from her face, staring at the soft curls. It still surprised her how different she looked.

“You’re willingly going to another lecture,” Hermione raised her eyebrows skeptically.

Gwen rolled her eyes and wheeled around to look at her friend with hands on her hips. “You’re not the only person who likes a good lecture, you know.”

Hermione snorted and continued to jot down something on the parchment in her lap. She looked back up and did a double-take. “What’s that on your neck?”

Gwen yanked her sweater up higher. “Nothing.”

She sounded so guilty.

“Is that a hickey?” Hermione exclaimed. She threw down her parchment and sat up with her mouth agape.

“No,” Gwen blushed.

“It is!” Hermione chortled. “You’ve got a hickey!”

“It’s not a hickey,” Gwen snapped.

“Oh, Merlin,” Hermione said, still laughing. She rolled back on her bed clutching her stomach.

Gwen bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn’t very well tell Hermione that some evil malevolent force inside her head had choked her hard enough to leave bruises. So instead she tugged her sweater up to her ears and slipped on her boots. “Shut up,” she grumbled.

“Who did it?” Hermione gasped.

“No one.”

“Tell me!”

“Hermione.”

“Gwen!”

“It was a mistake,” Gwen said instantly. She felt a heavy weight in her stomach. “It was a mistake and I don’t want to talk about it.” She paused before adding. “Please.”

Hermione’s face went soft with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Gwen. I know things have been hard for you since Colin…and everything with Harry.”

Gwen picked at a loose thread on her sweater. She looked back up at Hermione and gave her a pained, crooked smile.

“You’ll meet someone,” Hermione assured. “The person you’re meant to be with.”

I’ve already met him, Gwen wanted to say.

“We’re just not the type of girls who date around a lot,” Hermione said seriously. It sounded like a pep talk but for which one of them, Gwen wasn’t sure. “We know what we want,” Hermione continued. “We’ve got to find someone who we deserve and deserves us.”

“Right,” Gwen said, feeling a lump in her throat.

“It’ll get easier once we leave school,” Hermione said. “When we meet more people.”

“Do we need to meet more people?” Gwen asked softly. “Or are we just running from the people we want now?”

Hermione’s face flashed with pain. “Who are you running from, Gwen?”

Gwen gripped the bottom of her sweater tightly and spoke without looking up. Her voice full. “Someone who doesn’t deserve me.”

“Gwen,” Hermione murmured softly.

Gwen shook her head and stood up. “I have to go,” she said.

Hermione looked like she wanted to speak but nodded instead. “Be safe.”

Gwen walked over and kissed Hermione on the cheek, hugging her for a moment. “I will,” she promised.

She moved out of the room and from the Common Room as quickly as possible, hoping to avoid as many people as possible. The Common Room was like a light show for her now – everyone’s auras filling her space and touching her if she wasn’t focused.

She eventually made it out of the castle, double-checking that she had both the flyer and the note from Madam Pince in her back pocket. She saw the beginnings of Hogsmeade and breathed out a heavy breath.

Gwen moved down the path slowly, feeling the world tingle around her. How did anyone ever think they were alone in nature, she wondered as she felt the pulse of life in her fingertips. She began humming quietly to herself in the late twilight, swinging her arms forward and backwards.

Suddenly, she heard a shout and a bang and maybe it was too much proximity to Harry Potter or maybe it was who Gwen was all along, but she followed the noise. A strange pull of intuition guiding her forward. It was late and most students weren’t allowed out of the castle this late. She walked up to the pub and paused, listening.

“You blasted boy,” an old voice snarled. “Last time you’ll be allowed in my pub.”

She heard a door open and slam shut. There was only silence for a few moments before Gwen heard someone coughing on the other side of the pub. She knew all at once who it was before she turned. She felt him, still like sunshine in her throat. Her body pulsed in time with the earth.

She turned the corner and looked at him without moving. He was curled in a ball on the damp ground, puking his guts out.

Gwen steeled herself against the onslaught of nausea. She waited until he began to dry heave before moving towards him. “Draco,” she called out gently.

 He turned to look at her slowly, like his neck didn’t work. His face was ashen and gaunt. He was a shadow of who he once was, but Gwen couldn’t stop the painful longing in her chest as she looked at him.

“Are you okay?” She whispered idiotically.

“Are you real?”

His voice was hoarse but his eyes glittered – from the alcohol or the stars she didn’t know. She nodded and knelt next to him, careful not to breath. “I’m real.”

“I dream about you so much,” he murmured.

Gwen could almost forget the vomit on the front of his jacket. She could almost look into his eyes and see the Draco she spent the summer with. She could feel the faint glimmers of who he once was. Almost.

Because as much as she wanted to see those things; she saw the aura surrounding him. The black tinged with something sickly. She couldn’t help someone who didn’t want to be saved.

“You have to get up,” Gwen whispered.

“You look so different,” he continued. He reached up and touched her hair; his cold fingers touching her jaw. She shut her eyes against the familiar rush of heat of her skin. “So beautiful,” he said.

“You need to stand up, Draco,” Gwen told him. Her voice still feather-soft.

“You smile at me in my dreams,” he said, his voice far away, “I can tell when it’s a nightmare because you’re crying. I wake up crying too.”

She blinked back the burn of tears. He spoke and her heart ruptured, but her eyes and sight saw how he was poisoned and she knew that should wouldn’t be able to escape it and love him at the same time.

“I’ll help you stand,” Gwen said. “I’ll take you to the castle.”

“I miss you so much,” Draco said hoarsely.

She moved forward until she could move one of his arms around her shoulders, bracing his weight as best she could. When he realized what she was doing, he began to help her. His body heavier with drunkenness.

She turned them back towards the castle, walking slowly on the wet earth. Draco kept up a soft, sad stream of slurred declarations.

“You cut your hair,” he continued, “You always have long hair in my dreams.”

Gwen continued to ignore him. She felt his aura touching her and had to focus on not throwing up. She could feel the sickness radiating from him. The darkness was so strong she almost felt compelled to cast her patronus. How had he fallen so far?

They finally made it back to the castle and Gwen led him up the stairs towards the Slytherin Common Room. They both paused on the third staircase up, Gwen panting on the stair below him. She’d essentially been pushing him up the entire time. He looked down at her, his eyes suddenly lucid.

“Do you remember this?” He asked. His voice was surprisingly clear.

He put his hands on her shoulders gently. “The slime,” he clarified.

Gwen felt herself smile. “Yeah, I do,” she said softly.

He smiled back at her. “That was the best day of my life.”

Gwen huffed out a laugh through her nose. “Really?”

Draco nodded, smiling wider. Color rushed into his pale cheeks and for a moment, his eyes sparked with life. “Actually, the day you kissed me was the best day of my life. Actually no,” he continued to add, “Every day with you is the best day of my life.”

Gwen felt her heart squeeze painfully. She put her hands on his waist and gently pushed him back. “Come on,” she said softly, “We’re nearly there.”

Silently, they continued up the stairs until they finally made it to the porthole in front of the Slytherin Common Room. Gwen propped Draco up against the wall momentarily so she could check his face. “Will you be okay getting in on your own?”

Draco looked at her and nodded wordlessly. She should’ve just walked away, but Gwen remained rooted where she was. She looked at him with her hands pressed to his shoulders, keeping him upright. Her fingers gripped his dirty white shirt ever so slightly.

“Do you even love me anymore?” He asked her suddenly.

His voice was deep enough that Gwen felt her toes curl. She swallowed against the feeling of Draco’s emotions. He was a moving conflict – his love for her infected by whatever darkness that was strangling him.

“I told you,” Gwen said throatily, “I’ll always love you.”

Draco reached up and touched Gwen’s cheek. His fingers were clammy but it still left a wake of warmth on her skin.

“Gwen,” he whispered.

She pulled away from him, feeling out of breath. “I have to go,” she said.

He looked at her and she felt everything inside him swell, nearly choking her. She stared at him for one more painful second before she ripped herself away from him and ran down the hall. She was crying before she turned the corner.

##

Gwen and Harry were walking through the halls a few days later, talking about all the homework they needed to do but hadn’t yet started.

“I have a Divination paper due tomorrow,” Gwen groaned.

“You haven’t started it?”

“I haven’t even pulled out a piece of parchment for it.”

Harry snorted. “I’m sure Trelawney will give you an extension.”

“I hate asking.”

“That’s because you don’t like asking for help,” Harry said.

Gwen rolled her eyes. “That’s not true. I don’t like asking for unnecessary help. It’s different.”

“Right,” Harry said sarcastically.

Harry was walking with Gwen to the library before he continued to Professor Dumbledore’s office for another secret mission. It had been a long time since it had just been the two of them. Gwen was almost surprised when he offered and she was certain some of the shock was visible on her face when he asked.

“Uh, sure,” she stupidly stammered out.

Harry nodded before packing up the rest of his stuff. They had all been sat in the Common Room doing their end of term work quietly. He quietly murmured a goodbye to Ginny before leaning down and giving her a parting kiss.

Gwen, for some reason, adverted her eyes.

She gave a noncommittal wave to the rest of the group before they went out of the porthole and into the castle.

“Do you know where you’re going?” Gwen asked Harry. She knew that he was going on another trip with Dumbledore.

Harry shook his head. “I don’t really ever know until we get there.”

“That would stress me out,” Gwen muttered.

“It does a bit,” Harry shrugged, “But I trust Dumbledore.”

“I know,” Gwen acknowledged. She bumped his shoulder while they walked. “That’s the only reason any of us let you go.”

As she spoke, she kept studying the stones of the castle as her feet crossed over them, feeling the essence of the steps. The corridors of the castle always felt loud to her because they held so many memories, so many emotions. She heard Harry huff out another laugh. He stuck his hands in his pockets and slowed his pace down a little bit. She tasted the shift in his demeanor before he spoke. “Hey, Gwen,” he began quietly.

“Hm?” Gwen said, keeping her eyes on her feet.

Harry stopped completely and stood. Gwen looked up, realizing that he had stilled, and turned around to face. She tucked a thick, smooth tuft of her hair behind her ear and waited for him to continue. 

Harry watched the motion carefully with an inscrutable expression. Gwen felt a strong wave of emotion churn through him and she frowned with concern.

“You okay?”

Harry nodded and bit his lip. “I know things are still kind of… _off_ …between us.”

His eyes darted around slightly before settling on her heavily. She blinked a few times in surprise but beyond that gave no reaction, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m just glad,” Harry said hoarsely. He paused to clear his throat before repeating himself. “I’m just that we’re friends again.”

Gwen gave him what she felt like was a sad smile. “We were never not friends, Harry,” she said softly.

“I know but it was different.”

“It still is different.”

She hesitated before allowing that truth to fall from her mouth but as Harry nodded, she knew that she wasn’t the only one dealing with the confusing dynamic of their relationship. The strain of their intense emotions had worn them both raw, but operating without the undercurrent of something more was foreign territory to them both - and they had yet to discover how to navigate it. 

“We both made our choices,” Gwen continued, “And I think they were both for the best.”

That pulled a reluctant smile from Harry. “You’re probably right.”

“Probably,” Gwen returned with her signature crooked smile.

They were standing somewhat close to each other that Gwen could see the black flecks in Harry’s green eyes, but more obviously she could feel the weight of his heart and she understood it was not a weight she was ever meant to carry.

At another time, maybe they would have embraced, but for Gwen it felt like too many lines had been blended. Too many things that should have been simple had been made confusing from both of their avoidances.

“Come on,” she gestured with her head. “I don’t want to be late.”

“Lead the way,” Harry smiled.

##

She was shelving some books when Madam Pince came up to her. “How was the lecture?” She asked.

Gwen paused holding a book in the air for a single second as she debated whether or not she should lie. Deciding against it, she tucked the book safely into the shelf and turned around to face Madam Pince.

“I actually didn’t go,” Gwen told her.

Madam Pince looked surprised and Gwen felt a wave of guilt. “I was on my way,” she explained quickly, “But I ran into a…friend of mine and they were sick. I had to take them back to their room.”

Madam Pince, in that inscrutable way that set Gwen’s teeth on edge, evaluated her words and expressions before nodding sympathetically.

“It would’ve been most illuminating for you,” she said.

“I agree,” Gwen said. She knew her face revealed some of the regret she felt.

“I have something that might cheer you up,” Madam Pince said.

“You do?”

“Yes,” Madame Pince said. She reached into her old robes and pulled out a small piece of parchment.

Gwen put down the books in her arms and took the crisp parchment from Madam Pince. She unfurled and stared. It was a name and an address.  

_Abdullah Latif_

_432 Townsen Avenue_

“It’s a scholar in London,” Madam Pince explained. “He specializes in Sight in the Modern Age but he has a strong background on natural Sight.”

Gwen stared dumbfounded between the parchment and the older smiling woman.

“He’s a good friend of mine,” Madam Pince explained, “And he said if over the summer, you’d like to write him your questions or even use his resources, you’d be more than welcome.”

Gwen was still struck silent for a few more moments before she managed to speak. “Thank you,” she said. Her voice was quiet with gratitude.

Madam Pince recognized her lack of reaction for what it was. She smiled and reached out to put her hand on Gwen’s shoulder – her version of a hug. “It’s been wonderful having you in the library this term, Gwen. I hope you’ll join me again in your final term.”

“I would love to,” Gwen said. She looked up and gave Madam Pince another bright, naturally crooked smile.

Madam Pince opened her mouth to speak but an earsplitting scream erupted from the halls. Gwen jumped into the air and then stilled. The wave of sorrow and pain blew into her like a wind so fiercely that it knocked the breath from her body.

“What’s going on?” Madam Pince worried aloud.

Gwen didn’t respond. She pushed the crowd of students filing into the courtyard, hearing the screaming and crying grow louder the farther she moved.

She finally shoved her way through and stilled. There lying in the middle of the courtyard was Dumbledore.

And he was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are legitimately the best for holding out for me and I love each and everyone one of you for it. I know it's not the longest chapter, but I was decided to post it early. There's only one of two more chapters left of Year 6. So many things are happening right now - I'm going to grad school (YAY!), I'm moving away from home (YAY!), I'm in the process of leaving my current job (DOUBLE YAY!), and I'm also just dealing with the everyday crisis that is identity (YAY!). Anyways, let me know how you all are. I mean it - give me a synopsis of your life at this moment and what you think of the story. 
> 
> All the love, friends. 
> 
> XXX


	25. Fight For This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark! xx 
> 
> Year 7 coming out soon!

Shouts fill the air as curses light up the castle grounds. Gwen stared in complete shock at Dumbledore’s pale, lifeless body for one more instant before someone came crashing into her, knocking her onto the ground.

“Watch out!” J.B. shouted from atop her.

“What’s happening?” Gwen coughed from the rising dust as she sat up. They were behind a large column as the battle raged on.

J.B. moved so he was sitting in front of her, protecting her.

“Death Eaters,” J.B. said grimly.

Gwen blinked in surprise. J.B.’s face was streaked with both blood and dirt. She took her sleeve and wiped the stain on his forehead. “You’re bleeding,” she worried.

J.B. grinned. “Not mine,” he said lightly.

“Eartha,” Gwen worried.

“Right behind you,” she heard the familiar voice come running behind them.

Gwen turned around and saw a Death Eater swarm from behind Earth’s running form, lifting their wand to attack her unsuspecting friend.

“Stupefy,” Gwen shouted instinctively. Her wand flew into her hand, almost as if it sensed her desperation.

The Death Eater went flying and Eartha tripped from fear before collapsing before them. J.B., though clearly exhausted, reached forward and grabbed her before she hit the ground. He brought her curved body closer to him, hugging her tightly.

“Thanks,” Eartha said with a shaky voice.

Gwen stood up, coughing once more. She could taste so much panic. The world was almost burning red with hatred, fear, and anger.

She could almost smell death in the air. It was stale and putrid, making her gag for a moment. She swallowed down the bile and wiped her suddenly sweaty palms on her skirt.  

“We have to move,” Gwen said.

J.B. and Eartha both nodded, ready for whatever Gwen led them into. She ran back through the courtyard, throwing stuns at every Death Eater she saw. She jumped over a pile of rubble before she saw Ron, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Lupin all battling Death Eaters.

She reared her wand to attack one but before she could do anything, Snape, Draco, and a large blonde Death Eater sprinted past her. She watched as Harry, close behind, charged after them.

“No!” Gwen choked out. Not sure what she meant.

She raced after Harry, hearing J.B. and Eartha call out her name from behind her, but she ignored them and kept running

Her legs carried her away from the castle and past the Whomping Willow. Her breathing was growing more labored with anxiety and desperation as she willed her legs to go faster. She felt the blood in her body pumping furiously. She saw Harry in the distance; she was getting closer to him but she was still too far.

_Turn around,_ a raspy voice in her head, that wasn’t hers, shouted out.

Gwen reared to a stop only to feel the burn of a curse fly past her ear. She turned around and saw the growling face of a Death Eater glaring behind her.

“Stupefy,” Gwen retaliated and the Death Eater went flying.

She turned around and saw that Harry was suddenly gone. Two Death Eaters were approaching something on the ground that she couldn’t see. Intuition pooled into the pit of her stomach, coating her insides with dread.

No, no, no, she panicked. She went racing towards them, panting hard, legs burning more than they ever had – like they were on fire. She watched as one of the Death Eaters lifted their arms in attack and Gwen felt a sob rip through her throat. 

The pain turned desperate and Gwen felt fire in her legs swell throughout her body, but this time she understood what it was. Last time when she had accidentally brought Harry down with the fire in her mind, she had been terrified. This time, she was grateful. She fisted her hands while running, feeling the heat scorch her skin from within and without casting a single spell both of the Death Eaters cried out in pain and sank to the ground.

Harry jumped up in surprise and stared at their writhing bodies before looking up at Gwen, who had finally made it to him, as she panted with exertion.

Her skin was flushed with intensity and her eyes were focused on the two bodies below her. She watched them cry out in pain and squeezed her fists harder, so terrified she couldn’t stop.

“Immobolus,” Harry cast.  

Both of the Death Eaters went still but Gwen couldn’t stop, she felt the heat rise in her body still. Her hair began to curl as her skin turned more red.  

“Gwen,” Harry called out. His voice sounded like it was coming from a great distance.

Gwen suddenly tensed when someone grabbed her fist. “Gwen,” Harry repeated.

She blinked, realizing that Harry was in front of her. He’d let go of her fist like he’d been burnt, but didn’t move from in front of her.

“I was so far,” she whispered. Her voice sounded removed from her body. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get to you in time.”

“You did,” Harry said earnestly. His face was filled with questions, but the blankness in Gwen’s stilled them both for a moment.

Gwen finally looked into Harry’s eyes. They were bright green and in them, Gwen saw his anger and grief. She tasted in his sudden worry for her and she could hear his concern ringing throughout his words. She wasn’t sure what Harry saw in her own face because he remained absolutely still until he very hesitantly reached forward and held onto her hand again – still in a fist – and gently pried her fingers apart. Gwen felt the blood rush back into them as Harry lifted her palm up so they both could see. In the base of her hand were four bleeding crescent moon shapes. Her nails, Gwen realized with surprise.

“Gwen,” Harry gasped quietly.

Gwen couldn’t look away from her hands, the blood even looked like fire to her. Neither of them spoke again but Harry stroked the small crescents with his thumb and Gwen looked back up at him, feeling the questions in his touch.

A shout broke through the air. Hagrid, in the distance, battling Death Eaters.

“We have to go,” Harry said.

Gwen nodded and the two took off down the hill with wands at the ready. When they arrived, Hagrid was battling the large blond Death Eater. Gwen saw Draco and Snape running towards the gate.

“If they get to the gate, they’ll be able to disapparate,” Harry shouted.

He charged towards them, throwing curses at Snape blindly. His rage was immediate to Gwen, and it was clearly making him sloppy, causing him to miss each time.  

Gwen was suddenly thrown to the side by a great explosion. The large blond Death Eater lit Hagrid’s hut on fire, causing the windows to explode and sending glass everywhere.

“Gwen!” Draco called out.

“Keep running,” Snape screamed at Draco.

Gwen forced herself up, feeling glass piercing her skin as blood streaked down her arm, staining the grass below her.

“You coward,” Harry screamed at Snape.

Gwen stood up and pushed her legs to run after Draco, moving past the curses flying between Harry and Snape.

“Draco,” she yelled hoarsely.

He halted still, the movement causing him to trip and hit the ground. Gwen pushed forward until she was standing only a few feet away from him.

Draco scrambled to his feet. His face was covered in dirt with tears cutting streaks down his face. She tasted his fear, his desperation, his hopelessness. The intensity of it made her shiver as ice filled her. His pain.

She gripped her wand tightly in her hand, feeling all of his fear and feeling her own fear for him. The combination turned her blood to ice as her hands began to tremble. She looked down at the tips of her fingers as they turned blue. The chill of his fear reaching the very alchemy of her soul.  “Draco,” she implored, trying to ignore the sudden chattering of her teeth.  

“Your lips,” he said in surprise.

He moved closer to her for a moment before stopping suddenly. “What?” Gwen asked, moving her fingers to them mouth. They felt cold to the touch.

“They’re blue,” Draco fretted.

It was nearly impossible for her to taste it in the midst of his overwhelming fear, but she could taste the barest streaks of sunshine as they poured down her throat. He loved her. He would always love her, he said.

She looked into his pale eyes and in the moment, she latched onto the faintest drops of his love and pushed it through her body and as quickly as it began, the shivering ceased. She moved towards him.

“Don’t go.”

Draco, as if he would melt if she touched him, leapt back. “Stop, Gwen,” he cried out. “It’s too late. He said he’d kill me if I didn’t. I can never go back now.”

Gwen furrowed her brow, halting still. “What are you talking about?”

She heard Harry scream from behind her. She turned quickly behind her to see him sprawled on the ground with Snape crouched over him.

She felt torn and looked back at Draco intently.  

“What are you saying?” She repeated.

Draco shook his head violently, ignoring her question. “I can never come back.”

“What does that even mean, Draco?” She asked. Her voice sounded almost angry. They were running out of time.

“Don’t love me, Gwen,” he said. He wiped his face violently, smearing the dirt even further into his face. “There’s nothing left of me.”

Gwen felt her power radiating through her. She looked at Draco and saw the black smudginess of his air. She felt the disease coursing through his body, but even as he warned her away from him, she still felt that familiar sense in the back of her throat.

Sunshine.

He was doing it to protect her because he knew the risk he took in loving her. She wanted to punch him for being so dense, but she didn’t have time. She heard Harry and Snape behind her – the fight turning more rampant.

“I’ll stop them,” she said. “I promise.”

Draco looked at her confusingly, but she never saw the world so clearly.

“All of them. Voldemort. I can’t do anything about it right now,” she continued, knowing that time was running out. “I know you’ll leave now. I know the world will be dark for you right now and that I can’t be there, but listen to me, Draco Malfoy.”

Draco stared at her like he’d never seen her before and Gwen took a measured step towards him, lifting her chin up, feeling the hairs on her body rise as her power pulsed through her. Draco looked slightly terrified of her so she had no idea how she must have looked to him right now.

“The world will not be dark forever,” she said with conviction, “This war will end and there will be light again. Just promise me you’ll have hope.”

Draco said nothing. He just continued to stare at her.

“I’m going to save you,” Gwen said fervently. “I promise. I’m never going to stop fighting for you. You’ll be free one day. Even if we’re not together, you’ll still be free. Just…have hope.”

“Gwen,” Draco murmured.

He began to move closer to her but stopped to open his mouth. “No!” He shouted.

Gwen felt the curse hit her in the back and she sank to the ground.

“Gwen!” Draco yelled, running towards her.

She opened her eyes, her vision foggy. She felt his cold hands on her cheeks. “Stay awake,” he begged.

“You, idiot,” Snape cursed. He grabbed Draco by the collar and ripped him away.

Gwen rolled her head to the side. She saw Draco staring. He said her name once before he and Snape vanished, ripping through space, leaving nothing behind them but destruction.

“Gwen!” A gruff voice shouted out. She felt a big arm come around her and lift her up.

“Hagrid,” she said in blurry recognition.

Hagrid kissed the top of her head gratefully. “Blimey, you’re alright. You’re both alright.”

“The house, Hagrid,” Harry shouted.

“Right,” Hagrid agreed. He placed both Gwen and Harry on the ground for a moment, allowing them to lean on each other. “Aguamenti!”

Gwen and Harry both raised their wands, repeating after Hagrid. Gwen watched the violent sprays of water flourish forth and douse the flames.

When the fire finally died away, the three of them stood there in its smoke, panting hard. Gwen turned to look at Harry. His face was broken and pained.

She opened her mouth but found that no sound could escape. Harry reached forward and grasped her hand again, squeezing it. There were no questions in him this time, Gwen sensed. It was a basic human instinct to touch something else alive just to ensure that you could. They grasped hands as a reminder that both of them were there and alive.

They were both alive.

“What happened?” Hagrid asked them.

“Snape,” Harry said, letting go of Gwen’s hand. “He killed Dumbledore.”

“Snape?” Hagrid exclaimed in surprise. “No.”

“Yes,” Harry insisted.

Hagrid shook his head in disbelief.

“Hagrid, please,” Harry said, “We need to get back to the castle.”

Hagrid grabbed both Harry and Gwen and tucked them both against each of his sides and began to lead them up the hill, allowing strength to return to their legs.

By the time they made it to the Astronomy Tower, Gwen could still feel the decay in the air – it was stronger now and making it hard for her to breath. She looked up and gasped in horror. Harry followed her gaze and they all froze at the same moment.

Above the Astronomy Tower, the Dark Mark swirled menacingly. A reminder. A warning.

Harry moved from the shock first, going towards the grass where Dumbledore’s lifeless body laid still. Gwen began to follow him but stopped. It wasn’t her place to be there with him.  

Harry, almost paternally, straightened Dumbledore’s glasses and wiped the blood from his mouth. He picked up something up from Dumbledore’s pocket, a necklace of sorts.

“Gwen!” J.B. called out.

Gwen turned around saw him running out of the castle towards her. She moved towards him, throwing her arms around his shoulders with relief.

“Are you okay?” J.B. whispered in Gwen’s ear.

Gwen squeezed J.B. tighter in response. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth that she’d just start crying.

She watched over J.B.’s shoulder as Ginny came from the castle. The two girls met each other’s eyes sadly. Ginny gave Gwen a shaky smile before moving towards Harry.

Gwen looked away. “Where is everyone else?” She asked J.B. quietly. “Where’s Eartha?”

“Everyone is in the Hospital Wing,” he told her.

He guided her through the castle with a gentle arm around her shoulder until they made it to the Hospital wing.

“Eartha?” Gwen asked.

“She’s sleeping now,” J.B. said, gesturing with his head where his girlfriend was fast asleep, looking far more peaceful than she had earlier. “Madame Pomfrey gave her a potion to help her rest.”

Gwen nodded, staring at Eartha’s face. “She’ll be okay,” Gwen murmured.

“Yeah,” J.B. sniffled.

Gwen turned and looked at him. His face was drawn with exhaustion and worry. Gwen put her hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

J.B. gave her a faint smile. “I’m alright,” he reassured her with a brotherly pat on her hand.

Gwen wanted to continue but J.B., clearly uncomfortable with appearing weak, distracted her. “They’re all over there by the way,” J.B. pointed to a bed in the distance.

Gwen turned and saw her friends standing a few beds away. She turned back to J.B., unsure if she should leave him. He gave her a crooked smile, making a dimple in his right cheek. “I’ll be alright, Gwen,” he assured her quietly.

She sighed through her nose, unhappy with leaving him, but needing to know who else was hurt. “I’ll be back,” she promised.

J.B. nodded and Gwen turned to begin making her way through the room.  

Hermione and Ron were standing with others around a bed. Hermione saw Gwen out of the corner of her eye and whipped around before racing towards her.

“You’re okay,” she cried against Gwen.

Gwen felt the overwhelming relief nearly choke her. “Who’s injured?” Gwen pulled back.

“Bill,” Hermione’s face crumbled.

Gwen and Hermione walked back over to the bed where Gwen hugged Ron fiercely before looking at his older brother. His face was nearly mutilated. Gwen sucked in a painful breath and looked away.

“Is he going to be okay?” Gwen worried quietly.

“He was attacked by Greyback,” Ron said. His voice was heavy with pain.

“There’s no charm, I’m afraid, that will heal his disfigurement,” Madame Pomfrey said gently from across the bed.

“Will he be a werewolf?” Ron asked.

“No,” Lupin said with certainty, “Greyback wasn’t transformed when he attacked Bill. There’s still risk of contamination but it’s unlikely that he will ever be a full werewolf.”

Harry and Ginny walked in a few moments later. After hearing of Bill’s condition, Ginny, still holding Harry’s hand, announced to the group in a resolute voice, “Dumbledore is dead.”

Professor Lupin almost immediately passed out. Tonks reached to grab him, keeping him steady. “How did it happen?” She asked with pain in her voice.

“Snape,” Harry said without inflection.

As if in response to Harry’s news, a heartbreaking tune floated through the air. Fawkes, Dumbledore’s phoenix, was singing.

Gwen felt tears spill over her cheeks at the sound. They all stood in complete silence, feeling the weight of the loss, until Professor McGonagall came through the doors. “Your family will be here soon,” she told Ron and Ginny.

Harry began to tell Professor McGonagall the horrible truth and Gwen watched as the color faded from the elder woman’s face in complete shock.

“Potter,” she whispered. Clearly not knowing what to say.

“How could Dumbledore have trusted him so completely?” Tonks wondered aloud. Her face was pale and her hair had gone grey from the shock. “How could he have been blinded?”

“There are many things I have known Dumbledore to be,” Lupin said gravely. His strength returning him, but he remained close to Tonks, “Blind was never one of them.”

Before any of them could continue to speculate, the hospital wing doors came flying open. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came rushing in with Fleur right next to them.

Mrs. Weasley screamed and began crying the second she saw Bill, she leaned over her son’s unconscious form. “My poor boy,” she cried out.

Fleur stood on the opposite, staring down at Bill silently, with tears streaming down her face. Mr. Weasley held Mrs. Weasley until her crying faded. Mrs. Weasley looked at Fleur, whose face was still beautiful in anguish.

“Go before he wakes up and you break his heart,” Mrs. Weasley nearly shouted at Fleur.

Fleur finally looked away from Bill long enough to look at Mrs. Weasley with confusion. “What?” Her accent thicker with pain.

“We know you won’t marry him now,” Mrs. Weasley continued, “Just leave before he has to hear from you himself.”

Gwen watched as Fleur’s spine stiffened and she lifted her chin at Mrs. Weasley.

“What does it matter to me what he looks like?” She demanded, clearly offended, “I love him. And if you’re so worried about how he looks, I’m beautiful enough for both of us. We will figure out this life together side-by-side no matter what.”

Gwen watched Fleur in admiration. Mrs. Weasley stared at the young French woman in shock, clearly not expecting such a vehement declaration.

“See?” Tonks said suddenly, glaring at Lupin, “Just because someone is a werewolf does not mean they cannot be loved.”

Professor Lupin looks down in shame and says nothing. Gwen watches all of these women around her – Fleur, Mrs. Weasley, Tonks – and is suddenly amazed by their loyalty. Their determination.

She made a promise to herself in that moment that she too would keep fast to her promise. She would see a world in which Draco Malfoy was free of fear whether they were together or not.

All of the sudden, she tilted to the right.

“Gwen?” Hermione asked.

“I’m okay,” Gwen said, but her voice sounded garbled. She began to see black spots all over her vision as she body went hot and cold all at once.

“Gwen?”

All of the voices sounded so far away.

She saw a pair of silver eyes staring at her in her mind.

“Who are you?” Gwen whispered.

“The truth,” the voice rasped in her head.

Gwen heard nothing else as her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed.

###

Gwen could taste their feelings before she could open her eyes. She didn’t know where she was but she knew who was around her.

She felt Adora, so bright and full. So worried.

Luca. Worried.

J.B. Worried.

Eartha. Worried.

Hermione. Worried.  

It was her smell that came to her next. She could smell the peace in the air, the comfort.

She began to shift her focus, allowing her senses to wake up before she did. Her fingers felt the sheets on her bed. The history of every sleepless night, the dreams, the nightmares, the souls of those who had stained the foundation of her mattress.  

As the sounds around her came to center, she heard her mother’s voice without actually understanding the words. She heard the attempts at lightheartedness, but the underlying steel of pain that laced through every word.

Desperate to see Adora’s face, Gwen concentrated on her eyes. With effort, she was able to peel them open. She saw the beautiful dark skin of her mother’s face and Gwen sighed. She was home.

“You awake, baby?” Adora murmured. She brushed back Gwen’s hair, placing her hand on her forehead.

“I’m alive,” Gwen tried to joke groggily. 

J.B. snorted, making Gwen smile crookedly. She attempted to lift herself but Adora was immediately at her side helping her sit up.

Gwen smiled gratefully before she looked around at the people surrounding her. Luca gave her a relieved smile; his genuine happiness in seeing that she was well.

J.B. and Earths were holding hands. Their intertwined fingers resting on the edge of Gwen's bed as they sat. J.B. was grinning at her but she could taste his palpable worry - almost if he couldn't believe she was okay.

Eartha was equally as relieved to see her. Her steadfast presence comforting and warm as she smiled at Gwen.

Hermione, an anxious ball of tension, stared at her best friend with distressed even as Gwen smiled at her. "You scared us all," Hermione said quietly.

Gwen could sense it. It lingered in the air, in their emotions.

"I'm sorry," Gwen said softly.

"It wasn't your fault," J.B. said immediately. Gwen looked him, happy that he was there.

"What happened?" Gwen asked.

"Professor Trelawney stopped by," Adora explained, "She said it’s possible that being around that many emotions were too much for your body. You were overwhelmed by your senses.”

Gwen’s mind flashed back to the flames of anger and panic before experiencing the ice of Draco’s hopelessness and fear. She needed to get stronger, she realized. She thought she had moved passed the fainting stage of her powers.

“Why did I pass out so late though?” Gwen murmured.

“Your adrenaline probably went down,” Adora said. “You weren’t thinking about _survival_ anymore.”

Adora’s voice broke on the word survival. Gwen turned her face to look at Adora. Her mother’s face was completely blank, but there was pain in her eyes.

“Mom,” Gwen said.

Adora’s face didn’t shift at all but she blinked, tears suddenly in her eyes. She kissed Gwen on the forehead, but it mostly felt like she just pressed her lips against Gwen’s skin. “I’m going to get you some tea,” she murmured before turning and leaving the room.

Gwen sensed something was wrong. She looked at Luca with a clear question on her face. Gwen saw the pain flash across his tanned face before he walked over and gave Gwen a gentle hug, careful not to jostle her.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said softly.

“Luca,” Gwen implored with a worried look, “What’s wrong?”

Luca looked at her with both sadness and contemplation. His lips forming a tight line and he passed a hand over her head, smoothing her hair paternally. “We’ll be back up in a little, okay? Enjoy your time with your friends.”

Gwen said nothing as he turned and left the room, following Adora down the stairs. Gwen stared after them, not sure what to do. “How are you feeling now?” J.B. asked, bringing her attention back.

“I’m okay,” Gwen said. “A little tired.”

He nodded. “Makes sense.”

“It was a lot,” Eartha added.

Eartha moved to the other side of Gwen’s bed where Adora had been sitting. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she said hugging Gwen, leaning her cheek on the top of Gwen’s head.

“Thank you for being here,” Gwen murmured, holding onto Eartha’s arm.

“Of course,” Eartha said easily, “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Eartha pulled back and smiled at Gwen. “But I get that you might want to be alone now with your family.”

Gwen smiled gratefully. “I’ll see you soon?” She asked.

“Definitely,” Eartha promised.

J.B. stood up and went to Gwen. Gwen reached out her arms for his hug. He held her carefully, like she might break. “Thanks for waking up, kiddo.”

She laughed over his shoulder. “You’re not that much older.”

“Older than you.”

“Whatever you say, granddad.”  

J.B. smiled widely at her. “We’ll come back and visit soon, okay?”

Gwen nodded. “Very soon please,” she said.

“You got it,” J.B. promised.

With that, they gave a brief goodbye to Hermione, who had been sitting silently by Gwen’s bed the entire time. They watched the flames die in her fireplace before Gwen finally looked at her frizzy-haired friend.

“How’s Bill?” Gwen inquired.

“Much better,” Hermione said after a pause. “Still in a lot of pain, but he seems to be healing better than they thought he would.”

“That’s good,” Gwen said gratefully.

“Yes,” Hermione agreed absentmindedly.

“I’m okay, ‘Mione,” Gwen said softly.

Hermione looked back at her, her eyes inscrutable. “Harry told us what happened,” she said.

Her voice was slightly hard. Gwen could hear the hurt in her words and she gave Hermione she hoped what was an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Hermione shook her head. “I feel like,” she began before her voice trailed off. “I feel like so much has been happening to you and I don’t know any of it.”

Gwen wanted to tell her that she was wrong but she knew Hermione would see through any lies she said now. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“Where have you been, Gwen?” Hermione asked without anger. “Who are you?”

Her voice was confused, as if she too didn’t know what she was trying to discover. Gwen felt the overwhelming urge to confide in Hermione and tell her everything that had happened over the last year – her sense, Draco, the Origin Family. But as quickly as the urge rose, something primitive inside of her clutched her secrets tightly. Her intuition told her now wasn’t the time.

“I don’t know,” Gwen finally answered.

Hermione’s frowned slightly, nodding. “You said something before you fainted.”

Gwen raised her eyebrows.

Hermione began to trace the stitches on her quilt while speaking. “You asked, ‘who are you’,” Hermione said.

She made eye contact with Gwen. “Who were you talking to?”

Gwen felt the familiar creeping of the silver piercing eyes but she lied instead.

“I don’t remember.”

Gwen could see that Hermione knew she wasn’t telling the truth. She felt Hermione’s sadness and disappointment, but Hermione showed none of it on her face.

“You know,” Hermione began softly. “Harry sees into…His…mind sometimes, Gwen.”

Gwen stared at Hermione confusedly.

“Do you have your own monsters hunting you, Gwen?” Hermione asked.

Gwen stared at Hermione with an arrested stare. She’d never known Hermione to be overly perceptive. Normally when Hermione was able to pinpoint a problem, she handled it with a bluntness that led little to comfort.

But staring at Hermione now, Gwen realized how far apart she felt from her. Hermione had been a constant in Gwen’s life for years, but now…

The silence stretched out until Gwen cleared her throat. “When’s the funeral?” She asked solemnly.

Hermione didn’t respond for a moment. She sighed. “Tomorrow. At the school.”

Gwen nodded. “I’ll be there.”

Hermione leaned forward and kissed Gwen’s cheek. “I’ll see you there.”

Gwen felt tears in her throat. “I love you, Hermione,” she said suddenly.

Hermione blinked the wetness from her own eyes. “I love you too, Gwen,” she said, “I just feel like you’re moving farther from us all every day.”

Gwen wanted to tell her she was wrong, but she knew that Hermione was right and she was tired of lying already. Somewhere along the way, she had moved in a different direction from her friends. And where that uncertainty would have once paralyzed her with fear, she only now felt peace.

“I’m always right here,” Gwen promised.

Hermione gave her a sad smile before moving to the fireplace. They smiled at each other, not sure what would happen next, before Hermione disappeared in flames. Gwen stared at the space where her best friend once stood and breathed in the clarity of silence.

_The truth_

That’s what the voice had said to Gwen before she had fainted.

Gwen turned over the words in her mind. The truth, but whose?

###

The funeral was a solemn and grey affair. A silence like never before filled the grounds as Hagrid carried Dumbledore’s body, wrapped in a purple shroud, down the aisle until he laid him down to rest.

Exams had been cancelled. The tragedy overtook the school, making everything else seem small and worthless. Cries littered the hall as students, professors, and others sobbed at the loss of the headmaster. Gwen stood, feeling the overwhelming sadness around her nearly choking her. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to last much longer.

“Hello, Gwen,” a stringent voice came from the side of her.

Gwen smiled, grateful for the woman’s steely demeanor – suddenly Gwen’s life preservaor in a chaotic tsunami of emotion. “Madame Pince,” she greeted. “It’s nice to see you.”

Madame Pince nodded. “I wish the circumstances were better,” she said regretfully.

“Yes,” Gwen agreed. Her voice was a pale whisper.

“I heard you were hurt,” Madame Pince began.

“I’m okay,” Gwen assured. “It was just a bit much.”

Madame Pince seemed to understand the evasion and nodded once more. “Life can be,” she said simply.  

Before Gwen could respond, Madame Pince pulled out a book from her robe pockets. “I have this for you,” she said. She handed Gwen a slim black leather-bound book. There was no title on the front nor any type of adornment. It was much older than some of the books Gwen had seen, even in the restricted section.

She opened it up and stared at the cover page. _A Modern Exploration of the Origin Family_

The book was filled with a man’s journey to discovering more secrets of the Origin Family, including people he spoke to and places he went. Gwen felt her mouth gape slightly. “How…”

She looked up and Madame Pince smiled. “A good librarian always knows the needs of her patrons.”

“Thank you,” Gwen said sincerely, pressing the book to her chest.

Madame Pince looked vaguely uncomfortable for a moment before she spoke. “It’s been a pleasure working with you this year, Gwen,” she said. “Should you ever want to come back to the library, there will always be a place for you.”

“Thank you, Madame Pince,” Gwen repeated with a genuine smile. “Thank you for everything you’ve given me.”

Madame Pince smiled and had she been a woman of physical affection, she would’ve hugged Gwen, but instead she offered her a somewhat stern smile before walking away.

Gwen stood still for a moment before someone bumped into her.

“Sorry,” a student she didn’t know cried out.

“It’s okay,” Gwen murmured, not really caring, but all of the onslaught of grief began to pour back into her so she quickly slipped the book into her pocket before turning around and looking for her friends. She moved to where Ron and Hermione were.

“Hey,” she greeted.

“Hey,” Ron said sadly, not looking at her.

Gwen followed his gaze and saw Harry and Ginny speaking.

“He’s breaking up with her,” Hermione said softly.

Gwen looked at her friend. “He’s afraid that Dumbledore will use her to get to him,” Hermione continued to explain. She looked up at Ron worriedly.

Ron nodded grimly, sorry that his friend was in pain, but needing his little sister free from harm’s way.

When Harry and Ginny parted, they watched Harry walk down the hall.

“Let’s go,” Gwen urged quietly.

They began to race behind him until the three of them caught up with Harry.

“Hey,” Gwen said. She looked at Harry’s shattered face and felt her breath catch.

“Hey,” Harry responded.

“I wonder if the school will shut down,” Ron speculated.  

“It doesn’t matter,” Harry said.

“What do you mean?” Hermione inquired.

“I’m not coming back,” Harry explained.

“Where will you go?” Gwen asked.

“I’ll do what Dumbledore asked me to do. I’ll spend the summer with the Dursley’s and then I’ll go to Godric’s Hollow. I want to see my parents. After that,” Harry’s voice broke off, “I have to find and destroy all the remaining horcruxes.”

“We’re with you, Harry,” Ron said.

“Wherever you go,” Hermione continued.

“Always,” Gwen finished softly.  

Harry stopped and turned to look at them all. Gwen felt his love for them, his overwhelming appreciation and relief mingling with his pain. He nodded wordlessly.

“But we’ll still have to go back to the Burrow for Bill and Fleur’s wedding,” Ron said, causing them all to suddenly laugh.

He and Hermione began to bicker about details and Harry leaned against of the stone ledges. Gwen came and stood next to him and crossed her arms, mimicking his stance.

“Quite the year, huh?” She murmured softly.

Harry gave her a weak smile and nodded. “Indeed,” he said.

They stood in silence watching their friends continue to discuss the wedding when Harry spoke again.

“You know,” he said so quietly that Gwen had to turn to look at him, “Dumbledore froze me so I couldn’t move that day.”

Gwen stared at him with wide eyes. She had never asked Harry for the details of the death so hearing him offer them so willingly caught her by surprise.

He continued, “I heard him when Malfoy disarmed him. He was trying to talk him down.”

Gwen felt the burn of tears in her throat once more and felt her face crumple slightly, but she was aware that Harry was watching her so she took a sharp breath and nodded for him to continue.

“He told Malfoy to think of you,” Harry murmured.

Gwen stopped breathing.

“He said you didn’t deserve a killer,” Harry said, “He told Draco that could choose right then to be a better man. The kind of man you deserved. He told him he wasn’t a killer and you knew that and that’s why you’d never give up on him.”

Gwen remained silent, thankful that Hermione and Ron’s friendly bickering turned into a slightly real argument and drowned out Harry’s quiet voice. She turned away from Harry though and gave him her profile. She felt his eyes on her anyways.

But before he could say anything further, Hermione turned and began to ask them their opinions about something or another and Gwen responded mechanically, making a glib comment that caused them all to laugh while she felt something painful tugging in her heart, demanding to be heard.

###

Gwen stepped on the platform with a different kind of exhaustion. The weight of the last year was still nearly threatening to crush her and now she had the burden of telling her mother her plans. They were all meeting after Harry’s eighteenth birthday and from there, they would find and destroy horcruxes for however long it took.

Adora had to leave the Cottage, Gwen decided. Her, Courage, and Luca – all of them. They had to go into hiding until this was all over. Gwen had sobbed when Hermione had told Gwen how she had erased her own parent’s minds and sent them to Australia.

 She didn’t have it in her to do the same. She couldn’t bear the idea that Adora wouldn’t know her so Gwen could only think of the next best thing – to hide them all.

She looked through the platform, trying to find the familiar towering form of her mother.

“Gwen!” A voice called out.

Gwen turned around and stared in shock as Luca pushed through the crowd to meet her.

“Luca?”

“Hey,” Luca said.

He finally made it to her and reached forward to hug her. Gwen returned the hug numbly, feeling something bad settle in her stomach. “Where’s my mom?”

“She’s not really feeling well,” Luca said.

Gwen could tell he was intentionally trying to keep his voice light, but she could sense his worry.

“Luca.”

“Yes?”

“What’s happened?”

Luca looked at her, maybe contemplating what he should say.

“I won’t lie to you, Gwen,” he finally said, “But I think it’s best if you hear it from her.”

The ride back to The Cottage was silent and tense as Gwen sat impatiently and waited. Luca knew better than to try and speak with her, but he kept looking over at her in the corner of his eye. Gwen could sense his worry, but there was something solid in Luca that Gwen was grateful for. He was sad, but the steely thread of determination that ran through his entire being told Gwen that no matter what was happening, he wasn’t giving up.

They finally arrived to The Cottage and Gwen sprung from the car, not caring about her trunk at all. Courage, who had been lying on the front yard, came bounding up to Gwen. Nearly full-size, the St. Bernard on all fours nearly stood to Gwen’s bellybutton. She quickly pet Courage before moving past her and walking into the house.

It was the first time Gwen had even come into her home and experienced such a profound sense of silence. Even when she and Adora walked into the door, the house immediately filled with their voices but now everything looked grey.

Gwen followed Adora’s turbulent emotions right into her mother’s bedroom. Adora was sitting in the dark with her eyes closed.

“Mom?”

Adora moved like she was underwater. She lifted her head off the pillow that had been propped so she was sitting upright. “Gwen,” she murmured. She lifted out her arms and Gwen moved into them until she was sitting on the bed.

She rested of cheek on the crook of Adora’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of Adora’s skin. “What’s happening, mom?” Gwen whispered.

Adora sighed, her breath catching with emotion. “Oh, Gwen,” she said. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“The beginning,” Gwen sniffled. She pulled away to look at Adora. “The truth, mom.”

Adora nodded. Her eyes were squinted and Gwen heard Luca step into the room. He sat on the opposite edge of the bed, giving them their space but staying nearby.

“Luca, could you turn on the light?” Adora asked.

Luca frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said.

“Please,” Adora begged, “I want to see her.”

Gwen was struck mute and she watched her mother’s face as she heard Luca shuffle to the entrance of the room before flicking the light switch on.

A soft yellow glow filled the room and Gwen stared at Adora’s face. It was skinnier than Gwen remembered. Adora gave Gwen a weak smile.

“Mom?” Gwen felt herself crying already.

“No tears, baby,” Adora murmured.

Gwen grasped the hem of Adora’s shirt as the tears began to flow down her face.

“I finally went to the doctor,” Adora said.

Gwen felt a sob rip through her, almost as if she knew where this was going.

“I have early on-set Alzheimer’s,” Adora began, “And it’s…coming fast.”

Gwen stammered. “You’re too young!”

Adora gave her a sad smile. “I’m 49 years old,” she said. “My father was diagnosed at 48.”

Gwen just began to cry harder. She covered up her face with one hand as the hot tears spilled down her face. She knew that Adora’s father had died before he turned fifty.

“The doctors are offering me treatments but I just…I can’t take them,” Adora continued.

Gwen felt the sudden tension in Luca flare. She looked up and gave her mom a broken stare. “Why not?”

Adora looked at Luca beseechingly before looking back at Gwen. “I watched my father pass away slowly, losing more of himself every day while they poked and prodded him just to make him more ‘comfortable.’ I don’t want that.”

“You’ll forget,” Gwen said angrily, still crying. “You’ll forget us all.”

“We don’t know that, Gwen,” Adora tried to argue weakly.

“Mom,” Gwen begged but Adora cut her off.

“There’s medication and other injections they can give me but I just don’t know that I can take them, Gwen,” Adora said.

“Please,” Gwen cried. She hunched over her mom.

Adora pulled Gwen against her chest. “No matter what happens, Gwen,” she said, “You’ll always be mine. I’ll always be here right here. I’ll fight this.”

###

Later that night, Gwen was curled in her own bed, tears still wet on her cheeks, she stared outside of the window. Courage slept on the floor by her bed, her huffing breaths coming in calming puffs. Gwen quietly got up and moved to the small couch chair that was still pushed to be facing her window.

She saw the green dragon-scale journal that Draco had gifted her back in their fifth year. She opened up the journal and stared at the first page. The page that he’d written on. She traced the encrypted image; her finger following the roots of the tree that curled into the page.

She felt him on the page and she took a sharp inhale as the small space of light in the back of her mind came forward, compelling her to step into it. With a careful control, Gwen moved towards the light until it suffused her entirely and suddenly she was inside.

The room was different with a fire burning quietly in front of her. She was lying in a bed, propped up in a sitting position. She was fading in and out of sleep when someone kissed her temple. She turned her head and smiled; she reached her fingers up and stroked Draco’s old, withered face.

He was old. His pale blond hair had gone white and his angular face was creased with memories of laughter and pain. His face covered with a white beard, but his eyes. His eyes held Gwen arrested the same they had all those years ago.

“How are you feeling?” Draco asked her.

“Better,” she sighed. “Tired, but better.”

“Good,” he said. He moved to hold her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.

“How are you?” Gwen asked.

Draco gave her a half-smile. “I’ll be better when this cold has passed. I don’t like it when you’re sick.”

“You and me both,” Gwen laughed before breaking out into another coughing fit. “But it will pass.”

“Yeah?” Draco murmured.

Gwen cleared her throat, ignoring the raw grating feeling of it, and smiled. “All bad things do.”

“Mm,” Draco agreed.

Gwen traced his features again, her old wrinkled hand coasting over his lips, causing him to playfully nip at her fingertips. “Why do you take such good care of me?” She teased slightly.

Draco was still smiling but his eyes went sad. “You’ve taken care of me all of these years,” he told her.

“That’s part of being married,” she laughed.

Draco pressed her hand against his cheek, still always cold. “Even before that,” he told her, “You were always saving me. Saving me so I had a chance of being a better man.”

Gwen rested her head back on her pillow, letting it loll to the side. “You were always a good man,” she argued.

“No, love,” Draco huffed a laugh. “I would’ve stayed a spineless idiot the rest of my life, if it wasn’t for you.”

“I didn’t change you,” Gwen said. “You changed.”

“I wanted to be worthy of you,” Draco said seriously.

Gwen frowned, not knowing what to say. “You’re a brave man, Draco Malfoy.”

He shook his head softly. “You only deserved a brave man.”

Gwen just gave him a soft smile which he returned.

“I’m so grateful that I found you,” Draco said. His eyes suddenly went back in time, remembering moments from so long ago. “Even if I lost you too many times.”

“And yet you found me again every time,” Gwen reminded him.

Draco looked back at her. His face was suddenly younger with virility. The signs of age almost completed faded from his face as he gazed at Gwen with the intensity of his love, after all of these years. His voice nearly shook with the strength of his promise.

“Always.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with a flourish and a promise, Year 6 is done! 
> 
> This story took so much and gave me so much and I am so grateful for each and every one of you who has read, commented, and liked this story. I can't wait for Year 7 to begin and you guys to see how Gwen and Draco's story comes to a close. Let me know what you guys are hoping to see in Year 7 and what your favorite part of Year 6 was! All the love, friends. xxx


End file.
